Emily's POV:

Me and the team were at the hospital where JJ is. After I was in the emergency room with her and I saw some of the cuts the doctor told me I needed to leave because I wasn't family or her emergency contact. During the ride in the ambulance it was like she shut everything off. When we tried to talk to her it was like she didn't even realize we were in there with her. She must have went so far into her own mind that it locked her out of reality. She didn't say anything when we got her to the hospital. She was still so out of it.

This is going to fucking destroy everything that me and JJ have done these past few weeks. She was finally getting a bit better, she had a genuine smile that I haven't seen in a while. And now this happened, who even knows what happened to her in there. The doctors can't tell us anything about her medical status other then her being stable because of fucking HIPAA. At least she is stable, so she will be physically okay. But mentally no one knows. We were finally getting somewhere with her recovery before this. She was eating regular amounts again without making herself throw up. She was 2 weeks clean from self harm. And I could tell that she was going to open up, but who knows how far up her emotion walls are now. What if I can't get them back down. Or if I don't get them down in a certain time and she tries to do something like last time. No I need to stop with these what if's because they aren't helping. I got JJ to let me in once and I will do it again.

About an hour passed and the doctor told us to go home now that visiting hours were over, we tried to stay because we are FBI agents but she told us that we still needed to leave. I didn't want to leave her but there was nothing I could do unless I wanted to get my mother involved which was the last thing I wanted. The doctor told us we could be back to visit around 8am. I guess I could wait. Garcia told all of us to meet back at her place so that none of us were alone but I couldn't be with anyone right now.

I just wanted to drink by myself for a little bit so I went to the nearest bar and got myself a few shots. I got 3 shots of vodka and 4 shots of whiskey before I called for a Uber to bring me back home. As soon as I got home and my face hit the pillow on on couch I was asleep.

There was banging on my door followed by someone calling my name. It was Garcia. And then Derek. Why are they here? And why are they being so loud. I got up and opened the door for them.

"What are you guys doing here"

"Jesus Christ Emily you reek of alcohol" Garcia stated

"Yeah Emily you need a shower before we go to see JJ" Derek said while trying to hold back his laughter

"Give me 20 minutes. Also what time is it"

"It's 7:30, hurry up so we can make it for visiting hours on time"

"You do realize Garcia that we don't need to be there exactly at 8, they will still let us go see her"

"Yes I do but I want to be there for as long as possible"

"Okay I'll go get ready, I won't be to long. Can we make me some coffee while I shower please"

"Sure" Garcia said while a smile

I went to my bedroom and grabbed some clothes before making my way to the bathroom and starting a cold shower to wake me up.

I was ready fairly quickly and we left at 7:53. We made it to the hospital just as they started to accept visitors. We made our way to JJ's room. It was dead silent other then the machines that were reading her heartbeat. Garcia and Derek were both behind me.

"We will leave you alone for a little bit Emily so you can talk to her" Garcia said while grabbing Dereks arm and leading him to the waiting room

I nodded to them as they walked away. I grabbed a seat that was against the wall and brought the chair over to side of JJ's bed. She was awake but still in her own mind. I tried to talk to get her attention but I don't think she ever heard what I said. I held her hand as I watched her. It looked like she was dead. She was completely still other then her chest rising every few seconds to prove she was still breathing. It hurt me to see her like this. I know this isn't the worse way I've seen her but it still hurts just as much. I wish I knew what was going on inside her head so I could help her.