BACK TO YOU

one. fake it

▬▬ IT  SETTLED ON HER SHOULDERS like an unbearable weight, thumping into her chest. It gripped her lungs, forcing out more air then they held. It creeped its way up the back of her neck, setting off a dull ache throughout her skull. Her eyes closed under as it seeped through her veins, spread to every limb before unraveling a pit in her stomach.

It was a strange feeling. One she had recently grown accustomed to, but it was out of place here. Dread didn't belong in Cousins. It didn't belong on the beach, where her toes wiggled in the sand and the water lapped at the shore and rushed towards her feet, but it didn't quite reach her.

She took a deep, steadying breath, her head tilted back in hopes of the sun forcing the unsettling feeling to leave her be... at least for the summer. And with a breath, she forced the feeling away and away it drifted with the breeze. But she knew it was never gone completely, she could feel against her skin with the soft caress of the warm, salty air.

She had been fighting the feeling off for two weeks, trying to shove it away. But it always reared its ugly head at the worst of times.

"Lenny!"

She nearly jumped out of her skin, a gasp leaving her lips as she flinched. Laughter soon followed, mingling with the breeze and whatever was left of her dread had recoiled back into the fathers depths of her chest.

"I hate you." She shook her head, her eyes narrowed at the boy. But her smile gave her away.

"You could never." He narrowed his eyes, as if to challenge her to argue as he sunk to the sand on her left.

She rolled her eyes, her eyes focusing back on the waves. She loved watching as they formed, growing in size as they neared the shore before washing up the sand.

"Whatever." She mumbled. She knew it was true. She could never hate him, he was the personification of sunshine. He was summer wrapped up in a nice little box of curly hair and a well toned body, and the bow on top? His smile. The sun lived in his smile, making it nearly impossible not to reciprocate it.

"Now," he leaned towards her, his head resting against her shoulder. "-what's got you sitting out, staring off into the water wistfully?"

She chuckled, a soft sound that lightly shook her shoulder. It was a sound that had become a distant memory before she had made the drive back to Cousins for the summer. Before Jeremiah, the sunshine boy himself, made it his mission to bring a smile to face.

In the weeks they had spent at the beach, at the country club, or just at his house had been filled with laughter. And it felt nice for her to shake off the cobwebs, so to speak.

"Wistfully." She mocked, rolling her eyes. She was anything but wistful. Sad? Maybe. Confused? Absolutely. But wistfully... she didn't think so.

His brows pinched, his warm smile fading. "Len? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." It left her with a sigh.

He knew it wasn't nothing. She had been off since she had gotten to town. Her smile seemed harder to find, her laugh harder to earn. And her carefree spirit had been basically non-existent, no matter how hard he tried to bring it back... to bring her back.

"You can tell me." His voice softened, a serious note taking root. "That's what best friends are for." He lightly nudged her with his shoulder and she cracked a smile, a soft chuckle leaving her.

She took a breath, steadying herself. "My dad..." those two made her throat close up. It wasn't like they were hard words to say, everyone had uttered them at some point in life. It was the words that followed that clogged her throat, cutting back her air supply. And the dread was back, curling around her lungs and squeezing before winding through her veins. "He's not... he's not coming this summer."

It was a lie. Well, not really. He wasn't spending the summer with her in Cousins, that was true. And it had been true for the last several summers. The lie came in the form of omission. She didn't tell him what had really happened, what her father had really done. It was too hard to even say.

She had barely wrapped her head around it.

He offered a comforting smile, his arm winding around her shoulder and tugging her into his side. "I'm sorry, Len." It had been the same thing he told her every summer when she showed up at his house, without her dad.

"Thanks, Jere." She mumbled, leaning into him. And the dread pulled back, releasing her lungs and she could breathe properly. "I guess I should be used to it. It's been four years since he spent a summer here."

"That's okay," he rubbed her back. "You still got us." His tone was light and reassuring. She laughed lightly but the sound died out.

He was right, she did have them... all but one. At least not any more.

