chapter five / o
Her Best Music Lesson
(005)

Sowon took one last look in the vanity mirror. She ran her fingers through her loosely curled hair. Her father had felt devastated when he saw how beautiful and grown she looked, barely wanting her to leave the house.

"Only because tonight is special," he consented.

Sowon smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in her white, flowing dress. Small flowers embellished the fabric. Sowon wasn't vain, but neither was she self conscious. As she looked in the mirror she thought she looked angelic. Of course, getting through the night without messing up what she had worked so relentlessly to practice was her first priority, but looking her best didn't hurt either.

"Baek Sowon," a tall man in a sharp blazer called while knocking on her dressing room door, "you're up next."

Sowon took a deep breath and grabbed her violin. She was excited and nervous. Her dad was sitting in the audience waiting for her to perform. She hoped that she could make him proud, she hoped all her hard work would make him happy. She didn't care about impressing her new classmates. What she wanted the most was to impress her dad. After that, she hoped to impress her teachers. Grabbing the attention of someone who could help her get into a reputable college might make her parents happy.

Everything Sowon did, everything she worked for was with the hope that it would please her parents. Maybe it could fix her family.

The clicking of her heals against the hard floor resonated in her ears. The closer she walked to the stage, the more she could hear the familiar sound of classical music. She wasn't sure if at this moment it was a sound that was soothing or if it was making her nerves worse.

The piano piece her classmate was playing seemed to go on for an eternity. She tried her best to focus on the notes, the keys, to let the melody flow through her body, as if the sound was air and she was breathing it in.

Before she knew it, she had lost herself in the world of music. Sowon closed her eyes and swayed to the soft ringing of the piano. It was beautiful, it was calming, it was therapeutic, it was-

It was over.

The small feeling of peace she had found quickly left her grasp as the last note played into the stale air of the theatre. Sowon watched as the boy who had been playing the music piece stood from his stool, turning to the audience, and bowing as the crowd cheered and applauded for him.

Sowon wiped her sweaty palms on the fabric of her dress as the boy began to walk off the stage towards her. "Good luck," he wished her casually, swiping his long, blond bangs out of his soft eyes. Sowon didn't recognize the boy from school. She had been there for a little over a week now, so she knew of most of the people that went there. Maybe he was an even newer student than she was.

Sowon cracked a small smile at the boy and nodded her head. Her muscles felt like they would liquify at any moment as she walked on stage, but as she saw her father smiling at her encouragingly from the large crowd, she somehow managed to keep moving, finding enough courage to continue.

Swaying slightly from being light headed, Sowon stood on a piece of blue tape on the floor, marked to indicate where she was supposed to stand. She tried not to focus on all of the eyes watching her every move, or the bright spotlight shining directly on her, making her perspire even more. Instead, she focused on her own thoughts of encouragement. She's practiced for this moment until her fingers were raw and her arms would cramp. If any one could play this piece better than the one who wrote it, it was Sowon.

Sowon took in a deep breath, smiling and fixing her posture as her lungs expanded. The familiar feeling of her beloved violin fitting perfectly on her shoulder and under her chin brought her back to the many hours she spent alone in her music room. She closed her eyes, making it easier to feel like she was in her practice room instead of on stage. She thought of the way the sun streams through the upstairs room, the golden light acting like it's own spotlight for her and the dust in the room. She could almost smell the sheet music paper and the rich mahogany in the room.

Bringing herself to a state of mind to put her at ease, Sowon found that her body could move easier. She didn't even have to look at the violin to know where to place her fingers, muscle memory did all of the work. Her fingers danced up and down the finger board as she moved her bow across the strings.

At first, learning how to play instruments was just an attempt to get her parents attention, to make them happy, but soon it became her very own passion. Sowon lived and breathed music. All the times that her thoughts got so loud that she couldn't endure it, all the times when she could only hear her parents arguing, music could always drown it out. Music always had the ability to bring some kind of peace and happiness, no matter how temporary, at least it was something.

