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"park soon... i asked you why? why can't you tell him?" she blinked twice, realizing she only said those words in her mind. she quickly drank the final sip of her wine and sighed.

"i just- don't know if i have the strenght to do it." he stared down at her for a whole minute, blinking and without saying another word he just stood and walked out of the bar, leaving her there alone and confused.

"what?" she mumbled as she quickly paid for everything and walked out of the bar, looking for him on the street.

"hyungwon!" she yelled, but he was nowhere to be found.

did she upset him? did she say something wrong?

no.

in fact, she didn't.

she looked for her phone and tried to call him, but his were turned off.

"he probably turned it off right now." she whispered, her eyes looking frantically down the street. but he had disappeared.

she saw a taxi coming and as she stopped it, she pulled out her phone and opened his window conversation.

park soon: yah... why did you leave like that? you didn't even pay for your beers.

park soon: it's okay though... at least take it as my payment for your services...

she grabbed her shirt as something felt funny inside her chest, as if she had suddenly a bad feeling.

park soon: i didn't mean it like that... i am sorry.

she felt the need to apologize. she definitely didn't mean it that way.

park soon: just answer me please

she swallowed hard as she stared out of the window, trying to get a glimpse of him, maybe as he walked down the street.

but it was useless. he was nowhere to be found.

but then... her heart raced as she noticed some cars parked and then the police approaching the scene. a car crash.

her heart stopped when the taxi passed by slowly and she catched a glimpse of hyungwon's brown coat, laying on the street.

"please stop!" she yelled at the taxi as she threw herself out of the taxi, pushing people around as she tried to made her way to him.

he was lying on the floor with blood all over him, barely breathing. the tears began to fall as she desperately held onto his face, cuping his cheeks. "hyungwon, please, open your eyes!" she exclaimed.

people crowded around them and suddenly both police and ambulance arrived. "are you okay? please tell me something!" she exclaimed holding onto his bloody coat.

"miss... we need to take him to the hospital." a kind man said as he approached her with other two paramedics. she looked at hem and nodded as tears ran down her eyes.

"is he breathing? can i go with him?"

"sure." both paramedics said as she grabbed her things and followed them into the ambulance. they let her in as she quickly grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"what happened?" a paramedic asked but she shrugged. "i have no idea." her eyes focused on his chest, when she saw it moving, she felt like breathing again.

after they arrived to the hospital, they checked him and transferred him to a private room. she felt tired but never left his side, he just slept soundly on the bed, his cuts had been treated and his wounds cleaned. only superficial wounds, several cuts and bruises, but nothing severe, the doctor had said.

she sighed, as her hand automatically went up to his forehead, caressing one of the cuts.

she wondered what had happened to him that night and whatever happened, how quickly it had happened.

she missed it, everything.

and guilt invaded her again.

there were only the two of them in the room, since she arrived with him, nurses assumed she was his girlfriend so they didn't ask her if they should call someone else.

she had remained silent, giving understanding that she was with him.

"hyungwon?" she called his name softly, she didn't want to wake him up but on the other hand, she wanted to know what had happened that night.

"hey... - she started, caressing the locks of hair that fell on his forehead. he moved for a second and softly opened his eyes.

she smiled when she noticed he was awakened. "hey... how are you feeling?" he looked at her confused but then closed his eyes, shame invading his face.

"i am so sorry." he muttered.

her eyes widened in shock since she didn't know what he meant. "uh? what do you mean?"

he swallowed hard, it seemed he was having difficulty. his eyes turned glassy in a minute and then she understood. no words were needed. "you did it on purpose?"

he looked away, ashamed.

did he really?

"why? why would you do that?" her voice sounded desperate, filling the small hospital room. he closed his eyes slowly.

no words could express how he was feeling in that moment, but probably embarrassment.

"i thought it had been an accident... i even fought with the driver." she added.

he sighed. "i am sorry... really sorry. it wasn't supposed to turn out like that."

"like what?" her eyes widened, as she held onto his arms, shaking him up.

"i wasn't supposed to be alive after this. i am sorry."

she was about to say something but a nurse walked in, followed by the doctor. "good evening... nurse chan is here to take care of you - he said to hyungwon and then turned to soon - may i have a word with you?"

soon frowned as she glanced confused at hyungwon but then quickly nodded, making her way out of the room, followed by the doctor.

"uh... miss?"

"park. park soon." she said extending her hand. the doctor nodded. "i assume you're his..."

