❝It's funny 'cause I've always dreamed of me and you. Now here we are, staring at the stars. You just broke my heart even though you promised you'd never do that from the start.❞

See You Later | Jenna Raine

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"Wait up!"

"Walk faster," Elena snapped as she kept marching down the halls.

"I'll walk faster," Cory quickly agreed as he started jogging to keep up with her.

Three days had passed since Elena broke up with Shawn in Chubbies. It had also been three days since she'd spoken a word to Cory. Elena could deal with a lot of things. Like Cory accidentally dying her hair electric blue, or Cory accidentally setting her curtains on fire.

But she couldn't get over the list.

Ever since she found it, all she could do was read it over and over again. And even when she wasn't reading it, it was like the words were permanently seared into the back of her eyelids. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could think about was that stupid cons list.

"What?" She asked flatly when he was finally walking by her side.

"Can we talk, please," He begged.

"Hm, no."

"Okay, then I'll talk," He suggested without missing a beat, "I'm sorry."

"I don't care," She deadpanned, not even turning to look at him.

"Okay, see, now I'm confused. So, are we talking or is it still just me talking?" He asked.

Elena rolled her eyes and pursed her lips to keep from swearing at him. She perked up when she noticed they were about to walk past the hallway trash can and it was on Cory's side. The second they were close enough, her arm shot out and she pushed Cory right into the trash can.

"Okay, we'll talk later!" Cory called after her casually as he tried to shimmy out of the trash can.

"She's still mad at you, huh?" Topanga asked as she walked over to him.

"No, she's not. Well, not as mad as she was. I mean look, she's even waving goodbye. Now that is progress," Cory smiled brightly as he nodded over to Elena's retreating figure.

Topanga frowned. "Cory, no one waves with one finger up. Especially not that finger."

"Will you just help me out of the trash," He huffed as he failed yet again to pull himself out.

"No."

"What? Why not?" He whined like a child.

"You deserve it," She said like it was obvious and she leaned down and kissed his cheek before she walked away.

Cory sighed as he stopped struggling to get out. "I know," He admitted sadly.

He hurt his best friend. Even though that was exactly what he'd been trying to avoid.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

Elena sighed irritatedly when she felt someone's presence near her. She was currently in the library reshelving books, Mr. Feeny's newest form of punishment for her instead of detention.

After her breakup, she had a lot of free time on her hands. And unfortunately for Mr. Feeny that time went into planning out various pranks to pull.

Her brows furrowed when she didn't immediately see Cory's face. "Why are you wearing a football helmet?"

"You're talking to me!" He cheered happily like he'd just won a prize. He cleared his throat when she simply arched a brow, "Oh, yeah. Uh, I knew you didn't want to talk to me-"

"Then why are you here?" She snapped with a heated glare.

"You know I'm too stupid for my own good," He brushed her off, "Anyway, I also knew you were still really mad at me for the whole list thing. And I figured that forcing you to talk to me would only make you even more mad, so I would need protection."

She pursed her lips. "Good call," She nodded before she took a hardcover book and slammed it into the side of his helmet-covered head.

"I deserved that," He winced, even with the helmet on he still felt the hit, "Wow, you're strong."

"That," She pointed to the book she'd just hit him with, "Doesn't even come close to how much you hurt me."

Cory froze at her words, he could hear how upset she was. With a heavy sigh, he took the helmet off and set it aside. But before he could say anything, she hit him again. Although, this time with a significantly thinner book.

He let out a pained yelp and massaged his temple. "I'm sorry, okay!"

"You were supposed to be my best friend!" She argued as she continued to hit him with the book, "You weren't supposed to hurt me! A-and you were supposed to-to be there for me."

"I was!" He argued, "Or, well, I tried! In my own stupid Cory way that always ends up making more problems than there were, to begin with, that's exactly what I was trying to do."

"You're Cory-ness isn't an excuse," She snapped as she finally set the book down.

He sighed. "I know. Look, I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day-"

She scoffed. "Or all their lives."

He put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to face him. "Look. I know I was wrong. And I know I was a bad friend. But you have to believe me, everything I did was to try and protect you," He said earnestly.

"How?" She asked reluctantly, clearly not believing him.

