Harry's POV

Malfoys been avoiding me. There is no doubt about that.

Why do I feel so put out about it? Honestly, I have no idea.

My sudden interest in him is disturbing to say the least. I never realised how much I watched him over the years until I began to notice subtle changes about him that I shouldn't have noticed at all.

To start with, he had lost a lot of weight over the summer. So much that his ribs could be seen beneath his robes, each one prominent. His eyes were sunken, though they still held that superior gleam that had resided there for as long as I'd known him. His skin was paler than ever - making his hair look grey in contrast. He was still the same as usual in the classes he shared with me. Malfoy was well known for being second only to Hermione in exams, he'd never missed homework as far as I knew. That was reassuring to me, I'm not sure why, I guess it was just nice to know that not everything had changed. It gave me some hope that his home life wasn't as bad as I was starting to think.

The most startling development of all though, was his eyes.

He constantly looked alert, skittish. He jumped at every noise, flinched at every touch. At night, he seemed reluctant to sleep, constantly glancing my way as if I would strangle him as soon as he dared to relax.

What the fuck? How do I know so much about the git who's supposed to be my enemy? When did I notice all of this?

It's disturbing to think about.

I shake my head and focus on Professor McGonagall as she explains how to tell the difference between a natural object and a transfigured one. Transfiguration isn't the worst subject, and McGonagall is a really good teacher. I can think of worse ways to spend last period than in her class.

Although she was now the Headteacher, she'd somehow managed to keep up with her classes. I thought she would have given up teaching and just focused on her new, more demanding, role but apparently not.

We always do half theory, half actual transfiguration. Supposedly, an entire class of transfiguration would be too much of a pull on our magic

I look up from my desk in time to hear her explain what we'll be doing for the remainder of the class.

"Today, we will be turning inanimate objects into animals. I will split the room into three and give you all a particular animal to focus on. Whichever section gets the most transfigured animals gets to leave first." The professor smiled, eyeing us all as she spoke. "Each section will also be given a different base and species to transfigure." She flicked her wand and goblets appeared on my sections desks. I looked around the room.

Malfoy, sitting on the opposite side of the room from me - surprise, surprise - had small, smooth pebble. He was worrying at his arm again, almost unconsciously. I forced my eyes away from him. I couldn't watch him do that, not when there was nothing I could do. The middle section had lumps of firewood on their desks, each different shapes and sizes.

"Students, you have now been given your bases. The left hand side of the room," She gestured towards my side. "will be attempting to transfigure their goblets into birds. The middle will be focusing on rodents and the right hand side on small reptiles. You have ten minutes to come up with a transfiguration. Begin!" She clapped her hands together as she finished and turned with a flourish to sit behind her desk, watching us all closely.

I looked down at my goblet, turning it in my hands. It was embedded with small red jewels and made of a silvery metal carved with intricate swirls and symbols.

I thought about what it could become. A crow? No, too dark. A pigeon maybe? Surely, growing up in England, I'd seen enough of those to be able to create a proper image. A seagull then? I don't think so, they were too large.

I sighed in frustration and looked about myself to see what the others were attempting.

Beside me, Ron held his head in his hands, as if he could force ideas into his brain by sheer willpower. Hermione was just picking up her wand, no doubt with a perfect image of what she wanted in her mind. Dean and Seamus were chatting quietly to one another, hands clasped beneath their shared desk. Seamus kept gesturing to the goblet, Dean just shaking his head. I couldn't quite hear what they were saying, but the two suddenly nodded and retrieved their wands.

Over at the other tables, wands were moving, the incantations were being spoken. Malfoy had steepled his slender fingers in his nose, slouched into his seat. He looked half asleep actually, but then his eyes snapped open, gleaming with excitement. Those mercury depths found my own eyes suddenly, something akin to a challenge held within them.

I flicked my eyes away suddenly, mind whirring.

Then, suddenly, to idea came to me. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it before, but it was perfect.

I ran through the spell in my head and practised the words over and over until I was certain I knew exactly what to say.

Professor McGonagall stood up from her desk, adjusting her glasses up her nose and looking icily at us all. After a pause, she spoke again. "Your time is up, speak the incantation now."

The words of the spell reverberated through the room, an extra reminder of what the words were if I'd forgotten. I spoke them clearly and flicked my wand at the goblet. There was a flash, accompanied by many likewise flashes from around me.

I blinked to clear my eyes, hoping that I'd done the spell right. Thankfully, I was in luck.

I stared at the red Phoenix stood, poised, on my desk. It's feathers were the colour of the rubies that had adorned the goblet moments ago. It's eyes were pure onyx, contrasted by its sweeping yellow wings and knife sharp beak. It surveyed the room cooly, talons scraping the desk as it moved.

