Credit for the AMV above goes to the YouTube channel Tracy Edits!

CHAPTER SIX

Adrien sat with his elbows resting against his knees, staring intensely at his hands, while he idly listened to Nadja Chamack talk about the weather on TV. In front of him, Marinette's journal lay on top of the table, waiting to be opened.

It was almost as if it was calling out to him. Read me. Read me. Read me...

And yet, he was having a hard time doing just that.

Adrien knew Marinette's journal would contain things that were only meant for him to read, but he hadn't expected her to write about... that. His past with her was complicated, to say the least, and after everything that had once happened between them, he would've thought she would've wanted to forget about it all.

But she was going to talk about their relationship, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for that.

"You should take the advice you gave Nino today," Plagg broke the silence with a soft snicker, and from across the other side of the table, the blonde watched as his kwami nibbled on a piece of camembert.

"And what would that be?" Adrien asked, truly uninterested.

In the best-imitated version of Adrien's voice that he could muster, Plagg said, "Man up, bro!"

Adrien shook his head slightly and rolled his eyes. "This is a completely different situation."

"Is it?" Plagg arched a brow, turning only slightly to look over his shoulder and meet his holder's eyes.

"Yes."

"I don't think it is."

"I really don't care what you think."

Plagg said nothing more as he bit into his camembert cheese.

Adrien turned his sights to his grand windows, a clear view of the starry, night sky that he longed to run underneath calling out to him. He wanted to feel the cool breeze sting his cheeks as he jumped from roof to roof, and he longed to see his lady again.

God, he missed her so much.

The memory of when he'd last spoken to Ladybug was beginning to turn vague, and Adrien continued to worry excessively whenever another day passed without her at his side. It was almost as if she had disappeared.

And he was starting to get anxious.

"Hey Adrien, I hate to break it to you, but I think it's time you put on your big boy pants."

Sharply, Adrien turned to glare at his kwami. Right now, Adrien was not in the mood to joke with Plagg.

"Shut up, Plagg."

The kwami snickered as he resumed devouring his cheese.

The truth was, Adrien had a hard time taking his own advice. He had a hard time facing problems head-on. That's why he always tended to run from things that he couldn't benefit from. He ran from things that scared him.

Because he was such a coward.

And Marinette knew that too.

She knew he was a coward.

And yet, she loved him at one point.

How could she have loved him?

He was an asshole.

"Fuck it." Adrien lurched forward and grabbed the journal, bringing it into his lap and flipping towards the page he had left off on. He skimmed his finger down the page until he recognized the sentence he had last read.

     You always were super confusing, Adrien.

He swallowed and continued reading.

I never really knew what we were. Sometimes, I really did think I had a chance, you know. You were sometimes really sweet and kind to me, but other times you pushed me away... or pretended I wasn't there. Once, you even claimed you didn't know me whenever your other friends asked.

Do you remember our last homecoming dance? We had it in the ballroom at the Bourgeois Hotel. It was so beautiful. I had never been there before, and I felt like a literal fairytale princess.

The only problem was: I didn't have my Prince Charming sweep me off my feet that night.

But, the craziest part of it all was that you asked me to dance with you. And I accepted.

Because I hoped.

"Would you like to dance?"

Marinette looked to her left, then to her right, and then behind her to see if anyone was standing there before she turned to look back at Adrien and his outstretched hand in shock. "Me?" She blinked owlishly, pointing at herself.

"Yes, you," Adrien chuckled, "Who else?"

She found herself blushing because as much as she wished it wasn't true, she really liked Adrien.

And he looked devilishly handsome in a tuxedo.

"But... don't you have a date?" Marinette frowned ever-so-slightly as she pointed behind him, where his date was casually dancing in the middle of the dance floor with a few of her friends. She knew this because she had seen Adrien ask her to be his date to the dance during lunch, and he had made it very grand.

Marinette was certain the girl felt special.

Any girl would've been.

Adrien didn't even turn to look. Instead, he shrugged idly, "Can we just pretend she's non-existent?"

Taken aback by his words, Marinette's frown deepened, "You can't just ditch a girl at the dance, Adrien."

"Apparently, I can."

