NOVEMBER 2022.

ADDICTION IS THE DEATH of us all. More as, the ones of us who let it consume us. The ones of us that say 'no fuck that I'm not addicted.' The ones of us that consider ourselves 'constant users' rather addicts. Because it's a scary word, it's a word filled with depth. It's taught to us to scare us out of drugs or drinking or sex. That's why D.A.R.E.'s a thing, it's a begging of the prevention of addiction.

The closest thing Hailee Steinfeld ever got to addiction was her devotion to Daphne Ryder. A short-term yet infamous relationship ended tragically far too soon for anyone's liking. The chokehold Daphne Ryder grasped her in was like no other. It didn't matter what she did, how she acted, what she said — Hailee would always come back to the infamous star. The sleazy woman with an attitude problem.

But that was over two years ago, two years ago since Hailee fell to the floor in a dark pain. She could almost feel the salty tears streaming down her cheeks as she sat in pure confusion. The night had been a dark memory — one she'd shoved in the back of her mind. That she only remembered whenever she felt a tear slip down her face. The romance ended suddenly and Daphne Ryder was like a drug to take in moderation. Hailee disobeyed, she nearly overdosed on her. So when the romance came to the end, her heart was ripped in half.

A part of her died that day. The part of her that lived life like she was told to live it like. With caution as if she would die the next day if she did anything out of her limits. But when she lost the person who drove her out of her comfort zone, she decided to release her inner rocker. Now she wasn't pleasing groupies with wine bottles or doing heroin — she wasn't that Daphne Ryder. But she did find herself swallowing her anxiety and useless apologies. She stood up for herself and stopped acting like the world had some rule book she needed to live by.

That leads us to her next chapter. The one without Daphne Ryder... one with a new lover. It shocked her that the pages kept turning despite the rockstar not being there.

The new Hailee tried to not care about the public's perception of her. Not so much anyways. This is why she openly expressed her sexuality months ago when introducing her new girlfriend, Ella. Something she felt she needed to do if she wanted this relationship to last. She took the reigns and found herself in love. For the first time since the last...

This now brings us to the present day. November 2022, a month of preparation for a soon event. One full of love and bliss — like it should've been for them.

The approaching New York winter was a pure invitation of darkness for Hailee. Her Californian self found the months troubling and viewed fifty degrees as nearing frostbite. A warm coffee cup rested in her hand as she watched over the city. It was afternoons like these that she understood why Daphne loved the city so much. Despite the weather, the busy streets and the busy people were one. They all had someplace to be or treasured someplace to be. It was always interesting to view the sights of such an interesting place.

Every so often Hailee would get lost in her thoughts on her balcony. The view captured a hold on her like no other. Ella noticed it every few weeks or so, the woman got taken by the city and its story. She reminisced on old times and new times from her viewpoint. Something the city view promoted. This afternoon was one of those times. "You're cheeks are turning red. You need a scarf."

Hailee shook her thoughts while she turned her head ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of the woman who'd captured her heart. "I'm okay, I'll come in 'n a bit." She explained with a soft smile before recasting her gaze on a building she'd been staring at for far too long. "Haiz," Ella mumbled as she made her way over towards her and pressed her lips to her cheek. "Sarah just called up, there's someone to see you downstairs. He said he's an old friend."

Old friend. A million names popped into her mind with a few secretly engraved. Hailee bit down on her lip before turning to face her fiancé. "Do you mind having her send him up?" She asked, adding a small smile. Ella grinned while pushing a piece of hair behind Hailee's ear, "Already done. They're outside."

"They?" Hailee questioned with a head tilt as Ella mumbled something about another guy with him. She didn't pay too much attention to her words as her mind spoke wonders. Her curiosity was booming as she pressed a soft kiss to her fiancé's lips before excusing herself back inside. Hailee made her way down the hallway, her slippers softly dragging her along. Her hair was lighter than it used to be. A touch of blonde to her typical brunette. After all she is twenty-six, she needed a slight change.

A knock on the front door erupted as soon as she arrived in the foyer, her eyebrows still furrowing as she fathomed who would be behind the door. It was like a game show. So who were her lucky guys?

The door opened and the young woman glanced around. It wasn't hard to notice the man by her doorway. He couldn't be older than fifty-five, silver hair peaking through his blonde. He had bright blue eyes surrounded by a rounded face with a quirky grin. He rested in a wheelchair with an envelope sat on his lap. "Hailee?"

"Yeah, um... I'm sorry, do I know you?" She asked with a small smile warping her lips. Her eyes suddenly caught the attention of a taller figure erupting from the elevator. One that nearly made her heart race in familiarity. Another blonde, except one she'd know if her eyes suddenly gave out. His hair was still a curled mess just shorter and his lip ring was nonexistent. He sported a long-sleeved baseball tee with a Judas Priest symbol in the middle. A chain wrapped around his neck, a familiar guitar pic catching Hailee's eyes.

