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Thank you!!

▪▪▪

It was official.

Toph hated Tobi.

She hated him with every fibre of her admittedly short stature. His annoying cheerfulness reminded her all too much of Aang in all the wrong ways. While Aang was cheerful, he knew when to be serious and when to shut up.

Tobi knew nothing.

Other than how to bug her.

And kidnap people, but that was an extension of annoying her, and she didn't want to give him more than one real skill.

Before her unreasonable, logical brain could point it out, teleportation was a SKILL, not actually KNOWING SOMETHING. You could have fluff for brains and still be able to teleport.

Case in point.

"Tauuuuu-chaaaaan," Tobi wailed behind her, sounding like a beached whale, but stupider. "Payyyy attention to meeeee."

Toph turned down a side corridor and slammed the ceiling down over the entryway in an effort to make a very clear and obvious point, but Tobi teleported back to her side.

He was like a limpetclam. A sticky, slimy limpetclam with about as big of a brain. Toph ground her teeth and sped up, walking a bit faster.

He kept up with his obnoxiously long legs, hovering over her shoulders and occasionally popping in front of her. She always slid him to the side when he pulled a stunt like that, but he remained undeterred.

"Oma and Shu!" Toph snapped. "Go bother someone else!"

"But I like YOU right now!" He protested. "No one else is newer than me, and none of the senpais want to hang out."

"Neither do I," Toph said, slowing down her words so that they could get through his thick skull to the dead flies and bits of fluff beyond. "Go. Away."

"Ah," Tobi said with mock sincerity. "But here's the thing, Tau-chan. I'm YOUR senpai. You're my cute little kouhai!"

Toph didn't know what a kouhai was, but it sounded like a bad thing to be his. "No I'm not. Don't call me that."

He jumped in front of her and wiggled like the piece of seaweedkelp he was. "Call you what, kouhai?"

Toph lunged at him.

He laughed and leaped aside, keeping out of her direct path easily. Toph was reminded of the stupid skill gap, but she kept at it until she managed to close her fingers on the edge of one of his oversized sleeves.

He was pulled up short, slipping and falling onto the floor. She threw herself at him with all intentions of throttling him until he called her by her real name and not any of his crazy nicknames when-

He wasn't there.

Toph felt her knees connect with the rock ground, pressed her left palm to the earth, but couldn't feel him.

He hadn't teleported, that much she could tell. There was always a strange sucking sensation that sent the hairs on the back of her neck prickling and standing straight up, as if some sixth sense was warning her that not all was well.

There was none of that this time, nor any of the quick steps that signaled a shunshin (Kisame had identified the move to her during their late night raw egg and rice meal). It was like he had simply vanished.

"My, my, kouhai. So lewd!"

His voice sounded from right underneath her! Toph leaped to her feet and back, feeling for all she was worth.

A second more and Tobi reappeared to her 'sight'. He was in exactly the same position she had pulled him into, as if he had never left.

He slowly sat up, hugging his arms around himself. "So very forward of you, Tau-chan. Tobi couldn't believe he'd ever be anime wall-slammed!

"Although," he mused, still on the floor. "That was a floor slam, and Tau-chan was more straddling than anything else."

Toph had heard those words before, and since they had been during her chat with Shikamaru about Kakashi's porn, she knew what they entailed.

"You- you- you SHUT UP!" She yelled. "You're nothing but a stupid, kidnapping, jerkfaced WIMP who can't leave well enough alone! You stick your nose where it has NO BUSINESS BEING, and hurt people who are in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD! You're SO ANNOYING! I HATE YOU! GET LOST!!"

She stopped, breathing hard and boiling hot all over. Angry tears burned her eyes, and her tightly clenched fists shook. Her heart echoed in her ears as her words rang down the hall. Toph felt Tobi's heartbeat as he stood, drooping.

"Okay. Bye now Tau-chan. Tobi will go." He started dragging himself down the tunnel, turning the corner and if she'd had sight she would've thought that the end of it.

But she wasn't sighted, and she felt the exact second he turned on his heel and teleported.

