A Handful of Daisies

Elizabeth stood at the edge of the cliff, staring out at the expanse of choppy, gray ocean. Her brown, pixie-cut hair brushed her ears and forehead as the wind whipped around her. Her long, burgundy cardigan flipped in the wind, attempting to give her warmth despite the bitter cold air. It was long, draping around her thighs and flicking around her knees. Her black combat boots, gray skinny jeans, white long-sleeved t-shirt, and folded arms all helped keep her warm as well. However, though her body was warm, the blood pumping through her veins felt cold.

Her numb fingertips rubbed the dying daisies that were being crushed to death in the palm of her hand. This would be the third year since the jump. Three years without the support she so desperately needed. Three years left to be the only girl in the house, desperately juggling household responsibilities, school, and family problems. Though Elizabeth would be graduating in a few weeks and moving off the college, the fact that she still planned to come back to this very same spot the next year rooted her in the past. There would be no way she would be able to let go.

Biting her lip, she held back tears. Everything had been perfect until this dreadful day three years ago. Everything had been going her way. She had been accepted onto student council, her grades had been sitting at a 4.0, and her crush had asked her out on a date the weekend before. Each detail of her life was falling into perfect alignment.

But was until today. October 3rd, the damning day that ruined Elizabeth's life forever.

The day her mother had committed suicide.

Nothing could have been worse at the time. No, not even one of her grandparents dying. She had already known that they would die, but her mother? Forty-two may have meant that she had years under her belt, yet it didn't excuse the fact that she had left Elizabeth alone to care for her siblings. Sure, there was her dad, but he was always at work, traveling the globe in some distant country and earning money to feed his family.

Elizabeth sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. Just thinking about the first time she had heard the news made her throat close up. After school, 3:24 pm. She had been sitting at her desk, scribbling an idea down for the Halloween dance, when there had been a knock at the front door. To this day, Elizabeth regretted not answering the door. Her father had, leaving the kitchen table covered in paperwork to let the person on the front porch inside.

She had listened halfheartedly, only receiving bits and pieces of what was discussed. It was once she had heard her mother's name, Katherine, that she had set her pencil down and strained her ears to listen.

After hearing something she had never thought would ever be uttered in her house, she had left her bedroom and had ventured downstairs. Her father had wept on the couch in the living room, two police officers standing in front of him.

From that moment forward, Elizabeth's memory was hazy. She remembered being told to stay at the house to watch her siblings while her father had left with the police officers. There had been a slamming of a door, Elizabeth's anger overboiling, and a rapid bike ride to the location. A toss of the helmet, a trip in the long grass, and a sob through clenched teeth. Fourteen-year-old Elizabeth had seen the lifeless form that had once been her loving mother sprawled on cliff rocks far below. Police sirens, ambulance workers, hospital bills. Apologies from teachers, peers, and even from her crush. The crush that would eventually become her boyfriend.

All of this came back to Elizabeth in less than a second. As it did so, it stabbed her heart, yanking on the strings she had so desperately tried to keep still.

Why? What had made her mother so determined to kill herself? Had it been her fault? Had she done something wrong that made her mother so upset that she couldn't come home?

As all of these questions that Elizabeth knew would never have answers, somewhere behind her, someone started walking through the tall grass. She stopped, trying her best to wipe her nose and clear her throat. Had someone seen her leave?

"Hey," a casual voice called out. Elizabeth turned her head over her shoulder, glancing back to see who it was. Speak of the devil, it was her boyfriend, Tanner. He had his hands shoved into his olive jacket's pockets, a beanie covering most of his curly blonde hair. Though he looked cold in his colored jeans, Vans, and white printed t-shirt that read 'WTF - Where's The Food?', his green eyes were both focused on her.

Elizabeth turned back to the sea. "What are you doing here?" she questioned him.

She heard him walk up behind her. "I had a feeling I would find you here."

She scoffed. "What? Like you couldn't have waited for me?"

"Babe, you know how much I hate waiting. Besides," he moved to stand on her left, "I figured you would need a little bit of company."

