▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"I've been going at him for six hours. He won't say a word," Terry explained with a defeated sigh, "The guy's a brick wall."

Jake smirked confidently. "Not to worry, sarge. I'll take it from here. Hope you boys brought popcorn, 'cause I'm about to put on a show," He popped his collar and sauntered out.

"Ooh, this is going to be good!" Charles all but squealed as Jake entered the interrogation room.

"And it's just in time for my popcorn. Care for some?"

Terry and Charles furrowed their brows as they looked around the observation room, trying to find Rich. They got their answer soon enough when a popcorn bucket tied to a string slowly came down from the ceiling.

"Rich, what did I tell you about the vents!" Terry complained as he looked up.

Rich gave him an innocent smile. "That I should use them more often?"

Before Terry could complain about Rich's constant misuse of the precinct's vents, Charles cut in. "Wow," He breathed out, "This popcorn is amazing!"

"What are you talking about, man? It's just popcorn, it's all the same," Terry huffed.

"Not this," Charles said decidedly and gestured for him to try it.

Terry rolled his eyes and reluctantly tried it before his eyes widened. "Wow! Terry likes this!"

"Hey, sharing is a thing you know!" Charles complained when Terry grabbed the bucket.

"Not when the popcorn is this damn good," Terry said as he ate another handful.

They couldn't argue over the popcorn for long because Jake was banging on the one-way mirror frantically. Apparently, the door handle fell off when he closed the door and he was now locked in with the perp.

"Lock's broken," Terry spoke into the mic, "Gotta call facilities."

Jake nodded coolly. "Copy that. No rush. As I said, I got all the time in the wor-" His breathing quickly became heavier, "It's a little warm in here, right?" He leaned closer to the perp, "Do you feel any air coming out of that vent? I got nothing," He heaved nervously.

Terry and Charles shared a look, knowing this wouldn't end well.

"We got an ETA on facilities?" Jake wrung his hands out anxiously as he paced.

"At least 45 minutes," Charles said slowly, hoping Jake wouldn't freak out.

Not even ten minutes later, Jake was sitting on the interrogation table, breathing heavily. "And they've checked all this paint for lead, right? And the room for asbestos. I feel like I'm sucking on a tailpipe in here, Marcos!" He cried.

20 minutes later he decided to throw the broken door handle at the one-way mirror. "Everybody get away from the mirror!" He frowned when it simply bounced back, "Come on!"

30 minutes later he was fanning himself frantically. "I can't breathe. I can't breathe."

"Hey, calm down, man," Marcos snapped, "I'll confess. Just stop freaking out."

Jake froze and turned to him in shock. "What?"

"I did it. I robbed 'em."

Jake jumped up with a triumphant smile. "Boom! And that's how it's done. I was faking the whole thing to break him. I coulda stayed in here forever."

"Good, 'cause facilities is gonna be a couple hours," Terry admitted over the speaker.

"We're gonna die in here!" He cried, "Tell Tasha I love her and to never get over me after I die!"

"Get Tasha in here now, I'll try and keep him calm," Terry told Charles quickly.

"I can't believe I'm never going to see Tasha again," Jake whined as he gulped dryly, "Wait, wait, wait! I have my phone, at least I can see her pretty face one last time before I die."

Thankfully, before Jake could spiral any further there was a bang and the door was kicked open. Natasha had shot the broken lock with her gun before she kicked the door open.

"Nat!" Jake cried and rushed over to her, throwing himself into her arms, "Never leave me!"

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"But in my version, everything is a Transformer except cars," Jake explained as he, Charles, Amy, and Adam walked into the precinct.

Charles nodded. "Oh, like some wisecracking biscotti that transforms into a missile launcher."

"No way," Amy breathed out with wide eyes.

"Well, it might be hard to do the CGI on the biscotti, but, yeah, I think we could pull it off."

"Huh?" She frowned and shook her head, "No, I wasn't listening to either of you. Look who's in Captain Holt's office."

"Who that lady?" Jake wondered when he noticed Natasha in there as well.