Instantly, Toph bent a large spire of rock right out of the ground. Less than a second later, Tobi slammed face first into it. His yelp was quite loud, and it brought a quickly squashed smile to her face.

"Why?" He managed, face still planted solidly in the stone.

Toph turned away, walking down the hallway without turning her head back, surreptitiously wiping angrily at her eyes.

This time, he did not follow her.

▪▪▪

Tsunade Senju observed the girl with keen eyes.

The scene was set in Konoha's busy marketplace. Tsunade sat at an outdoor table, a bottle of sake besides her and a few skewers on a plate in from of her. Shizune had settled across from her, ignoring the passersby in favor of the mochi she had ordered.

Sakura Haruno stood across the street from them, flanked by two elderly men. One had grey hair and carried a cane, the other had bandages around his eyes.

They were watching passersby, or at least two out of three were. The blind man was talking so quietly that any words he said were long drowned out in the hustle and  bustle.

Tsunade tried to make out what they were saying, using her superb chakra control to enhance her sight and zero in on their faces.

Her attempts were mostly thwarted by the fact that Sakura was wearing a coat that covered the entirety of her lower face, while the cane dude wasn't talking.

She did, however, manage to hone in on the blind man, catching every few words.

"-the way- -walk- -shift their weight-"

Sakura nodded, then probably said something.

Tsunade watched as they fell silent, watching all the passersby. Occasionally, the one with bandages around his eyes pointed someone out, letting Sakura watch as they went by.

She didn't quite get what they were doing until she recognised one of the people singled out; ANBU Lizard, one of her agents who chose to live two lives. He showed a normal front and lived with his wife, but he was as deadly as those who traded their identities in for a porcelain mask.

They were spotting high-level shinobi mixed in with the masses! How, Tsunade could only guess.

It was an incredible thing that had the Hokage working hard to control her shock. The level of skill those two men must possess made her blood run cold.

And then the grey-haired one with the cane looked up and locked eyes with her.

Tsunade held his gaze firmly, judging her next move in a split second.

She nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact. There was a moment of terse stillness and then-

Anko slammed down from a rooftop, colliding with Sakura and almost knocking her over. Tsunade watched as he turned away and to the brash kunoichi before looking back to her meal.

She found Shizune watching her curiously, a piece of mochi halfway to her mouth.

"What?" Tsunade snapped.

"Nothing," Shizune quickly replied. Then. "Something caught your eye?"

Tsunade shrugged, pouring herself a shot of alcohol. "Just something intriguing. I'm interested to see if something good or something bad comes out of it."

If Sakura Haruno turned out to be aligned with the village, only good could come of it, especially if old, retired shinobi were taking her under their old, retired wings.

If not...

Well.

Tsunade supposed retribution would have to be swift and deadly.

A flash of cold jade eyes crossed her mind, and she glanced back to where Haruno was trying to pull Anko Mitarashi away from the men.

She wasn't like the third, or the fourth.

She would not make any mistakes like her predecessors.

If Haruno was going to lose a threat to the village...

Then Haruno would die.

▪▪▪

"Sakura-chaaaan!"

Sakura was almost knocked off her feet by a pair of arms and the body they were attached to. She managed to correct herself, but the owner of the arms stayed draped over her back.

"What's up, Anko?" She asked.

Anko hooked her chin over Sakura's shoulder and eyed Hotakata-san and Kou-san. "Who're the old farts?"

Kou sputtered. "What did you call me?!"

Hotakata rested both his hands on the cane. "I am Hotakata Takeda, Mitarashi-san. I would say it's a pleasure to meet you, but then I'd be telling a blatant lie."

Sakura bit back a laugh.

Anko snorted. "We're shinobi. We don't cringe away from telling lies, Even if we have one foot in the grave. A little more wickedness won't make your soul any blacker, old man."

Kou laughed, then hid it with a very unconvincing cough.

"Unlike you, I pride myself on telling good lies," Hotakata raised an eyebrow. "I doubt anyone has ever enjoyed meeting you."

Anko mock gasped, then grinned widely. "Only big boys have fun with me, grandpa."

She glanced at Sakura, who was bright red at the insinuation. "Speaking of which, I have a date with somebody tonight and was hoping you could be a second opinion."

