❝​​It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you, wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine.❞

Back to December | Taylor Swift

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Topanga sighed, knowing the look on her friend's face all too well. "You saw Shawn, didn't you."

"He was there. I had no choice," Elena defended herself with a shrug.

In an effort to keep from killing or kissing him, Elena made a pact with Topanga to stay away from him for the time being. She needed to sort her feelings out without Shawn throwing them all out of whack right in the middle of all her process.

"No! No, no, no, no. We cannot go through this again," She pleaded desperately, "I almost needed therapy for that breakup. I'm pretty sure that breakup caused irreparable damage to Cory."

"Awe, peaches," Elena cooed sympathetically as she patted her arm comfortingly, "He came out of the box like that. He was the only defective brillo head they missed in the great recall of '82."

"I'm being serious, pumpkin," Topanga whined.

"It's fine. It's over. I'm done," She promised earnestly.

"You know what? That is exactly the thing that your mom would say when she left your father every few years. You would think it was the piles of money that brought her back, but no-"

"It was the money," Elena deadpanned, leaving no room for discussion.

Topanga frowned. "Okay, yes but that doesn't prove my point so we're ignoring that part. Look, the point is you and Shawn have that kind of love that steals a piece of your heart. And, pumpkin, until you fill it with somebody new, you're just gonna keep going back for more."

Elena rolled her eyes. "It's over," She repeated sternly.

"Okay, then tonight we have fun. Look, Shawn broke your heart, but you have to get back out there. You know, start dating, live your life," She begged, wanting to help her friend.

"I am living my life, and a man doesn't define it," Elena said confidently.

Topanga smiled proudly. "Ooh, valid point. To freedom."

Elena held up her chai latte. "To freedom."

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"Why are you smiling?" Cory asked with furrowed brows as he joined Elena and River.

"What? Can't I just be happy?" She shrugged as she took a sip of her third chai latte of the day.

"Shawn tripped and fell on the stairs," River explained for her before he stood up and grabbed his things, "My next class is starting, I'll see you guys later?"

"Yeah, see you," They called as he made his way to the door.

Once they were alone, Cory turned to Elena with a serious look as he crossed his arms on the table. He almost looked like a therapist. "Elena, I've noticed that you are emotionless and I want to talk about your deeper emotions. What are you feeling right now?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I feel like I should stab someone."

He chuckled, clearly not relaxing or just ignoring the threat. "Stabbing isn't a feeling."

Cory quickly grabbed the set of plastic cutlery on the table and threw them across the room.

"Fine," She deadpanned, "I'm feeling stabby."

"Great," He sighed, "Now I'm going to have to keep my eye on you. Otherwise, we're going to be having these conversations through plexiglass."

"I talk about my feelings all the time," She argued, "Like when I'm mad or hungry or when I don't like something."

"You hate talking about your feelings," He corrected her with a scoff, "When the guy at the bodega asks how you're doing you tell him to mind his own business."

"If I wanted him to know, he'd know," She countered pointedly.

Cory pursed his lips and arched a brow. "How's it going, Elena?"

"I have this headache that comes and goes," She shrugged.

And for a second, Cory thought they were making real progress.

"Hey guys," Shawn called awkwardly as he walked over to their table.

Elena rolled her eyes and scowled. "There it is again."

"Okay," Cory clapped his hands together, hoping to make a breakthrough with them today, "I encourage you both to say how you're feeling."

"I'm feeling like going home," Elena said bluntly as she stood up only to be dragged back down.

"How about some good old-fashioned Cory-Shawn-Elena Time!" Cory exclaimed excitedly as he pulled Shawn to sit down at their table, "I'll go get one of the board games. Don't go anywhere."

The two say facing each other awkwardly as Cory kept turning around to check on them and made sure they didn't leave. He almost tripped over his feet rushing back over to them.

"The only game left is the one the Physics majors made; Research Lab," Cory's bright smile didn't falter at their grimaces "But hey, it's like the slogan says, the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real."

Not even two rounds in and Shawn and Elena had already started arguing heatedly over trivial things. Cory, who'd been witness to the whole thing, didn't even know what the fight was about.

