(for the sake of not translating for seven hours, I'm writing the contents of the notebook in English)

Finn Jackson

I started to read aloud, nervous. It was dated July of 2010. The others just as anxious as I was.

"I can't sleep anymore," I started out. "I've been back on the ship with the seven for a few days, and now that I'm not almost falling over from exhaustion, I can't sleep. My brain can't shut down. Every time I try, I can either hear the voices in the river or I can see Annabeth reaction to what I— to what happened to Misery. I can see her, too. Bob and how selfless he was and how he's going to take eons to reform just because of me. I've ruined so much of everything around me for the past few years and... I guess Luke's choices kind of make sense now."

I paused to take a breath, there was a new paragraph. Carlos looked a bit turned off by that last statement.

"I mean, he's not wrong about a lot of the gods." I went on, sighing. "uh... I mean, most of them suck. The only reason most kids in recent years have met their parent was... Well, because we went into a war and now Luke's dead, among others. It feels different, though. I handed him the dagger. I was okay with him stabbing me because that's how it was supposed to end according to everyone else. But Luke had control and... Killed himself."

Both of them fell still.

"We could have saved him, it wouldn't have been hard." I read my father's old writing. His confessions. "I could've gotten water, Grover has healing power, he had the energy. We offered, but he didn't want it and now everyone believes that I stabbed him because that's what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to kill him. But I couldn't. If they knew that, though..."

"If they knew that, I'm sure it's some form of high end punishment. Something from Chiron or from the gods. Zeus hates me enough, he'd just kill me. I guess I'm surprised he hasn't done it yet. They don't care about our lives, what's one kid? There'll be hundreds of more. No matter what we do, it's helpless. And I can't wait to leave this place. To leave New York. The nightmares, the visions, the..."

I stopped.

"The deaths alone keep me up most nights, especially after last year." My dad told himself, telling us now. "I don't think I'll ever be able to celebrate my birthday again. Not in a happy way, at least. It's just... It's the day everyone died. But I guess I have to make it that far first. We land in Greece tomorrow and I don't think it's a winnable fight. Between my exhaustion, Annabeth's broken ankle, and suddenly losing 3 people."

I read the next line to myself before my eyes started to tear up.

"I don't know if I'll ever get to see Mom or Paul again." I read on, my heart breaking for my younger Vater. "If I'll ever get to tell them how sorry I am for everything they went through because of me. Because of the gods. They got married, went on their honeymoon, and I was gone a week and a half later. Their anniversary is in about 6 weeks. It's been 10 months. I miss them. I miss a lot of people, but if I die here, I see a lot of them down there. But if that happens, I'll never see my mom again."

"If I ever make it out of this," I read, just crying a little. The others were, too. "if I ever get home. If I get to graduate and make my own life. I doubt it'll be with Annabeth. She's probably going to be given a spot in Harvard or something and I'll be in Germany. Hopefully. But if I make it. If I ever settle down with somebody. Male, female, I guess it wouldn't much matter. Somebody I could trust with this. If we ever have a kid... If I'm ever a father, I will not put my children through this hell. Through the grieving and training and the forced silence. I don't even think I can go to therapy to talk about it because of the gods. Somebody tried and got sent to a home. So I guess this is what I have."

"I can write." Vati rambled on. "for now, at least. I'm sure I'll get bored of it, eventually. Find a new outlet. But before I leave camp, I just hope that Nico will finally have improved in some way. He's been pretty persistent that he doesn't want anything to do with me, which is fine. I get it. I don't know if it's true, but I guess I wouldn't be too surprised if he liked Annabeth. A little, but not shocked. It would provide more context. He's kind of weird about that sort of thing. I just want him to not be alone. To be happy. He's been alone for so long, and he's hesitant around Hazel. He's hesitant around Leo, too, but I'm sure that has something to do with Leo being bi and Nico was born in like, prime time for homophobic people, so. I guess he hasn't said anything to Leo about it that's bad, but he also hasn't said anything good, either."

I took one last breath.

"So I guess I'll leave this here. Maybe write if we make it back and something good happens. It's been years since something good really happened, but who knows. As long as I can go home, I guess. That's it."

Just wanting to see how it was, I turned to the next one.

"August 4, 2010," I updated them. "Man, imagine actually having feelings for you girlfriend. At least she doesn't know German so she can't read these. But we made it back! Like, everyone did. That's a record. Octavian tried to siege camp, but he died, so. It's a little chaotic, but okay. I'll have to figure out how to break up with Annabeth without breaking her heart or being an asshole. Which, considering that she's already planned out like most of our life together, I feel won't be easy to do."

Now this is some term drama bullshit that I never heard about. We didn't know he was ever with Annabeth! We knew they were friends, but not boyfriend/girlfriend.

Exciting developments rather than sad ones.

"Do I know what to tell her when she asks why? Not really," I kept on reading. "I mean, I vaguely know. I think Tartarus was just a lot and I just need a minute to be alone and process everything. Of course, I'll be at home with Mom and Paul. I go home tomorrow? But alone in terms of no demigods, no relationships, that sort of thing."