Jeremiah watched as her face changed. Her smile, which has been small to begin with, faded completely and her eyes went distant again. It was like she was somewhere else entirely.

"Hey," he spoke softly, rubbing her arm and pulling her in closer. "Mom told me that Belly and Steven get in today."

"Really?" A wave of relief washed over her, her smiling growing. A warmth filled her chest, matching the way the sun warmed her skin.

He nodded his head, his smiling growing.

And she shoved away whatever dread and sadness she felt, clinging to a wash of eagerness that trickled in.

As the saying goes, fake it til you make it.

And she was gonna fake it all summer if she had to.

>>>>> • <<<<<

▬▬ JEREMIAH'S LAUGH WAS SO INFECTIOUS that it made faking her own easy. It was like she couldn't help but join him, only adding to the delightful sound as they two rushed past the pool of the Fisher's beach house.

The boy, and his long legs, easily bounded up the steps and darted through the back door, his laugh echoing through the house. Lennox, though her legs were shorter, stayed right on his trail, pushing the still swinging door open before she rushed after him.

From the kitchen, Susannah smiled as she merely glimpsed the two for a mere second, but their laughter ricocheted around the house. Filling it with the usual sounds of summer, and it warmed her heart.

Jeremiah made it to the stairs, glancing down at the brunette only for a moment before taking two steps at a time and disappearing.

And just as Lennox neared the stairs, ready to turn and dart up them, she ran straight into a hard chest. The impact made her stumble backwards, her arms flying out wildly before hands settled on her waist and pulled her forward.

She didn't have to look up. She knew who it was from just his touch alone. Even through the t-shirt she wore she could feel his warmth seep into her skin. He smelled of summer, like salt water and sun and the faintest hint of sunblock.

It all sent her mind rushing back to the previous summer. One where not even an ounce of dread darkened her door. No sadness lingered, waiting to take hold of her. Back to when she felt truly happy, and he was one of the biggest reasons.

Now, he was the reason dread lingering in her chest and sadness nipped at the nape of her neck. He was the reason her summer was plagued with heartache.

He was the reason she had almost skipped summer entirely, retreating to her bedroom and reading book after book until her mind was numb.

"Sorry." He took a step back, his fingers lightly digging into her hips and lingering there before he pulled them back.

She shook her head, a barely there movement to shake away the rising sadness that pricked behind her eyes. "No, my fault." She forced her voice out, steady but soft.

She couldn't let him know how much she was truly hurting.

Fake it.

So she tilted her head back, a fake smile plastered onto her face. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna kill your brother." She slipped by him and made her way up the stairs, not sparing him a backwards glance. Even if she could feel his eyes on her, like lava scorching the Earth.

When she reached the top of the stairs, she released the breath she had been holding. Letting the air fill her lungs, only for a laugh to escape her when she looked up.

Jeremiah leaned against the wall, his body slanted slightly, his ankles crossed, his elbow against the wall and his hand behind his head. A wide smile split his face, radiating pure sunshine.

"I win."

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head a little. "Idiot."

"You love me." He pushed himself off the wall, taking a few steps towards her. "What's with the face?"

She took a breath, looking up at him as she bit the inside of her cheek. She wondered if she should tell him what really had her smile buried, had her stomach in knots, and her head a messed up place to be.

She took a breath, blinking a few times as her hand curled into her flats, her nails biting in her palms and just as she opened her mouth a car horn went outside the house. She took a breath, biting her tongue.

"They're here!" Susannah called out, a smile evident in her voice.

Fake it.

Lennox pasted on a smile and pushed Jeremiah backwards before taking off down the stairs, her hand firmly on the rail to herself from fall. She laughed when she heard the boy's footsteps behind her. She jumped the last two steps and made it to the door, she flung it open and rushed outside.

A wide smile, a real one this time, pulled at her lips when she spotted Laurel rounded the silver Volvo. "Lennox." The woman grinned and the girl rushed towards her, slowing only a little as she reached the woman. "Hi, my sweet girl." She kissed the brunette's forehead.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She told her, rubbing her back when the girl tightened her arms around her for a moment before she pulled back, her attention shifting to the boy that stepped out of the driver side of the car.