"ah no... i am just a colleague, we're friends- the only thought of it made her heart twitch. the doctor nodded.

"do you know any relatives we could call?"

she shook her head. "he's... a lonely guy. i think."

"i see... well.. since you're here, taking responsibility for him... i feel obligated to tell you this." he said extending a folder with some tests results. she looked at them with confusion. "what am i looking at?"

"uh... well... you see we noticed the patient have had a transplant before... he hit his head pretty hard but it seems it didn't reach the transplant. so he's fine in that side. a few bruises on the ribs that will heal with a few weeks with rest and pills and blood tests came out pretty normal. so... i assume there's nothing to worry about. he'll be fine in a few days." doctor said with confidence. but truth be told. park soon had stopped listened as soon as he said "transplant"

"he can stay here until tomorrow and then he can return home, to rest for at least a week, any questions miss park?"

"did you say he had a transplant?" she asked, crossing her hands on her chest.

doctor seemed surprised, but finally nodded. "yes. the results came back with a transplant."

"but where?"

the doctor seemed confused. "uh... head level. it was probably a brain transplant but it wasn't done here so i don't have full information about this. i am sorry."

her eyes widened in shock as she turned around and glanced at hyungwon's room. there was a small window on the door, in which she could see his resting figure.

she swallowed hard.

a brain transplant?

"thank you doctor." she said bowing. doctor nodded as he turned on his heels and walked away.

"what happened to you?..." she said approaching the door, he looked relaxed as the nurse talked to him while giving him some pills.

he nodded softly and then turned around and their eyes met for a second. she smiled sweetly and waved at him and he did the same.

truth be told, the haunting thought of him having a brain transplant was crazy, but that would also explain lots of things.

she pulled her phone from her pocket and looked for a contact. a phone number she hadn't dial in years.

"should i call him?" she mumbled but soon the nurse opened the door and she found herself in front of the woman.

"patient baek is calling you ma'am."

"ah yes - she said immediately pulling back her phone into her pocket - i am going." she said smilling and going inside the room.

he looked relaxed, with a shy smile plastered on his beautiful and full lips. "i saw you there." he said.

she nodded. "i was talking with the doctor."

"what does he say?"

she shrugged. "you'll be fine with rest and the pills... - she pulled a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at him with serious eyes.

he immediately noticed something was off. but he already knew what it was. "i know... i know." he said nodding, lifitng his hands in defeat.

"i am sorry i didn't tell you earlier - he started, as if he was having trouble opening up. he bit his lip as he stared at her with glassy eyes.

"i was acting tough... but- actually - he said avoiding her eyes - daesom's cheating... really affected me."

park soon stared at him confused. she wasn't expecting that but either way, it was a thing she didn't see coming. "what?"

he closed his eyes, clearly ashamed. "so... what happened tonight - she was putting the pieces together in her mind as her mouth dropped open - was on purpose?"

he just stared at her in silence. "did you- she had trouble pronouncing the words - did you try to... get ran over on purpose?"

he sighed. "i am sorry. i don't know what i as thinking."

she sat next to him, in the chair that was close to bed and held his hand. his eyes followed her hands as he swallowed hard. "you were trying to get killed tonight... because of a woman?" the question now, formulated like that made him feel stupid.

on the other hand soon knew the feeling he probably had, because she experimented it years ago, when she found out he was dead, she wanted to die too.

but these were different situations.

and she never got to those latitudes.

"i- i don't know what to s-say." he mumbled.

she looked down, trying to find the right words to say to him. it was weird. she had dealt with people with similar feelings. people who were depressed or people who tried to commit suicide and she always knew exactly what to say, but this time was different.

"well... me neither." she mumbled, trying not to be heard, but he caught it.

"you don't? - he said frowning - i thought you used to be a psychiatrist? or psychologist, something like that... don't you all know what exactly to say?"

he looked at her and then after a few seconds of silence, both laughed. "sorry. i guess i lost that power years ago." she said.

he shrugged. "don't worry. i was joking anyways... you don't need to say anything. i know what i did was stupid." he said nodding. his eyes seemed genuine and honest.

she nodded as well, she opened her mouth to say something but her phone beeped. "oh, excuse me." she said glancing at the phone.

"kihyun" appeared on the screen and she swallowed hard. "i have to take this." she said grabbing her purse, hyungwon nodded.

"sure, don't worry."

she walked out of the room and down the hall, where she found a bending machine, she hid in there as she answered the phone call.