"You turn, Elena," Cory said over their arguing, trying to divert their attention. He'd just wanted to get the band back together, he missed the dynamic he'd gotten so used to over the years, "Roll the dice, Elena. Come on, Elena, if you roll a six, Shawn dies horribly in a nuclear meltdown. See what I mean when I say the fun is real?" He let out a strained laugh.

But their arguing only seemed to intensify as they shot insults and snarky comments at each other.

Cory sighed and grabbed the dice. "I'll just roll for you."

"He has a reputation around campus, everyone knows he's a jerk!" Shawn yelled heatedly.

"Do you have a problem with me going out with him?" Elena asked with a frown.

"What was your first clue?" He huffed sarcastically.

"Uh-oh!" Cory exclaimed, playing for Shawn this time, "Industrial accident."

"Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot," Elena snarled.

"I'm not talking to you like you're an idiot! I'm saying the whole idea is idiotic!" He shot back.

"You accidentally stare at a helium-argon laser. Lose one turn and a retina," Cory read the card.

"How is that not talking to me like I'm an idiot?" She scoffed as she scowled at him, "It's my date, it's my decision, and it's my freakin' life!"

"It's also your roll," Cory interrupted softly but he was ignored again.

"You know what? It is your life," He huffed, "If you want to go on a date with the campus playboy, then fine. Why don't you just rent some bunk beds and have kids while you're at it too!"

Once again, he was sadly ignored. "Hey, if I want to marry what's-his-face and have a little league team with him, I will, and it's none of your business!" Elena yelled.

Cory looked between the two with furrowed brows, their argument was getting increasingly dumber and making less and less sense. He wasn't sure they even knew what they were saying.

"Are you listening to yourself? Do you know how childish you sound right now?" Shawn rolled her eyes.

"Oh, now I'm a child?" Elena scoffed as she crossed her arms angrily.

"Well, at least I'm not an idiot anymore!" He threw his hands up in exasperation.

"The two aren't mutually exclusive!" She snapped angrily.

"Oh, you are such a..." Shawn winced when the sound of a blender cut him off. He turned to the bar and frowned when he saw Cory blending ice, "What the hell is he doing?"

Elena sighed. "He's drowning us out. He doesn't like fighting. Cory, just stop, look, the fight is over. I'm leaving," She grumbled as she stood up and stormed out of the student lounge.

Shawn rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Cory, she's gone. You can turn off the blender."

Cory finally turned off the blender and started scooping the shaved ice into a cup stiffly. "Look on the bright side. Elena technically forfeit so you have become the world's first winner of Research Lab. Would you like a commemorative snow cone?" He smiled tightly as he squeezed an orange over the ice before slamming it down harshly on the counter.

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"Is Shawn coming?" Elena immediately asked when Cory joined her in the library.

"I don't think he even knows Penbrook has a library. No, I believe Shawn is waiting for you to come crawling back to him and apologize," He answered.

Elena rolled her eyes and scowled. "Well, that's not gonna happen."

"I assumed that would be your attitude," He nodded, "Hence, my true purpose in coming here."

She arched a brow. "Which is?"

"I want you to crawl back to him and apologize."

She scoffed and turned back to the book she'd been glaring at. "I'm busy. Anything else?"

"Yes, I want you to apologize to Shawn," He repeated desperately.

He knew this was a shot in the dark, especially since Elena was kind of right. Sure, Shawn was trying to protect her and even Cory knew about the playboy reputation he'd been talking about. But with the current state of their relationship, he really shouldn't have overstepped. They just weren't in that place right now. They were in a place where everything was a potential argument.

But none of that mattered right now. Right now, he just wanted to get one of them to break and for things to go back to semi-normal because that was better than whatever this was right now.

"I am not going to apologize. I've done nothing wrong. He is completely overreacting."

"Irrelevant. The disruption in your relationship is making my life miserable," He whined.

"Well, I'm sorry, Cory, but this really isn't about you," She huffed, clearly annoyed with him.

His brows furrowed. "I don't follow."

Elena let out an exasperated sigh and stood up. "Look, Cory, I have to go."