The moment she saw him it was like she was back. They were back at the Whisky, or the pub in England, or they were back in Daphne's penthouse. It was like it was all back to normal. Daphne was downstairs or somewhere around. Because when there was Leon, there was Daphne. A package deal since day one. "Hey Haiz."

The two were immediately engulfed in a hug. A hug full of sadness and reminisce. Never had Hailee craved to see another person more than Leon at this moment. It was summer 2020 again, they were back. Or at least that's what she wanted to believe. "Where the hell's your lip ring?" She observed the moment they pulled away leaving the drummer to smile. "C'mon I'm in my thirties now, had to stop being a little punk bitch at some point."

Hailee genuinely smiled at his words. She hadn't seen the man in nearly two years. They both knew seeing one another in person would bring back too many memories. Good and bad. With the occasional texting, the two were somehow closer than ever. It was refreshing to see Leon doing so well, after he was so distraught. Hailee knew he spent some time away after Daphne's death. In an institution upstate where he bettered himself after the loss of his best friend. She also knew the band had yet to continue their music process and was unsure if they ever would. It made sense, the person who started their band-- family, was gone now. The one who made it what it was and made it worth it.

A sparkling gleam inevitably caught Leon's eyes when he glanced down at Hailee's hand pressed to his chest. "A ring, hm?" He asked, his emotions quite hidden. That was until he made eye contact with her again. Hailee could see the mixture of emotions captured behind his eyes. She'd grown good at finding them if you couldn't tell. There was a part of him that was happy she'd finally found someone who wouldn't come home with bloodied hands and tune her out. There was another part of him stuck in acceptance. Accepting the fact that the only person Daphne ever had feelings for was now moved on. "Tell me it's not the fucking DUI guy who crashed the concert," The blonde joked making Hailee giggle remembering the first night Hailee spent partying with the band. Her ex, Tom, accused all band members of DUIs (which wasn't far from the truth) and told her to get away from them. Resulting in Alex and Atlas stealing her phone so she couldn't text him.

"No, she's, awesome. I actually proposed a few months back." Hailee explained with a proud smile knowing Leon would feel the same way. She'd never expressed her relationship within their weekly text conversations. Hailee recognized how Leon might react to the thought of her moving on with her life, and it was a lot to say over text. "Party girl turned Party Wife, Alex would be very pissed off. You better invite him to your bachelorette party." A shared laughter resulted between the two, just like a few nights they had before. But Hailee finally stood straight and looked back at the other man. "Fuck, sorry Garr," Leon mumbled as the man shrugged. "Hailee this is Garrett Corabi. Fucking God, this is the guy who... converted Daphne to rock, man. He's the reason Daphne Ryder was Daphne Ryder and not some chick at a gas station."

"I'm her Uncle Garrett." He spoke, in a soft voice with a matching smile. This was the first time in two years Hailee felt close to Daphne once more. Like she wasn't just something her brain made up in the middle of the night as a way of masking her loneliness. "I never heard anything of her family members besides y'know," Hailee commented with a hint of confusion. Leon nodded before looking down at Garrett who had a shared look of agreement. "Garrett's really the only other one."

"And my late wife, Annie." He added softly, with saddened eyes. There was a silence throughout the three as if respecting the woman. This reminded Hailee of her impoliteness, "Sorry, I haven't even invited you in. Come in, please." She offered with a grin as the two men glanced at each other before obliging. The two were soon in the living room sitting around letting silence fill the air. It wasn't long before Hailee approached, three coffee mugs balanced on a tray that she sat on the coffee table. The two quietly thanked her before she took a seat across from Leon on her white couch. "So the reason we're here-" Garrett started with a sigh before glancing down at the envelope in his lap. He graced it gently with his fingers, reading the writing once more before handing it to the woman. She accepted it with curiosity until she saw the handwriting on the outside. Fawn. It read, in a messy handwriting Hailee would recognize until her dying day.

Her breath hitched as her fingers traced the ink. The same handwriting she saw on notepads and novels decked around Daphne's penthouse. The same handwriting that wrote 'I love you' on a piece of paper Hailee found months after Daphne's disappearance. "She wrote it when we were off... y'know, fucking around in 'hideout' at Garrett and Annie's. I watched her take something and sit down with a coffee late at night. She just started writing and didn't stop until five in the morning." Leon explained as he watched Hailee's weary eyes trace the letter in awe. "Garrett found it last week at his place with her stuff that was sent there from her penthouse. He didn't know who Fawn was, just knew it was someone Daphne cared for. He called me and I- I didn't know if you'd want it because I know you just wanted to move on and forget." Leon told her, reminding her of her quick cutoff of Phoebe, Atlas, and Alex in hopes of moving on from that chapter in her life.

