[ chapter three - butterflied stomach ]
season five, episode fifteen

Dear Diary,

A lot has happened since that party. They were just going on a run and two people died. Tara was injured badly. Noah died.

Beth just died to stop him from leaving. And what? You just kill him like that. I've been in my room for a while. Maggie's been checking on me.

I'm the one who knew Noah the longest. I should feel the saddest. But I don't. I don't know why exactly, it's just hard. Obviously I'm upset, just not extremely. Not like Beth or daddy.

I've seen Enid around a few times. It's weird. I always end up seeing her in the same place. I don't know if I keep going there on purpose. Or maybe she does? That's stupid, never mind.

✵~✵

"GOD IS YOUR FRIEND."

That is what Hershel Greene had told his daughter ever since she could understand him. Church was a regular thing, praying to God before sleep, writing to God in her diary. It was her life. God would protect her, stop her from being killed, and if dare God's job came tumbling down, God would make sure she ended up somewhere safe, peaceful. And that's just what God had done.

At the prison, when Lori and T-Dog had died, God had made sure she wasn't bit when the walker attacked her. Abi wasn't harmed when the Governor attacked, nor was she harmed at the hospital. Physically, that is. For God could not have stopped what else had happened, Abi instead having to watch her older sister perform a lethal c section. Or watching her father and big sister die right in front of her.

And still Abi was grateful towards her saviour, she would forever be. Not even the apocalypse could change that, nothing could. Beth never gave up, she would pray to God even after the prison.

"Abi?" Maggie knocked on the door, concern across her face as it was almost noon, yet her little sister was still in bed. "Abigail?" The woman called, a little louder than before.

Abi sighed, turning from her resting position to face the ceiling. It was almost like a routine, being silent when someone died. But, the girl would have to stop that, especially now they had a community—and school. She made another noise to state the fact she didn't agree with this before she threw the covers of her bed, shoving her brown boots on before reluctantly opening the door. Maggie raised an eyebrow, examining what the girl looked like.

"Didn't you wear those clothes yesterday? And the day before." The brunette pointed out, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she held a mother-like stance.

"Shut up," Abi groaned as she walked past her, heading downstairs in the old clothes.

"I'm just saying maybe you should care more about how you look," Maggie followed after her. "Might find someone like Glenn."

"Thought you said looks don't matter," Abi retorted as she walked down the stairs, her speed matching the walkers outside the walls.

"And they don't, but I don't think anyone's gonna even wanna talk to you if you have yesterday's dinner on your shirt." Abi lifted her shirt so she could see it, rolling her eyes at the small spaghetti stain marked on the top right.

"Whatever," the moody girl muttered before grabbing a jacket at the door, throwing it on in hopes of covering the small stain. Unfortunately, she hadn't even looked at the clothing she picked up.

"Ain't that Daryl's?" Maggie questioned, face scrunched in the same position as earlier. Abi's eyes widened as she looked at exactly what she had put on, noticing her sleepy state hadn't register the fact that the leather was around her body, almost hitting her knees.

"I don't think the man cares much about his clothes," Abi reasoned before grabbing her knife and opening the door. She waved a quick goodbye to her older sister before walking outside, being properly awaken by the brightening sun that had shone down on her. The blonde quintet slightly, averting her gaze away from the blinding light. That's when her eyes caught Ron and Mikey playing soccer outside, Sam on the floor beside them, being the referee.

"Hey Abi!" Mikey called, his hand shielding his face from the sun as both boys looked at her.

"Hi?" Abi tried not to sound rude, not really understanding why they were talking to her—it had been some time since they arrived and they had only made effort to talk to Carl.

"Do you wanna join us?" Ron asked unsurely, immediately knowing the answer he was going to be given just by the determined look Abi had left the house with.

"Oh! Well, um, I'm okay." Abi fiddled with her fingers, awkwardly swaying on the spot.

"That's fine, bye!" Mikey smiled, waving as Ron copied the action. Abi waved back before heading off. As she kept walking, her eyes fell upon the familiar section of the wall—catching the brunette girl in her act of climbing. She didn't understand why. Why would you leave a place so safe, secure?

