Ricky's pov

The ride how was silent until Jeremy turned on some radio station. The same shitty song played over and over. Jeremy sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
"Ricky. Pass code is 3-3-6-6. Go to spotify and hit anything you like." He said as he handed the small black device over to me.
"Okay..." I murmured. I put in the pass code and saw a picture of him and a pug. I opened the app and hit the first bar under his 'recently played' list. The sounds of Dope Show rattled the car. Jeremy laughed.
"Good choice. I've had this song stuck in my head all day." He said before murmuring the lyrics.
"Shit. I never asked where you live." He muttered as he rubbed his head.
"Am I going in the wrong direction?" He asked as he laughed and pulled into the alcove of a street.
"Uh...I don't think so....I mean if that street sign is correct then...just keep going down this road." I said as I pointed down the misty black road.

We drove further and further away from the main street, nearing my house.
"And this is my house." I murmured as we approached the gray cube.
"Are you sure? It looks kind of empty." He whispered as he looked at it through the windshield.
"Yeah. My mom's probably at work still." I said as I unbuckled my seat belt.
"Where's your dad?" He asked. I completely froze in my place.
"He's uh...I don't know. I got to go." I said quickly. I basically thew myself out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I made it to the front door and remembered that I left my keys on the counter. I turned around and saw Jeremy standing outside his car staring up at me.
"It's locked. I have a spare key for my back door though." I stuttered as I walked towards the fences gate.
"I need to make sure that you get in okay. Otherwise I won't be able to sleep." He began to follow me through the fence.

I was currently making coffee and Jeremy was in the bathroom. As I poured the coffee he came back down stairs.
"Ricky...why is there blood all over the bathroom?" He questioned as he walked up to me and shook a pill bottle.
"You know why." I stated coldly as I pulled the sugar and milk out.
"When's the last time you took your medication?" He said as he poured a bit of sugar into his coffee. I poured milk into my coffee and took a sip.
"Few days ago. I don't need them though." I said with a shrug as I grabbed my coffee and moved to the couch.

"You do." Jeremy said as he grabbed his coffee and followed me.
"No I don't. I don't want to be dependent on artificial happiness. I'm fine." My words were empty and cold.
"Ricky I'm looking out for you. You need them you're-" he started.
"No! I'm fine. I'm not taking pills." I cut him off harshly. I felt so weak. I felt the tears threatening to flow.
"Ricky..." Jeremy said soothingly. He put his coffee down on the side table and took my own out of my shaking hands.

He wrapped his hands around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. I haven't been in a hug like this in forever. We'll since my dad just dropped me at my mom's house and never came back. He didn't want me he never did. I was probably a mistake. He was an egotistical ass hole. But still...he didn't want me in the first place. If someone as awful as him didn't want me, then no one would want me. I'm gay. I'm fat. I'm rude. I'm annoying. Hell my mom probably doesn't even want me. I wish Jeremy wasn't here. Then I would be able to cry freely. Instead my eyes are hella constipated.

Jeremy was rubbing little circles on my back as I cried into his neck. He smelled like wood fires and cologne.
"Im sorry. I can't. I can't take this." I mummbled into Jeremy's shoulder.
"It's okay. You've done nothing wrong. Everything's okay." He whispered into my ear. I pulled away from him but he held onto my shoulders.
"How about you get changed into you're pj's and take a shower and brush your hair. Then you can come back down and drink your coffee." He said quietly as he held my head up. I nodded a little bit and tree my legs over the edge of the couch. I stood up and walked to the stairs. I turned back to see Jeremy drinking his coffee and staring at the wall.

I grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt out of my closet. I grabbed boxers and a hair brush and brought everything into the bathroom. There was still a razor blade sitting on the counter. I'm surprised Jeremy didn't throw it out. I stripped out of my dirty clothes and threw them into the corner. I took the razor blade off the counter and dropped it in the he shower before turning on the water. I let the water push my hair into my face. This was where I was almost raped.... I quickly picked up the razor blade and pushed it against my wrist. This would be the last time. I'm strong and I can't keep tearing myself down. Even if Chris breaks up with me. Even if Jeremy leaves. Even if my friends forget about me. I only need myself.

I quickly finished the shower and pulled on my boxers.
"I am the chosen, Wretched and Divine. I am the unspoken, The one they left behind. Fearless, fight until we die. I am broken. The Wretched and Divine." I quietly sang as I brushed my hair. I pulled my hair up. I quickly clothed myself and trotted down the stairs to where Jeremy was fast asleep. I grabbed a blanket from the couch and draped it over him.
"I'll carry you, my darkest desire. When life sings to you, through the devils choir." I sung quietly before taking the two coffee cups and dumping them in the sink. I trotted up the stairs and into my bed room. I dropped onto my bed and pulled the blankets up to my chin. Soon the blackness consumed me in a welcoming embrace.

Okay so I know this chapter may be triggering. If you have anything you want to tell me, from suggestions to hate mail to just wanting to vent, then you can message me whenever on my kik. My kik is lydlyd333. Keep in mind that I sleep a lot, so I might not respond instantly, but I will respond as soon as I can. Mama destroya signing off.