"I would, but I'm in the middle of-" Sakura's voice trailed off as she caught sight of Hotakata shaking his head.

"She obviously needs your help," he said, unkindly. "She has worse fashion sense then I do, and I'm a 64 year old man."

This time, Kou didn't even try to hide his snickering.

"Wherever did you find such lovely companions?" Anko asked, straightening so that she could use Sakura's head as an arm rest. "The dump?"

"The training grounds," Sakura interjected quickly, hoping to mediate. "Takeda-san taught me how to shunshin."

"I see," Anko said, and for a second Sakura thought that it was over.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

"I thought you must have somehow found a portal to the most disgusting plane of existance and found them there." Anko shot.

"Your house?" Hotakata snarked.

"No, yours."

Kou was laughing so hard he was snorting.

"Right. Yes. Well, let's go, Anko. What did you want my opinion on?" Sakura turned and began pushing the older woman away.

Anko tried to flip him off as they left, but Sakura grabbed her hand and smoothed out all her fingers before taking it like the kunoichi was her mother.

Anko glanced down at her, then obviously decided to roll with it.

"So this time," Anko began explaining. "The guy I'm going out with is one that I want to actually have more than a one night stand with. Got any suggestions?"

"Hmm," Sakura considered. "You could try wearing something else. You know, slowly lure him in."

"Aha!" Anko raised a fist in misguided triumph. "Seduce him slowly!"

"No, Anko," Sakura said, scolding her. "If you're trying for a relationship, then it has to be about more than just s-s- intimacy."

She flushed a little, then slowed down to eye the stands. They had quickly passed through the food stalls and restaurants, and now they were in front of stands of trinkets. An older woman sat on a blanket, her back to a building and her wares spread out in front of her.

The seller didn't look up, even as Sakura crouched down, pulling Anko with her.

She didn't trust the older kunoichi with staying besides her instead of going back to fight with Hotakata.

The jewelry on the faded red fabric was all copper and sea glass, the wires wrapped around jewellike pieces of blue and green.

Sakura cast an eye up at Anko. Copper wasn't really a good color on her, but the kunoichi was examining the assorted bracelets keenly anyway.

"See any you like?" The old woman's creaky voice sounded, making Sakura jump.

The old woman's face was covered in folds of paper thin wrinkles. A mole sat proudly in the middle of her right cheek, and her left eye was the blue white of blindness. She grinned, showing exactly three teeth in her pink gums.

"We're just looking," Sakura said politely, hiding her faint shudder. "But your stuff is beautiful. Do you make it yourself?"

The woman lost interest the second Sakura had failed to reply yes. "Move along, move along. Stop blocking the view for my potential customers."

Anko looked up as the woman spoke in her brash tone, opening her mouth to shoot back a retort-

Sakura jumped to her feet and pulled her away, over to a stall selling fabrics with bold patterns emblazoned over them.

"Just ignore her," Sakura caught sight of Anko's unfavorable reply to this course of action before it was even spoken. "Besides, copper and blue do NOT go with your skin tones. Let's get something silver and forget about that."

Anko snorted, but followed Sakura over to a stall displaying hair ornaments. Sakura could feel her glare burning into the back of her neck, but ignored the kunoichi, her gaze roaming over the pearl embedded combs and hair pins before finally settling on a single hair stick.

Although most of it was plain, the decorative end was shaped like a leaf, many tiny swirls of filigree filling out the body of the design.

The owner, a man in his forties with slicked back hair and a mustache to rival all mustaches, caught her gaze.

"You have good taste!" He boomed. "This is a design straight out of the land of Iron! All the nobles of the court have at least one in their jewelry boxes.

"In order to market it better to the shinobi populations, I've mixed it's beauty with practical efficiency; the tip is steel, and can be sharpened until it can be used like those throwing nails you all are so fond of." He crossed his arms and beamed, waiting for them to instantly pour out their purses for it.

"Hmm," Sakura did her best to sound unimpressed. "Is it balanced? Wouldn't the design catch the air and be harder to throw?"

He paused. "Well..."

