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Had I died all together,
what would have I lived for?
is this life anyway,
worth dying to?

"You're far too close to the edge." She heard someone say. "Don't make that wish while you plan on taking a risk there."

She turned to face the person. There he stood, wearing his black jacket, his hair - a mess, the same tired eyes. The cheeks were a mixture of red and pink, with the frigid weather. He still hadn't trimmed his beard and it looked great on him.

"You think I'm -" She let out a laugh. "Oh no no, I'm not. Well, at least not today. That'd be harsh on my family. Every year, they'll have to welcome the new year with this memory."

"Everything is a joke to you, isn't it?" He took a step closer to her. He didn't want to scare her, but he was worried if she took another step, it would be the wrong one.

"Is my life not a tragic comedy already?" She asked him, stepping closer to him. "It could be made into a show, maybe Netflix would buy the rights. It loves shitty plots anyway."

He tried hard not to roll his eyes.

"The girl wakes up from a coma, forgets the last four years of her life and the last memory that she remembers was her mother cheating on her dad and family," She let out a dry laugh. "Then, she finds out - she killed someone, she actually murdered a soul, but she doesn't remember that."

His heart ached at the mention of that accident.

"And if this isn't enough drama, her sister has gone MIA, big time. This girl got into an accident, has a lot of seizures, almost lost her life again in, another accident, but where is the sister?" She got closer to him and passed a sly smile. "Do you think maybe - the sister ran away? Maybe that could be the sequel, the sister changing her identity and living a new life, without giving a fuck about her sister back in town who had a lot to deal with, who had her life turned upside down, who - who, instead of celebrating the new year like any normal person, is standing at this cliff, with no idea of why she chose this spot in the first place, who - "

She took a deep breath, "It would be a hit show, right?"

He stepped away from her. "I think - people empathise with shows like this."

Will you?" She asked. "Are you empathetic with my story?" She had her eyes on him. He wanted to look away, but how could he? How could he not be mesmerized by the beautiful blue eyes?

Then she held her head back and laughed. "You aren't. If you ever were, you would've come to check on me. Well, after you ran away - may I say, again -" she was trying hard not to lose her calm. "from the winter formal, something happened. You must know it by now. It is the trending gossip of the town."

"Alyssa -"

"I killed Hope," She mumbled, but of course, he heard it. His heart began thumping fast, it wasn't normal - he knew he had to control his emotions. "I did tell you about the accident, right? How the accident saved me, gave me another chance at life, but you know I finally found out who else didn't survive - I mean, I didn't practically find out, that bitch -" she shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "Danielle, out of all the people, she gave away the name of the victim. I mean, I hate her for doing that to me, but I do thank her too, for at least being brave enough to tell me the truth." She looked away from him. Then she turned back to him. "But you didn't know, did you? Because you walked out from the dance, you left me there, alone."

"I didn't mean to. I had some work."

"You're terrible at lying," She let out a chuckle. He was getting irritated with her behaviour. He was bothered by her being there while she had to be with her family. "You're so bad at expressing yourself. You do something, you mean something else. You try to stay away from me, but you dance with me, twice. You make me feel those feelings, I don't understand what they are - but then you leave me. What do you want from me?"

"I want nothing -"

"Oh, fuck it. That cab driver was far more expressive than you. I talked to him for ten minutes and he told me about his daughter. But you - for how long have I known you?" She asked him. He opened his mouth to answer, but shut it quickly beige he could say something. "It's been quite a few months, but yet - nothing. How do I get to know you, what do I do to get you out of the precious wall that you've built around you, why are you like this?"

The annoyance in her voice was evident. She was in no mood for his tantrums tonight.

"You will never get to know me, Alyssa. That cab driver doesn't know you. He had nothing on you - one conversation for him was okay, he didn't have to remember you forever. But for me, I -"

"You what, huh?" She raised her voice. "Enough of your games, I'm done with it. I hate you, Arthur. You have no idea how much I hate you."