"Thank you for the concern, but I'm fine."

Tanner glanced over at her as if wondering how he would bring up the sensitive topic. After a minute, he spoke quietly, his voice barely audible over the sound of the crashing ocean waves that licked the cliff.

"Liz, I know how hard this day is for you. You're never yourself for, like, a week before the day even comes. And, well..." He shrugged. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Always have been and always will."

Elizabeth smiled sadly, then dropped her folded arms and took her boyfriend's hand. "Thanks, that really means a lot to me, but there isn't much that you can do." She paused, flicking her gaze down to the rocks far below. "Not much anyone can do now..."

Tannor bit his lip, rubbing his thumb in circles over hers. He felt like he didn't have much to say, there wasn't much he could say. He knew Elizabeth wouldn't accept an 'I am sorry for your loss', she received enough of them at school. Then, he noticed the flowers that were clenched tightly in her right hand, tucked tightly up to her chest.

"Are those, you know, for her?" he asked, using his eyes to motion to the flowers.

Elizabeth nodded, eyes pooling with tears. "Daisies were her favorite flowers. She would trim some from off of our bush in the front yard when they were in season and display them in a vase on the kitchen table. But not just there. Each room in the house would have one vase of flowers, at least. The whole house would smell of daisies when I would come home from school." Her voice softened and became heavy with emotion. "Dad took out the daisy bush two weeks after she died..."

Tanner, with a gentle hand, reached for the flowers. When his fingers brushed Elizabeth's, he was surprised by how cold they were. After a moment of hesitation from her, Tanner was able to pull the flowers out of her tight grasp and hold them himself. Elizabeth watched the flowers, tears beginning to stream down her face. He stepped forward, glancing at the rocks far below that were being racked upon by the ocean, then looked back at his girlfriend.

"Come here, I want to do something."

With hesitation and a suspicious eye, Elizabeth stepped closer to the edge. Her grip tightened on Tanner's hand as she did so, the fear of the cliff and the past attacking her. What if she slipped? What if she died, just like her mother? What would her dad do? And what about her brothers? What about Tanner?

Tanner held out the hand with the flowers over the edge. He gestured with his head.

"Go on, grab them with me."

Elizabeth stared at the flowers for a moment, their petals wilted and sad, before reaching out and taking hold of them. The warm feeling of Tanner's hands made her feel more comfortable.

"Now," Tanner started, "I want you on the count of three to let go of the flowers. Let them fall to the very bottom and be swept up by the sea."

She flicked her gaze up to meet his. "What?"

He nodded. "You heard me. Let the flowers fall."

"B-but..." Elizabeth's tongue failed her. Drop the flowers? But they were the things that reminded her of her mother. How could she just let them fall and die just like her mother had, and be drowned in the same ocean that stole her mother's life?

"Trust me," Tanner insisted.

She paused, looking down at the gray rocks and restless sea. After taking a deep breath and sniffling once or twice, she nodded.

"Okay."

Tanner squeezed Elizabeth's hand then took a moment to pause before starting the countdown.

"Three, two, one... Let go."

Elizabeth's locked fingertips sprung out, letting the stems of the flowers be taken over by gravity. Tanner's hand did the same, lowering down to his side. Elizabeth didn't lower hers, however. In that split second, she had the urge to grasp for the daisies, but they were too far out of reach. She watched, her vision blurry with tears and the daisies dropped like a stone. The ice cold wind ripped the petals off of the stem, the leaves desperately trying to fall off as well, but were bound to it. The flowers hit a wet rock, more petals being swept away by the wind before the gray ocean swallowed the daisies whole. When the wave receded from the rock, the flowers were gone.

Elizabeth wept, her tears silent as they slid down her cheeks and the trails freezing in the cold wind. Tanner turned to face her and enveloped her in his arms. She sobbed into her boyfriend's jacket, snot and tears no doubt staining his shoulder.

For the first time in the three years of standing by the cliff, Elizabeth finally felt warm.

Warm and loved.