"Stevie!"

The boy laughed, letting out a light groan when she slammed into his chest. "Hey, Len." He squeezed her and she let out a small breath, tightening her arms around him. A smile tugged at her lips, the dark feeling that had made a home in her chest fading. "You okay?" He asked, his voice low as he leaned down a little.

"Not really." Her voice was muffled, due to the fact that her cheek was squished against his chest. "But I will be." She didn't believe it, but she hoped if she said out loud that maybe, just maybe it would be true.

He squeezed her a little tighter before pulling back, then he patted the top of her. "Did you get shorter?"

"Oh, shut up." She shoved him a little, making the boy laugh. "I know you guys think it's funny that you're growing and I'm not, but it really isn't. I can't help that I'm short."

"Fun-sized." Jeremiah corrected as he walked over to them. "And it's adorable." He patted the top of her head and she swung her arms, swatting at his hand before she walked away from them and over to Belly.

"I am so glad you're here." She wrapped her arms around the younger girl. "Jere has been driving me insane for days."

"And that's different than usual, how?" Belly quirked an eyebrow as the two pulled apart.

"Even Belly's taller than you.'' Jeremiah laughed, getting a laugh from Steven and Lennox took a deep breath.

"I might actually kill him." She stated. "I know how, too. We'd go out for a swim and I'd say a shark came and drug him away. But he saved my life in his final, fleeting moments." She let out a dreamy sigh as she placed her hand over her heart. "My hero."

"You've thought too long and too hard about this." Belly patted her shoulder and the girl simply nodded, before the two girls fell into a fit of giggles.

Pretending to be happy suddenly felt easier, like it wasn't torture to manage even the smallest of smiles. Like the ever present dread that had hung over her like a dark cloud had ceased to exist. Like her family was whole again, like everything was finally together... well, almost everything.

Belly's eyes flickered to the side, just over Lennox's shoulder and a smile tugging at her lips. Lennox turned, her eyes meeting the eyes of the oldest Fisher boy. His steps faltered and for a moment they just looked at each other, neither moving. It was like they were caught in this gaze, neither knowing how to end it or really wanting to.

Then that cloud rolled back in, parking overhead and dripping cold droplets of dread onto the girl. Lennox blinked a few times, her hands shaking at her sides before she mustered up enough self control. Then she turned towards the other two boys, missing the way Conrad sighed and let his head hang forward, his own cloud parked high above his head, before he made his way towards Belly to say hey.

"So what kind of trouble are we getting into this summer?" She asked, a smirking tugging at her lips as she looked between the two boys. If she was gonna fake it, she needed a party and alcohol.

"So much trouble." Jeremiah draped his arm around her shoulders and she grinned as she looked up at him. "Like the bonfire tonight." He rested his forehead against hers. "You in?"

"Only if you're the dd. I need a drink, or several."

"Yes!" He cheered and she laughed as she shoved his chest, he stumbled away from her. Both still laughing as he neared her again, his arm winding around her shoulders.

He'd always been affectionate, but the past few weeks he had seemed a little extra affectionate. And she appreciated it, because it made her feel less like absolute shit.

"Hey, hey, guys, guys." Steven got their attention, making his way over to his sister and Conrad. Lennox and Jeremiah both followed behind him. "I mean, I-I don't know about you, well, I think it's time..."

"For a belly flop!" Jeremiah and Steven finished together, both laughing as Belly tried to make a run for it. Steven quickly wrapped his arms around her but she got away from him and ran across the yard. Lennox laughed as she stepped out of the way and Conrad ran after the younger girl, wrapping his arms around her torso then Steven and Jeremiah each got a leg.

And the smile on Conrad's face, even though it was small, made her aching heart weep. She loved his smile, even if it did remind her of before he ruined everything.

"I love summer." Lennox mused as she watched the guys carry the girl through the archway and towards the pool and she followed, a smile on her lips. She stopped a few feet away as they stopped by the edge of the pool and swung the girl back and forth before tossing her into the water.