"No, you don't," He grabbed her by her arm and shook her. "You don't hate me, Alyssa. You never did."

Her eyes went wide in confusion.

"What - "

He let her go and turned away from her. He couldn't look at her. He only wanted to run away, walk out of there. He wasn't supposed to be there, but just like the past two years, he knew he had to come here before the clock struck 12.

She turned him back to face her, in pure anger. She only wanted to spend some time alone before she could start the new year, but he was there - how could he possibly be there?

"Please, just go away. From my life, Arthur. I don't want to see you. I've enough troubles in my life and all I think about is you not talking to me, you leave me alone in the middle of the party, you being yourself and fucking it up, for yourself and me," Tears rolled down her eyes. Her vision was blurry, but she had to let it out, her emotions were hurting her, mentally. "You're right, I don't hate you - but what else can I do? I don't even know you and I'm not supposed to think about you. Who are you anyway? Were you even a part of my previous life? Why am I drawn to you? Just - let me be, Arthur. Please, I beg you." She folded her hands begging him.

A tear rolled down his eyes as well. They were so close to the edge yet none of them could hear the sound of the waves, they could only hear each other's beating hearts, fast and loud.

He grabbed her folded hands and placed them on his chest. She could finally hear the rhythm of his heart.

"I can't Alyssa, I tried. But I can't."

His eyes landed on her lips, then back to her eyes.

"I can't bear this anymore." She declared, not leaving her gaze from his gorgeous blue eyes. "This pain, it'll never go. I'm damned with this suffering. I deserve this. All the misery, because I took away a life."

He shook his head, wanting her to stop saying that. He rubbed her fingers, while she still had her hand on his chest.

"And you - you bring me confusion. What are we, Arthur?" The innocence in her voice broke him. "What were we in the past?"

"I can't -" He let her hand go and tried stepping away from her. She grabbed his arm and stopped him before he could walk away like he always did.

"Not this time, I'm not letting you walk away. I've had enough of your drama. I'm sorry if I don't remember my past, but I have the right to know. The way we are, you cannot just say that we were only friends. Friends don't look at each other like that."

"Like what?" The sudden confidence in his voice stunned her. "Like, what - Alyssa?"

"Like we were in love."

She shut her eyes and screamed at him. Her heartbeats were louder than ever. He sighed and took another step away from her. She opened her eyes and saw him leaving. Rushing behind him, she almost trembled on the snow, but she caught him by his arm. Turning him back to face her, her eyes landed on the chain that he wore.

He saw her looking at it and tried hiding it under this shirt. She stopped him and took the chain in her fingers and looked back at him who was panicking.

"What does this mean?" She asked, confused. She didn't see the chain that day when she found him in his room during that party.

He decided not to speak anything.

"What the fuck does this mean, Arthur?" She raised her voice. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

She dropped the chain and stepped away from him. She ran her hand through her hair in frustration. Then she walked back to him and tried removing his jacket.

"What are you doing?" Shocked, he asked. She didn't listen to him and was eager to take off his jacket. Once she was done, she pulled up the sleeves of his shirt. She was shocked when she saw nothing there and dropped his hand.

"Fuck. Fuck -" Breathing heavily, she let out a cry and fell on the snow-covered ground. He was taken aback by her sudden anger. It all confused him. She was shivering and he wrapped the jacket around her shoulder. It smelled like him. She wanted to throw it away, but she also needed it. He stood there in his white linen shirt.

Kneeling to her, he placed a hand on her shoulder. He was worried, she wasn't even blinking, she just kept looking at the ground as another flake fell on her lap.

"You have no tattoo there." She mumbled. "You have so many tattoos, but none around your upper forearm."

"What are you talking about?"

"Aurora has the same chain. I found it in one of her boxes. I loved the design, though I never saw her wear it. I thought maybe she got it within these four years." She started. "But you have the same chain. So I thought -"

"You thought?" He gave her an eye.