"Adrien..." she said in a tone that could only be interrupted as a warning.

"What??"

"You should know better."

"Eh."

"It's not right."

He frowned slightly, "What's the big deal?"

She shot him a pointed look. "She'll be embarrassed. And then she'll be devastated when she gets picked on by her friends about it."

Adrien shrugged again, as if none of that even mattered to him—which it didn't. It didn't surprise her one bit. Adrien had a strong reputation for breaking girls' hearts.

Which is why Marinette tried to limit her interactions with him (emphasis on the tried). It was almost impossible for her to stay away from him, really.

Instinctively, her eyes traveled down to the hand that was still outstretched toward her, and she noticed right away that he wasn't wearing the bracelet she had given him. Marinette's frown deepened slightly.

"Where's the lucky charm I gave you?"

He paused, looking down at his wrist for a moment before his eyes met hers again. "It clashed with my suit."

"Oh."

She didn't believe him.

"I didn't want it to break either." He tried to explain in a rush, his smile sympathetic. "People are always grabbing at me."

"Right."

"I'll put it back on when I get home."

She wondered if he even wore it there.

Marinette didn't respond to that. Instead, she gestured with a jerk of her head to the crowd behind him. "You should get back to your date."

He pouted, "But I don't want to."

Marinette shot him a disapproving look. "Don't be a jerk, Adrien."

"Me? A jerk? Never."

"Adrien..."

He pouted, his arm still outstretched hopefully towards her. "Please, Mari. Just one dance. Then I shall return to my boring date."

Well...

She couldn't really deny him whenever he called her by that nickname.

She smiled bashfully and placed her hand into his. "Okay. One dance."

His grin widened, "One dance."

"And then you'll go straight back to that poor girl, dance with her, and not abandon her again."

Adrien nodded enthusiastically, and with his other hand, crossed his heart playfully. "I promise."

Even though his promise was nothing but empty words to her, Marinette allowed him to pull her onto the dance floor.

People stared as they walked together hand in hand. Almost everyone had their eyes on Adrien Agreste and Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

It was embarrassing.

"Why are they all staring?"

Coincidentally, a slow song began, and Marinette watched skeptically as couples came together slowly. Adrien hummed contently as he guided her hands to wrap around his neck.

"Because you're a beautiful girl."

And he probably told every girl that.

Marinette didn't even blink at the compliment. "Right."

"You are." He said casually.

But... she had a hard time believing him. She had a hard time believing anyone who thought she was.

"Okay."

She watched as he frowned, "You don't think you are?"

As they swayed slowly with the music, Marinette shrugged, "I think my beauty varies on a scale... depending on who's looking."

She felt his hands come around her waist, and gently, his fingers brushed against the fabric of her dress. "I think you're beautiful no matter what anyone else thinks." He then offered her a soft, toothy smile, one that was almost impossible to ignore.

Marinette hummed, rolling her eyes at the fact that he was able to bring out a smile in her, just by saying the simplest of things.

But, she wasn't done talking about this either. "I have a question for you."

"I'm listening."

"Why did you come to the dance with that girl if she's so boring?"

Adrien snorted at that. "She practically begged me to take her."

"Ah."

That's not what she remembered.

"So the whole 'will you go to the dance with me' in the cafeteria was just, what, my imagination?"

Adrien chuckled, "No, it definitely happened."

"And?"

"And it doesn't matter. I don't even like her anyway."

"Okay. I didn't ask for clarification."

He arched a confused brow. "Then why are you asking?"

There were a lot of reasons why she felt the need to ask him such. Marinette didn't understand why he was so adamant about having relationships that were pointless when she (and he) both knew that there was something pulsing between them.

Something that he tended to always ignore.

"Why did you want to dance with me, Adrien?"

He leaned forward then, his hot breath fanning her ear as he whispered, "Why do you think?"

"Because you're bored?"

He pulled back from their embrace with wide eyes, suddenly looking offended. "Do you really think that low of me?"

She didn't even have to think about that question much. "Do you want me to answer that honestly?"

Adrien rolled his eyes to that and scoffed, leaving her question unanswered.

Marinette shook her head slightly. "You confuse me, Adrien Agreste."