"Also, I'm a fucking idiot." It sounded a little intense, but it's what he wrote. "Leo went out on a date last night with Paolo, because apparently he also knows Portuguese. Or at least, enough of it. And Jason asked how it went and Leo started talking because it went really well. Calypso's MIA so he's not tied down. Said it went really well and part way through he noticed Hazel's expressions and I mean, she didn't like it. Which made me feel like shit, being bi and all, but I didn't take it personally. Leo apologized, though, saying that he knew Nico and Hazel didn't really like that stuff. And then Nico uhhh... Well, he asked where Leo got that idea. Hazel, sure. Nico's never said much, though. Leo elaborated, just saying that he assumed with the time and what not. The whole being born in like, 1930? Around WWII, it might've been closer to 35."

I paused.

"Either way, bad times." I explained through the voice of my father. "And Nico just rolled his eyes, insisting that he has nothing against it whatsoever."

Was everyone confused? A little.

"He actually went and told us that he wasn't homophobic because he's uh, gay. So there's that. I feel really stupid for not knowing that until now. I have absolutely no fucking idea as to who he could like. Jason maybe? They got close really fast this summer. It's none of my business, we've talked once since we got back, so."

I paused, comprehending that next line.

"Would it be a bad idea to ask Nico out?" I asked out loud. "I mean, he's gay, but I still don't think he really likes me as a person. So it's probably a bad idea. Yeah, that wouldn't end well. He'd probably hate me even more. I'm not going to do it. The feelings will go away eventually, right?"

I flipped to the next page.

"August 12, 2012." I said, which was a pretty big jump in time. "I found this when I was visiting Mom and Paul for Christmas. I go to school in Germany now! I'm back in our old house, it's really nice. Annabeth and I broke up last year, I couldn't do the whole long distance thing. Different countries and all. It's hard to coordinate. And I'm glad we broke up. We still talk a little, but it's maybe once a month now. I have another girlfriend. We had a class together first semester,  helped each other with homework, started going out, and now she's moving in to the house, so it's kind of exciting. I've told her a bit about Dad and what's happened to me. I think I might propose soonish. I've talked to her parents about it, I just need the rings. Which might set me back. Rings aren't cheap. We've talked about having kids, getting married. Just settling down. It probably won't be for a while, having kids. But eventually."

That ended that one, so I flipped the page.

It was two days after my birthday.

"So I'm a dad now. A single dad, at that." I read off. "It's been about a year now since I've written in here. I proposed and she said yes about a month or so after my last entry. We were supposed to get married about a month ago, at the end of July. But her mom was diagnosed with cancer and started chem right before and it was a whole thing. So we changed the date for later on in the year. We found out she was pregnant around Christmas. She gave birth last week. Finn will be a week old tomorrow. And now his mom is in jail for the next 20 years or so."

It cut off there, though. There were other pages, but I felt weird to read beyond that.

Luana put the notebook back where she found it and Vati got home with Nico about an hour later.

So they weren't keeping him for a watch.

Which is a small relief.

He helped me out with a painting, though, for one of my classes. I go to an art focused high school, so a lot of my classes are art. Which I really like. Luana has to choose where she wants to go next year for high school.

But it was on my mind, and I wanted to ask.

"Hey, Vati," I said after putting down my brush. "I have a sort of not at all relevant to the conversation question."

"Go for it." He told me. "What's up?"

"So," I started off. "Mutti briefly mentioned it once or twice when I was visiting. But how did you— what did you do after she was arrested? Like, you obviously didn't get rid of me."

Vati sighed, thinking back on when I was a baby.

"I mean, my immediate reaction was that I panicked." He told me, shrugged. "She went to check on you because you were crying and after like a few minutes you were still crying so I went to check and found her and called the police. Once they told me 20 or so years... I mean I panicked. I didn't know how to raise kid or afford one on just my income. It was almost 4 AM when they took her and you were still crying. Hungry. Of course, we didn't bottle feed you because your mother felt more comfortable breast feeding and I was fine with it because both of them are good for you. So I had to wait until the store opened down the street and got formula. I couldn't call your grandparents because they were asleep and wouldn't wake up to their phones. So I really just... Tried to keep you calm. Eventually, later in the day I called other family and told them what happened and they helped a lot. It was a lot all at once, but considering I got everything besides my down payment back for the wedding, which was only €150 and between that and everyone's help and taking a semester off of school, I think I did a pretty good job. You're a better kid than I was at your age."

"I am?"

Vati nodded his head.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I wasn't too much of a hellraiser, but Poseidon always had a job for me to do, which inherently was trouble. There are a lot of creatures that want me dead. Some people. But I left and came here, so now they leave me alone."

"Well that's good," I said, and really debated about my other question. "Can I ask something else?"

"Of course."

"Are you happy here?" I asked my father. "Like, you seem happier than you were in New York, but not quite... I don't know. Maybe it's just me being older and noticing it now or something."

He smiled at me.

"Don't worry about me, alright?" Vati told me, but I really didn't like that answer. "Yes, I am happy here. I love this house and location and you guys. That won't change, alright? I'm taking care of everything, I promise. If I ever needed anything, I would let you guys know."

"I know, I just... Last night..."

"What about last night?" Vati asked me, of course not even considering what happened to him last night. "Did something happen after you guys went to bed? Are you alright?"

"What? Yeah! I'm fine," I assured him.  "Just um... I heard something and went upstairs and you were... Not good."

His expression dropped.

And immediately, I felt terrible for bringing it up.