"don't do it shu!"

valt slammed open the door to the roof of shu's apartment complex and was met with the albino standing on the very edge of the building. his crimson eyes were filled with so much emotion it was almost impossible to settle on just one. "valt.. what are you doing here?"

he staggered towards shu slowly as to not trigger him. "shu," he began softly. "please, this isn't a good way out! the past is the past and today is a new beginni-"

"oh please, valt!" shu yelled in response, his eyes now stinging with tears. "how can i have a new beginning when i messed up before i could prove myself to the world!" the wind picked up, swaying his hair. underneath the moonlight, shu's eyes appearred glossy, and almost like glass. he continued, "red eye was a mistake. i.. i can't live with myself knowing how much damage i caused to countless people.."

valt tilted his head sympathetically. he was truly an idiot, and a bad friend alongside that. even after shu returned, everything hadn't been the same since red eye; that greatly affected everyone, but he was certain shu was the most affected.

he inched closer, but stopped abruptly when shu firmly thrust out his palm. "just make me understand! tell me why you did it! you can't keep everything to yourself shu, and if someone knew what your thoughts were then maybe we can help! you don't have to be alone, i am here!"

shu gritted his teeth and used the sleeves of his black hoodie to roughly wipe away his tears. he looked at valt one final time before starting to tilt over.

"no!"

valt lunged foward. his fingertips barely grazed shu's sleeves, but he managed to grab the edge of his hoodie. with one big surge of strength, he pulled him the opposite direction and the two tumbled onto the floor. shu tried to get up and run to the edge but valt held him down with all the energy he could muster. "let me go valt! let me jump! let me die! i deserve it!" he kept squirming around until something wet hit his face.

"v.. valt?"

the blue haired male couldn't help the tears. he choked on a sob as he slapped shu's face. the albino was shocked, not mad at all. "listen here, shu kurenai!" valt cried out. "no one deserves to die, and the only way they should is by natural causes, okay? red eye was in the past, but still you act so selfish!"

shu's eyes widened. he felt his own tears trickle down the sides of his face. valt noticed this and wiped his own before helping shu sit up. he continued, "can.. can we just talk? i already forgave you for past incidents, but you never really did talk to me.. and that's all i asked for."

he's right, shu thought. even after he'd returned from being red eye.. from being in the snake pit.. from ruining lives, valt still forgave him.

"expectations."

the albino sighed out and nodded. valt stared at him in confusion. "expectations..?" he muttered. shu nodded and gestured towards the bench in front of the stadium, a memory that stung his heart. he walked over and sat down, looking at valt to do the same.

"come on, let's talk. i want you to get to know red eye."

{ 赤目 }

"pressure."

"hm?" valt looked up, his eyes meeting shu's but shu's looking off in the distance. they had been sitting there in somewhat comfprtable silence for quite a while. valt speculated he was looking for the right words to say but couldn't.

and he was right.

"do you remember my final battle at the national tournament?" shu asked softly. by the sound of his tone, it was obvious what he was about to say was something he'd prefer not to remember himself. "the one with lui?"

valt nodded uneasily. who could forget the battle where one of japan's greatest bladers had his bey destroyed by the champion? even days after, the news had still been a buzz around beigoma.

the albino shifted to be looking up at the night sky. "after that tournament, i was never the same. my pride had been hurt by the very breaking of my own bey. previously i spent my entire time dedicated to gaining more power so that i could defeat lui, but it all turned up to be short." he took out spryzen. valt noticed it slightly glowed due to the pale moonlight reflecting off the shiny metal.

he continued, "the pressure was on, the pressure was high. it was heavy on my mind. on my own accord, i suddenly felt pressured to become stronger than lui; well, stronger than anyone. all i knew was that i wanted power, and fast."

valt protested, "but you could've taken your time to get that! you know, by analyzing lui's battle style and su-"

"it wasn't as easy as you think," shu interruppted, "especially with my mindset." he said mindset, but valt had the premonition he meant mentality.

but with that, valt shut his mouth and listened up.

"after i had begun developing that pressure, it started weighing me down. "the weight was here," he pointed at his head, "and the weight was right. the weight was heavy on my spine, literally weighing me down with thoughts."

"what do you mean?" valt asked, confused at the riddling words.

shu ran a gloveless hand through his hair. it scared valt really because to him it was like a sign of shu quitting the sport of beyblade. "i'm saying the pressure got to me. it started feeling like a burden, like something i was required to do."

he slumped down a bit, trying to relax himself from the conversation. in shu's mind explaining his journey towards becoming red eye was difficult. but, for the strangest of reasons, telling valt specifically made it harder. he'd been the one person shu was sure would never forgive him, yet he did so in a heartbeat.

"i.. i didn't know you felt like that." valt said. "in all honesty, when i found out the truth, it hurt me. a lot." shu's eyes welled. he threw his head back and blinked them away, making valt look at him with a pang in his heart. shu continued, "the thing about the truth.. "

he paused, biting his lip in anticipation.

"truth has holes. truth, it swells. truth can sometimes feel like hell."

valt nodded. the truth to him did feel like hell, an inferno he got caught up in and realized shu had gone in too early to be saved. he looked up at the albino male almost in tears and said, "you should know i never lost hope in your return. i trusted that one day this will all be a thing of the past, but then again, the truth hurts.."

