34. thirty days

QUINN

     IN HER DREAMS SHE WAS HAUNTED BY THEIR FACES. Andrea's blue eyes would stare at her in accusation, blaming her for leaving her to die. Merle would shout at her, wording all of the things she already thought about herself. The Governor would grin at her, before wordlessly slicing her throat, making her wake in cold sweat, unable to fall back asleep. The never ending nightmares had been part of the reason she'd taken as much night shifts as she could. Standing on top of the guardtower, letting the cold night air fill her lungs calmed her and drove the remaining fear of her night terrors from her mind.

It was the very reason she was currently facing the cold night air on top of the nothern tower, facing the treeline beyond the fences. In the thirty days that had passed since the fight with Woodbury, the prison had transformed into a whole other place. Under the ever watchful eye of Hershel, Rick had planted an entire garden of crops, tomatos, cucumbers and other food. They even found some pigs on a farm had built a small shed for them. The once grim courtyard had turned into a market with tables for people to sit and a grill where food was cooked. She'd never thought it was possible to turn a prison into a cozy home, but somehow they had managed to do so anyway.

Besides the people from Woodbury some people they found on the road had found a home here as well. The prison had turned into a refuge for many. It made her so proud, knowing they managed to achieve what Andrea had died believing in. At the same time she knew it wasn't thanks to her efforts this had happened. Until about a week ago she'd spent most days out on the road, together with Michonne and Daryl. The three of them had been determined to find the Governor and make him pay for everything he'd done. She'd hoped finding him might put an end to her nightmares, set her free from the guilt she felt everytime she so much as looked at Andrea's grave.

But that wasn't the only reason. She couldn't help but feel like she owed Merle a debt. She'd been the one to encourage him to find Daryl, to reconnect with his brother and he'd died before he'd ever gotten a real chance to do so. And so she'd taken it upon herself to watch over Daryl. To make sure she had his back out there, make sure he was doing okay. And so when he decided to go out there, she'd felt obliged to join him.

However, the world was wide and filled with many dangers and eventually Milo had managed to talk her out of chasing some fantasy of revenge. She didn't believe her talents could be useful to the community otherwise but help had come in the unexpected form of Daryl Dixon. Apparently he had enough of chasing ghosts as well and together they'd set up a crew to make runs, scavenge whatever they could. She belonged out there and this way she could put her talents to use. For the first time in her life she felt like she had a purpose and it was the most wonderful freedom she'd ever felt.

She was forced out of her thoughts when the door to the staircase was opened and Daryl made his way onto the platform. She raised her eyebrows at him. 'I thought Bob had offered to take the morning shift?' The new member of their small community had seemed eager to prove his worth, so much so he'd been willing to pull the most unwanted shifts.

Daryl shrugged. 'Council thought it best to wait.'

A smile tugged at her lips. Even after all these months, he still talked about the council as though he wasn't a part of it. The only person who'd been surprised the archer was asked to join, was Daryl himself. Everyone could see his worth and value to the group, everyone except for him. Over the last two months, Quinn had made the observation that the redneck liked to pretend everyone was best of without him, failing to notice that it was his presence that seemed to give everyone strength.

At times she'd felt like an intruder in his life, but her silent promise to his brother to look out for him made it impossible for her to turn away.

'Shift's over,' Daryl said, leaning on the railing that surrounded the platform, watching her.

Quinn nodded. 'I know, but you don't have to bother, I can cover it 'till morning.'

His blue eyes studied her for a moment before he finally said: 'Got that run tomorrow, best get some sleep if ya wanna come.'

A small sigh left her lips but instead of listening to him, she joined him at the railing. 'I'm okay.' She offered him a smile that she hoped looked reassuring. 'I like watching the sunrise.'

'A'right,' he grunted, but made no move to leave.

She frowned at him but said nothing, instead she let the silence take over as they both looked out over the prison surrounding them. It felt strange to call a place like this home. She still wasn't used to sleeping in a cell. She hated the small dark spaces and the echos that always seemed to haunt the cellblocks. She wasn't sure it whether it was because of her claustrophobia or simply because no human being should have to live in a prison. At least she could spend most of her nights on top of a tower, feel the wind in her hair, reassured by the wide open space surrounding her. And most of her days outside of the walls, in wide open fields and down never ending roads.

'Think we'll find something good tomorrow?' She questioned. 'We're gonna need lots of new clothes with winter on the way.'

'Can't find nothin' if yer sleep walking,' Daryl replied, never taking his eyes off their surroundings.

A sigh left her lips as she hung her head in her hands. 'Doesn't matter if I'm out here or in there. Can't sleep anyways.' The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and for a moment neither one of them spoke. She hadn't even told Milo about her nightmares and now the words had slipped out to someone she hardly knew. Maybe her lack of sleep was getting to her after all.

'Don't mean you gotta take all them damn shifts,' Daryl said after a moment.

'Is that council member Dixon talking?' She asked, flashing him a smile. 'Or just you?'

