Jacky

Due to the November chill in the air, Ryan did opt to put his shirt back on before they all headed out to the party – both his tight t-shirt and a sweatshirt and a jacket, which was very unfair, in Jacky's opinion. Even fully dressed, Ryan drew more than a little attention from the others at the party, who all wanted to know where Ryan had been hiding this whole semester.

"I'm taken," Ryan said the first few times he was asked, giving Jacky a squeeze.

After a few more times, however, Jacky growled, "He's taken," and people finally began to chill the fuck out. "Bunch of horny bastards." They poured some beers from the keg and wandered around until they found a place to sit where the music wasn't crazy loud.

"Is your friend Liliana here?" Ryan asked, looking around.

"Doubt it." Jacky took a swallow of his beer. "She's usually off partying with whoever."

"Oh." Ryan looked surprised. "She and Billy seemed tight when you all came to visit me."

"Yeah, but this is a gay party."

Ryan nodded. "I guess that answers that."

"Answers what?"

"Well... Jordan and Sam both expressed a bit of an interest in her. But I'll just tell them she's straight."

Jacky nodded at Billy and Braedyn sucking face in the corner. "Guess he came out?"

"Safe to say."

"I'm glad you talked him out of the closet. He was making us all miserable."

Just then, Jacky saw someone he didn't want to see and ducked back behind Ryan's shoulder. Ryan glanced at Jacky, then at where Jacky had been looking. If Ryan thought Cam was as hot as everyone else did, he didn't react. It wasn't until Cam spotted Jacky and made a hasty retreat out of the room that Jacky could breathe again.

"What was that about?" Ryan asked.

"Ugh... just a bad date."

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Wanna tell me about it?"

"He had a little too much interest in the fact that I'm an amputee."

Ryan grimaced. "Weird. Like a fetish?"

"I don't think so, but he wasn't picking up on me not wanting to sit there and talk about it. We were at a Marvel movie, for Christ's sake. I wanted to geek out over Marvel and he's next to me wanting to unpack all my trauma."

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah, best to keep that trauma bottled up so you can explode under pressure."

"Oh, I exploded, all right."

"You did? No wonder he just ran away."

To change the subject, Jacky asked, "Have you been to a lot of college parties?"

"Not really, unless you count parties where college-aged people are. My roommates have a lot of friends, but we're mostly just hanging out drinking and playing video games, not—" Ryan gestured at what was going on in the room: a group huddled around a table, playing a card game that involved drinking, several couples grinding to the music that was being deejayed in the other room, and another group sitting by the window passing around a joint, "all this."

"To be fair, I think most college parties are just drinking and playing games. Most parties in general." Jacky took a sip of his beer. "College isn't quite what I expected it to be."

"What did you expect?" Ryan asked, sitting back.

Jacky turned in so they were face to face. The rest of the party seemed to melt away. "Less about studying, more about laundry and trying not to eat garbage one hundred percent of the time. More about dealing with people."

"Huh." Ryan looked around at the room, giving Jacky a chance to admire exactly how beautiful he was. "I guess I had some practice at the group home learning how to cook for myself and all that. For me it was more about how to balance studying with everything else. Some of my classes are really hard."

"You have a hard major. I suppose if I wasn't still undeclared I might be taking hard classes."

Ryan gave Jacky's leg a squeeze. "A lot of people are undeclared. It's okay."

But Jacky didn't need the comfort of knowing he wasn't the only one. His conversation with Ryan earlier had resolved something for him. "I think I know what I want now," Jacky said, leaning closer.

"Good." Ryan grinned, and was about to close the gap when someone nearby squealed.

"He's here!" Liliana sang moments before crashing between them and hugging Ryan. "I'm so glad you two are back together!"

"What are you doing here?" Jacky asked before he realized how rude it sounded. "I mean, at a gay party?"

Liliana gave Jacky a funny look. "Um, I'm bi?" She stepped back to let him see the purple-haired girl with a backwards baseball cap standing behind her. "This is my sometimes-girlfriend Izzy."

"Sometimes?" Izzy demanded.

"Yes. Sometimes, like now," Liliana explained.

"Uh-huh. Sure." Izzy started to walk away. Liliana offered Ryan and Jacky an apologetic smile before chasing after her.

Jacky looked at Ryan, shrugged. "So, maybe not so straight after all."

Ryan

The next day, when the time came for Ryan to head back home, he found himself lingering with Jacky by his car.

He had struggled to fully wake up that morning due to the drizzling rain that made it seem still so dark outside. Jacky had wanted to get breakfast at Dunkin Donuts but Ryan convinced him that it was better to eat at the dining hall – better for Ryan's wallet, anyway. Both of them were tired from last night's party and the hours they had spent in Jacky's room doing all the things they had missed doing while they were broken up. Ryan hadn't wanted to go to sleep – he had forgotten how being with Jacky made him feel grounded and safe.

Now, he wrapped Jacky in a hug that he didn't want to let go of.

"You could just live here," Jacky said against his chest. "I'm sure Billy wouldn't mind another roommate."

"Sure. We can just squeeze into your bed."

"The sex every night will make up for the tiny mattress."

Ryan laughed softly into Jacky's hair. Why was letting go so hard? He wondered, until he hit on the answer. "This is what it would have been like to say good-bye to you if we hadn't broken up before college."

In his arms, Jacky sagged.

"I'm not trying to dredge all that up again. It's just... I have to go and I'm going to miss you, but I know you'll be there if I need someone to talk to. And now I'm excited for Thanksgiving and the holidays, having someplace to go. It was pretty lonely not having that."

After a long pause, Jacky pulled away, just a little. "I was pretty lonely here, too. It was like being back in high school, before you came along. No friends, no one to talk to."

"Let's never do that again."

A faint smile crossed Jacky's lips. "Never."

But Ryan had a five-hour drive ahead of him, and if he didn't leave soon he'd be getting back without any time to do his homework for the week. So he kissed Jacky until he thought he could keep that feeling the whole ride home.

"I love you," he whispered in Jacky's ear.

"I love you too," Jacky whispered back, gripping Ryan's sweatshirt in his fist.

"I don't want to go."

"I don't want you to go."

"But I have to go."

"Do you?"

"I have to go get my degree so I can support you in whatever major you decide on."

"Oh, you'll have to support me? I'm going to be working full-time after four years of college. You'll still be in school racking up student loans."

"We'll have to support each other, I guess."

"I'm sure we can live with my mom for as long as we need."

"I'm glad there's a backup plan."

"That's why you love me."

"I do love you."

As Ryan drove away, leaving Jacky alone in the parking lot, he had to remind himself that he would be back in just a few weeks, and he could call Jacky once he got home. Or on the way there, if he wanted to. He would try to wait until he couldn't taste Jacky on his lips anymore, but after all they'd been through, he was done with waiting.