And now it's time for ANOTHE-

You know what, just get on with the story.

One 'magical' Mushroom Kingdom day, the birds were shivering, the sun was hiding, and the frozen raindrops were falling from the troposphere. And by that I mean, it was snowing.
And by that I mean Mario was out wallowing in it like a kindergartner.
Once again, it was almost Christmas in Crazy Land, and just a couple of days in time, the first lovely snow had finally arrived. As such, Mario had been up since three AM rolling around in it in his front yard and having a grand old time.
At this point the house had already been decorated with even more ambitious goals than last year's atomic bomb. Red and green and white blinded cars for miles around, and this time a giant inflatable roast turkey, courtesy of Mario, sat atop the roof for reasons best left unknown.
Aside from that, Toad Town had been beautifully transformed into a sugary wonderland of good cheer and peppermints - and let's not forget the wonderful occasional appearance of colored snow.
Anyway, WAY later that morning, like probably around lunchtime, the front door finally opened and Luigi came out into the frosty dreamland.
"Wow... hey Mario! You out here?"
For a couple of seconds there was no response. Then a snowball pelted him directly in the head with the power of a fifty pound rock.
Luigi was knocked clean to the ground and broke something and then he had to be taken to the hospital. (No. Not really.)
What did happen was only slightly less frightening. Mario burst from a giant pile of snow by the corner and launched forward, tackling Luigi to the ground.
"What took you so long??" He demanded, shaking him like crazy.
"M-Mario what's with you?" Luigi grunted from underneath him.
"CHRISTMAS!!" Mario hollered right in his face.
This is the part where the average person would probably sock him in the jaw for screaming out their eardrums. But you probably guessed, Luigi didn't do that (because he rarely socks people, such a great role model).
Instead he just blinked at Mario for a couple of seconds. Then, laughing like a couple of hysterical five year olds, they began rolling around in the snow, wrestling like a couple of beached whales.
...
A minute later a toad came walking by in the neighborhood. He saw them and paused.
"Hey Mario!... Whatcha doing?"
Laughing and covered in snow, Mario sat up for a second and saw him. "Classified," he replied. Then he dove on top of Luigi and shrieked, "TICKLE FIGHT!!"
"No please no!!" Luigi begged, but it was too late.
Staring at them in concern, the toad just shook his head and carried on. Before he left, he posted a piece of important looking paper to a flagpole by the street.
Approximately 2 minutes 47 seconds later, Mario finally stopped for a break and got up, looking like he'd just been inside a snow globe. Luigi crawled away and died on the ground for a second.
"Okay... I don't think my abs can take this anymore... maybe we should go inside," Luigi panted, trying to stop giggling. Mario would have tackled him again right then if he hadn't suddenly noticed the aforementioned flagpole with the paper. Jumping up, he gasped.
Luigi thought he was gasping because of the ominous piece of paper. But it turned out a second later Mario was only gasping because of the flagpole, which he promptly jumped on.
Luigi rolled his eyes and got up to check out the flyer. Because I'm kinda lazy, I'm not gonna tell you what it said.
Luckily, Luigi will do that for you.
"Mario! It's written by the princess herself!"
"What??" Mario, still clinging to the flagpole above him, suddenly slid down with the force of a 500 pound weight, nearly taking Luigi to the ground. "What's it say?"
Luigi looked it over. "The nearby kingdoms held a council recently... in which the Mushroom Kingdom was a part with Peach as our representative, apparently. Well, they've decided to do a special movement this holiday season... each kingdom does something for those in need... and Peach is organizing something today at the castle -
"Alright, gimme that!" Mario demanded, snatching it away from him. Looking it over for a second, he grabbed Luigi by the overall strap and tore off up the road, like a kid dragging his parents out of bed on Christmas morning.
Only, you know, an extremely strong kid.
"Hiya Mario, where are you off to on this fine day?" asked a random passerby as he passed.
"Just the castle, to help people in need!" Mario replied cheerily, bouncing along the road through the snowdrifts.
"Well have fun!" the toad replied.
"Will do!" Mario waved.
Luigi would have input in that conversation as well if he wasn't busy having his face grated off behind Mario's jump-happy feet.

MEANWHILE, AT THE CASTLE...

