Chapter 27

Nolan

       I was really happy to be back home in Miami, especially since Jerome was home too. I really missed our home and being in a place I felt comfortable and familiar with.

       The first thing I did when we got home was place Kingsley on his playmat in the living room, and then I flopped down on the couch. "I'm probably never getting up," I said.

       "Yeah, I know how you feel," Jerome said, sitting down on the couch, wincing a tiny bit.

       "Does your side still hurt?" I asked.

       "A bit," Jerome said. "Don't worry. I'm completely fine."

       "Telling me not to worry doesn't make me stop worrying," I muttered.

       Jerome sighed and got up from his spot before laying down beside me on the couch, wrapping his arms tightly around me as I rested my head on his chest. "I know," he said. "And I wish there was a lot more I can do to help you move on from the things holding you back."

       "Cuddling works," I said.

       Jerome chuckled. "I know it doesn't actually, but I'm always up to cuddling with you."

       I smiled softly for a bit, but it didn't last long. Like normal. I was too busy thinking about what I would have done if I lost Jerome. I had been with him ever since I was fourteen. For five years. I didn't even remember what life was like before I started dating Jerome.

       And I didn't think I can ever get through life without him.

       "What are you thinking about?" Jerome asked.

       "Nothing," I said.

       "Yeah, right," Jerome said. "You're always thinking about something."

       I sighed. "Just what happened. I can't get it out of my mind. Falling to the ground, seeing....seeing all that blood and...."

       "Nolan, I know it's hard for you, but you have to remember that some things are in the past, and that's all they will ever be in," Jerome said, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

       I lifted my head off of his chest to look at him. "I can't help it. I almost lost you and I-I don't know what I would have done."

       "I know, but you didn't," Jerome said, gently kissing my forehead. "That's all that matters."

       I nodded, wiping my tears away before resting my head back on his chest. "I'm not going to go back to school this upcoming term," I said. "I really need a break."

       "Okay," Jerome said. "If it's what you want."

       "Yeah, it is," I said. "I also want to nap."

       "Of course you do," Jerome said. "You and your naps. Go ahead. I'm going to stay awake to keep an eye on Kingsley.

       I nodded and closed my eyes, trying my best to fall asleep.

       I did, but it didn't last long since I ended up dreaming about the shooting. When I woke up, I sat up panting, wiping sweat from my forehead.

       Jerome wasn't laying down beside me at the time, but he quickly walked over and knelt down in front of me. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

       "Yeah," I said. "Yeah, just a nightmare."

       "Okay, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I want to get you into seeing a psychologist," Jerome said. "A regular one, not just one you go to every once in a while."

       "What?" I asked.

       "We can't keep carrying on like this, Nolan," Jerome said. "You always have too much on your mind, and I'm always worried about your mental health."

       "I'm fine, Jerome," I said. "I don't need a psychologist."

       "Can you at least get one to help you move on from the shooting?" Jerome asked. "That is what's going to keep you up at nights."

       "I'm already up at nights," I said.

       "You know that's not what I meant," Jerome said. "Please, just....consider it. We don't have to decide right away, but I want you to at least think about it."

       "Fine," I said. "I'll think about it."

       "I still don't understand why you're so against going to one," Jerome said.

       I shrugged. "I don't know. I just am. Be thankful I'm considering it at least."

       "I'm going to call him."

       "Call who?"

       "The person that can change your mind."

       "Jerome, no. I want to make this decision on my own."

       Jerome raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're going to actually make the decision? Or are you just saying you're considering it when in reality, you already have your answer."

        I didn't reply for a bit, mainly because he was spot on. "Okay, but if I don't want to go, you can't make me."

       Jerome stood up. "I'm going to go check up on Kingsley. He's napping in our room."

       I sighed and laid back down on the couch. A psychologist wouldn't help me at all, and that was why I already had my answer of not going.

       Shortly after Jerome came back down the stairs, there was a knock at the door. Jerome went to answer it, and then he lead the person at the door to the living room.

       "You've got to be kidding me," I said. "You called him anyway?"

       "Nice to see you, too," Ryder said with an eye roll.

        "Technically, I didn't call him," Jerome said. "I texted him. And of course I did, because I want what's best for you, and Ryder can handle your sass and stubbornness a lot more than I can."

       I just glared at Jerome as I sat up on the couch, and Ryder sat down beside me. "So, why was I messaged to come here?"

       "I want Nolan to see a regular psychologist, but he doesn't want to," Jerome said.

       "I can't force him to go," Ryder said.

       "Thank you," I said.

       "But I'm going to try convincing him."

       "I take that back."

       "Nolan, a lot of the time, people don't want to see a psychologist but when they do, it really helps," Ryder said. "You can ask Dad. He was way too stubborn and did not want to go at all, but he did in the end."

       "That's different," I said. "Dad was suffering from one mental illness. I'm suffering from three."

       "Okay, first off, don't compare," Ryder said. "And second, wouldn't it make more sense to go to one if you're suffering more?"

       "Who knows? Not me, because I'm not going."

       "I saw what happened on the news, Nolan," Ryder said. "Someone had it recorded. There's no way you're going to get over that without a psychologist, especially because of your illnesses, and I really don't want to see you harm yourself again. If you don't want to go to one regularly, can't you at least increase your visitations by a tiny bit. How often do you go?"

       "One every three months," I said.

       "Okay, can you make it once every month?" Ryder said. "That's twelve days per year. It's not going to hurt."

       "I hate talking about my feelings to people I don't know," I said. "I'll do better talking to Jerome about it, or even you."

       "I'm not a psychologist," Ryder said. "Trust me, they'll know what they're doing."

        I sighed and leaned back in the seat. "It's still a no."

       "Okay, how about you make it every two months, then I'll attempt to be your psychologist every month you don't go to one?" Ryder asked.

       "No way," Jerome said. "It has to be more than that."

       "Go away, Jerome," I said.

       "Once every month for the psychologists, and every other week for Ryder," Jerome said. "That's the deal, Nolan, or I'll make it every other week with the psychologist."

       "You can't tell me what to do," I said.

       "Yes, I can, I'm your husband," Jerome said. "And I want it to be that way because I care about you. Please?"

       "Fine," I said. "We'll do it your way, but if I don't feel any better after the second visit, it stops and goes back to the regular visitations."

       "Alright," Jerome said.

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aaaaand im tired so here is a short author's note.

i love food