"Mamá please come pick me up," Alex said into her phone. Her voice sounded broken and raspy. She knew she probably shouldn't have run away from Kata like that, but she didn't want to try to explain herself. She didn't know how. She had even begun to feel happy. Kata made her laugh and at first it was just a response but then- it became genuine laughter.

Rock and alternative.

"Are you okay? Alex, what's wrong?" Ms. Cairney said, worry oozing from her voice.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Just- please Mamá?" It was taking all of Alex's strength to not start crying.

"Okay. I'll be there soon." Alex could hear her mom grabbing the car keys as she ended the call.

My Chemical Romance.

Alex let her back slide down the brick wall she was leaning against as she pulled her knees up to her chest. She curled up as small as she could and started rocking slightly. She knew she probably looked crazy, but she was on a hidden part of the school wall, and she could care less at the moment.

"Famous Last Words."

Alex pushed her hands against both sides of her head, trying not to let memories surface, but they bubbled up anyway. Clear as day. Like they happened yesterday.

***

"And to think, you didn't want to listen to them!" A exclaimed jumping onto Alex's bed.

Alex laughed like she had been all night. "I know, I know okay? You're right! You're always right!" She plopped on the bed next to A who then began to tickle her. Alex held up her hands in surrender. "You win! You win!"

Alex flopped over to lay on her stomach and A draped his legs over Alex's. "So what's your favorite song?" he asked.

Alex thought for a moment about all the 'My Chemical Romance' songs she had listened to in the past months. "Hm, I'm really not sure. I don't think I know them all well enough yet." A mischievous look passed over A's face. "Oh no, not again! I know that one well enough!"

"Yeah but you can never get enough of it! It's so good!" Suddenly A's smile was wiped from his face. "It just has so many emotions poured into it. Those guys opened their hearts to show us the pain inside them. It just..." A trailed off and started looking out the window. Alex sat up to look at her best friend.

"Hey," Alex put her hand on A's shoulder. "You okay?"

A looked over at his friend and forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm good."

Alex knew better than to push him, and before she knew it A had hopped off the bed to grab his phone. He started blasting 'Famous Last Words.' The two friends started singing along like they had so many times before during their sleepovers together, but instead of A's usual belting and jumping around, even though it was not an energetic song, he sat on the bed singing the words underneath his breath.

"So many bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding?
I'm incomplete...

My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here on the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak..."

By the time they reached the bridge, A had tears clouding his eyes. They began to drop with each line.

"I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead..."

Alex went over to comfort her friend when she saw the water coming out of his eyes. She stopped singing and tried to pause the music, but A held the phone out of her reach and kept singing the words softly like a ghost.

Even though Alex had seen her friend like this before, it still scared her. She didn't know how she could help him, even with all the research she and her mom had done with A. They couldn't do everything.

"I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey, if you stay I'll be forgiven..."

By this last chorus, A was full-on sobbing, and it broke Alex's heart to see him like that. A ignored all of his friend's attempts to ask what was wrong. It was taking all of Alex to not start crying herself, but she knew she had to stay strong. She wrapped A in the tightest embrace possible, and let him cry. Alex shed a few silent tears into A's shoulder.

"Nothing you can say can stop me going home."

And just like that, the ending of the song that Alex had come to love, left them in a crushing quiet besides for the sobs of A.

"A-Alex," A stuttered as he started shaking violently.

"Yes?" Alex said slightly letting go of her friend. Worry overflowed in her body.

"I-I" A managed to get out before a fresh wave of tears started again.

"Do you want me to go get Mom?" A shook his head. "Are you sure because she's a whole lot better at helping you through your panic attacks than-" Alex was cut off by the violent shaking of A's head yet again.

The two sat in silence before A croaked out. "I'm sorry Alex. I'm so sorry."

Alex let go of A completely and looked at him, puzzled. "For what? You haven't done anything." A just shook his head again. "A, whatever it is-"

"I have to go." A said suddenly, doing his best to control his tears.

"What? Why?" Alex said, trying to stop A as he rushed down the hall and to the front door.