"Alright, settle down people, settle down!" Peach called over the noise of Green Toad making raspberry fart noises.
"Blue Toad, would you bring me that box of gift wrapping supplies? ...Oh, Yoshi! I'm so glad you were able to make it!"
Directing foot traffic in the main hall of her castle, Princess Peach was not having the easiest time of her life. Her friends were supposed to be helping round up everything they might need for their special Christmas project, but needless to say not all of the servants were cheerful and willing.
"DID SOMEBODY FINISH THE EGGNOG??" Yellow Toad hollered, entering the room and making his presence known.
"What do you mean? You're not allowed to drink it in the first place," Blue Toad replied, absentmindedly dumping a pound of confetti into a box.
"Do you mean to say you've been illegally drinking the royal eggnog stores??" Green Toad shrieked.
"Not the royal eggnog stores!! PRINCESS!! WE'VE GOT A CODE WHITE!!" Purple Toad shrieked from where he was sliding down the grand staircase railing.
"Hush," Toadsworth scolded, hitting him on the head with his cane. "Let the princess focus."
Green Toad made another questionable noise.
Purple Toad came and tugged at Peach's skirt. "Princess! Toadsworth hit me!!"
"Excuse me but I believe we were talking about illegal eggnog usage," Blue Toad interrupted, stepping in. "I'm pretty sure that was a capitol offense! Yellow Toad could be imprisoned for, like, two years!"
"Nu-uh!" Yellow Toad insisted from where he was picking his nonexistent nose. "I'm positive it's not that long!!"
"I'm positive that if you keep this up the princess will never want to have children, so I recommend you stop," Toadsworth informed them.
Yellow Toad raised a finger. "I'll touch you with this," he warned Blue Toad. "And you don't know where it's been."
Blue Toad screamed at the top of his lungs.
Yoshi, who was standing there watching all of this, interrupted. "Wait, do you mean you want royal children around here bossing us around?"
Toadsworth gave the dinosaur a sharp eye. "Well if that is how the line will continue, yes! It can't happen any other way!"
Then Toad barfed somewhere.
Peach, who was thankfully hardly hearing this anyway, massaged her head. "I need a frappe," she muttered.
Then Daisy, who had been elsewhere, came over to her. "Hey Peach, they said we could come on over anytime. Are we about ready to move out?"
"Just give it a few more minutes," Peach said. "I wanted to see if anyone else would show."
On cue the front doors opened and Mario walked in, bringing tidings of good cheer, a blizzard and a half-dead Luigi.
The princesses ran forward to greet them. "Oh, Mario! I just knew you would come," Peach smiled in relief.
Blue Toad gagged.
Mario chuckled. "Of course, princessa! Buon Natale! What are we doing?"
Peach chuckled. "I'll tell you. Now where is that megaphone..."
Luigi, finally able to pick himself up, groaned. "Maybe we're being nice to people we previously ignored," he suggested.
"Oh, Luigi, what happened to you?" Daisy asked in concern. Luigi pointed at his brother silently.
"Alright everyone, listen up!" Peach called. "As you know, the Mushroom Kingdom is going to help those in need this Christmas by taking an active role in certain people's lives. After a bit of careful thought, Toadsworth and I decided that the best place to do so would be at the orphanage!"
"Woah, orphanage? You mean like adoption center?" Mario interrupted. "Where babies whose storks lost the parents' mail order end up?"
"Good grief. Mario, you know that's not where babies come from," Daisy said.
"What? But Yoshi, I thought...!"
"Yeah, well, actually... it's complicated," Yoshi replied sheepishly. "Do you remember your high school biology?"
Mario was still for a moment. "But I thought that only applied to animals!"
Everybody stood around awkwardly for a while. Mario put a hand to his head. "Mama mia," he breathed.
"Yes... well, these children no longer have parents taking care of them," Peach went on uneasily, "and they rarely have anything fun to do for Christmas. So why don't we go over there and bring them some of the cheer?"
"That sounds nice, princess!" Luigi spoke up. "I bet they'd love that!"
Suddenly the doors busted open and in came a baby snowman riding the abominable snowman.
Er, sorry, Bowser Jr. riding Bowser.
"What would we love?" Bowser asked.
Luigi shrieked like a girl and hid behind Mario. Mario crossed his arms.
"Bowser! What are you doing here?"
"I'm here for the free eggnog giveaway, what else?" Bowser asked, like the M on his hat stood for Moron.
"I don't know, maybe to kidnap somebody or rip our limbs off?" Luigi suggested.
"Free eggnog giveaway?!!? Nobody mentioned that!!" Mario exclaimed.
Blue Toad stepped forward and looked at them seriously. So seriously, it was almost hard to take him seriously.
"Guys, I hate to inform you that uh... Yellow Toad... drank... all the eggnog."
"WHAT?!!" Mario and Bowser shrieked.
"Uhm, guys, I wouldn't mind giving you some eggnog if we had some, but that's not why I invited you here," Peach interrupted.
"Sure it is! I got my invitation this morning," Bowser replied.

*DREAMY FLASHBACK*

Bowser Jr: Hey dad, hey dad, guess what?!

Bowser: What.

Bowser Jr: You got a letter from Princess Peach!

Bowser: WHAT!!!??

Bowser Jr: Here ya go! This is gonna be good!

Bowser: 'Dear Bowser and son, you are cordially invited to a surprise event (which may include free eggnog giveaway) at Princess Peach's castle today, effective at noon. In hopes of sharing the Christmas spirit and enjoying time with friends, I eagerly await your arrival! Sincerely, Princess Peach.'

Bowser Jr: Woah! She just like asked you over on purpose! AND ME TOO!

Bowser: Bwah ha! Well shoot, what are we hanging around here for??

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Mario looked offended. "Hey, I didn't get a personalized letter!"
Princess Peach stared at them. "That's because I didn't send personalized letters!"
Everyone stood around awkwardly for a minute. Then everyone looked at Blue Toad.
"What? Why would you instantly go to me?!" he shrieked.
"We know you," Yellow Toad said. "Who else did you try to trick into coming?"
"Donkey Kong," Blue Toad admitted. "He was too busy having a family Christmas."
"Smart him," Bowser grumbled.
"Well, I also wrote King Boo, but I guess he was too smart to come," Blue Toad replied.
Bowser made a sound of disbelief. "Well! I guess I don't have any business here!"
"Oh no you don't, you're stuck here doing charitable acts at the orphanage like the rest of us," said Toad, stepping in front of the doors.
"Ha, right," Bowser snorted. "Like I'm really gonna hang around in some home for juvenile goombas all day singing dumb carols and baking cookies. ME, the Lord of Darkness!"
Mario frowned. "Wait a second, you're not the Lord of Darkness."
"Yes I am!!"
"No, I'm pretty sure that was-"
"ANYWAY!! I'm a super rad evil king, so I'm not helping orphans!"

NintendoJedi: Toad.

Toad unsheathed a magical knife from nowhere. "Author's author-ity. This is the point of no return," he said, holding it up.
Bowser groaned. "Oh, come ON!"
"Yay!" Toad cheered. "Does this mean we get to take a trip in a car again?"

NintendoJedi: Yup, and lucky for you, you're even taking Mario's Mercedes!

Mario's face exploded. "WHAT?!"