Curiosity got the better of her, hiding behind a tree as she watched the teenager check for people before jumping over and meeting the woods. Abi cautiously looked around her before securing her knife in the waistband of her pants, jogging towards the wall as she placed her hand on the same metal bars, copying the other girl's actions.

It wasn't safe out there, Abi understood that—but Enid didn't seem to. The blonde wasn't going to let her die under her watch.

As she jumped down, the girl tumbled slightly, wincing her she landed right on her back. "Dammit," she breathed, hair now caught up with dirt as she stood and brushed off her pants and tried to brush the most of her back.

Almost immediately, the Greene girl set on her journey to search for the girl, trying to remember Daryl's tracking lessons—also trying to listen out for sounds. She wasn't the best at sneaking around, her feet landing on a twig or crunchy leaf every now and then. But, if she couldn't hear Enid—surely the girl couldn't hear her either.

"Abi." Wrong, again. Abi jumped at the sudden voice, whipping her head round in hopes of seeing the girl, just to be met with more trees and leaves. It was almost as if her stern voice was echoing through the forest and Abi's ears.

"I know you're following me. Again. Not with your buddy though." Abi still looked around, trying to locate the voice to the brunette. "You're going the wrong way." Abi flicked her thumb with her fingers, awkwardly hanging her arms by her side as she still couldn't pinpoint the exact location of Enid.

"You knew?" Abi scrunched her face, hoping for a reply so she wouldn't stand alone much longer.

"You're very loud." With Abi's excellent timing, her foot met an annoying twig right after Enid's statement—proving the other girl right. Abi bit her lip, looking up as she hoped Enid would show herself soon.

"Can you go back?" Enid whined. "To be honest, you scare me."

"I scare you?" Abi scrunched her face for the second time, not understanding how she in anyway came off as threatening—apart from the following and the stares, but that was because she was curious. Abi didn't know exactly why, but the girl was intriguing. In more ways than one.

"If I manage to scare you, then you shouldn't be out here alone. Two people just died." Abi tried not to allow her voice to crack at the last sentence, it still hurt to remember Noah's death.

"Oh, come on." Enid appeared from behind a tree, face illuminating by the sun shining in it, her multiple layers keeping her warm in the summer heat—which made no sense to Abi, but she chose to ignore it. "People always die. You know that."

Abi scrunched her face for the third time, although not in the same way. She took the words from the brunette to offence, Enid didn't no anything about her, she didn't have the right to say that she knew people always died. What scared Abi most is she did, she did know that. Almost her entire family was dead. What was scary was the fact that Enid knew too, not even having a proper conversation with her she had seemed to read every page of Abi Greene's book.

"We need to go back," Abi ordered, ignoring her previous statement—and the feelings in her stomach. She couldn't decide wether it was anger or butterflies from talking to what almost seemed a stranger.

"Why?" Enid back chatted, tilting her head slightly. Abi froze, knowing if she answered it would circle back to the beginning.

"Why are you even out here? What do you do?" She questioned instead, diverting the conversation.

"Same thing as you," Enid answered, grabbing the straps of her backpack before sprinting. Abi's jaw dropped, breathing heavily before repeating the action as she followed after the girl.

The wind pushed through Abi's hair as they both ran at a decent speed, Abi smiling as she realised how freeing it felt. No adult to warn you about walkers, no limit to how fast you ran, or how far. You were just there, and you were just running. Enid caught the smile flashing on her face, mimicking it as they both ran freely through the trees.

Soon enough, the joy had to end as Enid's arm pulled Abi to a stop, having noticed the dead creature wondering around.

"What are you doing?" Abi whispered as she caught Enid grabbing the straps of her backpack, removing the accessory from her body as she zipped it open. "Enid."

"Shh," Enid shushed the blonde, head whipping up for a second as a stern eye contact was shared between the door. Abi's hands held onto the bark of the tree, eyes peering into Enid's green ones, both of them sharing the glance for an abnormal amount of time. She felt weird, in an oddly good way. It was as if the butterflies in Abi's stomach had vanished and only left the memories that they were once there.