And so, Cory explained everything that had happened but from his point of view. How he was torn between his two best friends, how happy he was to find out Elena was Purse Girl, how he wanted to believe Shawn for Elena's sake.

Cory had thought that by steering Shawn in the right direction that he would be doing right by both his best friends. He would be helping Shawn get on the right path like he always did and he would spare Elena the hurt of thinking Shawn was straying when he definitely wasn't.

Except, he now realized, he was fortunate enough to not be burdened by fear like Elena was. Unlike her, he didn't wonder if the people in his life were planning to abandon him. Unlike her, he slept soundly through the night because he wasn't plagued with thoughts of everything he could have done to make someone want to leave him.

Cory didn't know what it was like to always be waiting for the worst thing to happen. Elena did.

Elena was always preparing for the worst instead of hoping for the best. Because even though her mother had left months ago, she still had a suffocating grip on Elena. Sofia made Elena question every decision, every word, and everyone.

The doubt her mother left behind was deadly.

For a while, Elena had been doubting whether or not she was good enough. She figured if her own mother couldn't love her then how could anyone else? So, to Elena, just the fact that Shawn was thinking of another girl was enough to play on her worst fears. It was enough to tell her that she was stupid to have ever thought things could work out.

Elena sighed when Cory finished speaking. "Why do you always make it hard to be mad at you?"

She knew Cory hadn't meant to hurt her. The boy couldn't hurt a fly even if he was trying to. In fact, all he's ever trying to do is make everyone happy no matter how difficult or complicated that ended up being.

"I was just trying to fix everything before anything even got broken," He surmised sadly.

"I know," She nodded, "You're just dumb."

"Really dumb," He agreed quickly making her chuckle softly.

Elena knew she couldn't forgive Cory because even if she tried, she didn't know how to not hold a grudge. But she also knew that she couldn't ditch the dumb chia pet either, it would take way too long to break in another Cory. She'd tried and it did not work.

So, she needed to find a middle ground.

She sighed and turned her head. "Fake Cory!" She called.

Cory's brows furrowed when a boy who looked very similar to him rushed over to them. "Carl?"

Carl shook his head. "It's Cory, now," He explained with an excited smile.

"You already replaced me!" Cory gasped in shock and betrayal.

Elena rolled her eyes and pulled out a piece of candy and handed it to him which quickly appeased him. She turned to Carl or Fake Cory. "Cancel that perm appointment."

"But I thought I needed to get a perm so I could look like a chia pet," He frowned.

"You're fired," She said bluntly and shooed him away without a care.

"That's right, you cheap knock-off Cory, get lost!" Cory smirked haughtily.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you," Elena pointed out sternly, "It just means you have a chance to earn my forgiveness before I replace you."

"I do a lot of apologizing to Topanga because I just make so many mistakes so I have a lot of practice," He smiled proudly before he realized that wasn't exactly a good thing.

See, now, Elena could perm Carl's hair and make him change his name to Cory but there were just some things that couldn't be taught in order to be Cory Matthews.

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"All through history, countries have gone to war. That's what we normally study in here. But today, we're going to talk about peace and forgiveness and how we get there," Mr. Feeny said.

Elena's brows furrowed, feeling like this lesson was hitting a little too close to home. Was Feeny just teaching them lessons based on what was happening in their lives that day?

"What does that have to do with History?" Cory asked.

"Cory, I forgive you," Mr. Feeny said simply.

His brows furrowed. "What did I do?"

"I forgive you too," Topanga added.

"So do I," River nodded.

"What did I do?!" Cory exclaimed, clearly confused and distressed.

"You know what you do," River said sternly.

Mr. Feeny smiled. "I feel better now that I've forgiven you. How do you feel?"

"I'm sorry for every time I've hurt you! What did I do?!" He yelped desperately.

"Today we're going to begin the forgiveness project. Our history isn't just about what we've done. How we grow comes from the repair of what we've done and how we forgive what was done to us," Mr. Feeny explained to the class, "Everyone take out a piece of paper. Express feelings. This is one of the most important things you are ever going to do. You're about to forgive someone."

Elena frowned, clearly not enjoying this topic. "What's this got to do with history, Mr. Feeny?"