She looked into his eyes. "Aurora lied to me." She declared. He gave her a confused him. "She told me she was dating Leo. But she wasn't. They were pretending to date. Leo is gay. She was only trying to help him. But -"

"Who told you this?" He interrupted.

"I met Leo yesterday. I was shocked to see him there. I thought he moved away with Aurora. My friends told me she was still dating him, but Leo said they broke up four years back."

He wanted to say something but chose to remain silent.

"She was having sex, a lot of it. But Leo said they never had sex. She always brought someone home and they had sex, almost every night. I could hear them from my room. So, if it wasn't Leo, who was the person?"

"You mean - she didn't tell you?" He asked. He knew Leo broke up with Aurora but didn't want to say it to Alyssa. She would only ask more questions. He also wanted to say that Aurora did tell her about the break-up, but she forgot.

She shook her head. "And, I found pictures of her. Kissing some guy, his face was hidden in all the pictures. But I saw the tattoo. It was visible, it was something strange. So I thought -"

He let out a laugh when he realized what she meant. "You mean, you thought -" then he laughed a little more than annoyed her. "I wasn't dating Aurora if that's what you want to hear."

She shut her eyes and sighed. Deep in her heart, she wanted him to say that. She didn't want him to be the one.

"But - the chain."

"A lot of people have this kind of chain, Alyssa. It must be a mere coincidence." He declared. She stood up and so did he.

"Ugh, my head -" she trembled and he caught her.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked worriedly.

She nodded. "It must be the new meds."

He asked her what medicines. He had the details of every medicine. Brett gave it to him.

"I had a seizure a few days back. I don't remember how, but Landon said it was bad."

"You what?" He couldn't believe what she just said. Brett didn't inform him about it, and neither did Landon. Nobody told him that. "When did this happen?" His grip around her arm tightened. She tried pulling back.

"Ouch, you're hurting me." She cried. His eyes softened and he let her go. Taking a step away from her, he still had his eyes on her. "Arthur - "

"Stay away, Alyssa."

She stopped right there.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She cried. "Stop showing your concern if you plan on leaving every fucking time."

"I have no other choice. Do you think I'm left with any decisions to make?" He raised his voice at her. He didn't want to scare her, but the thought of that seizure angered him.

"Make just one." She declared. He stopped pacing back and forth and looked directly at her. "Just one decision, Arthur. All for this confusion will mean nothing then."

He shook his head. She walked to him and tried to stop him. "Look at me." She declared. He refused to do so. She made him look at her. "Tell me the truth, Arthur. One simple answer to my question and I'll know the rest."

His heart was thumping out of his chest. He wasn't ready for the question.

"Why are we both here at the same time?" She asked. "On this cliff."

He couldn't understand what to say because whatever came out of his mouth after this, would affect everything they ever had.

"Because I -"

"You knew I was going to be here."

He shook his head.

"Because maybe this was our spot." She continued. "Maybe you showed me the place and it became our thing to come here often."

He shook his head, trying to avoid her gaze. She continued looking at him.

"This was where -you asked me."

With that, he looked back at her. His eyes were teary and she knew she had gotten her answer. A tear rolled down his eyes and he shut them.

"What was my answer?" She asked him. He opened his eyes and the redness made his face look pale. It was because of the cold as well. She removed the jacket and gave it back to him. He refused to wear it. He wasn't feeling anything anymore.

"You agreed to be my girlfriend."

Those words hurt her, really bad. She stood there, shocked. Deep down, she wanted to hear these words, but now when he said that - it hurt her that she never remembered him. That she forgot the guy who asked her to be his girlfriend, that she forgot her boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Her hand flew right across his cheek and he was taken aback. The slap hit him hard and she was completely shocked too. She didn't mean to, but the anger, the guilt in her made her take that step. The hard sting on his face made him rest his hand there. It didn't hurt him physically as much as it did emotionally. He was breaking inside. The truth of his life was out. He didn't want her to know, because he knew after this, there was no going back.