"You are looking at the Second Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Laverne Holt," Amy grinned.

"Captain Holt's mom," Charles breathed out as he stared at the woman in disbelief.

Jake gasped. "The Creator."

"Widowed at age 39, Laverne Kinnebrew Holt single-handedly raised two children and still managed to become one of the first black, female federal judges," Any explained proudly.

"Wow, someone read her Wikipedia page," Jake laughed.

"No, Jake, I wrote it," She smirked.

"You are so weird," Adam chuckled as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his chest, "But you're my weirdo," He kissed the top of her head fondly.

Amy stiffened when Raymond's office door opened and she pushed away from him. "Oh. Sh! Okay, the door's opening. We're gonna meet her. Everybody be cool. Be cool!" She snapped.

"Santiago, what are you up to?" Raymond asked causally.

Amy froze before she smiled awkwardly. "Just jammin'. Jam on, jam on," She chuckled.

Raymond paused. "Okay, never mind. Peralta, come into my office, please."

"Sorry, baby," Adam kissed her cheek sympathetically when she whimpered sadly.

"Do you think it was the 'jam on' thing?" She asked quietly with a frown.

"Yeah, I think it was the 'jam on' thing," He nodded, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"It was most definitely the weird 'jam on' thing. No doubt about it," Rich laughed.

"Rich, walk away before I rip your tongue out," Adam snapped as he hugged Amy.

In Raymond's office, Natasha was sitting in Raymond's office chair when Jake walked in.

"Detective Peralta, this is my mother, the Honorable Laverne Holt," Raymond introduced.

"I'm very excited to meet you. And let me just say, I'm a huge fan of your early work," Jake smiled charmingly and nodded to Raymond, "Talking about this guy right here."

"That was humor, mother," Raymond explained dryly.

"I know, and I thoroughly enjoyed it," She smiled, "I love laughing and laughter."

Jake's eyes widened in delight and he turned to his girlfriend with a goofy smile. Natasha laughed quietly at the cute look on his face and gave him a proud thumbs up.

"Yes, we all do, but enough chit-chat. Peralta, my mother's house was burgled."

"And you want me to cover the case because I'm your favorite detective of all time," Jake supplied with a confident smile.

"Yes," Raymond nodded noncommittally, "Also the 'jam on' incident and Detective Zapata is too close to this case to take it on herself."

"Favorite," Jake corrected quickly, "So why don't you tell us what happened."

"When I got home last night, I noticed that the window had been smashed, the apartment was a mess, they took all of my jewelry. I assume they entered through the window, but I don't want to color your opinions," She explained slowly, going over every detail she could remember.

"Too late, but note taken. We'll stop by later and check out the crime scene."

"That sounds appropriate. Natasha will be staying with me until this issue is resolved so she will be there too," Laverne smiled warmly at her, "Although, I have told her that it's not necessary."

"And I told you that it is, Grandma," Natasha countered with a roll of her eyes.

"She's right, mother. This will be safer for you," Raymond interjected.

"Well, I should be going. Detective, Captain, Sweetheart."

Raymond nodded cordially. "Your Honor, Detective, Detective Sweetheart."

"Captain, Your Honor. Detective girlfriend," Jake copied before he grinned excitedly, "Hey, this is fun. Let's do it again. Your Honor, Detective girlfriend, Captain."

Laverne laughed softly, thinking he was joking. "Humor. Good day, gentlemen."

"This is amazing," Jake smiled excitedly, "Spending time with your mother in your childhood home. The adorable baby pictures, the embarrassing stories. The Founding Fathers Underoos."

Raymond rolled his eyes. "There will be no Underoos."

Jake gasped, his eyes widening. "You went commando?"

"That's enough," Raymond said sternly, "This is a case. I expect you to act in a professional manner, not a personal one. I know sometimes it's difficult for you to separate the two."

"Ah, you're referring to the fact that I love making everything pro-fer-sonal," Jake smirked, "Copyright, me. Yeah, people love that around here, especially Tasha, if you know what I mean. Wink. Finger gun."