The spell that we had cast would only keep the transfigured creatures transfigured for a short amount of time.

Professor McGonagall smiled at us all, nodding as she glanced over each of our desks. Some people still had the wood and pebbles on their desks, but most of them seemed to have managed at least something.

I looked over at Malfoy again, only to find him staring right back at me. On his desk, there was a curled up viper. It's scales were the brightest green I had ever seen and glistened as it shifted around. His eyes bored into mine, but when I made eye contact, his gaze shifted quicker than a flash of lightning.

What the fuck was up with Malfoy now?

Squawks, hisses and screeches rang around the room as the animals came to fully. There were cries of alarm as some of them leapt from desks, birds flitting around the room in a wave of colour. My phoenix turned its obsidian glare towards me, unblinking. Then in a flash of red, it lifted up and joined the growing flock in the sky.

"Well done students. Many of you have managed to produce at least something." The professor shot a glance at Ron. I turned towards him. His goblet had sprouted two grey wings and a tail, but was still immobile. His ears had turned crimson. "True to my word, the section with the most successful transfigurations shall leave first. That will be the left section, then the right section, and then the middle section. For homework, I would like two three feet essays discussing the positives and negatives of animated transfiguration due for Tuesday. That will be all for today."

I slumped backwards into my seat, releasing a breath as I thought about what I'd like to do for the rest of the day.

------

I picked up my broom and headed out onto the Quidditch pitch. It'd been so long since I'd flown up there that I couldn't wait to get back in the air.

I'd changed into more casual clothes for this, deciding that if I fell I'd rather not get my robes into too much of a state.

I kicked up, off of the ground and into the sky, my hair flying in the wind behind me. Ron was already in the air, holding a Quaffle and bat in one hand.

I held the snitch in my left hand. It was completely spherical, smooth with hidden wings. I wanted for the rest of the team to mount up and join us.

After Transfiguration, Ron and I had invited the Common Room for a game of Quidditch. There were enough of us for two teams and some extras. Luckily, most people had homework to catch up on and were sitting in the stands.

Malfoy was among them, joined by Pansy. They were deep in conversation, Malfoy looked desperate about something, throwing his hands up to exaggerate whatever he was saying.

I turned away from them. This wasn't a time to watch Malfoy - wow, that wasn't something I ever expected to think. When was it ever time to watch Malfoy?

I hovered in mid-air, watching the final players mount their brooms and rise up into the sky.

Surprisingly, Hermione and Neville had agreed to play. Usually, Hermione would have been studying just now, but she had been particularly eager to join us. Even that girl, Juniper, I think it was? Was on the other team. She hadn't struck me as the sporty type, but her position was almost perfect as she flew around the pitch.

I turned back to Ron in time to see him nod my way, a silent gesture asking if I was ready to start. I nodded back and he began to explain the rules to the others, many of which had never played before.

I zoned out some time after he explained what each of the balls were for and the different positions they would have to uptake.

He was going as the goal keeper, I would be the Seeker. We'd already decided that, so I didn't even need to speak. Since we weren't in robes, the two teams were Cannons and Bows. I was in Cannons. The Cannons had a red stripe on their brooms, the Bows had a dark green one. It made it a lot easier to tell the players apart, but it wasn't as effective as the team colours we were all used to.

It felt great to not be the centre of attention for once, especially after the war.

Merlin, the amount of times I'd been asked what it was like to face off against Voldemort. Too many to count. Why did people not seem to understand that I didn't want to talk about the war. Sure, they were sorry, they wished things had been different.

But.

Things were not different. People died. I might have saved a lot of people, but I didn't save them all. Dumbledore, Fred, Tonks. Countless others died because of me.

The guilt is hard enough to live with, I don't need to be reminded of the war by people that weren't even involved, that didn't live through the horrors of it with me.

Ron and Hermione? Neville? Luna? None of them have ever asked me what it was like, because they know how fucking shitty it is to be asked. They know that each memory is a living nightmare for me because it's the same for them too.

So many lives lost. All to protect me.

Some days, I wake up unable to breath, surrounded by the ghostly images of what happened. The blood and death still crystal clear in my minds eye. I don't scream, I don't cry. I just feel... empty, detached from everything. It all feels unreal, like I'm still in the battlefield.

And then, I'll be hit with all of my feelings. A wave, choking me, stealing every breath from my lungs in racking sobs.

I don't cry in front of others; it's just not something I've ever been comfortable with.

I need to stay strong, otherwise people will worry about me, question my wellbeing. I just can't be bothered with that, enough people have suffered the consequences of caring about me, I'm not ready for a repeat.

"Harry! Bloody hell mate, you good?"

I slam back into the present at the sound of Rons voice, he sounded worried, but why?