"I'm sorry - I shouldn't have - I, "

"I deserve it." He stated with no emotion in his eyes. Tears still fell on his cheek, but he had nothing left in him for the night.

"Why, Arthur?" A simple question, but he knew he had no answer to it. "Why did you hide this?" She cried. She couldn't control her emotions. They are all over the place. "Did I not deserve the truth?"

He nodded, not saying a word.

"Did I mean nothing to you?" She asked, anger clearly visible in her eyes. "Was I not a good girlfriend?" She asked. His breath hitched. "What were we when the accident happened?"

She waited for his answer. He refused to give it. She decided to leave before it all got out of control for her. She couldn't take it anymore. She only wanted to run away, from him, from the truth.

Wiping away the tears, she started walking in the opposite direction, not sure of where she was going. She had no vehicle, her phone's battery was dead and it was almost midnight. She didn't want to welcome the new year there, in fact, she didn't want to welcome the new year at all. Her heart was heavy and she felt short of breaths.

She tried to run away but was grabbed by her elbow and pulled into him. Before she could react, his lips crashed on hers. She had no time to react. She was perplexed and completely lost. The sweet touch of his lips brought her back to reality and she kissed him back. It was a kiss filled with passion. His fingers got locked under her hair as she rested her hands on his chest by the sudden pull towards him.

It was nothing like the kisses from movies. This kiss was desperate, the need of all these months. For Arthur, it was to breathe again after being dead for a long and Alyssa, it was like finally finding one of the most important missing puzzles of her life.

Their kiss ignited a flame within them and the fireworks were out. The night sky was filled with colourful flames, each going at a time. They were still kissing as if their life was depending on it.

It was New Year. They welcomed the new year with their long-awaited answer for each other. He wasn't sure how would he ever tell her the truth about their relationship while she wasn't aware of the importance he had in her life. The new year brought back the kiss, their kiss. It was the first one for her, but it also felt like the first for him. To him, she was new. His girlfriend didn't remember him, but he wanted to stay with her in the moment, not as the boyfriend from the past, but as Arthur from the present. The Arthur she claimed of hating half an hour ago.

She pulled away, realising what just happened between them. Her nose had turned red, the weather was colder than before. Arthur went back for more, holding her face in between his hands. He didn't want to let go, he was yearning for this for such a long time and when it was finally happening, he didn't want to let her go.

"I lost my girlfriend that night, Alyssa." He mumbled, resting his forehead on hers, the beats of his heart clearly louder in the silence of the night. "I lost you."

Another tear rolled down her eyes, as they stood there for minutes. The silence didn't trouble her this time. They pulled away, Alyssa touched her lips, trying to process it all. Then she fell into his arms, he held her tight. He held her close to his chest, trying to soothe her, as both of them were shivering - because of the cold, but more of their feelings.

"Why did you not say anything earlier?" She asked. He rubbed her back.

"What could I say?" He asked. "When you woke up, you didn't even remember me. Your condition was bad. Doctors said we need not try to remind her about the past. So I believed, it was for the best that I stayed away."

"I deserved the truth, Arthur." She pulled away and declared. "You were my boyfriend. I fucking deserved to know that."

He opened his mouth to say something, but his phone rang. He received the call without looking at the ID. It was his mother, she asked where he was and that New Year had begun. He looked at the time on his watch and back to Alyssa. Ending the call, he kept looking at her and then at the fireworks that still were happening in the sky.

"Fuck, I had to be home by midnight." She breathed, panicking. He grabbed her by her arm to hold a grip on her.

"How did you -" He tried asking when he realized that she remembered the spot. She understood the confusion on his face.

"I've had a few dreams of this cliff. It was certainly this place because I could see that sign from here." She pointed at the huge signboard that shone in the darkness. "In my dreams, I saw a guy and a girl seated above the car. It was a negative image, I couldn't see their face but they were pointing at the stars, then he said something and she kissed him." She narrated the dream and a smile appeared on his lips. At the right moment, Alyssa knew - those were not mere emotions, those were her feelings. Even if she didn't remember him, she liked him.