Raymond stiffened at the mention of Natasha and narrowed his eyes. "Peralta, you are fired."

Jake's eyes widened and he shook his head desperately. "No, no, no, I'll be good. I'll leave."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"So, did I just meet your grandma?" Jake asked his girlfriend giddily.

The two were on their lunch break and had decided to go out to one of the restaurants close by.

Natasha rolled her eyes and smiled. "Yeah."

"Yeah," He repeated in disbelief, "That's all you're going to say?!"

She smirked. "Yeah."

"Are you really just going to say 'yeah'?"

"Yeah."

"Now you're just doing it to mess with me aren't you?" He huffed in exasperation.

Her smirk never fell. "Yeah."

He rolled his eyes, but the smile on his face betrayed him. "Okay, fine."

She matched his smile. "Fine."

He nodded. "Good."

"Good," She repeated before the two quickly fell into laughter.

"So, on a more serious note-"

"You know how to be serious?" Natasha teased her boyfriend.

He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Anyway, does Grandma Laverne like me?"

Reluctantly, she nodded. "We talk about you at wine club. She thinks you're good for me. That's all I'm telling you."

"You go to wine club?" Jake asked in disbelief, "We've been dating for months and you're still a mystery to me."

"Good. Why do you think Rosa and I get along so well," She laughed.

"Because you're both scary?"

"That's one reason, yeah."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

Jake was over at Laverne Holt's house, checking out the crime scene as Raymond and Natasha supervised. But, as was to be expected with Jake, he'd gotten side-tracked with excited questions about Raymond's childhood. Which was why he was dragged away by Raymond.

"I know you're having fun, but enough is enough with the prying personal questions," Raymond said sternly, clearly irritated with Jake's antics, "You're annoying my mother."

"Are you blind?" Jake scoffed, "We're vibing like crazy."

"I assure you, my mother's not a vibrator."

"Whatever you think that means is wrong and now there's no way I'm getting in the middle of this conversation," Natasha sighed and turned on her heel to leave the room quickly.

Jake nodded. "She's right, definitely not what that's short for."

"I know her very well, and she would never, uh, connect with someone such as yourself, no offense," Raymond explained slowly, hoping to get his point across without any hurt feelings.

Jake gasped, his eyes widening. "Rude."

"I'm sorry," Raymond paused, trying to word his thoughts better this time, "What I mean is, she and I, much like Natasha as well, are very similar."

Jake took a step back, his face contorting into a deep frown. "Hurtful."

Raymond sighed. "All I'm saying is we are not interested in skateboards and soft-water drinks."

Jake narrowed his eyes at his boss and squared his shoulders. "Hey, Natasha loves me! Orange soda stains and all. And I happen to think you're wrong about me and your mother. I think she and I make a wonderful pair, and we're already becoming friends."

Raymond chuckled haughtily. "Now that is humor."

Before the two could argue further, Laverne joined them. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, we're all done in here, Your Honor," Jake smiled tightly.

"Your Honor?" She repeated and smiled warmly, "Don't be so formal. Call me Laverne."

"Oh," Jake smirked at Raymond, "Okay, Laverne. You got it, Laverne. See you, Laverne."

Raymond sighed. "Jake, putting aside our argument for a moment, please refrain from telling Natasha about my... poor choice of words earlier," He asked sheepishly.

Jake turned to him, a grin slowly stretching on his face. "You're scared of her!"

Raymond pursed his lips. "...Oh, like you aren't either," He snapped.

Natasha strolled in with a knowing look. "So, you guys fighting yet?"

"No, actually, we were just agreeing on something," Jake chuckled, "Love you, baby!"

Natasha's face went blank and she punched his shoulder, making him yelp in pain. "What did I tell you about trying to make me do feelings in public?"

He rubbed his shoulder in pain. "But you do have feelings for me, right?"

She smiled. "Of course I do. For example, right now? Irritation. That's a very strong feeling."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

Natasha and Laverne were standing outside of the wine club hangout waiting for Jake and Raymond. The two had gone undercover at the wine club as Natasha and Laverne's plus ones to gather intel on the break-ins.

