He strides to the other side of the room, throwing his bag on the desk before moving behind it, running both hands throw his hair. 

"Spencer," I call out, inching towards him.

He spins, holding his palm. "Stop." The glacial glare he sets on me crumbles my insides. "Were you ever going to tell me?" his voice wavers slightly from his restraining anger.

I halt, my heart sluggishly thudding in my heart as a tremor travels through my body. "Spencer," I plead.

His lips set into a hard line as he staggers a step back. "You used me... you lied to me... and you were planning on never coming clean." He nods to himself.

I stand motionlessly as anger and pain battle and twist his features, each heartbeat one of the emotions overpowers the other.

He holds up both hands. "Why?" he quavers.

An iron fist squeezes the back of my throat painfully. The words I want to speak, should voice out, stick in my throat, creating a lump that makes it impossible to breathe evenly.

He gives me a long pained look. "The money," he mutters. "For months you made me feel like shit for being attracted to my student. You mentally tormented me so you could win some money."

I shake my head, tears prickling my eyes. "It's not like that. It wasn't just the money," I start and take a stop to him but he holds out a finger and I halt.

"So it was a part of it... your friend was right." His features twist with anger and hatred.

"Please let me explain."

"Everything was planned, wasn't it? Every fucking move, every single fucking word you said to me."

"No!" I cry out.

But his features remain hard. "I trusted you. The idiot that I am, I fucking trusted you." He shakes his head, tugging at his hair, and paces the small space between his desk and the window.

"I risked my entire life's work for you, for us," he yells but his voice breaks on the last word and he turns to me. "There was no us in the first place." A sardonic smile cuts across his face. "I'm so fucking stupid. I fell for you even though I could see the red flags, I idiotically overlooked them, because I was blinded. I let you blind me. I never should have trusted you."

"No! I-"

He cuts me off, "You consciously seduced me, knowing it could cost me my career, my reputation, and everything I've worked for in my life." He waves his hands, his fingers trembling as he shakes his head. "Don't. I don't want to hear another word from you."

"Spencer." I take another step to him.

His head snaps to me, his protruding eyes burning with rage and hatred latch on me. "Don't," he barks. "It's Professor Wright for you."

The ground slips from beneath me. My bottom lip quivers as I gape at him. The sudden coldness shatters my already breaking heart.

He roughly opens his bag and pulls out a file, shaking it in the air for me. "This is why you played with me? Well, congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted." He storms around the desk.

"Spencer please, it wasn't what it sounds like. I wasn't faking anything, I wasn't pretending, it was real-" I begin begging him, tears trickling down my eyes as he pulls my hand and harshly shoves the file to my palm.

He looks me dead in the eye and interjects, "I don't believe you. Not a single word from your lying mouth will ever mean anything to me again."

"Spencer, please, just give me a chance to explain myself," I sob.

A humorless laugh rumbles out of him. "Of course, so you can lie more to me, why not? Because clearly I'm the biggest fool you'll ever come across."

"No," I whimper.

He turns and walks behind his desk. "Get out," he mutters without even glancing at me.

"Spencer, I know what I did was wrong, I didn't tell you because I was scared of losing you."

When he faces me, the cold mask pulled over his features, and the hard glare he sets on me shreds me to pieces. My knees weaken and it's a mystery how they don't give out. The world crashes down around me.

"I don't believe you anymore. You're a liar." He points at the folder in my hand. "Go get your money, collect all of it and stay the fuck out of my life. I don't want to see your face ever again."

The physical pain of my chest and stomach mangling and crushing combines with the earth-shattering mental ache of losing him.

"Spencer, please." My voice is barely above a whisper, but yet it's an effort to get it out.

"Get out," he blankly states and fixes his gaze on his library. "Now." His voice wavers a little too.

I stay rooted to the spot, hoping for a miracle. But it doesn't come.

"Get out, now," he yells and I flinch.

Barely breathing I force my muscles to move. Staying here won't do any good. Even though I'm hurting, I can't help but cling to the last string of hope, that maybe once he cools down I'd be able to get to him. To convince I wasn't faking it all along.

But for now, I have to accept this. It's what I've earned, but it doesn't mean it hurts any less.

I trudge out of his office, the second I leave, the sound of books, textbooks, and others I can't identify crashing to the ground echoes in the hallway, but I don't turn around.

I barely hold myself together, hugging myself tightly, focusing on my breathing, trying to function over the squashing pain.

The file in my hand feels so insignificant compared to the hell I'm going through right now.

Once I'm outside the campus, I break down. My knees give out, as I cry and sob, clutching my chest as I struggle to draw in air.

The sickening reality sinks in. He won't be coming to save me from my suffering. He won't ever call me his sunshine again. I won't ever get to be hugged or kissed by him. He won't ever look at my face like I'm the best thing he has ever seen.

I ruined it. I ruined everything we had and could've had.

I lost Spencer. I lost my first love.

∞ ∞ ∞

Do you guys think Spencer won't forgive her?

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