As she realised she had been staring into her eyes to too long, Enid immediately looked down, pulling out a weirdly shaped timer from her bag. Abi's face scrunched up in confusion, the trail of the forgotten butterflies outlining her intestines as she watched the brunettes movements carefully.

"Just kill it-"

Abi's idiotic words got cut off as Enid twisted the timer, throwing it in another direction before a wide smile crossed her face. The ticking sound caught the dead's attention, walking shifting towards the small object as Enid and Abi watched curiously. Once Enid noticed it was close enough to the timer, she latched on to Abi's arm, pulling her swiftly away as they began running in a similar direction to where they came from.

Eventually, they met with a fallen log, Enid slowing down as Abi kept looking around for walkers, the time on the road still imprinted into her head—every horror moment replaying as she knew most of it was from a tiny mistake. Having to watch Michonne attempt to save Tyreese's bitten arm as the man's body slowly went cold still showing up in her mind anytime she saw one of the dead.

Enid removed her bag, sitting down in front of the log as Abi cautiously joined her, still panting softly after all the running. The smile stuck to Enid's face as she looked ahead.

"We're supposed to be out here," her words caused Abi to look at her, only now realising her perfect she profile. Enid's green eyes highlighted her face, the smile curving her cheeks slightly. Abi felt as if she hadn't seen anyone as pretty before—except Rosita maybe.

"We're supposed to feel like this," Enid spoke again, Abi snapping out of her trance as she quickly averted her attention to the ground, picking at the dirt slightly. "I don't wanna forget. And running makes me feel better."

Abi put her lips in a thin line, pulling them in a slight smile as Enid quickly glanced at her—sure, the blonde had terrible memories of her time in the apocalypse, but that didn't excuse the good ones. Laughing with T-Dog and Glenn at the farm, finding different books and comics with Carl whilst they were in the road for the first time, helping Beth with Judith, hopscotch with Mika and Molly, her dad teaching her his medical ways, playing cards with Carl and Noah. It was all good—if she thought about it hard enough, the good could outweigh the bad.

Even being outside the walls, she got to connect with the foreign girl, run as far and as fast as she wanted without anything stopping her, breath fresh air without sharing it with the hundreds of people around her.

"I can't forget," Abi added, thinking of everything—both good and bad. "I see it. Not just in dreams, but everywhere. Being outside with them."

"I do too." Enid bluntly replied, her eyes fixated ahead of her again as Abi traced her face again. She wondered what Enid had gone through, people die all the time, who had she lost? Did the girl have a sibling like Abi, or was she also an orphan. The blonde hadn't seen Enid living with anybody, she had to assume the last option.

Who did Enid have?

She was still here—that had to count for something. When Beth had realised the death of their mother was permanent, she tried to take her life. Even with all the horrifying and painful things Abi had dealt with, she still marks that incident as one of the scariest moments of her life. A thirteen year old girl helping her big sister and Lori open a door as they realised Beth was trying to harm herself, only to be met with an open wrist and a sobbing teenager. It was imprinted into her brain forever—just like everything else.

If that hadn't happened to Enid, it meant she had a reason. A want. Abi had only seen the girl talk to Ron—he must be her person. Of course he was,
that's her boyfriend.

Abi had her people—never a boyfriend though. Guys never really seemed appealing, Maggie always told her it was because she hadn't met the right man, but when would she ever? The thought and tortured her since she was younger, if she was ever made for love. Obviously, she had plenty of people she loved platonically—Carl, Maggie, Rick, Rosita, Glenn, etc—but she had never loved anyone romantically.

"Ron's a nice guy," Abi noted, cringing slightly as she immediately regretted her words. To which she did a lot. The girl let out a breath, shaking her head as she looked to the ground, her blonde locks following her.

"He is," Enid smiled thinking of her boyfriend.

"Does he know you come out here?" Abi asked, wondering if she was the only one aware of the secret.

"No," Enid shook her head. "I-he wouldn't understand."

Abi smiled slightly, almost victorious to now she was the only person that knew of the fact that Enid left Alexandria—that she was the person Enid let follow her out. But why? They had only known each other a few days, why was Enid so okay with Abi following her?

She obviously didn't trust the blonde—heck, she even admitted to being frightened of her. That's when Abi remembered her statement, and her obvious divert of the question.