"Hello, Laverne. We're not undercover anymore, so I'm no longer your acquaintance Tank. I'm back to being your close personal friend and your granddaughter's boyfriend Jake," He grinned.

Raymond rolled his eyes and went straight to the point. "We have a lead. George Kenderson. We ran his name through the system. He got a parking ticket outside your apartment last week. We think he was casing your place."

Laverne stiffened. "Oh, my. That is shocking. I am shocked right now."

"And I am enraged," Raymond added stoically, "We are shocked and enraged."

Jake nodded slowly as he gave Natasha a confused look. "Yes, and we're all showing it."

"Wait, something is wrong," Raymond frowned, "Natasha why are you not shocked or enraged?"

"Well, how do you know I'm not?" She countered with an arched brow.

"Because we have a suspect for my mother's break-in and you have made no move to cause said suspect any physical harm."

She pursed her lips as she tried to think of a lie. "That's because I'm not an aggressive person."

Jake couldn't hold back his laughter but he quickly winced in pain when she punched him.

"More humor," Raymond realized, "Because you are in fact very aggressive. Especially when it comes to my mother. You once tackled a man for sneezing too close to her because 'he had no right to potentially give her the flu' as you told the mall police."

"Yes, but I figured if I told you what I wanted to do to the suspect you'd stop me."

"Well, now that also makes sense both logically and empirically," Raymond nodded, "Peralta, make sure Natasha doesn't attack our suspect while I go get the car. Natasha, stay with my mother. I've never seen her this shocked before."

Once Raymond was out of earshot, Laverne spoke. "Jake, I need to tell you something in confidence."

"It's happening," He gasped quietly, excitement brewing, "It's dish time. Okay. Are you going to tell me how much Natasha talks about me? Or cute stories from her childhood?"

"Well, Natasha does speak a great deal about how irritating you are and how much you worry her because of your childish antics," Laverne explained casually.

"Awe," Jake cooed as he smiled lovingly at his girlfriend, "You worry about me?"

"Of course I do, you're an idiot," She shrugged.

"But you love this idiot," He sang with a goofy smile.

"This idiot is about to have a bloody nose," She sang with a sickly sweet smile.

"If we can circle back, please," Laverne said but the smile on her face made it clear she enjoyed seeing Natasha acting so carefree, "George Kenderson did not rob me. He was not casing my apartment."

Jake's brows furrowed. "How do you know?"

She sighed. "He was with me that night."

"But Natasha was with you that night," Jake reminded her with a confused frown.

"No, I was at Rosa's," Natasha admitted, "Grandma needed me to cover for her so that George could spend the night."

"Doing what?" Jake froze at the dry look Laverne gave him and gasped, "Oh, doing you. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I mean, way to go. I'm sex positive. I don't know what to say," He whined.

"George and I have been in a relationship for two years. Raymond doesn't know. Please don't tell him," Laverne begged desperately as Raymond pulled up, "I'm asking you as a friend."

"And I'm telling you not to tell him as your girlfriend who can and will make your death look like an accident if you ruin this," Natasha threatened blankly.

Jake pinched her cheek fondly. "Awe, this is like the very beginning of our relationship!"

She narrowed her eyes at him and quickly turned her head to bite his finger.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"You're mother's lover? He's lovering your mother?!" Natasha repeated heatedly, glaring at her boyfriend, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Jake and Raymond had been staking out Laverne's house when they saw George Kenderson leaving there. And Raymond jumped at the chance to arrest the man on the spot but Jake had reluctantly admitted that George was Laverne's boyfriend to stop him.

"I don't know! My father abandoned me when I was a -"

"My father left me because he's a crime lord and my mother was a bitch," Natasha snapped, "You don't get to play the bad dad card with me."

Jake paused as he tried to think of something before he sighed. "I'm an idiot but you love me?"

"You're an idiot who's going to mysteriously die in his sleep tonight," She huffed.