"i'm so sorry you had to find out like how you did. i was a coward for not telling you directly. my lies were filling with nothing of the truth. it was an ugly truth, and it's full, and it swells. but in the end i thought we'll all be well."

he couldn't anymore. shu swallowed down a sob and threw his hands at his eyes to stop the tears. immedietely worried, valt scooted close to him and exclaimed, "s-shu? are you okay? look.. let's just forget about it, alrigh-"

"how did expectations get so high?" he yelled shamelessly, fully sobbing into the sleeves of his hoodie. "why did i expect myself to be something i'm not? in the end i felt like i got a wicked thirst to feel alive. i needed to feel power in that moment because i just felt so defeated by lui.."

"it's not your fault, though! how could you have noticed?"

shu looked at him, his white hair covering his hair almost completely but in a few spots. his eyes now slightky pink, reminding valt of the shirt shu always wore.. back then.

he yelled, "how could i have noticed? valt, my own standards at the time were higher and bigger than i could handle."

" everyday after lui destroyed my mask, i asked how did expectations get so high? everything in my mind was completely messed up, and in the end it got me nowhere. now i have nowhere to and hide.." shu sighed out, feeling utter shame.

valt patted his back, looking down at his shoes. he couldn't do much but comfort the albino, although he himself wanted comfort. listening to why shu became so corrupted was scary. he opened his mouth to say something but was stopped by his pocket vibrating.

"i'll be right back."

the albino nodded, regaining his composure and watching his friend walk away to answer the call.

{ ダークホース }

after answering his phone and explaining to his mom the situation, valt returned to shu. the albino was now leaned against the fence and gazing up at the starry night sky. his eyes were still glossy with the aftermath of tears.

"oh, you're back?"

valt chuckled nervously and held up his phone. "yeah, my mom called and asked where i was. i just told her i was at your apartment." he sat down next to shu and sighed. he waited a few seconds before asking, "hey shu.. what was your idea for power in the first place?"

this caught shu off guard. he looked at valt, and looked away, as if what he was about to say was something he doesn't want to say. he took a deep breath and said, "you know ideas move, ideas pull.  at that time, i also wanted to know, can ideas be controlled?"

"what do you mean?"

"well." he leaned his head back to stare at the sky while speaking. "before i met theodore, i.. i had this concept of getting stronger in beyblade. when i did meet theodore, i learned that he could control the idea and make it a reality- one i chose to seek selfishly."

valt nodded. he faintly remembers boa telling him what shu went through to get power, and frankly, it sounded like something straight out of a fantasy movie. he secretly chuckled to himself, wondering what it would be like to have his life be some sort of show. he shook his head, thinking how shu may have felt during his time at the snake pit.

shu seemed to notice his thoughts. "did you know?" valt hummed in response. "when i was in the snake pit, i experienced a lot of emotions. partly due to the what i experienced there, but the thing i felt most was fear."

"how scared were you?" valt asked quietly, still wary about this entire conversation. the albino continued, "well, my fear has grown, now it's fear so old. there were times where i felt my fear is pulsing in my skull. that's really unpleasant to experience. i had hoped on leaving the place soon.. but not the way i did.."

valt grabbed his shoulder firmly. "but what matters is you did. it's all in the past now, and no one is being affected!"

the white haired male glanced at him with saddened eyes. "you know.. the day i went to bc sol to make amends again, rantaro told me something."

"what was it?"

shu turned his head, not wanting to be seen. "he said that after you and the others found out red eye's- i mean, my identity, that you would have nightmares. he said you wanted me to come back, even if you were scared for what might happen afterwards. what got to me was when he said that you told him you never lost hope. your exact words were 'there's hope below, rantaro. hope on high, too. hope in ocean, hope in sky'. you never did lose hope in me, did you?"

valt nodded. "i never did, even if others did, like xander, i myself never lost hope that'd you come back. it didn't matter if things were never going to be the same.. i just, i need you.."

shu's eyes welled with tears again buy he furiously blinked them back. "xander.. you now, i battled him and ren wu before they knew of my identity. people come, and people try. but no matter what anyone did, i just wouldn't listen. people come in the blink of an eye.. they all gave up on me like how i gave up on myself. xander was one of the ones that hurt me the most.."

"shu.. i'm sorry."

the albino shook his head, swallowing down a hard sob. "why are you sorry? it's all my fault on how did expectations get so high, especially mine. i was the idiot that got a wicked thirst to feel alive.."

valt noticed shu's breathing becoming a little bit more rapid. "shu..?"

"h-how did expectations get so high, valt? now i have nowhere to run and hide.."

the blue haired male was beyond worried, yet confused. he watched as shu's tears slowly fell, and this startled him. "shu, what's wrong? is everything oka-"

"run and hide."

valt was slightly pushed back as shu ran towards the emergency stairs on the side of the building and climbed down. he tried to chase after him but he wasn't fast enough to keep up. "shu, wait up!"

the albino hyperventilated as he ran non stop, tears still falling but not obstructing his goal of hiding, dissappearing, anything to escape. he glanced back at where valt was supposed to be, but he hadn't catched up. so instead, shu kept running.

                                             losing control
        
losing control

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losing control

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losing control

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           losing control

shu collapsed on his knees in an alleyway and buried his face into his hands. his tears weren't stopping, his heart ached to the point where it physically hurt. he tried to think straight but just couldn't.

         "h-how did expectations get s-so high?"

"got a wicked t-thirst to f-feel alive...."          

"how d-did expecations g-get so high?"                     

        "how did expectations get so high?"