Even in the dim light of the moon she could see the tips of his ears coloring red. 'S' just me,' he finally mumbled.

Apparently she hadn't been the only one observing someone and the mere thought that he'd been looking out for her made her feel warmer than it perhaps should have. She took a deep breath, playing with fingers as she worked up the courage to reply. 'I see them in my sleep,' she mumbled. 'Andrea, Merle...' She watched as he tensed at the mention of his brother. They hadn't ever really talked about him out loud, instead both wasting away in silence because they felt like they'd somehow failed him. 'I thought I owed it to them to be out there, to look for him.' Her hands started trembling and she clenched them to hide it. 'I thought the nightmares would stop if I-' She cut herself off and sighed. 'But they haven't.'

For a moment Daryl said nothing and simply watched her in silence, trying to make sense of whatever it was she was trying to tell him. 'Merle wouldn't've wanted us to waste our time lookin' for that prick.'

She scoffed. 'I don't think your brother cared what I did with my time.'

Daryl shrugged. 'Better off anyways, runs are more important.'

Now it was her turn to watch him, frowning as he seemed suddenly nervous. He chewed on his lip as he focused his eyes on the forest surrounding them, seeming desperate to not look at her. There was something he wasn't saying, something that made him uncomfortable to even think about. And as she stood there, watching him, she suddenly remembered something he'd told her months ago, back when she'd just joined the group and they barely trusted each other yet. 

"You two seem pretty damn tight."

All this time she thought she'd been looking out for Daryl and all this time Daryl had been doing the very same thing. Both of them believed they were honoring Merle's memory by looking out for a person he cared for. Both of them had been watching over the other since the thirty days of his passing, without noticing the other was doing the same.

'What?' Daryl questioned and only then she noticed she'd been smiling.

She shook her head. 'Just thinking Merle would call us a "bunch of pussies" for thinking we owed him some kind of debt.'

He narrowed his eyes at her as slowly realization that she'd figured out his intentions settled in. Then, completely catching her off guard, a small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. 'Yeah,' he replied. 'He would've.'

For a moment they remained there, thinking back on times spent with a man now gone. However different their relationship with him might've been, both of them felt the hole he'd left behind and both of them had been trying to fill it by looking out for the other. Grief was a strange thing, one that Quinn hadn't quite mastered yet but it was good to know that she wasn't the only one. Daryl had been struggling with the very same thing and if looking out for each other could bring them some sort of sense of peace, she was more than willing to follow the archer into any kind of danger.

'Think I'm gonna try and get some sleep,' she broke the silence. 'Got an important run tomorrow, can't afford to sleep on the job.'

She didn't see the smile on Daryl's face as she turned and made her way towards the door, but she heard it in his voice when he replied: 'No, ya can't.'

The rest of night went by in a blur of sleep and tossing around on her mattress. And when morning light finally filled the cellblock, Quinn was unable to tell if she'd actually gotten any sleep or that her mind had tricked her into thinking she had. The sounds of the people surrounding her waking up filled the air, making it impossible for her to try and close her eyes again. And so she got up and got dressed, quickly braiding her hair to get it out of the way before making her way outside. Closing the door behind her, she walked across the courtyard towards one of the wooden terraces they built where Carol was already making breakfast. Even from this distance it smelled amazing. The cooking skills of the woman never ceased to amaze Quinn. Especially because, despite Carol's efforts, Quinn still sucked in the kitchen.

'Morning,' she said to Carol as she took a plate from the pile and held it out.

'Goodmorning to you,' the woman told her, placing fresh baked eggs and some beacon on her plate. 'Anything special to report from the tower?'

Quinn gave a small shake of her head as she chewed on her eggs before finally swallowing them. 'Everything normal,' she said. The question wasn't new to her. Carol asked her the same thing almost every morning. As always the woman was looking out for her family.

'Morning Daryl,' a voice behind her said.

'S'up, Dr. S,' the man replied.

Quinn turned around to watch as Daryl came walking out of the guard tower, his shift finally over. People seated at the tables surrounding them all made the effort to greet him. She shook her head with a smile on her lips as she watched him ignore most greetings.

'Smells good,' he said instead as he took a plate and held it out for Carol.

'Just so you know,' Carol said, placing some eggs on his plate, 'I liked you first.'

'Stop,' he mumbled before throwing some of the food in his mouth.

Quinn shook her head once again, still not believing how gross he ate his food, almost like he did on purpose. And if he would spot her watching, he would only make it worse. It honestly felt like talking to a child in a man's body at times.

'Rick brought in a lot of 'em too,' Daryl said, reffering to the people who had greeted him so merrily. All happy he found them on the road and brought them here.

'Not recently,' Quinn said, nodding at Rick who was busy in the field, planting his crops together with Carl. He deserved some rest after all he'd been through and so that's what they'd given him. She was just worried he had become so afraid of going down the same road he had before, that he had changed completely, even getting rid of his gun. And she feared the day he would have to pick it up again, wondering if he would be able to.