"It gives you a chance to change it."

"Like when I forgave Eric for biting the face off my Beary-the-Bear bear," Cory smiled proudly.

Mr. Feeny frowned and shook his head. "That wasn't forgiveness, Mr. Matthews."

Mr. Feeny had heard all too much about Beary-the-Bear bear. Ever since Eric had bitten off its face years ago up until a few weeks ago, Cory kept complaining to his teacher about the incident.

"Why not?" Cory snapped heatedly, his mood changing in an instant.

"Because you haven't gotten over it," Mr. Feeny sighed.

Cory pulled the bear out of seemingly nowhere and everyone frowned at the state it was in. Where its head should have been was just loose stuffing. "This is the first thing I see every day," He deadpanned sharply.

Mr. Feeny rolled his eyes and decided to just keep the lesson moving. "So is there anyone in your life that you want to forgive? Change your history. Go."

The class was for once quiet as everyone thought about who they would forgive and what they would write. Well, except for Elena. She was too busy pretending she hadn't noticed the way Shawn's eyes had never left her since she'd stepped into the class.

Plus, she was still getting used to her new seat. She didn't want to sit in front of Shawn anymore.

"Well, now I'm torn between forgiving Eric or Elena," Cory sighed as he tapped his pencil against his desk.

Elena's brows furrowed as she turned to him. "Forgive me for what?" She scoffed.

"Well, you always say that I'm stupid, but you never apologize for it," He explained with a frown.

"Why would I apologize for the truth?" She wondered with a shrug, "You're stupid."

"See!" Cory threw his hands up in exasperation.

Elena sighed and pursed her lips. "Fine. I'm sorry that you're stupid."

"Well, finally, thank-" Cory's smile faltered once he processed her words and he frowned in confusion, "Wait, what?"

Elena chuckled with a smirk. "You should try to forgive Eric. The only person I've ever apologized to was my mother and only because it was court-ordered."

Cory nodded, knowing that was very true. "Dear Eric the murderer..."

Mr. Feeny smiled as he looked over the class and saw that for once all of his students were engaged with his lesson. Surprisingly, even Shawn Hunter. In fact, he was clutching onto his pen so tightly his knuckles were white and he was already halfway through his paper.

On the contrary to Elena, who hadn't even bothered to pick up her pen or even open her notebook. Instead, she was reading through the book of sonnets that Shawn had been so enraptured by and adding new annotations. Ones that went along the lines of hope being for suckers and love being a lie. A very stark contrast to her earlier annotations.

"Elena, no one in your life you want to forgive?" Mr. Feeny mused.

At that, Shawn's head had finally snapped up from his paper and he'd turned to look at Elena so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. His eyes were wide and hopeful as his leg started to shake anxiously.

"No," She deadpanned, the answer more for Shawn than Mr. Feeny and everyone could tell.

Cory couldn't help himself even though he knew he was on thin ice and that Carl was a perm away from replacing him. "Don't you want to forgive him one day? Why not now?"

Elena narrowed her eyes at him before she let out a chuckle. Cory, thinking that was a good sign, joined in as Elena finally started writing. He even gave Shawn a confident thumbs up.

But his proud smile fell once she ripped the page out of her notebook and handed it to him. "Cory, butt out. I am serious. Butt your butt out," He read aloud and paused, "I forgive you."

"I don't care," She pointed out flatly.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"I'm fine," Elena said sternly for what seemed like the millionth time.

"You may be fine but you're definitely not happy," River pointed out softly.

Her head snapped towards him but she couldn't say anything. He was right, after all.

And he hated that he was. He hated seeing Elena like this. He couldn't wrap his head around how Shawn could ever want another girl when he already had Elena.

Before they could say anything else, Cory joined them at their booth in Chubbies.

Elena sighed, knowing the look on his face only meant one thing. He was going to 'Cory it up' as they'd come to call his meddling. His invasive and usually unsolicited meddling was what Topanga, River, and Mr. Feeny had been referring to when they 'forgave' him. In fact, Topanga and River were doing their forgiveness project on Cory.

River sighed when he checked his watch, he was late. And Elena noticed.

"Go," She said sternly.

River looked between her to Cory. "Are you sure? I can stay a little longer."