"Buckle up, grab the seat in front of you and hold on tight," Mario instructed as he sat behind the wheel of his GLA. "Sheesh, I haven't had this many people in here since... that weird time."
Unsurprisingly, the group was now piled ungracefully inside the five-seater, which had magically appeared outside the castle while they were there. Not at all questioning the strange location of his car, Mario wasted no time in showing Bowser and Bowser Jr to the trunk.
"Excuse me?? I'm the Lord of Darkness, I don't ride in trunks!"
"You do now!" Mario had said, defying the laws of matter and cramming him inside.
"Cool," said Bowser Jr with his face smushed into the wall.
Unquestionably, Peach sat up front. Daisy, Luigi and Yoshi sat in the back, and some random toads were piled on the floor beside them. Toadsworth, the guy supposedly responsible for getting them all into this, was conveniently 'too old and physically incapable' to come.
"Mario, are you sure this is a good idea?" Luigi spoke up. "Half of these people don't even have seat belts and you really don't need to be flooring it -
The rest was lost when Mario floored it.
However, they only made it about five feet before the car hit something - or should I say someone - in the road and screeched to a quick halt.
You can probably already guess who those foobs were.
Mario laid on the horn and rolled down his window, yelling like a road-enraged driver. "What the heck?! What are you people doing in the road?"
"Mario, they're half-wits, don't bother asking," Yoshi said.
Scrambling like a couple of decapitated koopas, Wario and Waluigi got up and shoved their faces into the driver side window.
"What was THAT for, Mr. Hotshot?!" Wario snapped, chucking ice off his head.
Mario took it in stride. "I prefer to be called Mario Andretti," he replied.
"Hey, where are you people going anyway? I thought you were having a function at the castle," Waluigi said.
"We were, but you missed it," Daisy spoke up. "Now we're leaving."
"Woah, woah, woah!!" Wario said. "As if you really think you're going anywhere without us!!"
"You... want to come?" Yoshi asked in disbelief. "I don't think that's such a-"
"Lovely idea!" Peach interrupted, shushing him. "Why don't you come make a difference too?"
"Oh, they'll make a difference, alright," Mario grumbled to himself, but made sure she couldn't hear him.
"Mario, could you be a dear and find them a place to sit?" she asked.
"Yes, dear," he quickly replied, shooting out of the car.
"I'm gonna throw up!" Blue Toad's voice called to the front.
Luigi sighed. "Why can't we go five minutes without those two hitting on each other, or the toads doing something disgusting, or Wario and Waluigi being dumb?"
"Oh, Luigi, I'm so sorry," Daisy patted his shoulder.
It didn't take long for Mario to realize there were no seats available inside by any stretch of the imagination. When he opened the trunk he found Bowser and Bowser Jr playing cards.
"Hey! That's our hangout!" Waluigi yapped. "Get out!"
"Your hangout?" Mario interrupted. "Excuse me, that's my trunk."
"Yeah, well we're already up to the ceiling, so don't even think about dumping two curly toed weirdos on us," Bowser informed him.
Mario slammed the trunk in his face and sighed. Then he glanced up mischievously, and grinned.

"Miss Toadette, what are we doing?" asked a little koopa girl, tugging at her hand.
"Yeah, it's 17.2 degrees Fahrenheit out here," a goomba boy with glasses added, looking at a pocket thermometer.
"We're waiting for a surprise that'll be here any minute," Toadette told them. "Just hang tight!"
It was still a harsh, snowy afternoon in Toad Town, and the kids at the orphanage were really feeling it as they stood outside the building waiting for their promised surprise. Toadette, who apparently volunteers at the shelter, was with them.
"Look! A Mercedes!" someone shrieked, and the whole group began bouncing up and down like infant girls.
"I've always wanted to see a real one!"
"It's a dream come true!"
"Is it SANTA?!"
"Oh yeah, I'm sure Santa drives a Mercedes, blockhead."
The kids stared in suspense as the car pulled up, blasting music so loud it could be heard through the windows. A couple of real live idiots were tied to the roof like Christmas trees.
"WAAHH!! We're here!!" One shrieked over the dying engine.
"Aaahh, look it's little kids! Turn the car around!!"
But of course, no one inside the car could hear them. Mario was drumming on the steering wheel like a kind of maniac.
"I've got, twooo tickets to paaaradise, I've got...
TWO TICKETS TO PARADISE!!"
"Sshhh!! The kids will think you're serious!" Daisy scolded.
"Oh. Sorry," Mario chuckled, cutting the music.
As the perfectly selfless and angelic Christmas helpers stepped out of the car, the kids were struck with complete and utter shock.
"I don't believe it!! It's Princess Peach!!"
"A real life Yoshi??!?? I wanna ride it!!"
"Hey guys, welcome!" Toadette said. "It's so awesome that you could come and help! Why don't we get inside so you can meet the kids?"
"Excellent idea, my eyebrows are freezing and I've got ice forming in... a few other places," Bowser said.
"Oh, let me just untie the goons from the car," Mario said, stepping away for a minute. "I won't be long!"
"Oh, you won't BE at all when we're through with you!!" Wario hollered.
"I'm going to punch you till you look like Rudolph!" Waluigi threatened, but nobody pays HIM attention.
Toadette stood and stared as the kids rushed back inside. And she took a deep breath. And she said she needs a vacation.