"kihyunnie?"

"yes, babe... where are you? i am home and you're not here, what happened?"

"uh- sorry, i bumped into wang and we had coffee and you know how it is..."

"ah alright, i was just worried... are you coming home soon?"

"ah yeah, we're just finishing - she said at the time she glanced at hyungwon's door. she noticed a woman with a short blond pixie hairstyle, walking desperately as tears ran down her cheeks.

kim daesom.

"i'll be there soon." she simply said as she hung up the phone. her heart raced at the view of kim daesom on the hallway, looking desperately for hyungwon's room.

who had told her about hyungwon?

she looked away as she tried to control her breathing.

that damn woman.

damn miss kim.

she was guilty of everything. of her husband cheating on her and now hyungwon almost getting himself killed.

she rolled her eyes as she felt she wasn't needed there anymore. without returning to the room to say bye to hyungwon, she just walked out of the hospital as she grabbed a taxi to go back home.

on the way back home she couldn't stop thinking about everything she learned tonight and everything that happened.

she just found out her husband had been cheating on her for over a year. and that hyungwon learning about daesom cheating on him left him with no desire to live.

she noticed kihyun's black mercedes parked outside, the lights were on. she paid for her ride and walked with tired steps towards the house.

was she going to tell him everything?

was she capable of confront him? to tell him she knew about the affair?

but she had told him she had met up with wang and they grabbed coffee and this had been clearly a lie.

she walked inside the house, after leaving her shoes and bag on the lobby entrance and quietly made her way towards the living room.

she noticed kihyun was cooking at the kitchen, wearing an apron, glass of wine on his hand. he had a sweet smile when his eyes met hers.

"hey!" he exclaimed, pointing at her. he quickly served a glass of wine and took it to her. she sighed.

"hey." she simply said as she took the glass from his hands. he leaned down to press a soft kiss on her lips and she let him do it.

"where were you? you look... tired?" he said looking into her eyes intensely.

she nodded. "it was a long day."

"mhmm- he said returning to the stove. it smelled like lamb - i can see... how's wangie?" she remained silent as she drank a sip of her wine, just staring at her.

the calm before the storm.

park soon felt the need of telling him everything.

until some point, because she obviously wouldn't be mentioning about hyungwon.

"uh... - she swallowed hard - fine... she's just, very stressed."

he looked surprised. "really? why?"

could she though? comfront him would mean lots of things. this whole... hubby aura would be gone. and he will probably ask how did she found out... what was she supposed to say?

"oh right. hyungwon remember him? but not chae hyungwon but baek, because he goes by baek now... well, he's alive and he's the one who helped me."

that didn't sound well.

"you know... my brother... my niece... her work, everything." she said as if it was obvious.

he nodded. "i assume it must be hard to be a parent and work at the same time." he said as he poured soy sauce at the saucepan.

she opened her mouth to say something but quickly shut it. there was a long second of silence before he turned to look at her. "do you... ever think about it?" she finally said it.

"uh?" he seemed confused.

"kids?" she said now, her eyes slightly glassy.

he swallowed hard and finally looked away. it seemed he hadn't liked that question. "no. not me."

she nodded.

park soon still remembered that day, at the clinic, the doctor's words. "you can't have children... i am sorry."

those words hit her hard, but not as much as it hit kihyun. especially because he had been the one who wanted kids, who insisted to go to a doctor, to try everything.

but truth be told, when park soon received those news, she felt relieved.

she never wanted to have kids, nor with kihyun, nor with anybody.

she felt happy to be the one infertile.

and her opinion hadn't changed. she still didn't want kids.

but this had been a topic spoken for years, kihyun would always suggest adoption or many other possibilities, but her answer was always the same: no.

park soon knew it was her fault too, because she didn't try enough. "i guess... it's a handful." she finally said. but kihyun ignored her, instead, he focused on serving the food.

it was just like old times, he cooking again.

he seemed satisfied with the dinner he had prepared. "is it good?" he asked once they started eating. of course it was.

"delicious, thanks."

they ate in silence as she wondered when was the right time?

but deep inside, she knew there wasn't.

"are you sure you're okay?" he asked, leaving the chopsticks and grabbing her hand, squeezing it softly.

she flashed a sad smile and finally nodded. "i can't remember last time i ate lamb." she said laughing.

kihyun stared at her and finally laughed as well. "years probably. i don't even know."

and just like that, she decided it was better not.

better to let it be. 

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