"Wait, why do I scare you?" Abi reminded Enid of the conversation before as the brunette pulled a knife from her bag.

"I don't know. You just do," Enid laughed lightly, scratching her knife into the wood as Abi tried to figure out the answer for her. She was sure she didn't come of as threatening, maybe it was Rick? The man's looks would scare Abi if she didn't know him. Her attention went to the knife, glad Enid had something to protect herself.

"That's a nice knife," her Georgian accent sounded as Enid continued to carve into the wood. Abi could make out what seemed a faint 'J'.

"It was my mom's," Enid spoke solemnly, still carving the J.

Was.

It was her mom's.

Abi couldn't help her next question. "What happened to you, before you got there?"

"Does it matter?" Enid turned to face her, the sharp object now sitting in her lap as they stared at each other.

"It does. Bad things have happened to me too." Abi reassured the girl, she wanted to know more about her. Maybe it was the need to be involved—or there was just something different about Enid. That made her stand out from anyone Abi had ever met, because she was sure the feeling in her stomach every time Enid looked at her wasn't something she had ever felt before.

The familiar feeling came back as Enid faced her again, their eyes locking. It felt like eternity as Abi melted into the light green iris'. She felt as if she was being pulled into a black hole to never return. Her butterflied stomach had returned as Enid seemed to have the same problem, neither girl breaking eye contact.

Enid felt conflicted, she had known Ron for months. She had known Abi less than a week and had already shared stuff with the girl more than her own boyfriend. That frightened her, the fear that she might be falling for Abi Greene without even really knowing her.

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end when you're living in a dead infested world—the snarling made its way to the teens ears, eyes darting away from each other as they stood in fear. Out of instinct, Abi reached into her pocket to grab her knife, forgetting the jacket she had on as she was immediately met with a cigarette, flinching slightly as she didn't expect to feel the material.

"Dammit," she muttered under her breath, removing her hand from the redneck's jacket before grabbing her knife from the waistband of her pants. "We need to go, sounds like a lot."

Enid turned to her right, pushing herself into a hole in the tree as Abi cautiously followed her, still looking for walkers. The space was a tight fit, Abi squeezing in as she looked out before checking on Enid, being met with her face. Abi's eyes widened slightly at the close proximity, swallowing before she looked to the bushes again.

A few seconds later, she felt Enid's breath in the side of her face, her own breathing hitching slightly as Enid moved closer to the shell of her ear.

"It's their world," Enid whispered, Abi shivering slightly. She didn't know why she was reacting like that, like Enid was something to be afraid of. "We're just living in it."

The walkers made themselves visible, passing a few metres in front of where Abi and Enid stood, both girls now facing towards the dead. It was quite a large group for a supposedly safe community, Abi wondered where they had come from—surely the group that went on runs would get rid of at least some walkers?

She sighed loudly, biting her lip in thought before turning to see Enid again, being met in the same position as a few seconds before. Abi blinked, visibly swallowing again as her eyes traced all of Enid's facial features, the brunette girl only focusing on Abi's eyes—almost scared to look anywhere else.

Just as if she were a magnet, Abi's hand drifted towards Enid's in a moment of need for her touch—eyes not leaving Enid's like they had before as she felt the softness of her skin. Abi's pointer finger grazed the back of Enid's hand, goosebumps rising in her body as she immoderately pulled back, breathing picking up.

She didn't know what she was doing, this wasn't right, was it? The girl had grown up on Adam and steve, Romeo and Juliet, she had lived in a world of woman and man, not woman and woman. The butterflies fluttering calmly in her stomach were wrong—they had to be. Every tale, every story, every film proved that. But why was the forceful push towards Enid so strong if it was so wrong?

Abi sighed, giving up on the thought as she shamelessly looked away, eyes closing slightly as she regretted ever following Enid outside, completely unaware of the smirk that planted itself in the other girl's face.

"Cool. You're afraid of me too." Enid smiled, lips pressed against the shell of Abi's ear as she whispered, not attracting any of the dead their way.

They were afraid for different reasons. Abi Greene did not want to be in love with a girl—even if that girl was Enid.