"All right, let's assume that in this case, Shawn is wrong."

"Shawn is wrong," She said bluntly.

"Considering the number of transgressions you've committed that he's overlooked, don't you think that, just this once, you could return the favor?" He begged.

"Goodbye, Cory," She snapped and marched off before coming right back to stand in front of him with a frown, "What do you mean, transgressions I've committed?"

"I just mean you both have a lot of complaints about each other," He gulped nervously.

"I know he has enough about me to write a list," She snapped, making him wince at the memory, "What else?" She insisted, "What does Shawn complain about?"

At her intense glare, Cory stood no chance of keeping anything secret. "Your driving, always being late, your singing."

Okay, those were... normal. Normal things to be annoyed by, things she may have even been annoyed by. These were harmless complaints, unlike the list.

She furrowed her brows. "My singing?" She repeated with a confused frown.

"That's actually from my list, but Shawn would be a fool if he didn't agree with it," He shrugged.

Elena paused, she felt an odd mix of anger and pride. That was a very Elena-thing to say of him. She was proud of the burn and that he had the confidence to say it to her of all people.

"Okay, if Shawn has so many problems with me, why hasn't he just said so?"

"Because, according to him, you're scary and have a temper," He blurted out.

"Oh, really?" She scoffed, "Well, then, do me a favor and tell Shawn that he can drop dead!"

"And she wonders why campus security is afraid of her," Cory mused as she stormed off.

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"Hey," Shawn greeted as he looked up from his notebook.

"Oh, good, you're here," Cory smiled as he closed their dorm door, "I need you to do me a favor."

Shawn nodded, sitting on the edge of his bed and setting his notebook down. "Sure."

"Go apologize to Elena."

His brows furrowed. "What?"

"Right now would be good," Cory prompted him nervously.

A loud knock rang through their dorm before Elena stormed in. "Shawn!"

"Although, a few minutes ago would have been better," Cory smiled sheepishly as he jumped out of Elena's warpath.

"I hear you don't like my driving or my punctuality," She snapped.

"What? Who would tell you something like that?" He breathed out with furrowed brows before he turned to glare at his best friend, "Why would you tell her something like that?"

"It doesn't matter why he told me," She huffed, "It's true, isn't it?"

"Okay, yeah, it's true, but I can live with that stuff. What I can't live with is you wanting to go out with a guy who's just going to hurt you!" He argued.

"Hey, I went out with you, didn't I?" She shot back with a heated glare.

Shawn took a step back like her words hurt him. He let out a strained scoff, "Cory, will you tell her that I... Cory? Where did he go?"

"Oh, your yelling must have freaked him out again," She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

Shawn's brows furrowed. "Where are you going? You just walk away in the middle of an argument?!"

"No, I'm going to go find your damn roommate before he hurts himself trying to cross the street or something!" She exclaimed as she threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Why didn't you say so?" He grumbled as he grabbed his dorm keys and followed her.

She scoffed. "Oh, now I need your permission for that, too?!"

"Well, damn, Elena! I can't read your mind!" He huffed.

"Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb!" She mocked.

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Elena stuck her head out the window as she drove down the road. "Cory!" She whistled.

"What are you doing? He's not a lost dog," Shawn muttered with a frown, clutching the grab handles for dear life and jumping in his seat at every sharp turn she took.

She rolled her eyes. "Hey, why don't you just let me find him while you sit there hitting your imaginary brake?" She saw him flinching every time she sped up or turned the car.

"The brake might be imaginary, but that stop sign you just ran wasn't," He yelped.

Elena's brows furrowed as she turned to look back. "What stop sign?"

"Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road!" He demanded fearfully.

Despite Shawn's adamant claims they weren't going to make it in one piece, they made it to the local comic book store. And Shawn rushed out of the car before Elena even parked it.

"Hey, Stuart, have you seen Cory?" Shawn breathed out as he stood on shaky legs, clearly still not over what he deemed a 'hell ride'.

"Yeah, he's, uh, over in the graphic novel section. Built himself a little nest."