"You didn't deny loving me!" Jake grinned before he sobered up at her glare.

Before they could say anything else, Raymond walked into the precinct stiffly.

"I'm going to go check on her," Natasha motioned to Laverne in Raymond's office.

"Hello, sir. How was your walk?" Jake asked with a warm smile.

"Long and brisk."

"Wonderful. You left me in the car, took the keys with you. It's still there," Jake explained.

Raymond brushed him off. "Doesn't matter."

Jake sighed. "Look, I know it must have been upsetting to find out about your mom's, hm, how you say... sex," He said awkwardly, "No. Boinking. No. Doinking. Ah, it's too similar to boinking. I'm looking for the words. Smashing of... stuffs together. Eh, let's just go with she has a boyfriend now."

"Yes, I was caught off guard, but I'm fine now," Raymond shrugged causally.

Jake's eyes widened. "Really? And you're fine with Natasha knowing and not telling you?"

"Yes. And don't worry, I understand. She didn't want me to know, and I will behave in a completely professional manner," He reassured him as he walked towards his office.

"Great," Jake breathed out a sigh of relief, "'Cause she's in your office."

"Oh, wonderful. Let's go talk about the case."

"Wow, you are taking this so well," Jake smiled, "Guess I'm not dying tonight."

"Laverne Kinnebrew Holt, Natasha Valentina Zapata," Raymond called seriously as he walked into his office, "You're both under arrest for obstruction of justice."

Jake's eyes widened in shock. "You're definitely going to kill me now so I'm actually kinda glad you're being arrested but I want you to know I love you so much. On a more serious note, your middle name is Valentina?"

Natasha stared at him in shock before she launched herself at him angrily as she screamed. Terry, on instinct at hearing Natasha's scream, rushed in and held her back.

Laverne sighed. "Raymond, I can tell that you're upset."

"I am because you withheld information from this detective about an ongoing police investigation," He said as if there was no underlying, personal reason behind it.

"Ugh! You lie, you get in trouble. You tell the truth, you get in trouble. Y'know, we're probably just better off not talking to each other," Natasha huffed, clearly irritated with the situation.

"All right, I don't think this is actually about police stuff. Maybe we should all just take a deep breath and consider not arresting our moms," Jake tried to break the tension.

Raymond paused to think before reluctantly nodding. "Fine. You're unarrested, mother."

"What about Natasha?" Laverne wondered with furrowed brows.

"Oh," Jake shook his head with a smile, "No, no. She should stay arrested. Because if she isn't she is most definitely going to kill me. And it will not be with love but with I assume one of the wide array of knives she has hidden everywhere. Or the axe Rosa gave her. Or the hammer. You know there are so many ways she could do it, it's just better to lock her up where I can visit her but be safely behind a wall of plexiglass."

"You think a little plexiglass is going to keep her from you?" Terry scoffed as he struggled to keep Natasha at bay, "Terry can barely hold her back and Terry can lift a car!"

Natasha stiffened and glared at him. "Are you saying I weigh more than a car?"

He froze and nervously stuttered out. "What?! No, that is not what I was saying! I was just- Hey, Jake's the one you're mad at, not me!"

With that, he threw her at Jake and rushed out of Raymond's office.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

Jake's talk with Raymond had been fruitless and he was now in the interrogation room, alone, telling Laverne about the case.

"Daniella and her husband confessed to the burglary and two others. We've already recovered a number of your items," He explained quickly, feeling guilty about her fight with Raymond.

"Thank you for the information," She managed a weak smile, "Where's Raymond?"

Jake stiffened. "Oh, he couldn't make it. He's attending to some urgent business."

Before they could say anything else, the door was thrown open.

"That's a stone cold lie," Raymond called as he stepped into the interrogation room.

Laverne's eyes widened. "Raymond?"

"Cowabunga, mother!"

Her brows furrowed. "What?"

But before they could get an explanation the door was once again thrown open.

"Cowabunga, Dad!" It was Natasha this time.

