Heyooo my dear readers! This is a follow-up songfic to Evermore, requested by the lovely HingYiHuang! Soooo sorry this took me so long to publish, and I hope you like it!)

Type: Songfic

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x female reader

Warning: SAD but it gets better :3

A/N: I changed a few of the lyrics here to better fit the story

Translations: abanjabl = 'stone-brain', essentially 'idiot' in Khuzdul

Enjoy! (I hope...)

https://youtu.be/LcM9ElA1VHk

I can take the rain on the balcony of this empty throne room
That doesn't bother me

Thorin still hadn't gotten over her. Four years, almost five now, since Cora had left the throne room of Erebor in tears. Her prolonged absence was entirely the King Under the Mountain's fault, and he knew so, loathing himself for it every day. Her father had been sick, yes, and so she'd left to be at his side in his last days... But when she'd told Thorin she was leaving, he erupted with fury, berating her for leaving his side. Truly, his mind had been clouded with Dragon Sickness, but he blamed himself only, not the illness that had corrupted his mind. Now, he was too afraid to search for her, believing she never wanted to see him again- if she had, wouldn't she have come back to him by now?

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them outI'm not afraid to cry every once in a while

A tough, just, serious king was what his people saw him as. No one he wasn't close to suspected his inner pain and turmoil. Balin, who'd known him best after the deaths of his dear nephews, had needed to return to the Mines of Moria and rule justly there. Without the older dwarf's support, Thorin felt even more lost in his grief and longing of Cora. Each night, he would climb the stairs to the highest layer of the mountain kingdom and step out onto the balcony he watched her leave from. Only then, under the cloak of night and the stars twinkling so serenely it was almost as if they were mocking him, did Thorin cry. For hours on end, sometimes, he would stand, staring out at the world below, wishing with every ounce of his being that a speck of light, a lantern, would appear over the hills, and Cora would appear, riding the same tawny mare she'd rode away from him.

Even though going on with you gone still upsets meThere are days every now and again I pretend I'm okayBut that's not what gets me

No matter how much he wished for her return, it did not come, and the months kept passing by as Thorin grew gloomier and fell into deep despair. Even Balin, come for a short visit, could not console the king, and soon whispers emerged from his subjects. Why was the king so sad? Had someone he cared about died? Was he not content with his subjects and rule? One young dwarf, a brave squire, approached the king one day and asked if anything could be done to cheer him up. Thorin raised his head and thanked the lad, but replied quietly that only her return could bring back any semblance of joy he'd once felt. 

What hurts the most was being so closeAnd having so much to sayAnd watching you walk awayAnd never knowing what could've beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was trying to do

The young dwarf, who was as clever as he was brave and caring, inquired as to who the 'she' he referred to was, and Thorin narrowed his eyes. When asked by the king what his name was, the lad replied, "Tibir, son of Aibir, your majesty. My father is the head of the stables near the east residentials." Thorin tilted his head. "The stables? Then you must know how to ride?" "Yes, your majesty," Tibir replied, perking up a bit. "Been riding near since I was born, yes." Thorin stood from his throne and examined the strapping lad for a long moment. He turned to his advisor and they had a muttered exchange. By the time Thorin turned back, Tibir was itching to know what his ruler had planned. He did not have to wait long for an answer, as the King Under the Mountain tilted his head gratefully at the young dwarf and declared, "I have a quest for you."

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I goBut I'm doing it

Tibir would soon set out on the greatest journey of his life. Thorin gifted him a set of royal armor and a broadsword so big it was nearly twice as long and wide as the lad's muscular arms. A spark of determination had flourished in the depressed king's heart when Tibir had bowed to him in the throne room, only a horseman's son, and asked if there was any service he could do to cheer him up. Cora could be anywhere in Middle Earth, as far as Thorin knew, and he warned the lad this- but Tibir only nodded and seemed just as eager to embark on this mission. He was to bring a letter from Thorin, one that he'd been writing to his lost love for years now, and deliver it to her, wherever she might be. 

The letter was almost fifty pieces of parchment, held together in the proper order with four ribbons. Tibir was surprised when he saw how incredibly long it was, but, like a true dwarf, didn't balk in the face of adversity and took the challenge in stride. Thorin promised the strapping young fellow that if he returned with some success, he would be made a noble and his family as well would be well honored. Tibir nodded, thanked the king for this chance, and set off on his quest as soon as the sun rose the next morning. He rode his father's best horse and took enough food for a month's journey (for it could be just that, even longer), an old map and the sun and stars his only guide.

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

Five years soon passed since the great journey of the Company, named after Thorin, and the reclaiming of Erebor from the terrible worm of a dragon, Smaug. Tibir's quest was taking longer than the king had anticipated, and he'd begun to grow worried. Any hope he'd held of Cora's return was starting to fade into dust, his memories of her all he had left. When who remained of the Company arrived in Erebor for a surprise visit (even good Master Baggins, who lived far away in the Shire), Thorin's mood was raised for a short while. When Ori asked about the whereabouts of Cora, he could barely keep from crying, turning his tone cold as to disguise any hints of the great sorrow he held in his heart. "You know she left, Ori." The younger dwarf tilted his head, confused, and obviously not getting the hint he asked again, "Well, where is she now?" Thorin slammed his fist on the table and shouted, "I do not know!" The tears he'd held back now escaped and he turned away, leaving the banquet in the Company's honor with his fellow journeyers in shock behind him.