Elena walked in and looked around before walking over to the two. Cory was on the floor with an array of comic books surrounding him as well as various action figures. Like a child in a fort.

"...I'm not leaving until you talk to me," Shawn insisted as he looked down at Cory.

"All right, what's going on?" She asked as she stood next to Shawn.

"I'm ignoring you," Cory said as he refused to look at them.

"Come on, Cory, let's go home. Look, we're done fighting," She promised earnestly.

He shook his head. "I'm still in the middle of a very draining chia pet custody battle."

Elena sighed. "Okay, we'll cool it with all the fighting. Promise."

"I've heard that before," He scoffed as he crossed his arms and pouted, "But then, the next thing you know I'm hiding in my bedroom, blaring that Ricky Martin album you gave me while my grandma is shouting that Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my grandpa's meatloaf, and my grandpa's on the roof skeet-shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates."

Yeah, that summer that Cory had spent with his grandparents in Vermont had not been fun.

"Okay, there's going to be no more shouting and no... skeet-shooting," She mumbled, confused.

"Really? What about your date?" He asked innocently, wanting to know how they figured things out.

Shawn turned to Elena with crossed arms. "Yeah, what about your date?" He asked petulantly.

"Oh, my God, would you let this go?!" She glowered at him.

"Why should I let it go? I'm just trying to protect you and-" His arguing was cut off by Cory setting off one of the loud action figures, "Oh, for God's sake. So, you have childhood issues, we all have childhood issues, at some point, you just need to grow up and get past them!" He huffed only to be silenced by yet another loud toy.

"Grow up and get over it," Elena repeated with an indignant scoff, "Practice what you preach first."

And a third toy went off making them wince at the annoying mix of sounds.

Elena let out an irritated groan and pushed him away. "Shawn, will you just let me handle this, please?" She crouched down next to Cory, "Look, let's just... Cory, please, try and understand. Look, Shawn and I are in a weird place right now, we're going to fight until we find a new normal. But no matter what happens between us, we will always love you. Right, Shawn?"

"Always is a long time," He mumbled before yelping when Elena pinched him, "Sure. Always."

Cory perked up. "I want that one."

She nodded like she was talking to a child. "Okay, you can have that one."

"Oh, come on," Shawn huffed as he threw his hands up in exasperation, "He's just going to play with it twice, and then it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk."

"Buy him the robot, Shawn," She demanded sternly, her voice low and threatening.

He quickly grabbed the toy from Cory with a nervous gulp.

"Can I get this comic book, too?" Cory asked excitedly.

"Yes, you can," She smiled before giving Shawn a stern glare.

"So everything's going to be okay again?" Cory asked hopefully as they clambered into the car.

Elena gestured to the radio. "Blink-182 hated each other and still found a way to continue to suck as a band for years," She shrugged as Shawn braced himself for the ride.

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Once they got back to campus, Cory begged them to talk before clambering out of the car. Elena and Shawn shared a look before they sighed and decided maybe they did need to talk.

"Every time I try to move on you're right there and the problem is there's no more room for you in your life. Not anymore. So I'm just setting myself up for failure, I'm just hurting myself," Elena admitted as soon as they sat down in the student lounge, "I'm tired of being hurt, Shawn."

Shawn gulped dryly as he looked at her with a deep sense of sadness, guilt, and regret. He wished he'd done better by her but there was no changing the past. But he could be better now. He would be.

He tentatively reached out to grab her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Lena, I can handle not being with you anymore but I can't handle not having you anymore. I won't ever be able to."

Elena hated to admit it and she never would out loud but she felt the same way. She hated that she needed him but that didn't change the fact that she did. He'd been her best friend for years before he turned into the guy who'd hurt her. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't cut him out either.

She nodded, silently agreeing to his words and thankfully he didn't prompt her for more. She let out a long sigh, her gaze trained on their intertwined hands before she finally turned to look at him. "I-I don't want to hate you, Shawn," She admitted softly, "Anyone else? Without a doubt and for way less than what you did. But I can't even when I want to."

After a beat of silence, he mustered up the confidence to speak. "...So, what does that mean?"

