I told Ghost it was best to let Ricky come up. Chris is close with everyone but that's his best friend. They deserved to see each other before he had to go to surgery. Ghost understood despite not wanting to see his angered husband. From the moment they came through the door it was pretty apparently they weren't speaking to each other. Their tension meant nothing to me when I started to hear Chris coughing down the hall again.

          Closing my eyes briefly, I took a deep breath. I hated seeing him in pain like this, especially when there was nothing I could do. A hand gently touched my arm. I opened my foggy eyes and looked up at Ricky and Ghost standing in front of me, Ghost being the one with his hand on me.

          "Take Ricky to see him if you can." Ghost softly said, "The rest of us will be out here."

          He offered me a very small, very broken smile. Ghost wandered back over to the couch to sit beside his son. Kuza was in the arm chair adjacent. They've all been so respectful towards the fact that he's my spouse. Even if they've known him centuries longer than I have, they keep their distance. I'm eternally grateful for all they've done for me.

          "How is he?" Ricky asked me.

          "I wish I could tell you well but that's just wishful thinking at this point. I'm sure Ghost told you they have to do surgery on his heart tomorrow morning. There's so much fluid in his lungs that he can't breathe well. JC called a specialist to come in tonight. He should be here soon." I explained.

          He sighed, "Fuck. I've been through these situations before but it never gets easier. How are you holding up?"

          I shrugged, unable to form words. What can I say? My best friend, my lover, my life partner, his life is on a thin string. Any moment it could snap. The fear of the unknown is a great beast. I've tried to not let my mind wander off but it's easy when you're surrounded by silence. There's space in silence; Space for your thoughts to float off into irrational places.

          "I don't know." I answered honestly, "I should... Take you back now. They might have to sedate him soon just to get his body to rest."

          Ricky gulped, water rimming his eyes, "It's that bad?"

          "Yeah." I murmured, turning to walk down the hall.

          I've got all my crying out for now. I know how to learn to be strong in these situations. As a doctor, it was always my job to be the strong one, no matter how much tragedy I had to see. I've given myself enough time to cry. The tears like to slip up on be from time to time, like they did to Ricky. I'm sure amongst all his and Ghost's fighting, he hasn't gotten a chance to see the depth of this situation.

          When you first walk in that room and see such a strong man at Death's door, it feels like an arrow through your heart. Ricky held himself together the best he could. His hands, well the one still made of flesh anyway, shook. The room smelled fucking awful. It was the stench of rot and vomit. I guess I didn't notice it when I was in here earlier but after having a break, I can certainly smell it.

          Maxine was knelt to the floor, wiping it up. She threw the disposable rags into a medical waste container. "I'm sorry. I was just finishing up. I'll get out of your way." She said as she picked up the waste bin.

          "It's alright. I take it all his coughing made him throw up?" I asked.

          "Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens again before Sebastian gets here. Please come get me if it does." She responded.

          I nodded, "Thank you so much."

          Maxine offered a sympathetic look as she passed by me. I know if this smell is getting to me, it has to be killing someone with heightened senses like Ricky. He's got a strong stomach. I've always thought him to have a strong mind as well but right now, I wouldn't be too sure of that. He approached Chris' bedside, grasping his hand lightly. Chris turned his head, eyes barely able to open all the way.

          "Hey, asshole." Chris murmured.

          Ricky choked on a laugh and squeezed his hand, "You son of a bitch," He sniffled, "You better not die on me."

          "I won't." He responded optimistically, "Even if I don't make it through," Chris sat up sharply as he started to cough again. I rushed to his side to help him stay up. He let go of Ricky's hand to grab onto mine tightly. Once he caught his breath, he hoarsely continued, "If I don't make it through, my soul will always be with my angel."

          "I don't know if we could hold ourselves together if we lost you." He said.

          "You mean you won't be able to... If something does happen, if you do surrender my position to someone else, at least promise me one thing; Protect Angelo."

          Ricky's blue eyes were so unsteady. "We aren't going to have this conversation because you're not going to die."

          Chris forced himself to look up, growling, "Ricky. Please."

          He turned his head away, muttering, "I don't trust myself to take your position. I'd probably give it to Ryan, but I promise, I won't let anyone touch Angelo. I know how much he means to you and I know if it were me in this position, I'd want the same for Ghost."

          "I love you." I whispered to him.

          He rested his head on my shoulder, "I love you too. I'd kiss you but my breath smells like puke."

