What is love?

Love can have many different meanings for various people.  It can be a joyous thing in life, while others feel like it's a curse.  A curse that they can never get rid of for as long as they have that feeling called love or affection.

But sometimes it's a love that even though it may be bitter and painful, it's still a beautiful feeling especially if it's about someone who is held dearly in the heart.

She let out a sigh as she looked up at the cloudy sky as she stepped out onto the parking lot once she had gotten out of her car.

'It looks like it's going to rain.' She thought as she took in a deep breath feeling the chilly autumn air enter her lungs.  Locking the doors of her car, she put her hands in her coat pocket and walked down the parking lot and towards the apartment complex in front of her, with each foot step the crunch of the fallen Autumn leaves could be faintly heard.

No matter how long it had been, she could still remember every single detail as if it were yesterday.  As if yesterday was the day when the man she had a crush on asked her out on a date.  As if it were yesterday that they both confessed their feelings for each other.  As if it were yesterday that they started to date and be a couple.  As if it were yesterday that they had started to think of a future of their own of a family of their own.

All of that was merely thoughts of a yesterday that could have happened.

The door opened and closed, then the lights were turned on, "I'm home." She called out even though there was no one at home aside from the cat who was sleeping on the sofa.

Taking off her brown jacket, she placed it on the arm rest of the blue recliner chair just a few feet away from her.  She walked further into the living room, picked up the cat, sat down and set the cat on her thighs.

The orange tabby let out a small mewl and settled in with a purr as it began to knead its paws against her thigh.

She reached out towards the small table at the side of the sofa and picked up a small picture, "I'm home." She said once again as she looked down at the man in the picture.

The man she held in her heart and very soul.  The man who was many of her yesterday's and tomorrow's, the man of her future, the man that was now of the past.

"You liked this kind of weather didn't you." She muttered as she touched the glass over the picture with a small sigh as she heard the droplet of water hit the window, "You especially liked the leaves didn't you." She mused to herself.

She placed the picture frame back and closed her eyes, seeming to get lost in her own thoughts as she aimlessly pets the cat purring under her hand.

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Letting out a loud hearty laugh as he watched her try to open a jar of tomato sauce, but it slipped from her hands and fell onto the ground the glass breaking splattering the sauce everywhere that including the very new light blue dress and some splatters on her face and arms.

"It's not funny." She said as she looked down to assess the condition of her dress, a dress that was most likely ruined now.

He let out one last laugh, "I'm sorry Jess, but it kind of was."

Jess let out a disgruntled huff, "Bet it wouldn't be so funny if it was you in my place." She let out a sigh, "At least I didn't buy the dress." She looked up at him and smiled.  Jess's smile widened as she stepped back from the mess on the kitchen floor, "You better help me clean up, I'll be back after changing and trying to somehow save this dress.  I hope."

No matter what she tried, she couldn't get rid of the stain that was left on the dress from the tomato sauce.

She knew that rubbing it would get the sauce to stain furthermore, but nothing helped.  No matter how long she soaked it, what she rubbed it with, it was of no help.

Jess let out a deep sigh as she held the dress in her hands, the only hope she had was to send it to the dry cleaners, but it was on no use as well.

It was merely a dress, but that dress meant so much to her.

"Don't worry, we'll get you another one." Michael said as he walked into the bedroom where she was currently sitting on the bed while holding the dress.

She looked up at him, some of the dark brown strands of hair getting stuck on her glasses as she did so, "I really liked this dress though." She said sadly, "It was one of the first ones you ever got me.  I thought I would be able to get the stain off of it, but it didn't come off." She lifted up the dress and showed him the stain.

She pursed her lips tightly together at seeing the dress she loved be ruined.  She didn't care of the dress, but of the emotional attachment to it.

"I'll buy you a new one."

It wouldn't be the same, but it was something she could look forward to.

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She kneaded her fingers through his light brown hair as they laid down on the quilt they had set on the floor to watch a movie in the living room together.

"Michael, have you thought about where we should get married?" Jess said out of nowhere as she looked at him from the corner of her eye, "It might seem a bit weird, but I don't really care where, all that matters is that I want to have that special moment of our wedding."