"That we go back to being friends. But for real this time," She said decidedly like it was that easy.

Shawn couldn't help the smile that grew on his face as he nodded. "Right, the long game."

"No more secret feelings and no more weird aggressive pinning. Whatever feelings we have that aren't platonic are going to die right now until we're ready to deal with them."

Shawn let out a chuckle as his brows furrowed. "Lena, feelings don't have a switch. Even I know that."

"You know what I tell you and I'm telling you we can do this," She said sternly.

"Yes, ma'am," He answered immediately without hesitation.

At least some things never changed no matter how much everything else did.

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"Where's Cory," Elena asked as she walked into their dorm.

"He's still out with Topanga," Shawn answered, "Why?"

"His mom wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels."

Shawn frowned. "I was going to do that."

"Oh, well, then you do it," She shrugged casually, not seeing why he was upset.

"No, I don't want to do it," He brushed her off, "You can do it."

Elena furrowed her brows but decided to just ignore it. "Okay, you can take him for shoes."

"I just took him for shoes," Shawn said in disbelief.

She rolled her eyes and held her hands up. "Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet."

"Fine," He huffed, "I'll take him for shoes next Saturday."

"Oh, no, no, no," She shook her head immediately, "We're going to that new amusement park next Saturday and Cory wants to come."

Shawn bristled. "All right. But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food. I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste."

"We're going to an amusement park. He's going to eat junk food," She scoffed at the obviousness.

"All I'm saying is give me a heads-up," He grumbled.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, whatever."

"And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He'll say he can handle it, but I promise you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes.

She pursed her lips to keep from arguing. "All right, got it. Is there anything else?" She asked tightly.

"Yeah, don't let Goofy near him. He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it."

They were too engrossed in their planning, which seemed more like custody scheduling, to realize how weird this whole thing was. They were acting like divorced co-parents.

Elena's brows furrowed. "What's the problem with Goofy?"

"Wish I knew," He huffed exasperatedly, "He's fine with Pluto."

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"We're home," Elena sang as she opened the door to the dorm room, Cory, Topanga, and River trailing behind her.

"It's ten o'clock, where have you been?" Shawn grumbled like a father scolding his child.

"We stayed for the firework show. It was pure magic," Cory beamed.

Shawn bristled and narrowed his eyes at Elena. "I was going to see that with him," He complained.

She rolled her eyes and brushed him off. "How was I supposed to know that?"

"It's all right. I'll see it again with you," Cory promised quickly, looking between the two worriedly.

"And I have food here," Shawn groaned in annoyance when he noticed the doggy bag in Cory's hands, "You said you were going to call."

"I know, I know," Elena sighed apologetically.

"I can still eat," Cory offered.

"No," Elena said sternly, "You already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth."

He paused, reluctant to leave. "Okay, but just don't fight."

Shawn rolled his eyes. "We're not fighting," He said tightly.

"Just go," Elena waved him off.

"Aren't you going to thank Elena for taking you to the amusement park?" Shawn called before Cory could make his way to the bathroom.

Cory smiled brightly at her. "Thank you, Elena."

"You're welcome, brillo head," She smiled warmly at him.

Meanwhile, River and Topanga were looking between the three with confused and weirded-out looks.

"That... That was weird right?" Topanga asked with a frown, still trying to understand it.

"Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too," River answered immediately.

"Does this mean they'll be my in-laws when Cory and I get married?" Topanga mused.

"You still want to marry him?" River scoffed teasingly with a chuckle.

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"He's such an angel when he's asleep," Shawn commented as he nodded to a passed-out Cory.

Elena had come back to grab her keys that had accidentally ended up mixed up with Cory's things.

"Yeah," She smiled before she sighed, "Shame he has to wake up."

"I think we can do it," He mused, looking at her warmly.

"Smother Cory in his sleep?" Elena asked excitedly before faking concern, "Wouldn't that be wrong?"

Shawn chuckled and shook his head. "No, be friends. You and me."

She smiled back at him and nodded. "Oh, yeah. Absolutely."

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The group was all gathered in Eric and Jack's apartment to celebrate the Shalena truce when they decided to play the honesty game.

