Ryan

Ryan felt Harper glaring at him all through breakfast. The diner they'd landed at was one of those greasy places that seemed like the board of health should have shut it down years ago, with sticky menus and endless cups of coffee and photographs from the 70s on the wall. They were too big a group to sit together, so Ryan sat with Jacky and his friends while his roommates and Charlie sat at a table across the narrow aisle. Every time he looked over, Harper was glaring and Charlie was scrolling on his phone looking morose, and a tidal wave of guilt threatened to consume him.

The breakfast sandwich he'd ordered was good, though, when he was able to get a bite in. Jacky's friends had a lot of questions.

"So I heard you want to be a doctor?" Billy asked, elbows on the table. "What kind of doctor?" When Ryan told him he wanted to be an oncologist, Billy sighed sadly, poking at his omelet. "I was hoping you'd say proctologist. I mean, if you want to examine my prostate, you know, for science..."

"Don't be gross," Jacky scoffed.

"We are trying to eat here," Braedyn interjected.

"Do you like living in the city?" Liliana asked, changing the subject.

"Yes, it's cool," Ryan said.

"I applied to sooo many schools in New York, but when it came time to choose one I chickened out. But New York has a different vibe from Boston, I think."

"Technically, this is Somerville," Ryan said.

Billy waved him off. "That's like saying Manhattan isn't New York. Anyways, so did you two make up? Mr. Jennings here called you his boyfriend earlier. Are you back together?"

Ryan nearly choked on the bite he'd just taken. He avoided answering the question by taking several sips of his coffee. Across the aisle, the hushed tones and random silences meant that Ryan's roommates and Charlie were clearly listening to his conversation. Suddenly, he wasn't very hungry at all.

Jacky

After the brunch from hell, Jacky was hoping to somehow get Ryan alone. They emerged onto the busy sidewalk, bracing in the frigid fall air, and Jacky turned to Ryan. He was about to open his mouth when Charlie appeared on Ryan's other side. "Can we talk?" they asked.

Ryan glanced at Jacky, then back at Charlie. "Sure," he said, and left Jacky alone there.

"Ooh, they're going to have a Talk," Billly whispered, earning a glare from Harper as the lesbian roommates started to lead the way back home.

Lilliana watched Ryan step away. "Should we follow them, or...?"

Braedyn pointed at the lesbians. "I'm going to follow them." And, ducking his head, he headed down the sidewalk.

Jacky didn't want to follow the lesbians, but if following them meant Ryan would break up with Charlie faster, he would. "Yeah, I guess."

Billiana linked arms and skipped after the roommates, while Jacky trailed behind. If he looked back, would he see a heated argument, or would Ryan be consoling Charlie? He hated the dark feelings rising in his chest.

"So when will you all be heading back?" Jordan asked once they caught up. Jacky had a feeling she'd been elected as the most diplomatic person.

Jacky didn't want to leave until things with Ryan were fully resolved. He could feel Billy staring at him. After a long pause, Billy answered breezily, "Oh, we'll probably leave by dinnertime. Grab some Wendys and get out of your hair."

"So soon?" Harper said, deadpan.

"We have classes tomorrow, and I'm sure all of us want to get a good night's sleep," Billy responded as if he hadn't heard her sarcasm, but his words had a sarcasm all their own. Billy could care less about going to class or getting a good night's sleep.

Jacky glanced behind them. Ryan and Charlie were much further back than he'd hoped, and they were walking slowly. It was hard to see their facial expressions from here. He wanted to drag his feet and hang back to wait for Ryan, but he knew that wasn't going to help anything. Head down, he kept up with his friends and Ryan's roommates and hoped this trip hadn't been for nothing.

Ryan

When the first words out of Charlie's mouth were, "Why did you start dating me if you were still talking to your ex?" Ryan knew he wasn't going to leave this conversation feeling good about himself. He'd been emotionally cheating on Charlie with Jacky and that was all there was to it.

"I didn't think we were going to get back together or anything." Even to Ryan's ears it sounded like a bad excuse. "He broke up with me the night before I left. I..." Ryan took a breath, knowing this would hurt. "I missed him."

"It's pretty obvious you picked me because if you squint I kinda look like him." Charlie crossed their arms. "Were you ever going to tell me you were talking to him, or was I just a good way to spend time until he took you back?"

"I didn't know he was going to come here." It was the wrong thing to say.

"Oh, so if he hadn't come here, you would never have told me about him?"

"Look." Ryan stopped. Trying to walk and talk about this stuff was too hard. "I like you. I would never have gone on a date with you if I didn't."

"But?"

Ryan didn't even have to say it. But Jacky came back.

Charlie gave up and started walking again, head down and hands in their pockets. At a loss for words, Ryan trailed along behind.

Up ahead, Billy elbowed Jacky and jerked a thumb back at Ryan and Charlie. Jacky just shook his head.

Everything was messed up now.

They had almost gotten back to the apartment when Charlie asked, "Do you love him?"

Ryan felt that question like a punch in the stomach. In a whisper he replied, "Yes."

They stopped at the door. Everyone else had already gone upstairs. Charlie turned to face Ryan. "I suppose this is it, then."

"Yeah." Ryan didn't want it to sound this final. "I hope... we can still be friends?"

Charlie didn't look at him. Finally, they shrugged. "I don't know if I can do that."

As Charlie walked away, Ryan stood there watching them go. He hoped he wasn't making a big mistake.

Jacky

Everyone had gone to the bathroom and gathered their things – not that any of them had brought much – by the time Ryan came up. There was nothing left to do but say goodbye.

"I guess we're heading back now," Jacky said when Ryan came in.

"Oh."

Ryan sounded surprised. He also didn't offer to talk to Jacky alone. Without any knowledge about what had gone down with Charlie, Jacky wasn't sure what else to say. He shrugged at his friends, who started filing out the door. It all felt anticlimactic.

Jacky stopped in the doorway and turned back to Ryan, who was still just standing there. "I guess you can text me when you get your phone fixed?"

That seemed to break Ryan out of his stupor. "I'll walk to you to your car," he said quickly.

"You don't have to." Jacky's tone was sharper than intended, but it got his point across. He had imposed upon Ryan, assuming something about how much Ryan cared about him. If Ryan didn't feel any kind of way, this was his opportunity to say something.

Ryan stepped toward the door, into Jacky's personal space, looking at Jacky in that serious way Ryan had. "I'm coming."

"Okay." Jacky took a breath and tried not to make it sound relieved.

They walked in silence, trailing far behind Billiana and Braedyn. When he saw the others step off the sidewalk to get into Liliana's car, Jacky slowed.

"I'm sorry If me coming here messed things up for you," Jacky said, because what else was there? He had to go and Ryan wasn't saying he wanted him to stay. The moments they had shared earlier in the day felt like a long time ago.

"You didn't. Mess things up, I mean." Ryan took a deep breath and stopped walking. He grabbed Jacky's hand. Jacky stood there, staring at their hands like an idiot. "We needed to talk and it was better to do it face to face."

Jacky looked up at him, afraid to see a sympathetic look that would mean Ryan hadn't broken up with Charlie after all. Instead Ryan was trying to smile.

"I want this to work."

"Me, too," Jacky whispered.

Ryan wrapped him in a hug and Jacky hugged him back, sagging against Ryan's chest. "I'll call you tonight?"

"Okay," Jacky said.

They eased apart. It seemed too presumptuous to kiss him goodbye like they'd never broken up. There would be time for that later... at least, he hoped there would be.