Anko caught on to what Sakura was doing. "How strong is the leafy thingie on the end? If it can't be thrown, then it would need to be hand held, and that means the swirls and loopies would have to withstand a shinobi's chakra enhanced strength."

"That depends on how strong, I suppose," the man tried for a smile.

Although it was kind of mean, Sakura picked a good sized pebble off the ground, showed it to him, then squeezed her fingers tightly around it. With the aid of her Earthbending, the pebble disintegrated into dust.

His mouth dropped as she allowed the dust to trickle from her hand, and innocent smile on her face. "About that strong, maybe?"

He sagged back in his seat. His voice squeaked as he tried to reply in a civil manner. "Ah, yes. Thank you for pointing out the flaws in the design. Feedback like yours is very welcome."

Feeling a little bad now, Sakura pulled out her coinpurse. "It's still very beautiful, though. If it won't function as a senbon, it would still be very useful as a hair stick, right?"

He didn't move, still slumping on his seat.

"Uh, sir?" She asked, her voice a squeak. "How much?"

"Five hundred ryos," he seemed to come a little more alive at the hint of money. "Enjoy your purchase! Please go."

Sakura laughed uncomfortably as she handed over the correct amount of bills and picked up the hair stick.

Anko watched curiously as she handed it to her.

"This should look good in your hair," Sakura offered. "The purple goes with the silver and it's even a leaf!"

Anko took it with a smile. "Thanks, Sakura."

"Oh, and we can go to Ino's! Ino is SO good at makeup, you have no idea. She'll be happy to do you!"

Anko laughed, taking Sakura's hand as they headed back out of the marketplace.

▪▪▪

Later that night, Anko would place the hair stick on her dresser. It would sit there alone, with no other jewelry to take any eyes from its silver sheen.

▪▪▪

Anko checked her reflection in the rounded side of her spoon. Yes, it threw off her features a little, but she could clearly see her impeccable, savage, man slaying beauty even with the distortion.

She had shown up to the cute little restaurant a full hour early, taking care to case the joint in its entirety.

What was she out to steal?

Iruka Umino's heart and soul, that's what.

She had chosen a fairly good quality place, with higher ceilings and good views of the exit in case her tails got bored (you never knew). The food was also okay, but it wasn't really why she was here.

She had once again dressed up; a short light green dress with pockets! and a tight brown denim corset. Thin leggings covered her skin. The silver hairstick she had bought with Sakura was perched neatly in her bun, and heavy black combat boots completed the whole ensemble.

Why was she dressed up for one dude she wasn't even really interested in?

The answer was simple. She had never gone to get flowers for any guy before, which made Iruka an unprecedent. The nin following her would have noted this.

That meant she was either fooling them or sincerely interested in him, the shinobi were probably thinking. She would have to act like she was trying to get a real relationship this time.

As much as Anko was disinterested in the timid teach, she was even less interested in being caught by whomever her tails reported to.

She set the spoon down.

She could always have said the name of one of the few civilian/shinobi partners she had marked down in her acceptable notebook, but she didn't particularly want anyone watching her while she engaged in not so vanilla activities. If people had to spy on her, she'd rather it be while she flirted like a goddess with a nervous little virgin.

The door opened. Anko resisted the urge to glance up, instead perusing the menu with a slight pout on her lips.

Iruka's familiar voice sounded at the front, then his footsteps came closer until he paused at the table.

He stood there a few seconds, hesitant, so Anko decided to give him a little nudge. "You going to sit, handsome?"

He let out a few flustered noises, then slid into the seat across from her. Anko slowly set the menu down, revealing the flattering makeup that the Yamanaka girl had helped her with.

His quiet gasp of appreciation was worth the torture.

The waitress popped up. Her blonde bob gleamed unnaturally (wig), secured off her face by two black clips. She shot them a wide (fake) smile and held up her notepad. "What can I get you guys to drink? Any entrees?"

Anko showed her a real smile. Yeah, that's right. I'm on a date. Tooootally not suspicious at all.

"Re- pink lemonade for me, please. You want anything to start with in particular, Umino-san?" She covered up her almost slip with picking up the menu and biting her lip.