Much much squirming and screeching and wiggling and shoving later, Mario finally entered the orphanage where everyone was assembled with Wario and Waluigi in tow. And when I say in tow, I mean he literally pulled them on a rope.
"Let us go! We're grown ups!" Waluigi yelled.
"Yeah, that's debatable," Mario replied, tugging them over to the group. "Kids, make sure you study hard in school or you end up like this!"
Everyone stared at them for a solid five seconds.
"Cool," said a shy guy.
"Um... well, okay! So why don't you all introduce yourselves?" Toadette asked the children, of which there were five.
"Okay. I'm Goom," said the goomba with glasses. Waluigi snickered, but Mario practically broke his ankle silencing him.
"I'm Kiki," said the little koopa girl.
"Toadington," said a little toad boy who was probably the cutest thing you ever didn't see.
"Shiggy," spoke up the shy guy who must have been a kid. Kinda hard to tell if it was a kid or an old homeless guy mooching off the orphans' table.
"And I'm Toadlie," said an older toad girl who was probably a teenager. "I'm Toadington's sister."
"How nice! Well, I'm Princess Peach... and this is Princess Daisy," Peach began, taking the initiative. The kids all waved.
"Ooh, are you a real princess? I love your dresses, they're so pretty!" Kiki squealed, bouncing up and down.
"Thank you!" Peach giggled. "And this is Yoshi... and these five toads are my assistants."
"Cool! So you mean like, slaves?" Shiggy asked.
"Do they have to do whatever you tell them?" Toadington wanted to know. "So like, if I said drool on your foot..."
Blue Toad crossed his arms and grumbled under his breath. "I cannot wait till this is over."
"...And this is Bowser and his son," Peach was going on, carefully indicating the monster in the room.
"Bwa haha! That's right, kids! I'm the Lord of Darkness, and this here is a REAL prince, the heir to my throne! Just don't do anything to annoy me or you'll get done medium rare. Oh, and did I mention I'm a super awesome evil king with a license to kidnap and I have an arch nemesis?"
The kids stared at him for a while. Then they all clapped like he'd just given an award-winning speech.
"Wow, that went better than expected," Mario said. "Well, anyway, I'm Mario! Er, uh, I mean... The name's Mario. Super Mario."
"Woah, Super Mario!! Here!!" The kids started bouncing up and down again (like they seem to have a weird tendency to do) and then they started swarming him like nerds at a comic con.
"I've heard all about you!"
"Aren't you like, super famous??!"
"Dude, you're... so short!"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Mario replied, in too good of a mood to smack anyone. "And besides, size matters not, don't you know??"
"He lives by that," Luigi said.
Toadlie jumped up in his face. "Oh my gosh, Mario! Can I please touch your mustache??"
"Uhh... that depends on what body part you use," he said at last.
"Oh, it's sensitive? How about... my elbow?"
"Uh, no."
"Um, how bout... here?" As if she wasn't entirely certain, she tapped her mouth.
"Ooooookay, I think it's about time you all met my brother Luigi!" Mario said, detaching himself from them and grabbing Luigi's shoulders. "You guys ever heard of him?"
"Nope."
"Uh-uh."
"Sorry."
"Oh, come ON!" Luigi yelled, stomping a foot on the floor. "Isn't this getting a LITTLE old?"
"Hey, relax Weegie, they're just sheltered kids.  But anyway, he's-a my only twin and he's supposedly very good at screaming!"
"Ooooohh," the kids stared in awe.
"So does that mean he knows what you're thinking?" Toadington asked.
"No, it just means they can cheat in team sports and get away with it," Goom answered.
"I thought twins had to share the same soul or something," Shiggy said.
Everyone was silent and stared awkwardly for a while. Finally Mario waved a hand. "Don't even go there."
Luigi groaned in agreement.
"Okie dokie, and those two idiots in the rope are just idiots. They're pretty much harmless. Except for when they have bob-ombs. Anyway, any questions?" Mario asked.
"Yeah, what species are the two idiots?" Goom asked.
"HEY! Little ingrate!!" Wario hollered.
Mario shrugged and grinned cockily. "No one knows," he whispered.
"Oh, oh! Are you here to adopt us?" Kiki tugged his hand, staring with big hopeful eyes.
"WHAT?! This is an orphanage?" Wario shrieked.
"Hehe, um... I'm afraid not," Mario told the little girl awkwardly. "We just came to help you all celebrate the holidays!"
Luckily, the kids were not disappointed. "YAY!! When do we start?"
"In just a minute," Princess Peach said. "If you all could just -
"Hey, are you a superhero with superpowers? Can you teach me how to fly?" Toadington asked Mario, in obvious awe.
"Oh come on, this is dumb," Wario was saying. "Either let's do something awesome, or untie this rope. I did not sign up to help superhero worshippers celebrate holidays!"
"Oh, have a heart, Wario," Toadette spoke up. "Besides, the kids already love talking to you guys!"
Meanwhile, Toadington was getting a 'heart to heart' moment.
"Kid, I'll tell you something," Mario said, kneeling down. "If you can imagine it, you can do it. Because here, anything is possible. And if you want to fly, just wait until a baby luma crash-lands in your yard and sweeps you off on an adventure. Okay?"
The kids all stared at him in obvious dumbfounded-ness.
"But unfortunately, I can't adopt you and do that, because... I'm not Batman." He sighed in disappointment.
"And I don't think Mario's ready for 24/7 kid duty," Luigi muttered under his breath. Mario slapped him across the face.
"I'll decide when I'm ready to be a parent!!" he informed him loudly. The kids drank it in like a soap opera.
"Okay, time to break up the touchy-feely yakkity-yak," Bowser said, shoving in. "When do we make junk food?"
"Oh yeah!! We're going to have the best Christmas ever!!" Toadington yelled. A bunch of the kids started bouncing up and down.
"When do we have fun!?" Kiki asked.
"Actually, I've got a little plan for what we can do," Princess Peach spoke up. "Can we just get a quick team huddle for the adults...?"

One team huddle assembly later...