"Shawn," Topanga smirked devilishly, "If you could spend one night with anyone, no strings attached, who would it be with?"

"Anyone in the world? No strings?" He asked, "Well, then I'd pick Elena," He admitted almost shyly, refusing to look at her as everyone in the room let out a dramatic oooh.

Thankfully, Eric was out picking up takeout otherwise they'd be attending a funeral and a murder trial.

She arched a brow. "No strings, no commitment, no emotional attachment and you'd pick me?"

He nodded confidently this time, facing her. "Yeah, what do you say to that?" He'd been hoping she would get flustered like he had but this was Elena he was talking to.

She straightened up and smirked at him. "Let's do it. Shawn, let's go."

His eyes widened. "Now?" He croaked out and grinned when she nodded daringly, "I like this game."

But before they could climb the stairs, Cory wedged himself in front of them. "When you two broke up, who spent every minute of every day trying to get you two together?" He asked.

"You, darling," Elena answered dryly, wanting to get through the dramatics quickly.

"And who is the one who spent every second trying to get you to realize that you belong together?"

"You, darling," Shawn answered impatiently.

"Then, why are you going to do something very strange in a bedroom when I have absolutely nothing to do with it?" He asked incredulously, almost offended.

Elena rolled her eyes. "Just because Topanga won't sleep with you, does not mean we can have a threesome. This has nothing to do with you, Cory," She summarized.

His brows furrowed. "Oh, I don't get it!" He pouted petulantly.

"You don't get most things," Elena reminded him as she patted his cheek.

"Bye-bye," Shawn sang as he pushed past him and pulled Elena towards his old room.

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The two tumbled into Shawn's room and immediately fell onto his bed, their lips locking and their hands roaming. This was why Elena wanted to stay away from him because she couldn't stay away from him. At least if he was out of sight he was out of mind... and reach.

"This is the greatest night of my life," Shawn mumbled against her lips.

Elena let out an annoyed sound. "Don't say anything," She demanded as she tugged on his hair.

"No one understands it but us," He continued fervently.

"Quiet!" She snapped as she bit down on his lip softly.

This time at least he was able to stay quiet for a minute. "...I forgot how well we fit together."

"I forgot how bad you are at listening," She huffed as they finally pulled away from each other.

Shawn had his arms wrapped around her as he looked down at her lovingly. "Elena-"

"Don't!" She hissed vehemently, trying to stop the inevitable sappy words.

"I miss you," He breathed out earnestly.

"Don't!" She repeated desperately, leaning up to kiss him again to hopefully distract him.

It worked for a second before he forced himself away from her lips. "I can't help it... I love you."

Elena let out an annoyed grunt and pushed him off of her, sending him flying to the floor.

"Ow! My key!" He yelped in pain before slowly pulling himself up with an embarrassed grimace, "Oh, man! I Cory-ed this up didn't I?"

"You had to go and get heavy, Shawn, didn't ya? Cory would be so proud," She chuckled.

"No! I'm- I'm not getting heavy, Elena. I just think that an emotional commitment is the proper foundation of-" He cut himself off with a gasp, "Oh my God I'm both of them!"

"That's it," Elena sighed as she sat up, "Just friends, nothing more."

They clearly couldn't draw a line between hating each other and loving each other. So, they needed to focus on fixing their friendship before they could fix their relationship.

"Yeah," He nodded, "Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there, friends who make out."

"Good night, Shawn," She rolled her eyes affectionately as she left. 

Shawn sighed as he watched her leave before dropping down on his bed dejectedly. He pulled out the photo of them together that he always carried in his pocket since their breakup.

He'd thought he wanted freedom but it turned out freedom was nothing but missing her.

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〚𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄〛

It's very obvious I've been binge-watching the Big Bang Theory recently lol. I felt like these two episodes went well with the current relationship between Cory, Shawn, and Elena. 

I hope you liked it, what did you guys think?

Mini spoiler: new character alert next chapter!

Are you guys excited? Who do you think it's going to be and what do you want to happen?

Please don't forget to vote and comment!

Have a great day and stay safe ♥♥