Feb. 18th, 2015

Ohhhh…

My…

Goooooosh…

You guys have missed a lot.

I’m really sorry for not updating lately. You’ll understand why in a minute, don’t worry. Everything is going to make SOOOO much more sense…

Okay, so just to catch you guys up, I am in the school play. Yes, I said the school play. It isn’t a musical, mind you. It’s a straight play. (Ha ha laugh all you want, it’s not that funny).

Anyway… *sigh* this is going to sound so cliche… but… I met someone.

Don’t you guys hammer me with all kinds of lovey dovey notes and stuff! It’s nothing big! If you do… Grr… I can’t do anything to you but I can be mad at you!

So… back to the entry…

We met about a week ago. I don’t know how this happened so fast, but it did. (Don’t ask questions). He is the main sound technician for the tech crew. (We’re calling him Ryan for safety reasons). I had seen Ryan around school and around some of my old friends. I knew who he was and I didn’t exactly have an interest in him at the beginning… but… things changed. I don’t know how they changed so fast, but they did okay?! He’s two years older than me, he’s really sweet… and he may not be the kind of looker that girls fall over, but does that even matter anyway? He actually doesn’t have that bad of hair… It’s really soft…

Sorry, I’ll get back on track… For all the Latter Day Saints who are reading this, you’ll understand what I mean.

Anyway, Ryan needed help with the set for our play. I decided it would be a good idea to stay after to paint and help out. The tech crew was something I wasn’t exactly used to. Dropping donkeys, f bombs, female dogs, etc etc… I’m sorry, but I have this very strong wall that I must not break down when it comes to those things.

Thinking about it now… I never really realized how much Ryan was changing the feeling there. I think back to that day and realize that he was the one saving me from the whole vulgar language and songs… *sad sigh*

Anyway… After that, I was hesitant to come back, but I did. The second day was sooo much better. The people swearing and blasting bad music weren’t there. That same day, I learned some things about Ryan I had never known. He has depression, which I can completely understand. I get stressed out easily and that’s when I get depressed.

In that one moment, it was almost as if I felt a spark… it was one of the weirdest feelings in the world. It was like someone had wanted to catch my soul on fire…

After learning about his depression, I texted Melody- my friend- who has known Ryan for almost 4 years now. Melody- *chuckles and shakes head*- well, lets just say she was very persuasive. She had been texting him, apparently, and… well… She told me that he wanted me to text him. I was confused at first, due to the fact that I don’t usually text guys, and told her that I wouldn’t. Melody sent me his number and was all like: “Text him! He wants to text you!”.

*groans and puts head in hands*

Being the person I am, I decided I should. Then… that started a chain of texts that lead to a lot of things I hadn’t suspected. I guess we’ll start with Sunday. After church, I was folding clothes and texting him. He dropped one of the weirdest questions, kinda taking me aback.

He asked me what my love language was.

I responded as casually as I could, but my heart was hammering.

‘Why was he asking?’ I kept thinking.

Anyway, we kept talking as days passed. I stayed after practice to help out some more. We made sound effects, scene change music, drilled holes in stuff, painted, used mics… yeah.

Then, ground was broken.

His love language was physical touch- shoulder patting and stuff like that. A few days ago, he was having a really really hard day. His depression kinda just came down like a load of bricks. We were up in the tech booth with some other kids.

Okay, get this in your head: We have known each other for maybe a week at this point.

Ryan told me to run my fingers through his hair to kinda help him calm down(which is how I know his hair is so soft). Then, he rested his head on my shoulder and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me a little closer to him. (It didn’t really help that we were in chairs with wheels on them). I felt really awkward, but then… I kinda just relaxed. I started to really like it…

SHUUUUUUSH I’M NOT DONE!

Anyway, one of the girls up there had gone somewhere warm for the weekend, so to distract myself from my feelings and from the cute guy holding me, I started asking her random questions.

“How was it?”, “Did you go shopping?”, “Did you go swimming?”, etc etc…

Meanwhile, Ryan tries to pull me even closer. Being who I am, I freak out a little bit. During this time of me asking questions, I can almost feel Ryan looking at me funny. I caught him looking a couple times actually.

‘What do I do???’ I thought over and over.

Then, to make things even worse, the other guy up in the booth leaned on his knees and asked very bluntly:

“Are you and Ryan together or something?”

*insert awkward silence and me blushing like crazy*

Ryan and I turn to look at each other. We were only an inch or so apart. The weirdest thought came to mind: KISS HIM!

You wanna know what I did?

I panicked.

I turned to look at the guy who asked, my face probably extremely red. 

“No, we aren’t together,” I answered. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Ryan shake his head slightly- whether to agree or not, I didn’t know. At that point, I spotted my phone charging. I stood up as not awkwardly as I could and walked toward my phone. I glanced at the time, answered a couple texts, and tried not to look over at Ryan. I felt horrible for moving, but… I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.

Later on that night, we were texting and… well…

We both admitted that we liked each other.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

This is where you Latter Day Saints can understand and come in. See, I’m not 16 yet, so I can’t date or anything. And being who I am, I don’t want to get into a serious relationship until I’m in college. Here we go…

I learned that he wanted to kiss me.

Yes. He had the same thought I did in that exact same moment. Being who we are, we agreed not to be so close anymore- for fear of things happening. (Like kissing).

Well, there’s my lovely story for you. Hope you enjoyed it.

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Advice: Stick to your believes and where you want to stand. It really helps you when you hit hard decisions.