Shit has these past months been lonely without the guys...i plug in my phone to my laptop and scrolled down to send some old pictures of us all to my own folder. There's many of us, there's one of me and Clay when we graduated out of middle school and one on the first day of high school and some of us in the park.

There's also some from Hannah where we are at the beach,one we took at the park while there were fireworks on the fourth of july and the last picture of us both was at the movie theatre.

I have many including Alex, Tyler, Sheri, Jessica, Zach and Tony.

God do I miss him so much.

It's been exactly 5 months since we've last seen or even talked to one another. 5 months since Alex shot himself in the head...5 months since Hannah's death...5 months since they pressed charges and they've done nothing...and 5 months since i've been dealing with my own personal problems.

My problems will never go away. Mom got a boyfriend and decided to leave with him out of town without even saying goodbye to her own daughter, Dad hasn't been working and has decided to drink everyday and bring his many girlfriends to the house. Since i don't want to see or hear them i would occasionally leave the house and spend my days around town not to mention that i would often sleep at a motel nearby.

Now it's been time to work my ass off in work, there's no more home cooked meals or taking care of myself psychically. I went to school without caring how I dressed or looked anymore. I took the day off and with Jessica we headed to the hair salon since she told me to at least look presentable once, so i chopped off my now long hair that grew over the past months and went back to my shoulder length hair.

Jessica even surprised me with new clothes, some where from hers which she doesnt wear anymore. I never hung out with her that much after all of the Hannah Baker incident but we've become closer so we have each others backs now.

So now i've been living with her and sleep in the same room as her, i was grateful for her and her parents for even bothering with me.

"So..have you spoken to him?" she asks with a smile on her face once she sets her text books aside.

"To who?"

"You're guy."

I give her a confused look and she rolls her eyes "Tony." i stare at her and shake my head to the sides, "No i-i haven't spoken to him."

"You do know he's still at school."

"I know." i simply respond and she huffs.

"Come on I see the day you look at him, what even happened between you two?"

I sit down on the bed with her and play with my hands "It's a long story,Jess."

"Why did you even break up? I thought he was gay?'

"He is...well was..he's bi."

"Alright thanks for clearing that up, but seriously you looked so happy around him."

I smile remembering every second we spent together, we would drive around in his car, he would call his brothers whenever someone threatened me and just all those nights we used to spend at our special place. Jessica placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled "Please talk to him okay.." i nod my head and we spent that afternoon talking about me and Tony.

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Alright (Y/N) calm down you can do this. I keep repeating in my head as I walk through the crowds of teenagers i spotted Tony up ahead. I shout his name and he stops and looks back to me he seems a bit annoyed and I was begin to second guess myself.

"What do you want?" i can tell he's trying his best to not sound irritated which is failing. He looks around the school parking lot not daring to look at me.

"Tony can we talk?"

"Now's not a good time."

He turned around ready to leave till I grabbed the sleeve of his leather jacket "Please?" i beg and wait for his answer. Tony just nodded and I let go of him and followed him to his car, he drove us to the place we used to hang out.

We arrived within a few minutes and sat there in silent till I spoke since he was gripping onto the steering wheel tightly. "I'm s-sorry for lying to you..i should've told you sooner." he scoffs and exits the car and I follow him.

"Stop being such an asshole Tony!"

He glares and turns to look at me, "I'm being an asshole? How about you (Y/N) huh? You fucking lied about everything, it hurts to think about it-'

"You think you're the only one still hurting?! fuck Tony it was our baby!" i cry and place my right hand on my stomach where my baby once was. "It hasn't been easy and will never be! that was our baby...it's because of me that i lost it..maybe if i werent so stupid-"

"It's not your fault."

"It is! I never told you this but Bryce raped me after I told you the news..i lost the baby cause of him.. I want nothing more than to be a mother someday but i'm afraid i'll become like my own, i've been on my own for these past months, mom left with her boyfriend, dad hooks up with girls and invite them over to their activities so i started to live at the motel till Jessica let me stay with her..i even considered selling my body for money cause i needed it that much."

"(Y/N)..i'm sorry i never knew about all those things, shit,why didnt you tell me?"

"Cause you were lost..you were dating that guy then disappeared for a couple of days and avoided me in the hallways."

"I missed you a lot you know?"

Tony came closer and wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head while stroking my back, "I did too sorry for not being there when you needed me to, I don't want you to end up like her." i sniffed and rested my head on his chest.

"Let's stay a couple of more minutes here and then i'll treat you to lunch." i smiled against his chest and nodded my head. "I would love that."

"Also I need your help with something." he said looking back to me and i gave him a questioning look "We're gonna find Justin Folley."

***************************

Tony,Clay and I skipped school along with Alex who decided to stay in court with Jessica but we decided to go and find Justin. We went to a homeless shelter and there was no sign of him till a girl told us where she last saw him. We went to a place where a couple of skaters hang out and we thought Justin was there skating but a guy had on his varsity jacket and Tony being so angry and irritated today beat him up and wouldn't stop cursing to where he was.

It scared me to see this rebellious side to him but felt safe to know that he was willing to do all this for a guy he barely talked to, he would even do all this for me if something bad happened. He took a hold of my hand once he best the guy one last time and Clay ran following us. Tony drove around a couple of blocks when I gasped and saw Justin on the street "Stop the car!" i shouted and Tony hit the brakes.

"There he is" the three of us jumped out of the car.

"Hey!" Clay shouted and this made Justin look up at us and he got nervous? scared? He began to run away from us and I ran towards him along with Clay. Tony ran back to his car to meet us on the other side and to block Justin's exit.

"Stop running away from us you idiot! We're here here to help you." Clay grabbed a hold of him and this time there was no turning back for him.

"Get in the fucking car you three!" Tony shouted.

I ran to the passengers seat and Clay pushed Justin in and we drove off.