"We used to come here to watch sunsets." He stated. "You were an admirer of sunsets."

She smiled. "Maybe that hasn't changed. I still love watching sunsets."

He smiled at her. Her smile warmed his heart. It was a genuine smile and to be able to bring it on her face made him proud of himself.

"Where do we go from here now, Arthur?"

Her question took away the smile from his lips. He was back with the no emotion face. He knew what the question meant.

"I don't know. You and I, we were in the past, Alyssa." He declared. "What we had, we can never have it in the future."

"What - Why," she was stunned to hear that.

"That night has changed a lot. You were my girlfriend before the accident, but when you woke up, I was just another stranger to you."

"But that was because of my amnesia. Please -" Tears returned to her eyes.

"No, Alyssa." He looked in her eyes and mumbled. "As much as you've suffered, I've endured the same pain. To wake up every day with the truth that you'll never know the truth of our relationship, was like death. I -"

"But now I do, I know the truth." She protested.

"But you're not you." He declared. "You're not the Alyssa I fell for. You're not my girlfriend."

That broke her heart. She wanted him to understand that she had feelings for him. She didn't hate him at all. All the emotions, she finally knew what they meant. She didn't want to let go of him.

"Please -" she shut her eyes and let the tears fall. "Help me remember, Arthur. I want you."

"You want the idea of me being your boyfriend. The new Alyssa doesn't even know me." He stated. She revolted. "What do you know about me?" He asked. "My life is a lie, Alyssa. You cannot be a part of it."

"Ally."

They turned to find a worried Landon, standing in front of them in his long black coat. His eyes landed on her arm, and Arthur still had his hand on her arm. He let go when he saw Landon running to them.

The first thing he did was pull his sister into his arms. "Thank God, you're safe." He declared through the hug. "I was fucking worried. I couldn't reach you by phone and you said you'll be back by midnight. But -"

He pulled away from the hug and his eyes turned back to Arthur.

"What are you two doing here?" He narrowed his eyes at Arthur. He wasn't angry at him, only curious. Arthur left that day, he walked out after knowing the truth about what happened at the winter formal, so what was he doing here with his sister?

"I get now, why you hate him." She stated. Landon's gaze turned back to his sister. "But why would you, Landon?" She asked. He gave her a confused look.

"She knows." Arthur declared. Landon's eyes went wide.

"What does -"

"Do you remember what we talked about at the hospital after the day I woke up from the coma?" She asked him, trying not to lose her temper. He shook his head. "I asked you if I was missing something. I asked you if I was forgetting someone important from the last four years of my life. And what did you say?"

He understood what she meant. He looked back at Arthur and declared. "There is no one in particular to remember."

Arthur shut his eyes.

"You made a joke about it. You told me I had no special person waiting for me." She raised her voice. "Here he is, Landon. My boyfriend, or must I say ex?"

"Ally, I -"

"Stop it," She hissed at him. "Every other day passes and I find another truth. I told you, Landon, no more secrets. You told me Arthur wasn't the right guy for me when you found us that night on that road, you asked me to stay away from him. You wanted me to keep forgetting him."

He shook his head, wanting to state his points.

"He is not to be blamed," Arthur spoke up. "I asked him to hide the truth."

Landon turned to Arthur. They both knew he was lying.

"Oh, oh -" Realisation hit her and she stepped back, away from the both of them.

"Alyssa, you must understand, those three months weren't the same. Nothing was the same after that accident. You'll never understand - "

"Excuse me?" She raised her brow at him. "I'll not understand?" Then she let out a dry laugh. "Of course, I won't and you know why? Because I don't even know what is the truth anymore. How will I ever understand if I'm kept hidden from all the facts about my life?" She hissed at him. "It wasn't your decision to make, Arthur. I was equally in the relationship."

"No, you weren't," It was the first time, he let his anger take over him. "If you ever were, you wouldn't have taken the decision that night."

