Chapter 21

January 15

It was through moments of serendipity that led me to fall in love with him.
Whenever I was making my way to school, I would see him pass by smiling. At times, it appeared as though witnessing his smile would make me smile inexplicably.
He always showed up on Thursdays when I would study at the coffee shop, but occasionally he would arrive on Monday, followed by Tuesday, and then Wednesday.
He'd never show up on Friday.
Any shade of red, specifically maroon because he always wears it, I found that anytime I saw it, I always thought of him.
He would trail after me as I walked back to my house until I noticed him and we would talk about many things until we got to my house.
Every time, I'd always think about kissing him, but instead I'd say,
"Goodnight, Corwin." And watch his silhouette fade into the darkness of January nights.

"Hey!" Ian says as he rushes up behind me. It's snowing, lightly today as we talk to school.
"Hi." I respond back quickly.
Ian turns his head looking down at me and stops, I notice he stops, but I continue walking because Corwin usually passes this street I'm about to cross when I'm walking to school.
"Bailey!" He yells from behind of me.
I stop walking until he catches up,
"Are you doing anything this weekend?" His voice plummets my ears.
I think for a second, I don't have anything going on. I finished my weeks homework yesterday on Thursday and some homework due for next week. I'm not doing anything. My life has been slow lately, my mom hasn't been bailed out yet and her court case is still pending until all investigations has run through, we need to get a jury and I need to testify against my mother which will be exhilarating.
"Yes, I have a lot of homework to catch up on."
"Oh.. Okay." Ian's voice drops low with the sound of disappointment.
There he is.
Corwin passes the street in his school uniform, a navy blue blazer with matching pants and tie, a white button down underneath. His wavy brown hair blows to the side and he smiles at me, I smile back and watch him fade away, again. Usually Ian hasn't been walking to school with me lately, and we haven't been on the best terms, we used to be really close and now ever since everything that has happened me and him have been very awkward.
Ian traces his bottom lip with his finger, "Who was that?"
Looking at him annoyed, "No one?"
"You sure? I saw you all smiley."
"I'm positive, I don't know who that is." My pace becomes faster.
Ian raises his eyebrows, "Alright." He chuckles.
Rolling my eyes I part ways with him, "See you later, Ian." And I run up the school stairs into the hallway.
The lights in school seemed to have dim making everything look more creepy and unsettling. Shoving my backpack and books into my locker a familiar voice approaches me.
"Bailey."
Sighing, I turn my back, "Cornelia!" I say with a wide sarcastic grin.
Handing me a letter she goes, "My family would want to talk with you tonight for dinner."
"Oh Cornelia-"
"And, they send their condolences, again." She cuts me off. I take the note out of her paper that has sloppy fast paced writing that reads, "You are informally invited to dine with the Dalton family tonight at 7 PM, be there at 6:30 for appetizers."
I scoff, "If this is some sick way of you getting me to business with your family Cornelia, I'm out, my parents did things how they wanted but it's not how I wish or would ever do anything." I say handing her pack the papers, while I'm walking away she catches up and continues going on and on, but honestly I mute her out until she says one thing that has me cold,
"If you want everyone in this town and school to know about your little situation with your mother and father then you won't come, but I strongly suggest otherwise."
I stop midway in the hallway and look at her. Her eyes are strict and she stares at me with some sort of hatred. Sucking air through my nose, I grab the letter from her hand and she walks away.
Unbelievable.

Cornelia was a straight A student, perfect friends, perfect family, perfect house.
How can she hate me?
I never did anything to her, she has everything and she knows what I'm going through right now and she feels the need to act this bitchy to me? For what? And why? She has everything right now, everything I used to have, and here she is throwing stones and hiding her hands. A fake facade she throws at everyone, a privileged rich girl who drifted her daddy's Bentley around to go shopping and buy more name brand purses that cost my rent.

After I got home from school I went up to my bedroom immediately, I was planning on sleeping until 6 so I could get ready but I couldn't sleep. I can't sleep. My mind has so many things in it right now I just can't focus. Sometimes I think about running away off into a city, somewhere nobody knows me or my family, somewhere I can be mysterious but seductive at the same time, a place I can go to where I feel at peace, where I don't feel like I'm in a bubble and everyone around me knows my deepest and darkest secretes.
That's the thing about living in a small town like I do, everyone knows you, and when you're rich everyone has their suspicions, but their suspicions are cliché but they're true. Everyone in town thought my parents were mobsters, and I mean they were but it's a very different portrayal in movies than in real life.
In movies, mobsters are seen as city folk with black suits and brief cases who only takes limousines places, they walk around drenched in high class clothing and jewelry, and they usually have some tattoo somewhere displayed to the world that indirectly tells them they're mobsters.
However, in reality, they can be the parents of child prodigies who drive their BMW everywhere they go, they have good money but dress modestly, they live in a small town and they go to church every Sunday.
But I mean when there's no calamitous events happening in a small town, you have to make fun of it somehow?
Anyhow, to pass the time I pick a random book off my bookshelf and start reading until I notice the sun setting.

Two and a half hours pass and the book is glued to my face, I've never read this book, I didn't even read the back but there's just something about the way this author exploits his words into beautiful third person point of view poetry.
The sun has already vanished and it's 6:30, guess I won't have time for appetizers.
I'm wearied what I already wore to school, an oversized beige sweater with straight jeans and converses,
my hair looks a bit flat though.
Honestly, whatever I'll poof it out with a brush and then just leave. I run downstairs to see Becky watching her daily 24 hour television,
"Going to sneak out to some sexy teen party?" She asks putting her soda container down,
"Nope, I'm going to eat dinner with a friend,"
I close the door behind me before I get asked too many questions.
It's freezing outside and I forgot my coat inside, I can't go back in there.
I really can't.
Shutting the car door as I fasten my seatbelt, a random wave of heat just hits me, my car wasn't even on. Well when I start it, it usually takes a couple minutes to warm up. My mind instantly thinks Ian has to do with this, he knows cars well and probably thought he'd fix mine.

