Today was the big day: my date with Michael. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering like crazy.

Lucille did my makeup and gave me some last minute advice, even though she already went through an entire handbook over dating tips yesterday. Rosemary styled my hair, and got me a blue headband to wear with the dress. They were also going out tonight, so we got ready together. Lucy was dressed in a black and silver jumpsuit, Rose in a pink sundress. It felt oddly special, being able to get all dressed up with them.

As they added the final touches, they turned the vanity chair around to reveal myself in the mirror. I've never seen myself all glammed up like this before, and honestly, it made me feel amazing. I looked gorgeous, needless to say.

I put on some perfume and the new jewelry before finishing it off with my heels. Lucy observed as I confidently walked back and forth in them.

"You're a pro, girl. You've got this under control."

"I'm just really nervous… what if-"

She put a finger over her mouth, gesturing for me to shush. "Nuh uh uh, no what ifs. You just go out there and be yourself, and whatever happens happens. You're gonna be fine."

I smiled wide, and we started to make our way out of the front door, careful not to catch my moms attention. The place they were having their date at wasn't far from mine, so we took the subway and in less than ten minutes we were already there.

As we approached the spot me and Michael planned to meet up at, a million thoughts began to rush through my mind. I tried to calm myself, I didn't want to be an obvious nervous wreck when I talked to him. The last thing I need is to be embarrassed in front of him. I took a few deep breaths, and headed up to the doors of the restaurant.

Lucille gave me a nudge on the shoulder, turning to head the other direction. "Good luck, Cynthia. We'll be a few blocks down if you need us."

Then, they were gone. It was all me now. I took one last deep inhale and exhale, and made my way in. Heel to toe.

The place was very nice, dare I say a little fancy. The wallpaper was a light blue with a few white patterns. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and each table was adorned with a white tablecloth and a single candle. A live jazz band played in the background, creating a romantic and rather relaxing ambience. I see why he picked this place.

I glanced around the room, trying to find where he was. He was sitting at a corner booth, gesturing his hand for me to come sit down as we spotted each other.

He straightened up, fixing his white button down as I sat down across from him. "Wow, you look amazing, Cynthia."

I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks already as I smiled. "Thank you so much; you also look stun, uh- the place, the restaurant, looks....stunning."

I swear his smile could light up a town. He combed his blonde hair back with his fingers, letting out a faint laugh. "I appreciate it, thanks for coming out tonight."

"Of course, what have you been up to?" I asked, trying to initiate some conversation so I didn't come off awkward.

"Just picking up more shifts at the cafe, hoping to save up some money; speaking of which, did you get the job?"

Well, fuck. I knew he was going to ask, and I hadn't come up with an excuse. What do I tell him?

"Uhm, I didn't, surprisingly."

"Really? They were like, super desperate to try to find employment."

I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't. He shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head. "I guess they're just being picky. Well, what else have you been up to?"

I felt a huge weight come off of my shoulders now that that conversation was blown over. Thank goodness he didn't suspect anything, or at least didn't question me about it.

"Not much, just navigating life I guess."

"I hear you like writing?"

"Uhm, I do- how did you hear about that?"

"Lucy tells me some things about you when she comes in for her regular. That's actually why I asked you out: I want to get to know you."

"Really?" I replied, twirling my hair with my finger, "You know, I've never been on a date before."

The waiter came with water for us both, setting them down in front of us. "Me neither. This is the first time for both of us, huh?"

I was flattered, his charming smile making me even more giddy. "I guess it is."

We ordered our food, talking more and more about our interests as we waited. I listened to him talk with such fascination, even over the most basic things, and he did the same for me. He says he's been getting into music lately, he's learning to play the piano. Who knew? He's also saving up money to get his own apartment, and told me some stories from university. I won't lie, I loved listening to him speak. He could talk about anything and I would listen all day; or maybe he was just extremely charming. That too. I forgot what I was so nervous about, this was going perfectly.

We decided to check out a little backyard patio connected to the restaurant, decorated with a sparkling fountain in the center, string lights, and greenery. We sat on a bench by the fountain, admiring the scenery as the sun began to set. Now, I'm no expert, but something told me there was some romance building between us.

We tossed a few coins into the water, chatting about how lovely the night was. Just as we were about to head back inside to call it for the night, a voice echoed out from behind us.

"Michael, darling! Surprised to see you here," Diane came up between us, pushing me aside and placing her hands on his forearm, "Oh, hey Cynthia."

She frowned as she peered back at me, Michael inched back and nudged her off. "Uhm, hey, what are you doing here?"

I was starting to get a little uncomfortable as she brushed against him, clearly trying to be flirtatious. I was starting to suspect she knew we would be here.

"Just came for a night out... surprised to see you here at such a lovely establishment with a girl who is fresh out of the slammer, ay?"

My body froze. He looked back at me, disturbed. "What? What is she talking about?"

I tried to speak, but Diane immediately interrupted my every attempt at talking. "Oh, Cynthia, you didn't tell him? You know, about your little record?"