          I softly placed my lips on his forehead. Running my hand through his hair, I tried to calm him down the best I could. His breathing was so heavy and he had an awful fever. No matter how ill he was, he was worrying more about me. His heart is so pure for such an evil creature. I don't believe he's evil. He may have done bad things but he's done them for the right reasons. The last thing he deserves right now is death.

          "Chris," Ricky spoke just about a whisper, "I hope you've forgiven me for the past. You're still my brother and my best friend. I love you. Please, please don't die on me."

          He coughed some more, managing to rasp out, "I'm a tough old bastard. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I love you."

          "I should leave you two to have some time together." He sighed dramatically, "I've got an angered wife to go make up with anyways."

          Chris smiled tiredly, "Don't let something so petty get in the way. You two love each other."

          "Sometimes we have to lie to protect the ones we love. I hope both of you can understand that." I responded.

          "Despite what happened, I love Devin to death. He's my reason for living. I won't let our marriage end over this. Don't worry." He said, then turned for the door.

          Chris was so damn tired. He kept himself rested in my arms. Every time he almost got to sleep, he'd start to cough again. This was killing me to watch. I won't leave his side unless he wants me to but it's so hard to stay. Love is painful. That is something I've known most my life but I haven't understood until now that that has multiple meanings. The pain of love is not just broken hearts and betrayal; It's also the melody of slow heart monitors and the looming feeling of death. It's an emotion that has no name. You cannot put a name to this... this sorrow.

          As one of Chris' coughing fits started to get more violent than the previous, I quickly got up to get out of his way. He leaned over the side of the bed and threw up pure bile. The smell was worse than death. How he's living with that kind of infection inside of him, I couldn't tell you. I covered my mouth in attempts to prevent myself from puking.

          "I'm going to go get Maxine." I told him before slipping out the door.

          I felt awful for practically running like that but it was making my stomach turn. How Maxine could deal with it to clean it up was amazing. That girl deserves an award. It's unfortunately to see an endocrinologist demoted to a nurse and receptionist. I don't think she sees too much work down here though. She seems okay with it. I guess if I could still practice, I would be happy to do it any way I could.  

          She instantly looked up at me as I walked in the room. "Is everything alright?" She asked.

          "He threw up again." I responded.

          Maxine stood up from her desk. Just as she did, the door opened. In walked a man that didn't look too out of line with Emerson. He must've been the doctor that shared an office with him. By the look of him, I wouldn't doubt if they shared the same parents too. They looked identical aside from haircut and, well, he didn't look like he was high. I don't think Emerson was high when I met him. He's just a little... bizarre.

          "Thank you for coming so late." Maxine addressed him, "I need to go clean up the patient's room for a minute. He's been coughing so hard he keeps throwing up. JC is right in his office if you'd like to talk to him." She quickly rushed back through the maze of doors to go tend to Chris.

          He surveyed the small room lit by only candles and fireplace. Ghost and Felix were sat on the couch. Kuza was in the armchair adjacent and Ricky kept pacing. It was a depressing scene to behold.

          "You're the spouse?" He asked me, to which I nodded. "Emerson told me Chris had married a crow. I never thought he'd settle down. Then again," He glanced back to the others, "I never thought we'd be in this situation."

          Bret's office door opened. He was walking out a patient. I'm shocked he had someone in this late but I guess babies are unpredictable. As he shut the door behind her, he sighed, "Ricky, if you don't stop pacing, I'm going to give you a fucking valium."

          "I'm sorry." He murmured, "I'm just thinking a lot. That's all."

          "Some things never change." Bret muttered, walking towards us, "I see you've met Sebastian."

          "Actually, I had yet to introduce myself. I'm sorry." He extended his hand to me, "Sebastian Danzig. It's a pleasure to meet you."

          "Likewise. My name is Angelo Cerulli, but you probably knew that already." I numbly laughed. At this point, I'm so fucking tired that I could laugh at anything. Hysteria is setting in.

          "I'm going to go speak with JC. I'll let you know anything as soon as we know it." He responded.

          I wrapped my arms around myself, dying to have my lover's comfort. "Thank you."

          Sebastian walked past me, into JC's office. He was a Pulmonology, AKA a lung doctor. Whatever is constantly blocking Chris' airway, he's going to try to figure out. I'm sure it's just too much fluid in his lungs. That, or he's getting too tired to continue breathing for himself. Either way, they're most likely going to end up putting him on a machine that will breathe for him.