"Wow, I can't believe we're all in a team huddle! We should do this more often!" Toad whispered enthusiastically.
"Correction, we should NEVER do this again because it's the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life," Wario replied. "And by the way, you basically kidnapped me into this charity work after hitting me with your car!"
"That was an accident," Mario shrugged. "Anyway, why are we huddling?"
"I kinda like it," Luigi said. "It's kinda like a secret meeting during a group hug."
"This is NOT a group hug," Bowser informed them. "And I also second that this is stupid."
"Alright, so here's what I was thinking," Peach ignored them, pulling out a piece of paper from her magical dress pocket. "To make the most of our evening, I figured that Daisy, the toads and I would help the kids bake cookies, while Mario and Luigi get the Christmas tree. The rest of you can hit the store and buy the kids some presents."
"Okay, there are only a thousand flaws with that plan," Wario said. "I am not buying presents for anyone but me."
"And I'd rather help with the cookies, if you don't mind," Yoshi said.
"Hey, that is a point. If you only send doofuses to buy presents, the kids are gonna be so disappointed," Mario pointed out.
Peach sighed. "Well if Daisy and I go, who will watch the children?"
"You have Toadette and Yoshi and... the doofuses for that."
"Hey, you know what I think we should do?" Bowser asked, grinning suspiciously. "Put the kids on a play!"
"And how exactly would you propose to do that, Bowser?" Peach asked.
"Well, you know... with costumes and stuff."
"It would be nice to put on a nativity play," she mused, "but I think with the actors we have, it would get pretty sacrilegious pretty quick."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Wario, attempting to scratch his rear.
Peach sighed. "Well, alright, we'll stick with your plan, Mario. Yoshi, PLEASE keep everyone safe and away from all knives, matches and electric sockets."
Yoshi raised an eyebrow. "What kind of orphanage do you think this is?"
"You can never be too careful," Peach said, shaking her head. "You can never be too careful."
Suddenly Kiki Koopa's head popped up underneath them. "I like group hugs too!"

Seven minutes and one plan enactment later, in the orphanage kitchen...

Yellow Toad banged two kettles together loudly. "All kids on deck! All kids on deck! We're going to make cookies!"
"Yeah! Let's make gingerbread!" Goom said.
"No, I want sugar cookies!" Kiki said.
"Oh, let's make chocolate chip! I looove chocolate chip!" Toadington said.
"But those aren't festive!" Toadlie argued.
"Yeah, well sugar cookies just look like something that came out of a yoshi's intestine," Goom retorted. "No offense."
Yoshi put his hands on his head. "Wario! Stop licking those dirty plates and fetch the cookbook! B. J., could you find aprons for the kids?"
"Of course not," he replied.
"Come again?" Yoshi asked.
"Dude, aprons are so 19th century," B. J. said, digging through a box of giant sprinkles that was sitting precariously on the edge of the counter.
Yoshi groaned. "Purple Toad, stop drinking that from the carton, this is not your house! And Bowser, for the love of these children, get your head out of the Beanbean bacon."
Bowser jerked up from where he was digging in the fridge like the 'busted dad with a full mouth' meme. (That exists, right?)
"Why exactly did they decide to let all of us doofuses stay with the kids in the kitchen, while they run off doing fun Christmassy things?" Toad asked, sitting on the counter. "And Toadette has conveniently been in the bathroom for like ten minutes!"
"I don't know," Yoshi said over the noise of the kids murdering each other over which cookies to make. "I don't know, I don't know, I DONT KNOW BUT I THINK IM GOING TO GO INSANE!!"
"Finally! Let's get this party STARTED!" Announced Waluigi, coming in from the bathroom. And before you ask, he probably didn't wash his hands.
Yoshi smashed his face directly into a bowl of pudding. And he didn't come out for a real long time.

Meanwhile, at Toadmart...

"I feel so bad about those poor little kids!" Peach was saying as she and Daisy strolled inside. "They're so helpless!"
"What do you think we can get them without actually knowing what they like?" Daisy asked.
"Well all kids love candy," Peach suggested. "Maybe we can start there?"
"Sweet! And maybe... I don't know, Mushroom Kingdom paraphernalia?"
"I still need a frappe," Peach sighed, tapping on her phone checklist. "Sounds like a plan, though. Hehe. Let's-a go!"

WOW, shopping really is wicked boring! Let's get right back to see how the geniuses in the kitchen are doing.

Mario: Yeah, I just want to say, mama mia! Is that what those hours-long grocery trips are like when you go with your wife? Do NOT sign me up for that.

Luigi: Yeah, it's bad enough when I go with Mario.

Bowser: Well I have servants to do that for me. *trollface*

Mario: Nobody asked you, Bowser.

In the den of idiocy...

"And then it says we... sift the flour," Wario read slowly from the cookbook, licking a clove of garlic simultaneously. "And then preheat the oven to 350..."
Yoshi was running around like his tail was on fire. "Uh... 350, got it! And flour... flour flour flour WHOS GOT THE FLOUR??"
"I got it!" Kiki yelled, who was sitting on the back of a chair. She lost her balance just then, and was just milliseconds away from spilling the flour all over the floor.
"No!" Yoshi said. "There may be a day when we cry over spilled flour, BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!" Diving forward in heroic slow motion, he caught Kiki on his back, saving the bag of flour like an epic person and delivering it to Bowser the batter man.
"Yay!!" Toad cheered and clapped so loudly that their ears were almost blown off. He was currently 'chilling' in the sink like it was a jacuzzi or something. (Genius idea, I know, but sadly you are probably too big to try replicating this.)
"What kind of cookies are we even making?" Goom asked in a whiny way.
"It's a surprise, you little ingrate," said Waluigi, who was pretending to be important by fake-chopping chocolate chips.
Goom raised an eyebrow at him. "Whatever you say, idiot," he said.
"HEY! Who told you to call me that?!"
"Does anyone else get the feeling half of these guys have never been in a kitchen?" Toadlie asked the others.
"What makes you say that?" Bowser asked as he thoroughly beat the ball of dough with a rolling pin.
"Wild guess," she replied.
"Oh you bet we haven't. In fact, I would ordinarily never set foot in a kitchen in a million years," Wario said, adjusting his chef hat. "But you asked for cookies, and you're gonna get cookies, dang it! Now listen, it says that after the cookies are cut, we stick them in the oven for twenty minutes," he went on, looking over the recipe like a culinary dictator.
"Wait... the cookies go INSIDE the oven??" Bowser asked, who was still beating the dough.
Yoshi facepalmed and pudding splashed all over the wall.
"Okay hang on, WHO put Wario in charge?" Blue Toad demanded, standing on the counter with his face covered in bacon grease.
"Like you're any more adequate for this job!" Wario said snootily, standing on an overturned pot.
"Well I made microwaveable macaroni once!" Blue Toad replied.
Yellow Toad turned to the audience. "And you thought YOU were bad at cooking."
Then BJ jumped up and hollered, "Hey guys, all we need is a little COOKING MUSIC!!"
Someone punched on a stereo from somewhere and then the windows were blasted out by Eddie Money.
"YEAH!" BJ strummed an invisible guitar and slid across the countertop, slipping in the cooking oil which gave him extra slidability. "What a coincidence, am I right?!"
Waluigi grabbed a knife and started using it as a microphone. "Won't you pack your bags, we'll leave tonight; I've got... twooo tickets to PAAAARADIIIIIIIIISE!!"
"Oh my gosh, I can never hear that song the same way again," Yoshi gasped, now with an egg on his head and Toadington bouncing up and down on his back.
"That usually happens anytime you hear Waluigi sing a song," Blue Toad said. Now he sat atop the fridge (don't ask me how he got there) and was elbow deep in a bag of goldcheeps.
"Yeah, but can you believe they played this song? Like, too bad Mario's not here!" Toad said from his sink jacuzzi.
...
And believe it or not, Mario would have shared his sentiments.