"Tell me about what?" He shouted, his tone a mix of frustration and confusion.

"I, uhm- I swear, it's not what it seems like Michael."

She sneered, watching as my face turned pale. "You haven't heard? She was the girl that killed her dad a few years ago, that's literally why she didn't get the job at the shop. Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. I'm shocked you didn't know."

"No, wait, Michael listen to me-"

His eyes widened as he backed away from me, Diane continuing to instigate "Is this true? She never lies to me."

"It's not-"

"I mean, I can show you the newspapers and everything. Cynthia Quinn. I was even your friend at the time; what a pity."

I tried to grab Michael's arm as he began to walk away, bringing her with him, but he pulled away.

"Don't touch me, I can't believe I trusted someone like you. Despicable, you're sick. I can't be seen with you."

He began to walk out of the door, Diane following him out. And just like that, within minutes, I was alone. The tears began to fall as I collapsed on to the bench, burying my head in my arms.

What now?

◆          ◆

Rosemary and I went out to have some dinner before heading to the rooftop of a building, getting a clear view of the city skyline as the sun set. I loved taking her to rooftops because it was peaceful and we could get some time to ourselves, as well as getting to see the city from all the way up in different angles.

Tonight felt different. I mean, not in a bad way, but just different. We've had some deep conversations before, but she asked me a question that I've been secretly asking myself for a while. A conversation with her that I know I needed to have, but was putting off.

"Do you think it'll ever work out for us?"

I knew what she meant, and I knew what she was trying to ask, but I still tried to act like I didn't.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Lucy. For us. I'm just worried that it won't."

"Why are you worried? We're fine, right?"

Her voice became more stern. "It's not that, you know what I'm talking about. Of course we're fine, we both know that, but what about everybody else?"

"We don't need to be concerned about anyone else. As long as we have each other-"

"They hate people like us, Lucille. I'm tired of pretending like that doesn't bother me, you know? That's why I wanted to talk to you."

People like us. I know she's right, and it bothers me just as much as it bothers her and others in the same place. But I try to stay as optimistic as possible, because there's not much else to do about it.

"I know, it bothers me too, I wish it wasn't this way; that we didn't have to, you know, love in secrecy and all. But maybe it's not so bad?"

"We can't even get married if we wanted to. I know things are trying to get better but I just- I can't help but worry about our future. What if we... don't... have one?"

She looked down, avoiding eye contact with me as she fidgeted with her hair. I wasn't certain on how to respond without either making her feel worse or no better. But truthfully, even though I couldn't guarantee her anything, I still tried to remain hopeful. She wanted to talk to me to feel better, not worse.

"We do. We may never be understood or change society, all the protests in the world won't defend us from anything, but we can't let that stop us. You won't let it stop us, right?"

"I guess. Promise that even if we can't guarantee anything else, we can at least guarantee that we'll be there for each other?"

"Promise. Maybe we could run away to some deserted island, then we can do whatever we want." I teased.

"You know," she turned around, leaning her back against the railing, "would it be so bad? Get away from this damned city."

"No, I can't leave them behind. I don't want Cynthia to be left alone."

"I guess so. I just wish there was another way, another way that wasn't to live a lie."

"I wish so too. Ya know maybe when Cynthia grows up and gains some independence, we can think about it."

She smiles, resting her head on my shoulder as she wrapped her fingers around mine. There wasn't anybody around to judge or question.

"I love you, darling." She whispered.

"I love you too."

◆          ◆

I clutched my bag as I embarrassingly left the restaurant, throwing my headband to the ground. I'm pretty sure I counted at least three people that turned to watch as I just got dumped in front of everyone. How could he just leave me here, not even letting me explain? Now I look ridiculous with my mascara running and a face full of tears.

I feel so hopeless. I'm back to having nobody. Just as I thought I might actually be making friends and living a normal life, my past comes back to slap me in the face. You know, if people would just listen to my side of the story, I wouldn't be here.

Why does it have to be me? Why am I left with this stupid burden? I was trying to be hopeful about everything, that I'd move on and life would find a way. But now I'm not so sure if I'll ever truly move on, or if this is just my reality. Was I better off just staying in prison?

I wiped my tears, trying to hold them back so I didn't embarrass myself even more. I leaned up against the brick wall of the restaurant to collect my thoughts, cars and people racing past me, until I noticed someone had followed me out and was tapping me on the shoulder.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Bonnie? What are you doing here?... Did you see any of-"

"Yeah.."

I sighed with humiliation. "How much of it did you see?"

"Enough to know that it's time for you to come home."

I knew exactly what this was, and now I was even more pissed off and upset.

"Christ, Mom sent you over here didn't she?"

She nodded, looking about as displeased with the fact as I was. "Let's go home."

➳          ➳

Bonnie unlocked the door, but I didn't go in. I already knew who was going to be waiting for me and I didn't feel like facing her. The door opened as she gestured for me to go in, I refused. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me inside, and just as I predicted, there was my mom, standing over the kitchen counter tapping her foot.