"It's your grandma's 90th birthday," She reminded him pointedly.

"And because it's her 90th birthday, I doubt she'll notice or even remember that I was late," He countered cheekily.

Elena chuckled. "Still. Go. I'll be fine. You should be more worried about Cory."

"You really should," Cory sighed, "I say more dumb things before 9 AM than most people say all day."

"Or all their lives," Elena corrected with a sickly sweet smile.

With a chuckle, River kissed her temple as he was leaving. "Call me if you need to talk later."

Once the blonde was gone, Cory turned to Elena with hopeful eyes.

"Cory, stop getting involved in other people's lives," Elena said sternly before he could speak.

He frowned. "But if I don't get involved in other people's lives I'll have to focus on my own and that's not fun."

"I still have Carl waiting on stand-by," She informed him threateningly.

"Please, like that flat-haired loser could ever replace me," He scoffed dramatically.

"The perm I booked him will fix that," She smirked.

"Stop joking about that!" Cory cried with a frown.

"It's not a joke," She pointed out slowly.

"Y'know what else isn't a joke? Shalena. Look, Shawn, he loves you, but he's just-he's just stupid," Cory explained earnestly, wanting to get back on track to what he'd come there to say.

She really didn't want to talk about Shawn right now. In fact, she didn't even want to think about him. Especially not after the thing she'd done.

Unfortunately for her, that thing she'd done was coming to bite her in the ass. Right now.

"Move it!" They heard Shawn's voice ring out, "The love of my life is waiting for me!"

Cory turned to her in disbelief, wanting to know if his words were true.

"I wrote something, and I mailed it," She explained anxiously, "Tell me it was a good move."

"It was a bad move," Cory answered casually.

Elena's eyes widened. "Why?" She asked desperately.

"Tried it," He huffed, "It doesn't work! They don't apologize. Forgiveness is for jerks."

If Cory, who was dying for her to fix things with Shawn, was saying that then that meant that this was a very bad idea.

"I'm glad you told me in time!" She cried just as Shawn stumbled down the stairs of Chubbies.

He almost broke his neck with how fast he was rushing down the stairs.

Shawn had gotten a letter from Elena, one in a red envelope. The same red envelope that Mr. Feeny had passed out to the class to use to mail out their letters for the forgiveness project. So, naturally, he rushed to Chubbies to see her without a care for how many times he was almost run over.

"We need to talk," He wheezed as he tried to catch his breath.

"No, you want to talk to me," She corrected, regretting ever even writing that stupid letter.

"You can't just send me a letter like this and not talk to me about it," He argued.

"I can do whatever I want," She snapped heatedly with narrowed eyes, "I'm not the one who ruined everything."

"If I may," Cory cut in with a polite smile as he pulled Elena off to the side.

She pursed her lips in annoyance. "Whatever you're about to say-"

"What I'm about to say is very risky. In that, it might end with you ripping my head off. But by taking that risk, that shows you how strongly I feel about this," Cory explained, wishing he had his helmet with him right now, "Elena, you're going to have to talk to him at some point. Why not now?"

She paused, knowing that he was right. She couldn't avoid this forever. She needed to talk to Shawn at some point, at the very least for closure and at most to at least salvage their friendship.

"Look, I know I haven't been a good friend lately but that stops now. You don't have to forgive Shawn but you do have to talk to him. Not for me, not for him, but for you," He said softly.

Cory didn't want her to think that he was pushing her to talk to Shawn because he just wanted them to get back together. He knew Elena needed closure but she was too stubborn to see that right now. And like the good friend he should have been weeks ago, it was his job to help her see that.

Elena stared at him as she took in his words and she smiled softly. Now, this was her Cory. The stupid, sweet little chia pet that just always wanted the best for everyone. The one who did right by her.

She didn't say anything, instead, she simply pulled him in for a hug.

Cory's eyes widened in shock. "Is this a hug or are you trying to suffocate me without drawing attention to the crime you're trying to commit?"

"Hug."

"I like hugs," He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, knowing this meant he no longer had to worry about Carl. Speaking of Carl, that reminded him of something. "Uh, not that I don't love this but I have to go."

She pulled away with furrowed brows. "Where? Topanga's busy and your only friends are here."