And now it's time for my favorite part I like to call Two Idiots and an Axe.

"Boy, those kids sure are sweet, right, Mario?" Luigi asked as they trudged through the snow. "It's so sad that they don't have parents!"
"Well at least they're going to have a Christmas tree," Mario replied, pausing at the top of a small hill overlooking Goomba Forest. It was particularly dark and snowy at this time of year, and the sight was quite off-putting.
"The best place to get a Christmas tree," Mario said, leaning against the axe he now magically carried. "Let's a-go!"
"Umm, Mario, wait," Luigi said. "I, uh..."
Mario sighed. "Come on, why didn't you go before we left?"
"I didn't have to then!" they said in unison, Mario's voice dripping with mimicry. Luigi frowned at him.
"Well I didn't!"
"Well keep holding it," Mario instructed, swinging the axe over his shoulder. "Let's get moving."
"But-! Why? Can't I just -
"No, no Luigi," Mario said, turning back to the forest. "You don't want to be one of those people who adds to the yellow snow! Besides, it'll make you colder."
"Huh?" Luigi asked. "How?"
"Well you see, -
"Don't answer that," Luigi said, but it was too late.
"When you hold it, your muscles have to work harder, which ultimately helps your body to preserve more internal heat. But once you let it go, you just kinda freeze from the inside out."
"Whatever you say, Dr. Bro," Luigi rolled his eyes. "How do I know you're not making that up?"
"Because you trust my health advice," Mario replied, grinning.
"But Mario, I wanna go soon -
"Shh!" Mario suddenly turned, holding a finger to Luigi's mouth. Glancing ahead, he pointed. "Luigi... Do you see what I see?"
Luigi widened his eyes and nodded. "Up there on the ridge."
Mario pointed and started forward. "It's the perfect tree! Let's get it before something poops on it."

Moments later...

Mario swung the axe at the trunk of the mighty fir. Luigi joined him by his side with a rope. "Are you done killing that thing yet??"
"Maybe!"
The tree trunk cracked, splitting off the stump and soon giving way, toppling over and barely missing another tree. Mario and Luigi did a weird little celebratory jig that should have been on Dancing with the Power Stars.
"Yes! Hehe. We did it!" Luigi said.
"Good, now tie it up, Luigi," Mario instructed.
"Right. ... But, Mario, how are we supposed to get it back to the orphanage?"
"We drag it, Luigi, how else?"
"What?! Why didn't we bring the car or Yoshi or something??"
"Because this is the backwoods, Luigi, and we're gonna do this like men."
"I can't exactly remember a time in history where people literally dragged their Christmas tree home," Luigi said.
"Well I'll help you," Mario sighed, somehow hooking the axe to his waist. "It's for the kids."
"Everything is for the kids, Mario," Luigi said.

Meanwhile, at the orphanage...

Princess Peach knocked on the door with an armful of bags. Getting no answer, she stepped inside.
"Hello? We're back!" she called.
Yoshi rushed in from the kitchen. "Oh princess, good," he sighed. "I think I've finally started to get things under control. The cookies are cooling, and -
"Where are the kids and the doofuses?" Daisy demanded.
"They're decorating this room over here where the tree's going to be," Yoshi said. "Come on, I'll show you."
Upon entering the room, they found it to be a complete winter nuthouse. At least twenty thousand icicle lights and paper snowflakes hung from the ceiling, and pounds and pounds of pillow stuffing covered the ground, making the place look like the North Pole. King Boo was holding a box of streamers for Bowser, who was perched dangerously on the top of a ladder as he tried to pin them up.
"King Boo? When did you get here?" Peach asked in surprise.
"While you were not," he replied.
"Um... what are you guys doing?" she asked.
"What's it look like, decorating," Bowser replied. "I called in some backup."
A few boos laughed and squirmed as they darted back and forth carrying random decorations, sticking them up on any spare piece of wall. Elsewhere, the toads had assembled themselves into a stack so that they could hang stockings on the fireplace. Yellow Toad was the doofus on the bottom and Toad was the doofus on the top.
"Are you done now?" Yellow Toad asked.
"No," replied Toad.
"How bout now?"
"No."
"Okay, I'm moving to the left."
"NO WAIT!"
All the toads collapsed in a mushroomy heap. Wario came by and swept them all into the fireplace (which was not being used).
"Hey guys, let's make a fire!" Wario said.
"Little busy," Bowser replied.
"If I could make a suggestion... why doesn't King Boo do the pinning, and Bowser hold the box?" Daisy asked.
"Oh... oh yeah! Maybe," Bowser said, coming down.
Daisy rolled her eyes.
"Oh my... what's Toadette going to think of all this?" Peach asked.
"I'm right here, Peach," a muffled voice said from the corner. Sure enough, the kids were practicing their live gift wrapping on a waist-height victim.
"Oh... is everything alright?" Peach asked.
"Well, considering everything... I'd say this is the best Christmas ever!!" Toadette cheered. The kids all cheered too. And they covered her face with wrapping paper.