          "Felix, let Angelo have your seat." Ghost told his son.

          "Thanks." I replied as he got up.

          He was a very sweet kid. There were times I could see Ghost in him, like now. Other times, he could get aggressive like Ricky. He was a good mix between the two of them. It makes me wonder what their other children were like. Obviously Tokyo was a big mama's boy. He acted just like Ghost too. It seems in all this chaos, Ghost has put aside his search for his other remaining son. I can't blame him. This is so damn much to take on all at once.

          "You should get some sleep soon." Ghost softly told me, "You can't go this long without sleep like we can."

          "After Sebastian leaves, I'll get some rest. I just have to know what he decides to do." I replied.

          "I got you a change of clothes when I went back to get Ricky. You could use a shower too. I'll help you clean your wings too, if you'd like." He spoke, gently setting his hand on my knee.

          Ricky shot him a glare. I knew Ghost meant no harm by it. He genuinely was trying to help. I could feel his good intentions. When their marriage isn't fairing too well, the smallest thing could easily be taken badly.

          "That actually sounds really nice." I responded as I thought of finally getting a warm shower.

          It's been so long. My hair was starting to get so greasy and my wings were so nasty. The price of having massive wings that reach the ground is they get dirty easily and they're hard to clean. Half of what I'm smelling is probably me. I've just been too damn busy with Chris to even worry about a shower. Or food. Oh my fuck, I don't think I can remember the last time I ate. Just as I was thinking this, Kuza's stomach growled and everyone looked at him.

          "Sorry!" He defensively said, "I can't control my stomach!"

          "When was the last time any of you ate?" Bret asked. When he received silence, he rolled his eyes, "You people are a mess. After Sebastian leaves, Maxine and I will make some dinner for you all."

          "Thank you. You have no idea how much your help means to us." Ricky replied.

          "You are not the only that needs to be thanking me. I owe it to you." He stated firmly.

          I can't argue with him there. Ricky almost lost his own life so they could live. That's the thing about vampires is they are like a pack of wolves. They look out for each other, no matter what. Angels were never that way. Maybe that's why I've always felt more comfortable on the dark side. They're more of a family to me.

          "Angelo," JC suddenly called for me as he opened his office, "Will you please come back with us?"

          "Yeah." I replied, every worry rushing in my head as I got up. I slipped into his office, following him back through the many doors that led to my husband.

          "They're going to sedate him and put him on a vent. I wanted you to be able to see him one last time before he's under." JC spoke to me over his shoulder.

          "I appreciate that." I weakly responded.

          When we walked in, Maxine was once again finishing cleaning up the floor. She excused herself, as did the other two. I had a feeling this would happen. JC warned me of it but I was hoping it wouldn't happen. If he dies during surgery tomorrow, this would be my last chance to get to see him. I sat down on the edge of the bed and slipped my hand into his. He didn't have to open his eyes to know it was me.

          "My angel." He whispered.

          "Don't speak. It's only going to make it harder for you to breathe. Did they tell you what they're going to do?" I asked, to which he nodded. "I trust them to take care of you. They're good people. They're going to take away all this pain and help you. I promise." A stray tear rushed down my cheek.

          Chris, despite how weak he was, managed to reach up and wipe it away. "Please don't cry. I won't leave you, my angel.... When you told me about Finch's journal, I did read it... The way he spoke... spoke about you, about... how graceful you are, I hope you know it's all true... You're the best thing to ever happen to me... I love you, Angelo." Every word he spoke was so slow.

          I held on to his hand as he kept it up at my face. The tears rushed down my skin faster than I wanted them to. "I love you, too, Chris. I don't want to live without you. I love you so much." I leaned over and kissed his gently, not caring about the smell of his breath or anything.

          The smell of his breath I may have ignored but the pace was something I couldn't. He was in so much pain. I knew it was time I let them finally relieve him of what they could. After taking in one more moment of silence, I forced myself to get up. It felt like my knees were going to give out. I reopened the door and let the others back in.

          Maxine first started with the sedative. I watched her administer it but once his eyes slipped closed, I had to excuse myself. It was too much to watch. The amount of times I've seen it on patients, I should be able to take it. I just couldn't. All of this was way too damn much for me. I didn't want the others to see me like this, so I avoided going back to the front room. Sinking down to the floor, I sat in the hallway and started to bawl my eyes out. Goddamn it. Please don't take him from me.