He chuckled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I think after that hug, it's safe to assume that Carl isn't a threat to my position as chia pet anymore, right?"

She nodded, not understanding what Carl had to do with anything right now.

"Well, then, I need to go stop something bad from happening to Carl that I may have had a hand in setting up," He explained casually before he rushed off.

Elena stared after him as she tried to process what he'd just said. But then she decided that since Carl wasn't her replacement Cory anymore, she didn't really care. So, reluctantly she walked over to Shawn and sat down in front of him in what used to be their booth.

She decided she was going to be calm and mature about this. Or at least try to be.

Shawn was nervously playing with his fingers as he kept glancing at her. He didn't know where to start, he didn't even think she'd really let him talk to her.

Elena pursed her lips in annoyance and her plan to be calm and mature went right out the window. "Did you come all the way over here to stare at me or try to convince me that you're not the huge jerk that you are?" She asked sarcastically with an arched brow.

"S-sorry," He stuttered out as he finally looked directly at her. And looking at her just reminded him of how stupid he really was. How could he ever think of another girl while he was looking into Elena's warm, loving brown eyes?

The very eyes that had always looked at him with love, fondness, and warmth were now cold and angry. He'd seen that patented Elena Glare before but it had never been targeted at him and now he knew why it scared people. Her stare was sharp and piercing, it could make the likes of Harley Keiner nervous.

Elena always figured that was the one good thing her mother had ever given her.

"Please don't look at me like that," He begged weakly.

She scoffed, clearly irritated by his words, and Shawn had instantly realized he'd made a mistake. He really was in no position to be making any demands.

"How am I supposed to look at you then, huh? Like you didn't rip my heart out and stomp on it with your stupid big feet because that's exactly what you did," She snapped, making him wince, "You want me to look at you the way I did before? Well, I can't. Because every time I see your stupid face... it's like I go through all that heartbreak all over again," Her voice broke sadly.

"I-I..." Shawn was at a loss for words and his eyes watered seeing just how much he'd hurt her.

Elena immediately snapped out of her sadness when she noticed a tear run down his cheek. In an instant, she felt like she was boiling up inside, her sadness replaced with a wave of furious anger that Lydia would have been proud of. "No! You don't get to cry. You don't get to try and make me feel bad for what you did."

Shawn let out a sob, finally unable to keep his tears at bay but Elena didn't care. There was a time not too long ago, just a few days ago in fact, where even the slightest hint of a frown on his face would have made her rush to him in loving worry.

But now, seeing him so sad actually gave her a sense of sick satisfaction as cruel as that sounded. She wanted him to hurt. She wanted him to feel even a fraction of what he'd put her through.

"You weren't supposed to do this to me," She seethed as she glared at him harshly.

"I know," He cried desperately, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 

After a beat of silence, Elena spoke. "Shawn, I don't think I can ever look at you like before," She admitted softly, "Because I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at you and not feel hurt."

The look on his face was heartbreaking. "But I-I need you! I need you because you make me a better person. I'm the best me I can be when I'm with you and when you were gone nothing felt right. I didn't feel right. You might not need me but I need you," He blubbered anxiously.

She scoffed with a grim smile. "You need me but you don't love me."

"Elena, I do love you and I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy with me," He promised.

"Yeah, well I'm beginning to think that you're never going to make me happy," She admitted bluntly and the sob he let out upon hearing those words was gutwrenching.

"Just tell me how to fix this, please," He begged as he sniffled, his face red from crying.

"You can't. You ruined it, Shawn, deal with it," She said sternly.

"I know I made a mistake but there's still a chance for us isn't there? If we just got back together things would work out, I know it. I can't just stop my feelings for you and I know that you feel the same way too, don't you?" Even though he said he knew that she did, he needed to hear her say it herself.

Because in actuality, he didn't know if she still felt the same. He was just hoping to God and whoever would listen that she did. He was trying to convince himself that she still did, like saying it out loud would make it true.

"I love you," She admitted and he let out the breath he hadn't even noticed he'd been holding in, "But I don't trust you. Those are two very different things"

"I didn't do anything!" He exclaimed miserably.

"You were kissing me and telling me you loved me while you were thinking of her!" She snapped.

