Ryan

Ryan wasn't sure when he had gotten so drunk, but he wasn't quite surprised when he found himself making out with Charlie. It had been so long since he'd kissed Jacky that last night they were together, and each kiss was a tactile reminder of him. His brain kept flickering to how Jacky had looked in the dark, his sharp angles softened and the gentle way they had tasted each other.

The only different thing was the way Charlie smelled. Each time Ryan would lose himself in the memories, he'd inhale, and snap back to the present, where Charlie was wearing something that smelled citrusy and – Ryan moved his lips down to kiss Charlie's smooth neck for a moment before placing that other scent, which was minty.

Jacky, on the other hand, smelled more like an evergreen forest with hints of citrus. He hadn't always smelled like that; it was the cologne Ryan had bought him last year for Christmas: Marvel Men's Cologne, the Captain America one, which might have come across like a joke gift except that Ryan loved the scent, and so did Jacky, and it blended nicely with the Old Spice cologne Ryan wore. Jacky had even bought a bottle of Old Spice to spray on his pillow for the nights when Ryan wasn't there.

Coming up for air, Ryan murmured in Charlie's ear, "I have to go to the bathroom."

Charlie climbed off, and Ryan stumbled toward the bathroom. It wasn't exactly a ploy to have a little privacy to use his phone – he really did have to pee – but once he was done, he sat there and opened up his texts to his last text conversation with Jacky.

I'll see you soon, Jacky had sent.

That had been the day before Ryan left for college. The day Jacky had driven to the group home and picked Ryan up for their last sleepover.

Ryan's throat closed up and he struggled to swallow. For a brief moment, it had been as if the last month and a half hadn't happened, and Jacky was on his way over. The gut punch of longing gripped him. He pressed a hand to his mouth, where only moments before he had been kissing Charlie, and thinking of Jacky.

That was the attraction, wasn't it? Someone who was a little broken, who Ryan could protect. Someone with dark hair that drooped over their face and hunched their shoulders like they were bracing themselves against hurt that was inevitably coming down the pipeline. Now that Ryan thought about it, he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed it before.

His thumbs hovered over the little keyboard.

But no. Jacky had broken up with him. Whatever Jacky was going through, he wanted to go through it on his own. More than wanted – he needed to do it alone, without Ryan to protect him.

Swallowing thickly, Ryan shut off his phone. He had to wait for Jacky.

He just hoped Jacky would find his way back.

Jacky

It didn't seem real. Here he was, sitting next to a guy who had just blown him. He had done it. Gotten over Ryan. He had proven that he could do this college thing on his own, without the crutch of a hot boyfriend.

And now all he could think about was Ryan.

With a glance over at Braedyn, who was intently watching the movie like Jacky wasn't sitting beside him, Jacky pulled out his phone and pulled up his last text message with Ryan. I'll see you soon, Jacky had written. Jacky snapped his phone off.

He was a total dick. Not only had Ryan recently lost his mother to cancer and had to live in a group home, but Jacky had broken up with him out of the blue for no reason than selfishness. He'd had a good thing and destroyed it.

He knew how good it had been now that he knew what a college hookup was like. Braedyn wasn't acting like they'd just had a sexual encounter. Jacky turned his head slightly, trying to take in Braedyn's body language without being too obvious about it. Braedyn was leaning away, his eyes staring straight ahead at the movie like it was the most thrilling film of all time. Glancing at the screen and the monotonous car race scene playing out, Jacky couldn't even remember if this was Fast and Furious 8 or The Fast and the Furious 8 or maybe it was the tenth movie in the franchise – movies about car races and toxic masculinity had never been his favorite kind of movie.

Generally, in Jacky's limited experience, a blow job was either reciprocated, or else it led to something more intense, especially if the blow job happened right away. At that point it was foreplay. Whatever the case, at the very least there would be some cuddling after. Braedyn might have been expecting Jacky to initiate the cuddling while they watched the movie. But then why had Braedyn climbed up on the bed first, and moved away when Jacky sat down?

Jacky was used to being the little spoon in a cuddle, anyway. None of this made any sense.

Things continued not to make sense until the movie credits started rolling, and Braedyn suddenly snapped to life. "Oh, wow, I must have been so wasted. I don't even remember most of this movie."

Ah. Jacky understood now. Even though he'd tried his best to get Braedyn drunk earlier, Braedyn hadn't been blackout drunk, he was sure of it. Making the sarcasm as obvious as he could, he drawled, "Gee, I hope you're not too hungover tomorrow."

"Yeah, whew." Braedyn hopped down from the bed and swayed dramatically. "Ugh, I might have to throw up." Then he ran from the room, unlocking and opening the door with as little trouble as a very sober actor in a community theater production.

"Finally," said Billy, strolling in. He was wearing red fur jacket over a mesh crop top with skinny jeans. He tossed off the jacket and kicked off his platform shoes. "I've been waiting out there for over an hour. I hope it was good sex, at least?"

"Ha," Jacky said woodenly, clicking off the television.

"Seriously?" Billy arched an eyebrow. "You kept me waiting for nothing?"

Jacky looked to the door, which was still open.

Rolling his eyes, Billy walked over and closing it. "Okay, babes, now that we have privacy, you're gonna have to spill the tea."

"Ugh," Jacky moaned, flopping into his pillow.

"Nope, nuh-uh. What, you made a move and straight boy proved he was straight? Come on, tell Uncle Billy."

"Gross." But Jacky sat back up and heaved a sigh. Then he told Billy about trying to drunk enough to kiss Braedyn, and how Braedyn had suggested going to Jacky's room to watch the movie, and how Braedyn had initiated things. "And then he just sat down and watched the movie and didn't look at me or talk to me the whole time," Jacky finished.

"Ohhhh." Billy nodded sagely.

"Closeted gay," Jacky and Billy said at the same time.

"He Meryl Streep-ed out of here," Jacky said. "Oh, I was so drunk I barely remember anything from the past two hours."

"That's deep in the closet," Billy said. "Really deep."

"I know," Jacky moaned, closing his eyes. Maybe he was more drunk than he thought, confiding in Billy like this. But who else was there? "I can't believe I broke up with Ryan for that."

Billy purred with interest. "Who's Ryan?"

That was right, he'd never told Billy about Ryan. "My ex," Jacky explained without opening his eyes. With everything off his chest, he just might fall asleep like this.

"What?" Billy sputtered. "You never told me about an ex-boyfriend."

Jacky suddenly felt so very tired. "Yeah. We broke up right before college."

"Andrew Jackson Jennings, you are unbelievable! This would have been valuable information to know, as your roommate. If I had known you were in a vulnerable post-breakup period, I would have forced you to come along on one of my manhunts so I could have gotten you a proper rebound instead of Mr. Closeted Frat Boy across the hall!" Jacky heard Billy angrily collecting the things he needed for his nighttime beauty routine: his satin robe, his jade roller, his bottle of night cream. "Is that why you were so rude to Hot Cam? He told everyone at gay club how you yelled at him and ran off. There were no shortage of people lined up to comfort him, by the way. When you could have had a great rebound with him, no strings attached. Wait – did you seriously fall asleep while I was ranting?"

Jacky peeked one eye open just to enjoy the sight of Billy's disappointment in him.

"You're going to drive me to an early grave!" Billy huffed.

"Calm down, diva," Jacky said, sitting up just enough to pull his covers down and start to crawl under them.

"Oh, so you don't want any help deciding whether or not to rekindle things with Ryan?"

"No!" Jacky yanked the covers over his head, then just as quickly flopped them back open. "I mean yes."

___

Hmmm, is asking Billy for help with his dating life a bad idea?