He stopped as he opened the door. He took a deep breath and hugged Alex tightly.

"I love you, Alex. More than anything or anyone." He started crying again. "You mean everything to me. Thank you for being my friend. The only good thing I have." Now he was crying uncontrollably, and Alex along with him. She was terrified for her friend. She didn't know what was wrong or what was happening. Actually, that was a lie. She knew exactly what was happening, she just didn't want to believe it.

"I love you too." She said in between sobs. "So much."

And before she could say more, A was out the front door and clambering up onto his bike. Alex ran after him, but she couldn't keep up with the bike. She stopped running about halfway down the street and stopped trying to hold back any tears. She just stood for a moment that felt like forever, crying so hard it shook her whole body, feeling too broken to think clearly.

***

Ms. Cairney texted that she had arrived at the school and was at the front doors. Alex just wanted to get home, so she ran towards the front of the building. She spotted her mom's car and didn't even bother to put her backpack in the trunk, she just climbed in the front seat with it.

When Ms. Cairney saw the state her daughter was in, an even more worried look passed over her face. She reached out to touch her leg in a motherly gesture, but Alex pulled away as soon as her mom's finger grazed her. She made herself small again.

"I-I'm sorry Mamá." Alex whimpered.

"It's okay Mija." Replied her mom with even more concern. "What happened? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later. I just kinda want to not talk at all right now."

Ms. Cairney pulled out of the school parking lot and got onto the road. She looked at her daughter, slumped over in the seat next to her.

"Is it about Adrian?" she asked gently.

Alex turned to face her mom, finally letting tears fall.

"It's always about Adrian."

~

10/15/16
Dear Ocean,
The music I loved
Whispers to me
"The Ghost of You"
Because you've gone
You're not coming back
You've left my world "Disenchanted"
Sometimes I try to fool myself
To protect my fragile heart
"I don't love you like I did yesterday"
But I do.
My soul is broken
I don't have a "Bulletproof Heart"
And I know that it's my fault
I have wronged you in every way
Because "I [was] the only hope for you"
They say you're still part of me
But you're so far away
You won't show me "The Light Behind Your Eyes"
Did I listen?
Did you say?
"I'm Not Okay (I Promise)"
But now you're not by my side
And I can't even bring myself
To hear those "Famous Last Words"
Because we no longer belt them out
In the darkness of night
And "without you is how I disappear"

"And live my life alone."

~

10/15/16
Dear Ocean,
If I went swimming in the Sea
It would swallow me whole
Because I'm already drowning with every step I take
I thought the people were ghosts
The ones still in my life
Or the ones that used to be
Ghosts of the past
Of laughter
Of what I used to know
But the Ocean knows
That I'm the ghost
Living in a human's body
It knows I belong down there
Enveloped in a blue landscape
Hidden from the world
Where I cannot hear beyond my hair floating limply at my sides
And my words become bubbles as they float to the surface
Then pop like they were never there at all
It urges me to play with the dolphins as I go deeper- deeper
But they swim too fast and I sink too far
Sinking- sinking the Ocean fingers pull me down
Down
All is black and quiet but for the soft glow of the angler
Who tries to speak to me
But I cannot make out the messages
Soon then the water whispers the fish to move along
And drags me farther- farther
Until all is cold and dark
I belong there
A ghost of the Sea

***

A/N: It's turkey day!!! Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who celebrates! I had wayyy too much to eat but my mom made bread and my dad smoked turkey and it was just all so good. I hope y'all also had a wonderful day!!!

Please vote/comment if you liked this chapter! That always makes me smile, and if you have any suggestions I would be glad to hear them! I will always always always try to get back to y'all if you pc me or leave a comment for me!! Thank you so much for reading!!

-Sunny <3

***DISCLAIMER***
I do not own any of the songs stated in this chapter, nor do I own the lyrics. They belong to My Chemical Romance!!! (I'm so sorry I keep putting these disclaimers, but I really want to respect these artists. Speaking of, y'all should go listen to My Chemical Romance if you like alternative stuff and you need something to listen to! I love them!)