It may have taken a while to get warmed up, but once Sowon starts playing, she's in her element. She becomes one with her instrument. Sowon plays like music notes were written in her dna. As her bow flies with grace, she doesn't think about all of the problems she wishes she could change; it's only her and her violin in their own world.

Sowon felt like she was flying. Maybe she was an angel, and the violin was her wings. She felt powerful, unstoppable, like she was on top of the world. She imagined herself flying in the night sky, reaching out to touch the closest star. She knew she could grab it, but suddenly her wings could no longer carry her and she felt herself crashing down when her Dad's ringtone sounded through her ears.

She tried to keep playing, hoping that her dad would tell whoever it was, most likely someone from his job, that he was busy and it would have to wait. Her performance wouldn't be that much longer. He could manage that for her, couldn't he?

Sowon wasn't focused on her piece anymore. All she could focus on was her dad whispering into his phone with a despondent look on his face.

When she saw him end the call and get up from his seat to leave without even giving her a second glance, Sowon felt as if the wings she had just one moment ago had been ripped off.

Without finishing the song, Sowon lowered her violin, holding it limply by her side. Tears welled up in her eyes as she stared at her father's empty seat. Though the crowd was confused as to why she stopped in the middle of her performance, Sowon didn't care. She just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. She didn't feel that ache in her chest when she was sleeping. There, she could dream of a world where she was happy.

Sowon was just about to walk off the stage when she heard a whisper. "You're doing great; keep going!" It was the boy who played the piano before her. He gave her an encouraging smile and held his fist in the air, as if to say 'you've got this!'

She looked at him, unsure of herself, but nonetheless, she still picked up her violin. If she couldn't finish it for her dad, she didn't care about finishing it for herself, but for some reason, seeing the boy spur her on made her feel as if she couldn't walk off that stage and pass him without playing the last note.

Sowon felt that the bow was an extension of her arm, and with it, she released all of the anger, frustration, and bitter sadness trapped inside of her. She played with such passion and ferocity that sweat began to form on her forehead. Her chest ached as she held back her tears.

After playing the last note, she holds her bow up in the air, breathing heavily as if she had just run a marathon. For a moment, that's all she can hear; the sound of her own breathing. Suddenly though, the crowd erupts into cheers. Sowon couldn't tell if it was just to spare her feelings or if she really did play well, considering how she stopped half way through.

She didn't wait for the crowd to quiet down before she hastily fled from the stage.

"Hey, you did-" the boy from behind the stage began to compliment her, a smile painted on his face, but as Sowon quickly ran past him, hands swiping away at the tears on her cheeks, the boy didn't even bother to finish his sentence.

Sowon didn't even bother to find a bench or chair of any sort, once she got to an empty hallways, she fell to the ground, sliding against the wall as she did so. Through her tears she could only reprimand herself for being silly enough to think her dad cared enough to stay for the whole thing. She felt worthless, and that anything she could possibly do would never be enough.

She wondered so much why she could never be good enough for her parents to care, to notice like other parents do. Was she a bad person? Was she a disappointment? No matter what she accomplished, unless her parents cared enough to notice, it was worthless. Everything she did was useless and she wondered if her all the hard work she did was of any benefit at all. Would her parents even care if she was a criminal?

"What's the point in anything?" She wondered aloud.

"To grow and find your own happiness," a familiar voice responded. Sowon, startled, looked up to see the piano boy from earlier. He held a soft, comforting smile and offered a hand to lift her up from the ground.

Sowon hesitated for a moment, but finally took it, letting him help her back to her feet. The boy shyly handed her a single red rose. Her eyes widened deeply and Sowon felt her cheeks heat up to be the same tint as the flower petals.

"You play violin very well, but it should be for your own happiness, not someone else's." The boy handed her the rose and shoved his hands in his pockets.

He turned on his heal to leave, but Sowon called out to him. "What's your name?"

He turned for a moment to face Sowon, his eyes crinkling up while showing off his teeth in a pleasant smile. "The name's Min Yoongi, and I'm you're new best friend."