"It didn't mean anything," He said earnestly.

Elena arched a brow. "Oh. So, if I was kissing you and thinking of River instead would you be okay with it? If I was telling you I loved you while I thought of River instead, you'd be fine?" She taunted him, not caring how obvious it was hurting him.

Good. He deserves it, she thought to herself, He deserves to feel what I felt.

He covered his ears as she continued to taunt him and he even started singing to block out her words. "Stop it. Just stop, please," He gulped dryly, "Okay, okay, yeah, I would have been devastated but, I would still want to be with you. Because it's, I mean, it's you. That's how much I love you."

Didn't love me enough to not think about another girl, She thought to herself dryly.

"Shawn, I love you so much. I just don't like you anymore."

That was the final nail in the coffin. And she didn't care enough anymore to stay for the wake.

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"How's the forgiveness project going?" Mr. Feeny asked the class.

"You killed us, Feeny," Elena grumbled as she narrowed her eyes on him

"I gotta say, Feeny, I don't know what you were thinking," Cory agreed with a heavy shrug.

"You think forgiveness leads to peace?" Topanga scoffed.

"It leads to war in a movie theater," River informed him sharply.

Cory had convinced River and Topanga to join him for a movie as a way of gaining their forgiveness. Except he still couldn't stop himself from butting in on every decision they made– 'there's too much salt in the buttered popcorn, your family has a history of cholesterol' and 'no soda for you, you're never too early to worry about diabetes'.

That ended with them getting kicked out of the movie theater for trying to kill Cory.

"Well, I'm sure some of you had a better experience," Mr. Feeny said confidently but he quickly flattered when the entire class shook their heads in disagreement.

"Forgiveness doesn't work, Mr. Feeny," Cory said like it was matter-of-fact, "I forgave Eric and he didn't thank me."

Mr. Feeny arched a brow. "Cory, did you really forgive Eric?"

"No!" He scoffed as if it was obvious.

"Elena, did you forgive Shawn?" He asked next.

"No," She deadpanned.

"And we didn't forgive Cory," Topanga huffed as River threw a paper ball at the back of Cory's head.

"Well, it sounds to me that forgiveness is harder than it looks," Their teacher said casually, "Well, did your attempts at forgiveness help you to understand what happened? Did you understand why they did whatever it was that you were trying to forgive?"

Elena, feeling his eyes on her, shook her head and shrugged. "No."

"Why not?"

She paused. "I mean, I guess I never gave him the chance to explain."

"Cory, why did Eric bite your bear's face off?" Mr. Feeny asked to solidify his point.

Cory shrugged. "I don't know."

"Why not?" He pressed.

"I never asked him," Cory admitted softly.

"Topanga? River?"

The two shared a look before they turned to the boy in question. "Cory, why do you always butt into our lives?" Topanga asked.

"Well, because my life is a mess and I compulsively take care of other people when I don't know how to take care of myself. And I have this weird, uncontrollable need to get everyone to like me and the only way I know how to do that is by obsessively helping them," He answered honestly.

"It's true," Elena agreed, "He hates it when people are mad at him."

"I just prefer to have everybody like me," He smiled sheepishly, "Or I can't leave my house... or my bed."

Now that put things into perspective for Topanga and River. Sure, it didn't make Cory's butting in any less annoying but it did make it more tolerable because now they knew it came from a place of love.

"I love you," Topanga smiled warmly at her boyfriend as leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"I'm not going to do that," River pointed between the couple, "But I forgive you too."

"Sometimes to really forgive someone, it helps to understand them first," Mr. Feeny pointed out, "It gives the other person the chance to be heard from too."

"What if the other person doesn't deserve the chance to be heard from too?" Elena huffed, "Why can't you just admit that you're wrong about this?"

"Because forgiveness is one of our finest qualities as human beings, Elena. You have to understand each other before you can even begin to know what comes next. Go understand each other. See what happens. Your assignment hasn't even begun until you do."

▲ ▼ ▲ ▼ ▲ ▼

"Forgiveness does work, Elena. You just have to do it right," Cory said as he walked into class with his arm wrapped around Topanga and holding a comic River had gotten him.