Michael turned his head towards her, his green eyes peering into her dark brown ones and reached up to grab her hand, "If it were up to me, I'd pack up and we'd go off to Vegas and get married at one of those cassinos, but that wouldn't be very special or romantic.  Just like you I want that moment to be special.  Should we look for places tomorrow or whenever we have time?"

Jess nodded with a smile, "I'd like that." She whispered as tightly held his hand in hers relishing in the warmth of it.

The two of them looked at the various catalogues and pamphlets of various wedding venues.  They weren't the most religious people, but to make it more real in a way, they scheduled their wedding at the church in town, but now the problem was to choose which reception hall to use for the party.

Of course, one that isn't so in town and around traffic, but also not to far away.  But most importantly the price of it all.

"How long do you think we'd have to wait in line for us to rent this hall." Said as her eyebrows nearly rose up to her hairline.  The price was insane, but it seemed to be rather popular to, which would mean they would have to wait more than a couple months to use it.

"Good thing we aren't getting married right this moment." Michael said as he looked over to the catalogue Jess was looking at, "We still have time to look around for more place.  And your dress too."

Jess grimaced, "Yes.... the dress.  Can't wait to look through so many dresses and find one I like and get it altered or get one made for me.  So excited." She said her voiced laced with sarcasm.

The days, weeks, and months passed and finally they were able to set in with a venue they wanted to use.  They put in the bid and rented it for the following year, that gave them enough time to work on any other things.

They both had plenty of time to settle their own matters, down from the attire they would wear to what the maid of honor and best man would wear.  The theme of the reception hall, all the decorations.

That was their plan but seven months after getting everything planned out, the unexpected happened.

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She blankly looked down at the floor, the words of the doctor seeming to fade out along with the cries beside her.

The last thing she had heard was, "I'm sorry to say this.  We did to the best of our ability, but unfortunately Michael has passed away."

All Jess heard was the thundering sound of her heartbeat in her ears as her eyes clouded over with tears that eventually dripped to the ground.

"Michael." She softly sobbed out as the words kept replaying in her mind over and over again, "It can't be true."

It was something that she couldn't accept no matter how many times she heard it, that is until she was finally able to see him.

His once large and warm hands were now cold.  A coldness that seemed to reach all the way into her heart and soul.

Time seemed like a blur as preparations for the funeral were made.  The moments of joy they lived nearly every day thinking of the day they'd get married in a couple months were no replaced with the reality that there was nothing left of those moments.

"Can we bury him in the suit he would have worn for our wedding?" Jess asked Michael's parents one day when she went to their house to help with preparations for the funeral, "We were looking forward to our wedding, he even had his suit in the room, maybe it's me being selfish, but I want to see him dressed in the suit he looked at almost every day." She said as her lips trembled, "You know how he was, he had to have double of everything in case something happened.  So, he had two suits prepared."

His parents looked at each other for a brief moment and nodded to themselves, "I think that would be a wonderful idea, and I think he would have liked that." His mother said as her eyes shined with unshed tears.

Jess went back to Michael's apartment, she had stayed various times over at his place so she had a key.  She went to his room, even though it pained her to see the gameboard they had played with just days ago, she walked in further in and got his suit.

Time passed, he was buried with his suit.  A suit that he smiled at like a small child opening up presents.

Jess cried, tears of pain and regret.  The love of her life, the man who was the owner of her heart was gone forever.  No longer the hugs, the kisses, the small fleeting caresses.

In the end, Jess had decided to move into his apartment.  Maybe she wasn't ready to let go just yet, she didn't care what they would say of her.  But she just wanted to live for a bit longer with the reminders of him around her.

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Jess let out a deep sigh as she opened her eyes, her head still turned towards the window.  The cat on her thighs having stopped purring long ago and now sleeping, her hand stood still next to the cat.

"It's been two years since you left." She kept her gaze at the window watching as some leaves passed by with the breeze and occasionally plastering onto the window, "But you're still here with me."

"Wherever you are, I hope you know just how much I love you.  I hope you think of me as I think of you."

Michael was and is her beautiful Autumn leaf.  Like a leaf with a beautiful color, but that only lasts for a while.  Michael was her leaf, he brought her such vibrant colors to her life, but he was gone too soon.

Her love was like a leaf, but a leaf that will live with her forever.