"You just went all pale, you alright?" He asked. I realised suddenly that the game has started, everyone was staring at me curiously. I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

"Yeah mate, I'm fine, lets go!" I made a show of sounding upbeat, smiling as I spoke.

I shoot further up into the sky, surveying the pitch far below me. Cheers rang out from the stands as a player scored a goal. Their broom had a green stripe; Bows.

I didn't really pay attention to that though, I was too focused on finding the Snitch. It had to be up here somewhere. My eyes searched for the telltale gleam of gold. Across the pitch, about the same height up as me, sat Juniper, the rival seeker for Bows.

I saw her suddenly latch onto something and shoot forwards and down, chasing a glimmer of gold through the air.

Moments later, I was on her tail, the wind roaring in my ears, pressed close against my broom as I fought to gain speed and overtake her.

We were neck and neck, inches apart. I caught the determined look in her eyes and knew that this was going to be a challenge to win. She banked steeply upwards and shot into the clouds, I was still close behind her.

She appeared to have lost it as she stopped, head windmilling madly as she attempted to re-find her prize.

I smirked as I continued on the trail, racing after the flitting shape that was now in my line of sight.

"Fuck" I heard her say through clenched teeth and a second later there was a swish of fabric as she swung back into the chase.

By now though, I was inches from the Snitch, just reaching my arm out to grab it.

Closer now, so close, I can almost reach it.......

'Got it!'

My hand closed around the small ball. It's wings flickered wearily, sliding back inside as if it realised that it had lost.

I raised my prize high in the air, grinning madly as I took a lap of the pitch. Whooping cheers sounded from the stands as they noticed my procession. Both teams stopped at the commotion and turned, the Bows recognising their defeat, the Cannons yelling in victory.

I landed on the pitch at a run, dismounting and grabbing my broom. My blood sang with adrenaline, each breath ragged and fast. I felt better than I had in ages. One Quidditch match and all my worries had been thrown to the wind, abandoned somewhere far behind me. The rush of flying never ceased to amaze me, it was just the best feeling in the world.

I high-fived Ron when we landed, laughing wildly. Juniper looked a bit put out, but smiled and sent me a nod when I looked at her.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was actually happy.

------

"Noooo! No please! Aaaaahh!"

I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of torturous screams, coming fro Malfoys bed on the other side of the room.

At first, I wondered what was happening, then I realised that he was still asleep.

"Please, don't, no! Nooooo!" His cries rang throughout the dorm. I cast some quick silencing charms on the room to prevent the others from waking up too.

He was thrashing about in his bed, screaming and muttering, his voice muffled by what sounded like sobs.

I quickened my pace, breaking into a rum as I reached him and shook him awake. I felt suddenly awake, like I did when I had been hunting for Horcruxes. All feelings of fatigue rolled off of me in a heartbeat. I was worried about him, I knew how realistic dreams could be. "Malfoy! Malfoy wake up!"

He stopped his thrashing, eyes flickering open to expose the startling silver of his irises. He took a shuddering breath, then dissolved into tears, pushing himself against me as if looking for comfort. I sat on the edge of the bed to are sure he was ok. On instinct, I hugged him; it's what I would have done to anyone if they'd had a nightmare, it just seemed right, I didn't even hesitate. He cried against me, curling up as he sobbed. I rubbed circles into his back, concerned beyond what I would have thought possible. He muttered something unintelligible into my chest, again and again. It sounded like "Thank Merlin you're alive."

'That can't be right. Why would Malfoy be happy I was alive?'

I thought better than to say anything, he was obviously still half asleep. As his hands wrapped around me I tensed up, then remembered that he wasn't even actually awake and relaxed. It must just be instinct for him too, right?

After an age, he stopped crying and receded into silence, his breathing became even and slow, I knew he was probably asleep.

I stood up to leave, disentangling myself from his arms, when a hand grabbed my wrist. I froze up instantly, unsure what to expect. When I turned however, I heard him whisper "P-please just stay. Don't go." His voice was so broken, so wrenched with sadness. I sat back down and lay next to him.

I didn't think I'd be able to sleep again. I've always despised sleeping with others. Even when I stayed over at the Burrow for the first time and had to share a bed with Ron, I had just stayed awake, unable to sleep. Something about having another person so close was just unnerving to me.

I don't think I've ever felt so awkward in my life. Malfoy was just there, next to me, holding onto my wrist as if I'd cease to exist if he let go.

Just as I was about to try and leave again, he began tracing shapes down my arm. Small, gentle movements that relaxed me instantly. It was the most peculiar feeling. It was just so soft, so caring. Again, I froze, confused but also kind of curious about what he was doing.

The shapes were soothing, moving up and down my arm and then down to my hand. I wanted to move, I wanted to just lie there and just let him do whatever this was.

Then, before I knew it, I was asleep. The best sleep I'd had in years.