He turned to look at her again, and the look he had to offer her was nowhere near confident. Adrien looked sad as he stared into her eyes, and she would never get to know why.

Because he would never tell her.

Instead, he sighed and asked, "Did you come with a date?"

Marinette chortled, almost choking on her own saliva. As if anyone would want to be her date. "Of course not."

His expression turned pained. "Why?"

"Adrien, let's be realistic here. No one would want to be my date to the dance. No one likes me."

Adrien averted his eyes, something in his expression she couldn't quite read, and didn't bother to try. Instead, they both fell silent, and Marinette found herself being whisked away by the music as she let her own thoughts wander and consume her.

The music was probably the only thing that kept her sane. The music is what kept her from stumbling and tripping over her own two feet.

Because if Marinette Dupain-Cheng got a chance to dance with Adrien Agreste, that would be a dream come true.

Besides, she didn't want to mess it up with her clumsiness, even if he didn't like her as much as she liked him.

She felt his hands tighten around her waist. "Well... I like you, Marinette."

If he meant those words, truly meant them, Marinette would've screamed and jumped for joy and fainted on the spot because if Adrien Agreste returned her feelings, that would be an answered prayer.

But he didn't mean those words.

This wasn't the first time she'd heard him say that, and it probably wouldn't be the last. If no one else heard him say it, he would say it as many times as he could.

And it wouldn't matter to her.

She didn't even bat an eye. "Then why didn't you ask me to be your date to the dance?"

She watched as he swallowed, and there was no question in her mind that she already knew the answer.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, "You know why, Marinette."

Yes. Yes, she did.

Marinette slowly lowered her arms from around his neck, letting her hands slide over his shoulders until they came to rest against his chest. She didn't push him away entirely, but she did create space between them because she couldn't pretend. She couldn't pretend this was possible if it really wasn't.

Yes, she knew why he hadn't asked her to be his date, because Adrien Agreste was split between two worlds, and he only saw importance in one of them.

And she was not a part of that world.

She wasn't important enough to him.

Marinette shook her head slowly and pushed herself away from him entirely, and he easily let her slip away, because he would never fight for her.

She knew this.

It was just hard to accept.

"Then don't ask me to dance with you, Agreste."

I hoped for something that was never going to happen. And I will still continue to hope because I'm stupid and naive, and I had no one to tell me how to stop hoping.

Eventually, though, I figured out how to do that all on my own.

I stopped hoping.

When Adrien finished reading Marinette's second journal entry, he cried without a moment of shame into his hands. There was no one around to make him feel shameful for crying.

At her funeral, things had been different. Adrien didn't shed a single tear, because he felt as if he had no right to cry over her death, but now he was alone. He could grieve properly. He didn't have to worry about what others thought.

He could breathe.

"Plagg," Adrien croaked out, "I need to transform."

The kwami looked anything but willing to do just that. "Are you sure, kid?" Plagg asked worriedly.

Adrien nodded silently.

He didn't even feel his transformation come to life as he called forth his kwami and recited the phrase that brought him freedom, and when he was encased in his fine, black leather, he felt no better than he did before.

Adrien felt numb.

He reached for his baton and extended it. When he stood to his feet, he felt unsteady and unbalanced.

Adrien needed an escape.

Chat Noir climbed up onto his open window and bounded into the dark, clear night. As he jumped from one roof to another, he silently prayed he would run into his lady tonight.

Because he really needed her.

He needed to talk to her.

He needed her advice.

He needed a shoulder to lean on.

He needed her warmth.

He needed to hear her voice, something that never failed to comfort him.

He needed Ladybug.

_______________________________

"the bravest thing
i ever did was to stay alive
when I had no reason to continue at all."

— Juansen Dizon

We lost another legend. Rest In Peace Jarad Anthony Higgins (aka Juice WRLD). You were such an inspiration to so many people, and you were just beginning your career. The fact that you left this earth so early was unjust. Rest easy.

This chapter came out a little shorter than usual, and I'm sorry about that. I recently came down with the flu, so I've been out of it lol

Be prepared for the next chapter, my friends. It's going to get pretty intense.

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