"How's the water?" Jeremiah asked, him and the other two boys laughing as the girl resurfaced. Lennox made her way past them and held her hand out towards Belly and the second they locked hands she was shoved into the pool, taking Belly under the water with her. "Jeez, Len, you should really be more careful." The youngest Fisher boy hummed sarcastically as she pushed her hair out of her face.

"You're all dead." She stated simply as Belly lifted herself out of the water, sitting on the edge of the pool. "Now, help me out." She held her hand up and Conrad was the first to move, he wrapped his hand around hers and pulled only for her to drop down into the water and tug him into the pool with her. Jeremiah and Steven were still laughing as they watched the two resurface.

Lennox smirked at the boy and a smile tugged his lips up just a little before he jumped towards her, pushing her under the water again. Only when they were face to face under the water did reality hit her and she quickly pushed herself up and turned away from him. He resurfaced shortly after and watched as she swam towards the edge of the pool.

"Okay, Jere, you had your fun. Help me out.'' She raised her hand and the boy, noticing her mood change, made his way to her and pulled on her arm as she pushed herself up.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She nodded, giving him a small smile. "Come on, Bell. Let's get dried off." She held her hand out, helping belly to her feet and they started towards the back door, only for Jeremiah to catch Lennox by her arm.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." She gave him a smile, but her eyes drifted to Conrad, who had been watching them from the pool.

"Okay." He nodded, letting his hand slip from her arm and she turned away from him and towards the door. But he didn't believe that she was okay, she hadn't been okay for months. He could tell even over the phone, on the skype calls and even when all they did was text.

"You too?" Laurel looked at the girl, her hair and clothes soaking wet.

"Yeah." She nodded, giving her a small smile as she stopped at the end of the counter, her palms against the top of it and her smile only grew when Laurel draped a towel over her shoulders. "Thanks." She mumbled, getting a smile from the woman then Lennox looking over at Susannah, who was cutting up lemons.

"Hey, Suze..." The blonde turned towards the girl, her smile soft and kind. "I just wanna thank you for letting me-"

"Stop, Angel." She put her hand on the girl's cheek. "You're always welcome here. This is your home, you know that."

And even if the woman's words made her heart swell and she could feel just how much the woman loved her, the sadness still lingered. But she chose to ignore it.

Lennox smiled as she leaned forward, kissing Susannah's cheek. "You're the best. I'm gonna head over to my dad's place, get a few things. I'll be back for dinner."

"Okay." The blonde smiled and the teenager simply returned it before she turned to leave the kitchen. She made her way up the stairs and into Jeremiah's room. She pulled open the second drawer of his dresser.

"Thief."

"I need clothes because someone pushed me into the pool." She didn't even look up at him.

"Right, right."

"Where are all your good shirts?" She huffed, looking up at him. "Like the super soft one. I think it has a little butterfly on the chest."

"You took that one."

"I gave it back." She argued and he raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, I meant to."

He laughed, shaking his head as he made his way over to his closet. "Here.'' He pulled out a light colored button up and held it out to her.

"But you love your preppy Hawaiian shirts."

"You can borrow it... as long as you promise to give it back."

"Thanks, Jere." She stretched onto her toes and lightly kissed his cheek before she left the room, his shirt in her hands and as she turned to make her way to her room, she ran right into Conrad, who was still in his wet clothes and she let out a rather irritated breath.

"Len-"

"Busy." She mumbled, squeezing by him. She made her way to her room and shut the door before leaning against it. "Summer's gonna be great." She muttered sarcastically. "I just have to avoid him all summer. Piece of cake." She mumbled walking farther into her room but she stopped when her phone lit up on her bed.

She grabbed the device, her heart racing as she clicked on the message from her dad.

DAD
have your stuff out of the house
by the end of summer

❝ nova speaks! ❞

chapter one is up and i am so excited about this book!! i can't even put it into words!!

please remember to vote and possibly leave a comment, it would mean the world to me!!

team conrad or team jeremiah??

me: team steven.

but out of those two, definitely conrad

also, cam cameron deserves the world!!

so, what do we think so far??