And Enid would happily be in love with a girl—only if that girl wasn't Abi Greene.

✵~✵

ONCE THE WALKERS HAD LEFT, the two girls had parted, awkwardly making their way back to Alexandria as neither spoke of what happened. Yet, both still held goosebumps on their arms, Enid still felt the ghost of Abi's fingertips against her hand, Abi still felt the weight of Enid's breath against the side of her face.

"You're afraid of me too." Replayed in both girls mind for different reasons. As they made it over the wall, the girls turned to each other to motion a goodbye, any movements being stopped when the booming sound of what seemed to be glass breaking. Abi immediately ran into action, sprinting in the direction of the sound as she gasped at what she was met with.

Rick's face was drowning in blood as he sat on top of a similar looking Pete, hand crashing into the man's face repeatedly as Pete tried to fight back. Carl rushed over as well standing beside Abi as they quickly turned to each other in both fear and shock.

Abi took a small step back as Pete flipped the two over. Jesse ran over trying to pry her husband off of Rick but Pete ended up punching her backwards. Rick took the opportunity to flip them over again.

Before Abi could stop it Carl was running towards the two men. "Dad, get off!" Rick pushed his son back, causing him to fall to the floor. Abi was quick to help him up as they both backed away, watching the scene in front of them.

Pete was on the verge of death as Deanna ran over. "Stop it! Stop it right now." She demanded. Abi's eyes met Enid with the same shock as before, the girl turning her head back to the situation. Abi Greene would much rather watch Pete and Rick beat each other to a pulp than deal with her feelings for a girl.

Rick muttered something to the dying man he held in his arms. He shot back up as he pulled something out of his jeans. A gun.

A familiar hand kept into hers in fear, Abi gulping as she realised it to be the hand which she caressed earlier. Her attention stayed on the scene in front of her, squeezing Enid's hand in comfort.

"Or what?" Rick said aiming his gun at no one in particular. "You gonna kick me out?"

"Put that gun down, Rick," Deanna ordered the man.

"You still don't get it," he lowered his gun. "None of you do! We know what needs to be done and we do it. We're the ones who live. You-you just sit and plan and hesitate. You pretend like you know when you don't!" Rick was yelling, waving his gun around like a crazed man.

"You wish things weren't what they are," as Rick said this, the warmth of Enid's hand in her own slowly left as Enid took a step back. "Well. you want to live? You want this place to stay standing? Your way of doing things is done. Things don't get better because you- you want them to. Starting right now, we have to live in the real world. We have to control who lives here!"

"That's never been more clear to me than is it right now," Deanna threatened. Abi gulped. She knew if Rick left, she and the rest of the group were leaving too. Her hand missed the feeling of Enid's, her breathing picking up.

"Me? Me? You- you mean- you mean me?" Rick chuckled as he said this. Abi wasn't scared. She had seen the man at worser times.

Carl stood in front of Enid and Abi as he watched his dad. Every now and then his attention turned towards her, the boy wondering where she had been whilst they were supposed to meet up to take of Judith.

"Your way is gonna destroy this place. It's gonna get people killed. It's already gotten people killed." Abi's heart hurt at the memory of Noah. "And i'm not gonna stand by and just let it happen. If you don't fight, you die. I'm not gonna stand by-"

The butt of Michonne's gun reached the back of Rick's head, the man being knocked to the floor as Abi felt herself moved back a little in shock. This place was crumbling down slowly. Abi feared for what would happen the day the apocalypse showed it's true identity, leaving no mercy on the innocent people of Alexandria.

✵~✵

author notes -
Enid and Abi moment!!

Abi wearing Daryl's jacket is just a small hint to their friendship in the future, the man becomes her new father figure when Rick blows up.

This took me SO LONG to rewrite bc i kept giving up since my handwriting was awful. hopefully you enjoyed it, i did not proofread my rewritten work—sorry if it's still bad <3

If I hadn't said it before, Abi and Enid are gonna have a sort of similar to Carnid but have it more of a slow burn since they felt they had to hide their feelings for a while.

(to be honest, from how i've written them, this is the only similar scene to what carl and enid have.) (that's a big fat lie)

Anyways,
byee <3