Inoichi had warned her to be a little (A lot) tamer with Iruka. Ordering alcohol first thing was too wild a thing to do. She had almost messed up, but caught herself before any harm had been done.

She shot him a shy look through her eyelashes. He was still wearing his standard issue pants and blue sandals, but he had switched out his vest for a white shirt. His hair looked the same.

"Water, please," he told the waitress, not even looking up from his menu.

There was a quiet jingle at the door, but Anko had her prey. She paid it no heed, leaning forward. "So. How was your day?"

The tips of his ears flushed. "A-after your visit, it took forever to quiet the kids. Thank you for that, by the way."

Oh, my, my, my. Was that sarcasm on the tail end of his comment? Anko felt a sadistic grin twist her lips. "A healthy dose of chaos is usually my calling card."

"I can tell," he said awkwardly.

He didn't volunteer anything else, fidgeting with his menu.

The shinobi disguised as a waitress returned bearing their drinks. She set the glasses down, then tucked the tray under her arm. "Have you decided what to order yet, sir and miss?"

Anko raised an eyebrow as Iruka waved her off. "Could you give us a few minutes, please?"

The blank-faced woman tilted her head. "Very well.

Iruka set the menu down entirely, letting his hands drop to his lap.

"Need more time?" Anko asked, deciding to throw the timid teach a line.

"No." He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and bowing his head forward. "I didn't come here to eat anything."

Anko had a sudden sense of foreboding that heralded only bad news. "Oh?"

"I can't go out with you!" He said in a sudden rush. "I don't think it would work between us."

Anko rocked back in her seat, shocked.

This was the first time she had been rejected in... years.

Even though it was kind of what she wanted, it stung.

"NO, teach! What are you doing!" A sudden cry came from the side of the restaurant.

What seemed to be about a third of his class sat in booths, the windows open to allow the rest a front row view to the drama happening inside.

"This will be the first, last, and only time such a hottie will ask you out!" One of the boys all but shouted. "You should be on your knees begging her to marry you!"

"While she's still delusional!" Another chimed in. "Hurry!"

Iruka turned a shade of supernova red, springing to his feet. "WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU DOING HERE?!"

"Well, duh, sensei." A girl with orange hair said. "You're teaching shinobi. We're not as incompetent as we seem when it comes to matters of actual importance."

"Yeah!" Someone else chimed in. "Like watching you make a fool of yourself."

Anko couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. She almost fell off her chair and onto the floor before she caught herself. Iruka turned to her, still flushed.

"Please ignore them," he asked, not looking her in the eyes.

Anko barely managed not to snort she was laughing so hard. She sat back up, delicately dabbing at her eyes to stop the tears of mirth from messing up her makeup. "I'm writing those down."

"R-right," the tips of his ears were cherry red. "Well. B-back to the conversation at hand."

"The one where you're dumping me?" Anko asked, bluntly.

"We haven't- we're not dating! I can't dump you!" Iruka put his arm on the table and hid his face in it.

"Where you're rejecting my confession and toying with a young maiden's delicate heart," Anko sassed instead. "Like that's any better. Could I have a reason for why you won't even consider going out with me?"

"He's the delusional one!" A boy with a runny nose and glasses called over.

Anko snrked.

"Look, Mitarashi," Iruka peeked up at her through his bangs. "I've never been in a relationship before-"

The children oooohed. Iruka glared fiercely at them, then turned his gaze back to her.

"- but I do know that I want it to be serious, with marriage in mind. I want to be with someone who wants only me. I don't think that's an unreasonable requirement."

He stood up to leave. "I'm sorry for leading you on. I'll take my leave now."

Her arm shot out as he passed by. She grabbed onto his sleeve and burst to her feet. "Why do you think that I'm incapable of that?! At least give me a chance!"

Okay, now it was getting a little real. Anko's pride and reputation for not letting a single man escape her were on the line, here.

He flushed a deeper red. "Even I've heard about your... exploits."

Oh, snap. Anko gritted her teeth. "Maybe I'm looking for the same thing! You're the only one I've gone so out of my way for!"

He looked away.

And Anko snapped.