"But in case you wanted it... I thought it was better we bring it to you than send you a photo over text." Leon shrugged with a sad smile. "No fucking clue what it says though — could be telling you you're a dumb cunt or something like that." Hailee glanced up at the drummer with glossy eyes and shot him a smile. "Thank you, Leon."

Hailee sniffled back her tears which seemed to catch the attention of her fiance in the other room. The short-haired woman erupted from the office to catch a glimpse of her love and the two men accompanying her. "What's going on?" Ella questioned making Hailee drop her face so Ella wouldn't see her sad eyes because she knew she wouldn't understand. "I'll tell you later... Ella this is Garrett and Leon they're my-"

"Old friends," Leon answered as he stood to shake the woman's hand and she leaned over to shake Garrett's. "Okay well I guess I'll let you guys catch up. It's nice to meet you guys, I'm gonna go have late lunch with a friend." She explained with a smile before pressing a comforting hand to Hailee's shoulder. "Nice to meet you," Garrett smiled at Ella as she waved and was on her way. The echo of the door shutting made Hailee sigh softly. She never brought Ella into her Daphne world. No one truly understood Daphneland. No one but her and the band, and seemingly Garrett. "When I called her every week, she'd tell me about you. Or Fawn, I should say. Nothing too wild -- don't worry. But I did see that Jack Daniels video." Garrett rolled his eyes in amusement at the end. Hailee smiled at his words being transported back to a place she didn't think she could ever travel back to.

The pain of loving Daphne Ryder was a tough one. Which is why she was so sure to leave it the moment she knew she had to. "What'd she say?" The woman practically whispered to the older man who sighed, the tattoos on his wrinkled skin catching her eye. "Well the first time she was just saying that dumbass Phoebe brought along some popstar to her show. I didn't think too much of it until weeks later when she asked me about when I met Annie. Then she asked me if I ever thought that the kid who showed up at my doorstep with a stolen CD player and cigarettes could ever be capable of being in a relationship with someone. It was something I always knew she'd ask me. She vowed since I mean she was a kid that she'd never be in a relationship. But I always knew if the right person came around she'd change her perspective. Who woulda thought, she would have fallen for such a sweet girl like yourself?"

Hailee sent him a smile at his final sentence, still lost in Daphne's feelings. "When she and the band came upstate to stay with me, there was something going through her. At first, I thought it was because she now couldn't release her album out of the spotlight. Then I realized how in her own head she was. Because she had to leave you, and that wrecked her." Garrett explained with a deep breath. Something sparked in Hailee at his words. It was like she was back craving information about Daphne Ryder again. Wanting to know every little thing. "I want to know everything," Hailee sighed making Leon and Garett give her similar looks. "I thought I didn't I thought I wanted it all to be over, but I don't. I want to know it all because she always told me I knew the uttermost about her. Then her Mom would show up or Julian would show up and I didn't know shit about either of them. So tell me everything, please."

Leon looked over at Daphne's uncle, the two having seemingly expected this. They both agreed through their eyes as Leon crossed his arms and opened his mouth. The two didn't shut their mouths until the end of the hour neared, because they told her everything. From when Isabella became Daphne, to her 'pal' Needy, when Daphne found rock'n'roll, when she was beaten in her mother's closet, when Daphne met Leon -- Hailee knew it all. And it fucking ruined her. There was nothing more she wanted than to bring the woman back and never let her go. She wish she would have woken up the morning she left. She wished she could have never doubted the woman and her feelings for her. She wished she could have remembered every tattoo, every scar, every word Daphne spoke. And that fucking hurt that she couldn't.

The thought of it all was too much for Hailee. A child, an innocent child, was nearly beaten to death on several occasions by random men in her home. Her mother who was supposed to vow her life to protect her, let it happen as if it were the average task. The same mother who hardly earned the title -- who came back decades later begging for cash. And Daphne gave it to her every time which fucked Hailee up even more. She didn't know how Daphne didn't just break after everything she's been through. She deserved a happy ending and love and just everything good in the world. But instead, she was left with a fucked family and a lifetime supply of drugs.

But that's life. You don't always get what you deserve. You also don't turn everything into a positive light of energy. Sometimes, things are just bad and they stay bad. People die, and things don't always have a happy ending like some children's book. People who were once everything become nothing and the pages in that tragic story keep turning. Whether you're ready for it or not.

The two visitors bid their farewells to the young woman collapsing in her own heart. She was left alone with a hefty envelope with red writing. One that she knew would change everything. It was truly a goodbye from the stars -- rather, her rockstar. She knew this was the end. This would capture Daphne's final feelings just before she left this Earth. This was Daphne Ryder's love letter to Hailee Steinfeld. Not just any love letter, one solidifying the ending of their love. Because after all, this is a story about love... not a lovestory.

THE END.