He had hoped if she'd seen how well the forgiveness project had worked out for everyone else, then she'd be more open to it. But in true –naive– Cory fashion, he wasn't thinking of how different the scales were on all their projects.

"Forgiveness doesn't work for everybody," She said sternly, "Because kids bite teddy bears' faces off, friends butt into everything, parents leave, and people cheat. And you know, sometimes you can let it go, sometimes you can't. Mr. Feeny was wrong about that one, Cory," She sighed.

"Maybe you just need to give it one more try?" Topanga suggested, wishing she could remember how to channel an ancient Greek healer to help Elena like she used to in middle school.

As if the universe agreed with Topanga, Shawn coincidentally walked into the class just as she said that. Elena watched him freeze in place the second he noticed her. She glanced towards Mr. Feeny, who had already been looking at her, and he simply nodded encouragingly.

With a heavy sigh, She pushed past Shawn, who was still frozen in the doorway. "Outside, now."

He immediately followed after her without a moment's hesitation. He opened his mouth to speak but Elena held her hand up to stop him.

"Mr. Feeny thinks if I forgive you, it'll bring me peace. And he's usually right about these things, but I don't see how he's right about this one," She admitted softly, her eyes glassy, "Because I used to think of you as someone who would never ever hurt me but you ended up hurting me the most," Her voice broke pitifully.

Shawn flinched at her words like she'd slapped him. He wished she'd hit him instead because he knew that would have hurt a hell of a lot less than hearing what she'd just said.

"What did I do?"

His brows furrowed and his head snapped up to look at her in shock. "What?"

"What did I do to make you not want me anymore?" She whispered brokenly.

He shook his head vehemently. "Nothing. God, you didn't do anything," He said sternly as he stared at her in disbelief.

And here he thought he couldn't hate himself more.

"None of this was your fault, noodle," He reassured her as his voice broke and tears fell, "I screwed this up just like I always do. I did that on my own because that's what I am; a screwup. What happened had nothing to do with you."

The two found themselves in a tense silence for a moment.

"What am I supposed to do?" He asked desperately, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. I-I can fix this, okay? I just- I need you to give me a chance to fix everything. Please."

"It doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Shawn," She burst out earnestly, "What you did, it just- it changed everything. Forever."

"E-Elena..." He stuttered out weakly, wishing and praying that the last week had all just been a dream. Or a nightmare actually, that better described the hell he'd put himself in.

"I'm happy I wrote to you and heard what you had to say," She said softly as she straightened her shoulders and willed herself not to cry, "And it makes me feel better knowing that I had nothing to do with what you did. I've always thought that everything was my fault somehow, but it's not. I didn't do anything. I've been so angry but I'm not anymore," She smiled weakly.

Shawn didn't know what to say or do. He was torn between crying, begging, apologizing, or doing all three. But it didn't matter what he would choose to do anyway, because Elena was done. She was done listening to him and she was just done with him.

He stood frozen in his place as he watched the best thing that had ever happened to him walk away.

Elena walked back into the class, her eyes glassy with unshed tears that were begging to fall. "Get out," She demanded as she walked straight up to Mr. Feeny.

"Well, you heard her. Everybody out!" Cory called as he started ushering the few students who were early out of the classroom.

Soon enough, only Elena, Mr. Feeny, and Cory remained in the classroom.

"Well, this is better," Cory smiled, "Now we can-"

"You too," She said simply and sternly.

"And I'm leaving," He chuckled like it was his decision, "But if you need me I'll just be right by the-"

"I won't," She reassured him pointedly.

And as the door clicked shut behind him, Elena finally let herself stop bottling up all her emotions inside of her. And it was just in time too, because the glass had been dangerously close to cracking.

"I'm sorry," She whimpered as a tear ran down her cheek, "I failed. I know you wanted me to forgive him, but I-I didn't. I couldn't do it," Her voice broke and she forced a sad smile, "You were wrong about this one, Mr. Feeny."

"I never expected that, Elena. That kind of forgiveness, it doesn't come so easy. But life is a long time. And I hope you get there someday. But that's never what I was looking for right now," He reassured her warmly.

Her brows furrowed. "What did you want from me?" She asked brokenly.