I stared at her back, kicking off my heels before not being able to hold back my tears any longer. I let it all out, but she still stood there waiting for me to speak first. Although, I'm not sure what she was wanting out of me. An apology? An explanation? An excuse?

"What?" I grunted, sniffling as my eyes continued to well.

"So, care to explain where you were?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, huh?"

That clearly angered her even more. She made her way toward me, forcefully grabbing my face as she began examining me up and down, disgusted.

"Don't give me an attitude, Cynthia; what the hell are you wearing? Going out dressed up like that?"

I slapped her hand away from me. "It's just a dress. I was out with someone, why is that such a crime?"

"Because you are too immature to be going out with anybody- especially behind my back, young lady."

"I'm 18, why can't you just let me live? What are you so afraid of? Because I know it's not my safety."

She crossed her arms, huffing. "I'm sorry I don't want anything bad happening to my only daughter."

"Oh, like you care?" I retaliated, instantly regretting what I said.

"Cynthia, that's enough. Take this shit off of your face and don't talk to me, unless it's an apology for being a little sneak."

"Fine then." I stormed off to my bedroom, purposely bumping into her on the way.

I slammed the door behind me and immediately curled myself up in bed, sobbing. I didn't feel like taking off my dress, or the makeup, anything. I just wanted to lock myself in my room and never leave. I was so embarrassed, ashamed, and heartbroken all at once. I needed to take my mind off of everything. So, I reached for my journal, tears dripping onto the paper as I flipped through the pages.

Dear Diary
Today sucked. I thought that tonight was going to be special, but here I am crying in my bedroom.

Dad, why did you have to leave me here? If you were still alive none of this would have happened. I would have gone to junior high and high school, experienced all of the things that a normal kid and teenager would. It's not your fault I know, but god do I feel hopeless. I feel so lost without you. I know it's been like years, but I miss you. I mean, there's Mom, but sometimes it just feels like she's not really here either. And I thought I had somebody, but not anymore. It feels like the world has turned against me and there's nothing I can do about it. I need you now more than ever, you know? I'm still your little girl, even if you're not here anymore and I'm not so little.

To whoever did this to you, I haven't given up just yet. I don't know how, but I'm gonna find you. You have caused all of this to happen to me, and I'm not letting you get away with it. You've hidden for eight years and lived your life without burden or punishment, and that's going to soon come to an end.
I haven't given up on you, Dad. Sometimes I feel like I should, like there's a dead end, but I know you would want me to fight for you.
I love you, and I miss you. Until I see you again

Cynthia

As I finished off my writing, a knock came from my door.

"Can I come in?" Lucille called from the other side.

"Yeah."

She carefully opened the door, sitting down next to me on the bed. I tucked my journal behind my pillow and sat up, facing her.

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "What happened? I thought everything was perfect."

"He left me on the spot." I mumbled, struggling to form proper sentences as my voice cracked.

"What?! Why?"

"One of his stupid friends told him about, you know, my history. She was there at the restaurant. I'm pretty sure she did it on purpose so he would drop me on the spot; I tried to explain, but it was pointless."

I began to wail again as I recalled what happened. She put an arm around me, attempting to provide some comfort.

"Cynthia, I'm so sorry."

"It's just not fair." I rubbed my eyes, my makeup slowly fading.

"It isn't fair. But it's not your fault, that son of a bitch doesn't deserve you anyways."

"I mean, it's not his fault I guess. It's just- her, Diane. She ruined everything."

"What's going on?" Rosemary peaked her head through the door before realizing the pity party that was taking place, "Oh."

She sat down next to Lucille and I, also wanting to be supportive. She didn't say anything, but that was fine with me. It cheered me up a little knowing I had both of them.

Lucy turned to Rose. "Looks like we're going to have to go slap a bitch, whoever this Diane you speak of is."

I giggled, slowly wiping away the tears. "It's just, I don't know, I'll get over it. I just don't know what to do about Mom either."

"What about her?" Lucy asked, furrowing her brow.

"She sent Bonnie over to spy on me, and then yelled at me for going behind her back or whatever when I came home. She doesn't want to talk to me."

She peered over at Rose, who had the same expression as her. "You don't need to worry, I'll go talk to her. We'll give you some space for right now."

I leaned in for a hug, and Rosemary tagged in as well. I don't know what I would do without them, honestly.

They got up and headed towards the door. Lucy looked back at me as she began to close it.

"Let me know if you need anything, Cynthia. I'll be here."

She shut the door behind her, and I was by myself once again. I began to take off my dress and glamor, getting ready to call it a night. I needed some rest, although I don't know how well I will end up sleeping. But, for now, that's all I feel like doing.

A/N:
I need to do some fact checking when it comes to LGBT rights during this time, so I will go more in depth with that once I can do some more research.

I really wanted to do more with this chapter but it's already lengthy and I'm no good at romance lol. This is pretty rough, but my second draft will be so much better I swear lmao. Just bare with me during this chapter