Let's get back to Two Idiots and an Axe.

"Mario... I can't feel my legs," Luigi whimpered. "Can you use a fire flower and burn them?"
"No Luigi, I can't do that," Mario panted.
"Why not?"
"Because I've already cut off my own arms!"
"AAHHHHHHH!!!"
Night was quickly descending on the forest as Mario and Luigi slowly made their way back, and the temperature was reaching a critical low. As such, Mario and Luigi, on each side of the tree, were taking heavy losses.
"Mario, hold on, I'll come to you!" Luigi said, walking on numb feet around the tree. When he got there, though, he was disappointed.
"Mario, why do you still have your arms??"
"Hehe. Because I just said that so you would come walk with me," he replied.
Luigi was surprised. "Really? You want me to walk with you? I thought you hated being crowded."
"Yeah, but come here," Mario shivered. "Give me all your body heat."
"Mario, I'm afraid it works both ways," Luigi chuckled, putting an arm around him. Mario caught him and sighed, pulling Luigi to his shoulder.
"Alright, now come on," he said, trudging forward. "We have little kids depending on this tree."
"Um, Mario... which way do we go?"
"Well we're just following the shiny star that was in the direction we came from," Mario replied.
Luigi looked around doubtfully. "What shiny star?"
Mario stopped and looked up, to where the night sky was cloudy with... clouds. There were no obvious stars to be seen.
"Oh no," Mario said. "We've lost it! That was our only guide back!"
"Only what?? Wait, you don't know where we are??!" Luigi asked in a rising panic, shivering like a dog with no hair. Mario just chuckled in a rather shivering way.
"Nah, it's no problem," he said. "I just said that so you would get your heart pumping, which equals more heat for me."
Luigi frowned and stomped on his foot, but Mario was too numb to feel it.
"Mario, I'm gonna wet myself and I'm not gonna miss," he said.
"Okay, okay, relax. All I need to do is call on my guardian angel!" Leaving Luigi speechless, he turned to the heavens and shouted, "HEY ROSALINA!! OR GUARDIAN ANGEL!! I REALLY NEED SOME HELP RIGHT NOW, SO COULD YOU SEND A GUIDING STAR TO SHOW THE WAY?!??"
Luigi facepalmed. "Oh mama mia, my bro is really an -
Then, before their eyes, the clouds above parted and a bright light emerged from heaven, shining down on the faint sight of the town ahead. It was the most enormous star even that Toad Town had ever seen.
"Look Luigi! Do you see what I see?? Way up in the sky, little Weegie. A star, a star, dancing in the night, with a tail as big as a kite... with a tail as BIG AS A KITE!! It's a Christmas miracle!" Mario cried, shaking him.
Luigi stared.
"Alright, well let's get going Weegie, I know that somewhere in that town ahead there's a hot chocolate with my name on it! Let's a-follow yonder star!"
"Mario, for someone near f-freezing to death you sure are in a singy mood," Luigi observed.
Mario was too busy screaming to the hills to hear.
"OoooOOOOOOHHH, star of wonder, star of night! Star with royal beauty bright! Westward leading, still proceeding, guide us with thy perfect light!!"

One long, painful tree delivery later...