Raymond's eyes widened in shock and he felt his breath get knocked out of him.

In all the years he'd known Natasha, much of which was spent being her father figure, she'd never called him anything of the sort. And now that she had, he found himself shocked but incredibly pleased.

"Yeah, that's right. I called you 'Dad' because that's what you are. My Dad," She said in a very Jake-esque vibe.

Natasha had always seen Raymond, and Kevin, as her fathers. But she'd never openly called them that because she was scared. Scared of rejection and scared of not having them anymore. Afterall, the last person she'd called 'Dad' was on the run for most of her life.

But after hearing Jake's conversation with Raymond, she'd decided that much like she'd done with her feelings for Jake, she was going to overcome her fears.

"We need to talk," Laverne, Raymond, and Natasha said at the same time.

"Well, it looks like my work is done here," Jake smiled proudly, "I'll just be leaving. Oh, damn it. Handle's still broken," He bit his lip anxiously, "Uh, just pretend I'm not here. I'll close my eyes."

"I'm hurt that you didn't feel comfortable telling me about George Kenderson," Raymond admitted softly.

"I didn't know how to. We're not very good at talking about personal matters."

Natasha nodded. "Yeah and because of that whenever I find an opportunity to avoid talking about feelings I take it. Or sometimes even make my own opportunities."

"I'd categorize that as an understatement."

"Humor?" Laverne wondered.

"Yes, to alleviate some of the tension," He explained seriously.

Jake was starting to wonder if anyone in the Holt family actually knew what humor was.

"It worked. After your father died, my personal life was very sad. I didn't talk to you about it, because I wanted you to think I was strong."

Raymond nodded and looked at Natasha, knowing exactly what his mother meant. "And I wanted you to think the same of me, I never wanted you to think of yourself as a burden to me. I guess eventually we stopped talking about personal matters altogether," He chuckled softly.

"I think it's time we let each other off the hook," Laverne smiled, "From now on, I'm going to be 15% more forthcoming on personal details and 5% more physically affectionate."

"And I will adjust in kind, while also implementing a 12% increase in impromptu communication."

"And so will I," Natasha smiled warmly, "With a 16% decrease in withholding emotion."

"Oh, Raymond, Tasha," Laverne breathed out happily, "I love you."

"I love you, too. And I love you... Dad," Natasha said almost shyly.

Raymond had never smiled so brightly. "I love you both."

"Oh, this is such a beautiful moment," Jake squealed, his eyes still screwed shut, "Are you guys hugging? It feels like a hugging moment."

"In the workplace?" Laverne scoffed.

"Don't be absurd," Raymond huffed.

"How can you be so cute and stupid?" Natasha sighed.

"Stop yelling at me. I saved the day!" He whined and, his eyes still closed, held his arms out.

Natasha couldn't help the smile that grew on her face as she got up to hug him.

"I love you, too," She whispered in his ear.

Jake's eyes popped open and he grinned, his arms tightening around her as he picked her up.

"Aren't you going to say it back?" She teased, using his own words against him.

He chuckled and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you so much," He breathed out.

"While this is a very endearing sight, this remains a workplace," Raymond pointed out before he smiled slightly, "But you two are very cute together, I would put you in a boat."

Jake and Natasha pulled away from each other with furrowed brows. "What?"

"Isn't that what the youth are saying now when they think two people make a good couple?"

"You mean you ship them," Rich corrected from the ceiling vent.

"Yes," Raymond pointed to him thankfully, "I ship you two."

"...Raymond, why is there a man in the ceiling?"

Before anyone could explain, a string with a business card attached to it slowly descended.

"Rich Dotcom," Laverne read off the card slowly, still incredibly confused.

"Eh, I'm sorry," Rich chuckled sheepishly, "That's my only one. So..."

Laverne looked up at the man to see if he was serious before she sighed and put the business card back onto the string, watching as Rich reeled it back up.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

〚𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄〛

I hope you guys liked this chapter, it's probably one of my favorites so far. 

Please don't forget to vote and comment!

Have a great day and stay safe ♥♥