"Elena, did you forgive yourself?" Mr. Feeny asked softly, knowing her issue with Shawn stemmed from something deeper.

Her face changed the second he asked her that. And then the dam broke and she let out a strangled sob as she stepped towards him and hugged him.

Elena spent all this time insisting that Mr. Feeny had been wrong about the forgiveness project because she wanted- she needed him to be wrong. The forgiveness project was almost like Mr. Feeny was turning their lives into lessons. And she felt like she had to forgive Shawn to pass even though she knew she couldn't, not now at least.

But Mr. Feeny already knew that. And he also knew that part of Elena was angry with herself over what happened with Shawn. A part of her that she buried deep under quick-witted jokes and snarky comments blamed herself for what happened with Shawn.

The point of the forgiveness project had never been about forgiving Shawn but forgiving herself.

Because she always blamed herself. She blamed herself for her mother leaving and now she blamed herself for Shawn 'cheating'. She always thought that on some level she deserved what happened because she'd done something to cause it.

And he wanted her to use the forgiveness project as a means of finally absolving herself of the burden she'd been carrying on her shoulders since that very first time her mother ran off. That was a big weight on the very small shoulders of a nine-year-old. And having to grow up with that always weighing down on you was nothing less than difficult.

"Y'know, every time we'd fight all he'd have to say is 'I love you' and it was like that fixed everything," Elena let out a watery chuckle, "It's like after he'd say that I'd just forget about whatever we were fighting about because... he loved me."

She'd noticed that those three little words have a very strong effect on her. It was like they flipped a switch inside of her; like she was so happy that Shawn still loved her despite whatever they were fighting about that it didn't matter anymore.

The second she heard the words 'I love you' she was a goner.

Even though hours later she'd remember the fight and remember that they never got to the bottom of the issue. And yet every time the same thing happened again and again. She just couldn't stop herself, 'I love you' was her kryptonite.

She wanted to be loved. She needed to be loved. And maybe even more than that, she needed to be reassured that she was loved. Because that meant that she could be loved, that she was worth being loved.

Elena's biggest insecurity was not being enough. Even though no one would believe that the school's cool, confident, resident badass was even the slightest bit insecure. Unfortunately, Elena learned to hide away her true feelings at a very young age, after all, that's what her mental dungeon of sadness was for.

Her mother had been the driving force in this insecurity because what kind of mother abandons her daughter? The general consensus would be that they don't. Which is why for years, spanning from child to teen, she thought that she had done something so bad that it had forced Sofia to ditch her motherly instincts and leave her. It had to be Elena's fault because why else would her mother leave?

Elena blamed herself for Sofia leaving. And now she was doing the same thing with Shawn.

She thought that she hadn't been enough for her mother. She definitely hadn't been enough for her mother to stay, to love her, to want her. So, if her own mother, who was supposed to love her unconditionally, couldn't do that then what did that say about her? Was she really that bad?

Was she really that unlovable?

That was the only possible conclusion she could come to as to why her own mother couldn't love her. And that just threw her down a rabbit hole of insecurities. Because who could ever love her if her own mother couldn't?

That was why whenever Shawn said 'I love you' it was like she was in a trance. It wasn't healthy but hearing him say those words made her feel whole if even for just a moment. It made her feel like she wasn't broken beyond repair and that maybe she had hope.

But now she knew better. Hope is for suckers.

"It's okay to be sad after making the right decision," Mr. Feeny said softly.

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"I love you," Shawn cried desperately.

"I don't care anymore," She shrugged. 

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〚𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄〛

Trina McGee︱Angela Moore

( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 )

❝He was never mine but losing him broke my heart.❞

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So... it's been a while. 

I'm so sorry for the incredibly late update. This chapter took forever because while writing it I decided to go a whole other direction and change a lot of the plans I had for season 5. (But I'm excited for you guys to see what I have planned!) Then when I finally had everything figured out, I just couldn't actually write it.

But on the bright side, you guys can expect regular updates now!

I hope you guys liked this chapter, please let me know what you thought. I thought this was a cool way to use the Forgiveness Project from Girl Meets World. 

What do you guys want to see happen? Do you have any suggestions?

Please don't forget to vote and comment!

Have a great day and stay safe ♥♥