It was evening. The fireplace burned low in the orphanage as the kids gathered around the newly decorated tree, which was the 'most bestest thing any of them had ever seen'. The room was nearly crowded with people and doofuses prancing around enjoying themselves like it was some sort of surprise party; and happily, it didn't show any signs of stopping.
In the corner, Bowser grabbed a bowl of tinsel and turned to King Boo.
"Well, it's time for me to do my thing," he said. "I've been waiting all year for this!!"
Then, traipsing around the place like some rhythmic dancer, he flung the tinsel on everything and hollered.
"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOWSER HOLLY! GWAHAHAHAHA, HAHA HA HA!!!"
"'Tis the season to have folly!" Waluigi added, sliding by on one roller skate before smashing into the wall.
"Don us now our dumb apparel!" BJ joined, putting on an inside-out Santa hat. Before the song was up he had managed to get one on every single person's head in the building (with the help of some secret booish magic).
"While I stir up Yuletide peril!" Blue Toad sang happily, tossing cookie crumbs everywhere.
Bowser came to a stop by the fireplace and let loose a bout of flame that probably lit up the entire town. "GWAHAHA HAHA, HAHA HA HA!!!!"
Everyone cheered for some reason then.
"That was weird," said King Boo.
By now the genius presents had been wrapped and delivered, leaving the children darting anxiously among them like any normal kids; and for the first time that day the normal people got to just stand there and be normal.
"Mama mia, what a day," Mario sighed over his hot chocolate. "That was just cuckoo crazy! But Rosalina or a guardian angel sent us a Christmas star as a miracle," he told the rest.
"Uh-huh. Fascinating," Daisy said. "It sounds to me like you boys just walked into the woods with no intention of coming out alive."
"Now that's not really how it happened," Mario and Luigi said at once.
Daisy glanced between them in amusement. "Go on," she said.
Mario stirred his chocolate. "Well we had -
"- every intention of coming back," Luigi finished.
Mario frowned at him. "Luigi, stop that, it's not cool."
"What?"
"You know what. Stop saying what I say when I say it!"
"Mario, you know I can't help it!"
"Real cute, guys. Hang on, I've gotta make sure those kids don't open their presents," she said, rushing off to the tree.
Mario chuckled and stared at a cookie he had pilfered. "The ghost of Christmas Past lives on, huh Weegie?"
"Yeah," Luigi grinned. "How's the cookie?"
"I don't know what the idiots cooked up in the lab, but... mama, this is great!" Mario exclaimed. "It's just amazing Luigi, you need the recipe!"
"What's in it?" Luigi asked in surprise.
"Oh, it's a mix of chocolate chips, gingerbread and sugar cookie dough," Yoshi said, appearing at their side with obligatory Santa hat. "Don't ask."
Mario choked and tried not to react.
Suddenly Toadington appeared at his side. "Oh, Mr. Super Mario! My nerd friend and I are in an argument about you, and I wanted to see what you thought!"
"O...Kay," Mario said curiously. "What about?"
"Well you see, we wanted to see if you really can tell what your brother is thinking!"
Mario sighed and shook his head sarcastically. "Yeah, he's thinking, 'Why do people always ask us that?'"
Luigi stared in surprise. "Um... that is what I'm thinking," he said.
Mario and Toadington stared at him for a while. "Oh," Mario said.
"Ha, I win!" said Toadington, running off in excitement.
"Yep, that's how it's always been," Yoshi said, sipping a latte. "Ever since he was in the first diaper Mario knew something that no one else did."
When that considerably awkward moment was over with Yoshi's going elsewhere, it was replaced with an even awkwarder one. Luigi suddenly bounced up to Mario and said, "HUG ME BROTHA!!"
Mario was prepared and shoved him away. "No Luigi, what have I told you? Not with a million people around," he hissed.
Luigi looked hurt. "But Mario, it's a Christmas tradition!"
"Bro-hugging is not a Christmas tradition," Mario replied. "You can hug any old day!"
"But you don't," Luigi said.
"Well I COULD, but anytime but this time!" Mario insisted.
Luigi blinked at him with enormous sad eyes. Mario sighed and tried to turn away. "No Luigi, batting your baby blues won't get any sympathy from me," he said. "Don't try it... I said stop it! You know, my eyes are just as cute."
Luigi kept blinking.
Mario frowned and tried not to look. "That's really immature... Nnnngh! Fine!"
While that was happening, Peach, who had finally gotten her frappe, came over. "Oh Mario," she giggled. "Guess who's under the what?"
Mario shoved Luigi away and glanced around like a dork. "What?! Who keeps putting that up??"
Peach laughed and walked over to the mistletoe. "Buon Natale, Mario!"
When she kissed him in the ear, Toadlie appeared from out of nowhere. "Is it that time? Me too!"
Jumping a mile, Mario backed away. "Uh, n-no thank you, it's... bad luck to do it twice," he said nervously. Luigi, however, watching this, rolled his eyes and chuckled.
"Yeah," he said. "Get him!"
Several minutes and a chase around the orphanage later, everyone had finally calmed down. The kids had gathered on the floor with Mario sitting before them on the couch to tell them what was supposed to be a story.
The way it had happened went something like this:

Yoshi: Mario, tell the kids a story.

Mario: What?

Toadette: Tell the kids a story.

Mario: What??

Toadette: Don't you speak English? I really need you to do this for the kids. It's such a good opportunity they never get to have, a man interact with them.

Mario: Oh, there are a few things I could say about THAT.

But nevertheless, Mario was telling them a story.
"'Twas the night before Christmas, and not a toadstool did stir, while replays of Smash Brothers played on forever.
The house was aglow but it had one big issue: a tree made for cheep-cheeps, it was cause for a tissue.
But who was arriving to help this lost cause? The brave, the clever, the handsome Mario Claus.
With a flick of his cap and a jump in his pace, he unleashed a question block and transformed the place!
With magic released and a ten-foot-tall tree, he left all the presents as perfect as can be.
Then placing a finger atop his mustache, he gave a small nod and disappeared in a flash.
And as he flew his yoshis I heard him proclaim, 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good game!'"
Then Mario dropped dead asleep.
By that time all the kids had moved to the couch and fallen asleep as well. Peach was sleeping against his shoulder, and in jealousy Luigi had weaseled himself into Mario's lap. A couple of kids slept on his feet, Kiki was snuggled in Peach's arm, and Toadington and Toadlie were wedged in on Mario's side. Then the toads came and covered the rest of the couch with their lifeless bodies. It was literally a pile of sleeping people.
"Just one big happy family," Daisy chuckled.
Wario was disgusted. "Ew! They look like... a family!"
Daisy rolled her eyes. "Are you ever not judgmental?"
"Yes," Wario said indignantly. "When I'm alone with a bowl full of pork rinds!"
"Yeah, and a Merry Christmas to you too," she snorted.
And so it was.
In the night sky, the guiding star shone blue over Toad Town all night long.

And... it's done! Oh man, that was something else! So I'm back and bigger than ever:D I am so sorry it was so huge and I took so long with this episode. At least I got it (barely) within the twelve days of Christmas!
It's a hectic time of year, and I'm honestly not sure if I get more or less writing done while on vacation. I think I actually do more during the year on a normal schedule. But I had a lot of fun with this one, so I hope you can enjoy it!
And also, I know there have been concerns over the recent loss of net neutrality in the US (which is where this underpaid publisher is based), but I just want to say: as long as there is a Wattpad for me to log into, I will be here writing my world. So here's hopefully to another year of craziness!
And also, I sincerely hope you all had a very merry and awesome belated Christmas, Decemberween, Boxing Day and Nintendoan New Year!

Till next time;)
Stay crazy!

NintendoJedi

And oh yeah, we can't forget about our tickets to paradise!

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]