The daltons house, my house, my old house, sits there grand in front of me. Their front door even more grand, before I even get a chance to knock, Cornelia welcomes me with a look of disdain. Never have I felt more welcomed anywhere in my life.
Her mother coming up to hug me smells of rich daisies and cotton candy.
"Oh, Bailey, you must be so distraught." She squeezes me in her arms. Once she lets go, which I thought would never end, she guides me to the dining room table, a long dark oak wood table with huge white vase as it's center piece. It's a very depressing table where Cornelia probably pokes at her food because she thinks she is overweight, and her mom telling her to not put her elbows on the table, telling her to cross her legs because it's "lady like"
I seat myself across from Cornelia, she scoffs and bats her eyes at me.
"So, why was I invited." I say with innocence in my life,
"Well, that's a good question, Bailey." Mrs. Dalton says while placing a steaming hot plate filled with pork chops, mashed potato's, and green beans in front of me,
"We invited you to talk about your family, there's some things you might not know, and considering the current state you and your family is in, we feel as it is our prerogative to rip the bandaid off right now."
I smile half heartedly.
"Well, I mean my mom kind of told me everything, she wasn't in a stable relationship, she and my dad ran an illicit drug company with you guys." Before I even finish, Mrs. Dalton interrupts me,
"Well she might've told you her side, but have you heard ours?"
"No." I respond, before talking without thinking I shove a pork chop in my mouth,
"Your family shielded you and your brother with a lot of things Bailey, even now, we just want you to know we can be a second family to you."
"What?" Cornelia chips in, she stares at her mother with resentful eyes,
"You talked to her all of what, once? And she's more of a daughter than I'll ever be to you!" She drops her fork and before storming off she comes close to my ear and says,
"Go to hell."
And then storms upstairs, quickly followed by a loud band upstairs.
I bit my top lip and look down.
"Excuse me." Me eyes wrinkle and I push in my chair. I head upstairs to Cornelia. Scanning to find her room is hard, there's like 10 rooms up here.
"Cornelia?" I ask in a soft voice.
Then I hear the cries and sniffles of Cornelia Dalton, a sound I thought I'd never hear in my life, she's too proud to cry.
I creek open her door.
"What do you want?" She stands up, her eyes welling with tears and her face red and puffy.
"Why do you hate me?" I say while stepping into her room and shutting the door behind me.
Cornelia scoffs and shakes her head,
"You really don't know?" She crosses her arms.
"No, I don't."
She nods her head and bites her bottom lip,
"Well here's why, Bailey. Your parents actually gave two shits about you in the first place, they shielded you from everything!" Her voice cracks,
"You has such a wonderful life, and maybe they painted you a false image but everything they did was to protect you and your brother! I didn't have that, I never did, when I was eight I first learned about the business, I was at church acting all innocent giving people their green cards to go into the basement where my parents were hiding. Your parents showed up to your talent shows, they showed up to your middle school graduation. I didn't have that, I never did. Your parents were always home, they were there for you when you were hurt. And don't say they weren't because I saw the bond you and your mom had, walking down the street with hot chocolate giggling and gossiping. I wanted that. I wanted the mother daughter relationship built around love and not academic success, and when I did succeed to their expectations, not even a congratulations. They never noticed me, they don't care about me. They never held my hand through anything, I've had to go through so much hurt by myself. But hell Bailey! You're sixteen and for your whole life up until now you've had everything I've ever wanted. I would've wanted my parents to shield me and at least act like they loved or cared about me. I'd be in my room studying and they were gone, my friends aren't real and never have been, they only care about something when it benefits them! You have Ian, you have everything I want. The only time I remember my mother being remotely emotional towards me is when she found out I kissed a girl. She told me I would go to hell, she shoved religion down my throat and told me if I ever acted in such an impure way then I'd be kicked out and sent somewhere. Your parents support your brother! Your parents supported you. Mine never did. Why do you think I go to that brothel, do you think it's get my kicks on and let loose. No, it's because there I feel wanted, I know it's for my body but I feel wanted still. Even though I'm not wanted for myself, there I'm wanted for my body, and it's not good but at least they want me. And that's a pain you'll never have to feel." Cornelia inches back to her bed and sits down with tears streaming down her face.
There's not much I can do or say, she's right about everything. My parents did shield me and it kept me innocent like they wanted. They never neglected me at all.
Cornelia is right.
And in this moment right now she needs someone to comfort her, she doesn't need someone to lie to her and tell her "it's okay" because it's not.
She feels alone and isolated.
Maybe Cornelia is a mean girl with a ego but she's a person nonetheless, she's a person who is deprived of love, any sort of love, I know she says she feels "wanted" at the brothel, but it's not real love. She isn't loved, and it's true. Her parents never did care for her, even when Cornelia was begging for love right in front of them, they never saw it.
I could say Cornelia is an ungrateful bitch but she's a girl who was never taught love, she doesn't think anyone will love her.
But that changes when I sit next to Cornelia on her bed, and place my hand on her back while she falls into my lap with tears streaming down her face.
Cornelia was never a girl of hatred, she was a girl of resentment, and hatred and resentment are two complete different things,
They may come off as the same,
But in different lights they're different shades.