a/n: title dedicated and provided by a friend. theres no actual fat nuts involved I swear

The trio of idiots and the only self-aware character were currently gathered at the WcDonalds table where Rantaro had previously spewed out all his coke.

It was comfortably quiet, the soft sound of the restaurant's music calming the atmosphere down. Rantaro even made sure not to drink anything this time to avoid another spillage in case of another set of shocking news.

Unfortunately, the perfectly peaceful atmosphere was broken soon enough by the one and only Shuichi Saihara.

"Guess what?" he suddenly said, putting his cup full of Sprite down. Eyes shining, Shuichi reached out excitedly and clasped Rantaro's hands. "Miami, remember the farm? We own it now!"

Rantaro sighed wearily but still smiled a little for Shuichi's sake. "Good for you, Shuichi. I hope you'll find peace and happiness through your farming journey."

Shuichi frowned, confusion flashing across his features. "Huh? You sound as if you're saying goodbye."

Rantaro raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you and Kokichi leaving the area for the farm? Obviously, I won't be seeing you anytime soon."

Shuichi crossed his arms defiantly. "Malapurram, you're coming with us."

Rantaro's face blanched in shock. "What?"

Kokichi cackled, "You thought you'd be staying here? Sorry, but if it means we have to kidnap Kiiboy to force you to come with us, we'll do it!"

"HUH? You said no kidnapping would ever be involved!" Kiibo protested. Kokichi laughed violently in response, nearly causing the WcDonalds to collapse like a flimsy stage prop.

Rantaro tried to reason his way out of his current predicament. "Guys, I have jobs to manage, including this miserable WcDonalds-"

"Kaede said she's willing to run this WcDonalds for you!" Shuichi cheerfully interjected. Rantaro nearly slapped a bitch dead. Which bitch, it depends on you.

"She WHAT?" the avocado incarnate yelled. "Isn't she a professional piano player?"

"Exactly! Now people can enjoy WcDonalds and listen to Dance Monkey on piano every second, 40 hours per day!"

"But if she's playing the piano, someone has to manage the kitchen and the customers, right?" Rantaro reminded desperately, hoping for anything than to join Shuichi on his farming misadventures.

"Eh, Kirumi and Miu said that they'll take care of the WcKitchen and the WcWC." Kokichi piped up. Rantaro made a sound similar to a toad ingesting breast milk.

"The WcWhat now?" he squeaked.

"The WcWC! Aka the toilets," Kokichi answered, arms behind his head.

"Uh... got it, but that's not important right now." Rantaro said as he closed his eyes and folded his hands together.

"You're telling me, Kaede, a world-renowned piano player, Miu, one of the smartest inventors to grace this land and Kirumi, the literal president of the kawaii nation of Japan is... is going to work at a fucking WcDONALDS?! " he shrieked, pounding his hands into the table so hard that it nearly released all the juices it sucked in over the decades.

"Yes!" a female voice cut in, coming from the entrance of the building. Everyone whipped their heads around to stare at the intruder.

"Kaede! It's great to see you," Shuichi said, running up to hug the pianist. Kaede grinned widely and hugged the navy-haired man back.

After the embrace, Kaede clapped her hands and announced, "Well then! We three are going to restore this wonderful WcDonalds back to its former glory! We promise your previous efforts won't be in vain, Mandaluyong!"

Rantaro refused to acknowledge the scene unfolding in front of him. First, Shuichi bought a potato farm. Then, Kokichi got addicted to Cool Math Games and poor Kiibo still has 13 WcNuggets welded to his robotic arms. But now, the worst situation of all, the final nail in the coffin- three world-famous people were going to run a WcDonalds. A WcDonalds, where the only income it has ever made was from two days ago.

Rantaro slammed his head against the table, causing everyone to shut up.

"Mezhdurechensk, are you okay?" Kaede worriedly asked, laying a hand on his back.

Rantaro screamed a quintillion screams. Of course, he screamed it in his head, but if one scream somehow found its way out of his mouth, the WcDonalds would definitely collapse for real.

After his period of disbelief and inward screeching, Rantaro suddenly felt at ease. His body relaxed. His brain slowed down.

He raised his head and smiled softly at Kaede, patting the hand that was still resting on his back.

"I'm great, Kaede! And you know what? I accept my position as a potato farmer. I'll transfer ownership of the morgue to Kiyo and the loan service to Ryoma. I'll join Saihara on his joyous adventure of potato farming!"

Kaede laughed and hugged Rantaro. "That's great! I promise to take care of this place. It must mean a lot to you."

'It does, considering I've never quit this useless WcJob despite earning a daily income of a fantastically large amount of 0 dollars,' Rantaro silently grieved.

Everyone soon wrapped up the meet-up and went to do their own stuff.

Still in his drug-like state of pure acceptance, Rantaro transferred his job ownerships to Kiyo and Ryoma, stuffed his important items into a luggage, carefully packed up his special plants and listed his apartment up for rent.

It was only a week later when Rantaro officially moved into the farm via. Fat Nuts Moving Industries when he snapped out of his blissfully ignorant haze.

"What the FUCK?!"

reminder that the edited and revised version is on ao3! i will not be editing the wattpad one as the wattpad one will forever be somewhat like a first draft of sorts that i'll still leave open to public. 

link is in the desc!