'Giving strangers sanctuary,' Carol spoke up, 'keeping people fed, you're gonna have to learn to live with the love.'

'Right,' Daryl simply replied.

'I need you to see something,' Carol said and turned to a boy standing on the right side of the grill. 'Patrick could you take over?'

'Yes ma'am,' he replied and walked up to her.

Quinn swallowed her last piece of egg as she watched Carol hand Patrick the spatula. They were about to walk away when Patrick called after them. 'Ehm, mister Dixon.'

Quinn watched as Daryl came to a halt, scanning the boy in front of him.

'I just wanted to thank you for bringing that deer back yesterday,' the kid said. 'It was a real treat, sir and I'd be honored to shake your hand.' Patrick stuck out his hand.

She had a hard time trying to control her laughter as Daryl stared at him. For a moment she almost believed he wasn't going to do it when suddenly he started to lick his fingers "clean" from the food he'd been eating before taking the kid's hand and shaking it firmly.

Carol shook her head, trying to swallow her laugh before quickly walking away.

'Gross,' Quinn mumbled to Daryl who gave her a simple shrug before heading after Carol.

She placed her plate on the pile of dishes before walking towards the left side of the courtyard where the cars were parked. Opening the trunk of the car she checked all the tools that were already there; rope, fuel, weapons. Footsteps approached and she turned to see Daryl walking up to her with another bucket of fuel, placing it in the back of the car.

She took her gun out of her belt to check the amount of bullets that were left just as Zach came walking around the car, heading towards Beth who had been walking up to him. 'Hey,' Zach greeted her, 'I was just about to come find you.' Beth smiled as they leaned in to give each other a quick kiss.

'What's up?' Beth asked him.

Quinn watched the couple as she placed her gun back in her belt, she turned away from them, scanning the trunk one last time before walking up to the other car where Sasha and Tyreese were loading up. She was about to greet them when she noticed Bob walking up to them.

'Hey,' he said, taking Sasha's attention, 'I'd like to start pulling my weight around here.'

'Bob, it's only been a week,' Sasha told him.

'That's a week worth of meals and roof over my head. Let me earn my keep.'

Quinn remembered the day Daryl and Glenn had brought Bob in. She remembered all of them. All these people here in the prison were part of her life now and she had made sure she knew everyone's name.

Sasha took a deep breath, leaning against the door of the car as she answered. 'You were out on your own when Daryl found you.'

'That's right,' Bob replied, clearly not understanding her point.

'I just wanna make sure you know how to play on a team,' Sasha explained.

'We ain't gonna do it unless it's easy,' Daryl added as he walked by, heading towards his motorcycle.

'You know he was a medic in the army,' Glenn said, leaning against the car.

Sasha didn't seem convinced.

'You're a hell of a tough sell, you know that?' Bob said, smiling at her.

She gave a small shake of her head before finally giving in. 'Okay.'

Quinn smiled at Bob's proud expression before taking place behind the wheel of the car. Sasha came sitting next to her as Tyreese and Bob filled the backseats. Glenn and Zach were in the other car and Daryl was in front of them on his motorcycle.

As they drove down the field her eyes spotted Michonne, talking to Rick as Carl took care of her horse. A smile appeared on her lips by the very sight of her friend.

Daryl pulled over. 'Well, look who's back.'

Quinn rolled down the window of the car, waving at Michonne. 'Glad to see you,' she called out. At least two weeks had passed since she'd seen her friend.

Michonne gave a small wave back. 'Glad to see you too.' She looked between Daryl and Quinn as she added. 'I didn't find him.'

Nodding curtly Quinn took a deep breath, she hadn't expected anything else and yet it still stung.

'Glad to see you in one piece,' Daryl said instead.

'I was thinking about looking over near Macon,' Michonne responded. 'It's worth a shot.'

'That's seventy miles of walkers. You might run into a few unneighborly types,' Daryl told her. 'Is it?' When Michonne didn't respond he turned to look at Rick instead. 'I'm gonna check out the big spot, the one I was talking about, just seeing.'

'Yeah, I gotta go out and check the snares. I don't wanna lose whatever we catch to the walkers,' Rick brushed off the silent offer of joining on the run.

'I'll go,' Michonne said instead, walking up to the car.

'You just got here,' Carl interjected.

'And I'll be back!' She told the kid as she ran up to Quinn, high-fiving her before jumping in the back of the car.

A U T H O R 'S   N O T E

And so we have started season 4! I'm very excited to dive into this season as I've got lots of fun things planned! This chapter was a joy to write honestly. I love finally getting to explore Quinn and Daryl's dynamic as they become closer. I think Merle is a really good way to connect them and give their relationship an extra layer.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments about this development in their relationship! I'd love to hear what you guys want to happen in season 4.

Thank you all so much for your support and I'll see you soon!

xx Nelly