What hurts the most was being so closeAnd having so much to sayAnd watching you walk awayAnd never knowing what could've beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was trying to do

Then, the last evening of the old Company's visit, Thorin was crying alone on the balcony as he did every night when he saw a flickering light in the distance. It kept bobbing up and down as it approached from the hills, but Thorin couldn't tell who or what it was through his tears. He wiped away his sorrow and squinted down onto the plains before the great mountain. There were two lights, he could now tell, and if he listened very carefully he could discern two sets of hoofbeats. The night was cloudy and the moon and stars were hidden, so no light was cast on the ground. Thorin took a deep breath before turning away from the balcony and heading back inside, his heart racing. Could it be..?

What hurts the most was being so closeAnd having so much to sayAnd watching you walk awayAnd never knowing what could've beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was trying to do

Thorin swept into the dining hall to the sight of his fellow dwarves - and one hobbit - relaxing as they finished up a late supper. "Thorin! Where 'ave you been?" questioned a merry Bifur, but the king only nodded busily at him and hurried along. Shouts were aimed at him, but the focused, heartbroken dwarf ignored them all. A very curious Bilbo jumped up and followed the king, the only one with enough energy and sense to do so. Thorin hurried as fast as he could down to the eastern residentials, passing many a startled subject of his along the way, his heart pounding so loud he was certain everyone could hear. Bilbo, still following, was steadily growing more and more curious as they reached the edge of the houses and turned toward the horse stables. the sounds of whinnying and scattered hoofbeats grew closer as they approached the gate- and suddenly, from the other end of the street, emerged two figures, both on horseback.

One wore a dark cloak, the hood pulled up over their face, and the other was clearly a worn-out yet excited Tibir. The lad gave a shout when he saw the king, who had halted at their appearance, and the hooded figure looked over. Bilbo, judging that he should probably step away, hid behind a nearby stack of hay and watched nervously. "What in all of Middle Earth is going on?!" he mused softly to himself, shaking his head, and watched the mystery person dismount a tawny mare. Thorin took a cautious step forward, hardly daring to hope, and the cloaked stranger bowed to him, lowering her hood as she rose again. A nervous smile graced her beautiful face and she fiddled with the clasp of her cloak as she waited for a reaction. Thorin's heart stopped in his chest for a moment- then it soared.

"... Cora?"

She nodded and reached out a wavering hand. Thorin raced forward and wrapped her in a fierce hug, tears sparkling fresh in his eyes. He couldn't believe that she was back, with him, after all these years. "You- you came back?" He asked, still worrying this was just a wonderful dream, but she leaned back and nodded, her smile turning warm and relieved. "Father fell in and out of sickness for years, and I could not leave until he was entirely well or had passed. I was on my way back when this lad, Tibir, crossed paths with me. Your letter- I cried so much-" Before she could say anything else, Thorin dropped down to his knees and leaned his head against her stomach. "I am so sorry," he said, tears running down his cheek as he began to beg for her forgiveness. To his surprise, Cora dropped down as well and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him close. "It is alright. Everything is forgiven."

Both were crying now and Tibir felt a bit uncomfortable with this display of raw emotion. He coughed once and backed away, leading the horses away, and Bilbo snuck around the hay to follow the dwarven lad. "What's going on?!" asked the still-very-confused hobbit once they were out of hearing distance. "It's... a rather long story, Master Hobbit, one of which explaining will take more time than I have to give. Perhaps when they, ah, come to their senses, one of them will tell." With that, Bilbo shook his head and left the stables as Tibir tended to the horses. "Perhaps a cup of tea will calm my swirling thoughts," he pondered aloud and headed all the way back to the dining hall in the royal home. Meanwhile, Cora had stood again, pulling Thorin up with her, and she smiled softly at him. He took in every detail of her lovely face before pulling her close, kissing her sweetly on the lips as his arms wrapped around her back.

They stayed there, at the edge of the kingdom, just standing in each other's embrace. Thorin kept silently thanking the Valar over and over for returning his love to him, even after what seemed like so long. Before long, Cora said softly, "I love you," to which Thorin immediately replied the same- before apologizing once again, trying to explain the pain he'd been through since she'd left;

"What hurt the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do..."

Cora sighed and kissed his forehead, having to lean up on her tiptoes to do so. "I know, I know... I loved you then, and while I was away, and I still love you now." Thorin's heart swelled. "Are you certain?" "Of course I am..." She kissed him again, then leaned her head on his shoulder. She smirked to herself, feeling he deserved to be guilted a bit, and muttered teasingly;

"Even though you were quite the abanjabl."

Thorin sighed and kissed the side of her head. "Yes, completely."

Hope you liked!