Landon grabbed Arthur's arm and motioned him to stop before things got out of control.

"What decision?" She asked, looking at both of them. "What are you talking about?"

"Let's go home, Ally. Dad's waiting for us."

She pushed Landon away. "I'm not going anywhere, not until I get my answers."

Arthur ran his hand through his hair. "You want the truth?" He asked her, darkness in his eyes purely evident. "You ruined our lives, Alyssa. You fucked us all. Out of your rage, guilt, whatever it was - you tried hurting yourself. But do you know what happened after that?" He grabbed her arm. "You destroyed your family, you fucked our relationship, you ruined the lives of your friends and above all - you, you -"

He dropped her arm and walked to the edge of the cliff, breathing heavily. He tried calming himself before he wrecked whatever was left in her.

She stood there crying, tears continuously rolling down her eyes. Landon tried holding her, but she stepped back.

"You mean, I -" Her breath hitched. "I tried attempting suicide?"

The words that fell out of her mouth broke three hearts there. Landon was always in denial that his sister would do that to herself after everything they had been through. Arthur was sure she would never do that, he knew his girlfriend, she was strong. Alyssa couldn't believe what was the truth of her life anymore.

"I don't know, nobody knows," He declared. "Because the only person who knows that, is you," He turned back to face her. His eyes weren't soft anymore. He wasn't the same guy who kissed her a few minutes back. He wasn't the boyfriend she thought he would be. "And you don't remember anything, Alyssa. So all of our lives are at stake, because of you."

"Shut up, Arthur," Landon warned him. "Enough. I know you're hurting -"

"You have no idea about my pain, Landon. Our sufferings are different. So stop saying that."

Arthur was in no mood of entertaining Landon's warning.

"Alyssa, look - let's just go home." Landon asked his sister who just stood there not moving.

"Please leave me alone, Landon." She mumbled. His heart ached at her breaking voice.

"You didn't have to be hard on her, Arthur. You don't know what happened a few days back." Landon told him.

He let out a laugh. "Oh, I do. She told me. I asked you, for one thing, Landon. I told you that even if I wasn't with her anymore, I did need the updates on her health. But you failed - I had the right to know -"

"What right do you hold on me?" She asked him. Their eyes turned to her. She had hers on him. "I am not your girlfriend anymore. You made it clear. So why the fuck are you interested if I live or die?"

"You'll never understand what you mean to me, Alyssa." He declared, without any emotion in his eyes.

"Yeah, because you won't let me."

"Goodbye, Alyssa." He announced, looking directly into her eyes. A tear rolled down her eyes and she shut them. Taking a deep breath, he stepped away from her and looked at her brother.

"Take care of her." He patted Landon's shoulder and passed him a weak smile.

"Arthur, Listen -"

Arthur turned to him and gave him an eye. Landon wasn't afraid of him, but he knew the guy was hurting tonight. The new year in the last two years was special for Arthur and Alyssa, the first year was their best, on the second year, Arthur made sure Alyssa had a good new year because she deserved a good start. But everything came crashing down for them in February when Alyssa got into the accident. Nothing was the same for Arthur after that. Landon understood the pain, but he also knew that Arthur was the guy who would only share his emotions and feelings with the closest people, one of whom was his sister. But tonight, Arthur was hurting yet again - because of Alyssa.

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I'm nothing to say, except the fact that - ARTHUR AND ALYSSA FINALLY KISSED. 47 chapters later, my babies finally kissed. So, yeassssssss - the truth is out. He was indeed his boyfriend. There is more to their story, but for now - I hate myself for ending it like this.

I still can't get over their kiss. I'm probably going to think about this for the whole week.

And and and - I love myself for updating three times this week. I visited my home town and had plenty of time, in between preparing for my assignment submissions. I've my first Viva on Monday and maybe it's update after that, because now I'm invested in the book more than ever.

So, stay tuned.
And keep loving Arthur and Alyssa. ❤