JJ's POV (TW)

After getting out of the warehouse and being put in the ambulance I started to disappear into my mind. I had a million things trying to replay at once. From Rosalyn, to what Alex did, to what I did to myself not to long ago. All of it came back at once and then there was nothing I could do but accept what I was remembering. It was all to much. I need to compartmentalize. I need to put everything into little boxes and shove them into the back of my brain like always. I know it isn't healthy but it's all I've known how to do since I was a kid. After Rosalyn's death it was like my parents forgot about me. I know they just lost their daughter but I also lost my sister. They completely forgot about me in every aspect. I had to start to do everything by myself because my parents could barely function.

They got a divorce less then 7 months after Rosalyn died. They couldn't stand each other because they always tried to pass blame between them. They needed to place blame on someone. After my dad left my mom then tried to blame me. Which caused even more problems for me because I started to believe her. That's when I found out what self harm was. I started to cut from such a young age because I didn't know how to actually deal with my emotions. And it wasn't like I could talk to my parents about anything I was feelings. Maybe I should have been the one to blame for Rosalyn's death anyways. I knew that she was hurting herself, she told me not to tell anyone, she made me promise. But maybe if I did she would still be alive.

After replaying all of that my brain switches to being back with Alex. Tied to a chair all over again. God I wish he just killed me in that room so that I wouldn't have to do this. I'm just so mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Everything he did to me just hits me all at once. I felt every cut all over again. I know I loved the pain I would get when I was doing this to myself but it's different when someone else is doing it to you. If I did this I would admire every cut. But it's different. I hated every single cut that he left. It made me feel even more worthless. I didn't even think that was possible but apparently it is. I felt him inside me again. It was still causing me unbelievable pain. How can I still feel this even though it's not actually happening.

I think I finally reached my rock bottom. I thought I did 2 weeks ago. But it's like every time I think I do I just keep falling down more.

Next the thought of watching Emily finding me filled my mind. Seeing the pure terror on her face as she rushed to my aid. I kept telling her to just let me go but she wouldn't stop. I don't know if I'm grateful for what she did or not. I loved the 2 weeks I spent with her after it happened but now this. Maybe it would have been easier if I just died. I wouldn't have had to deal with what Alex did to me. But then Emily would have blamed herself and that's even worse then anything anyone could ever do to me. I still feel horrible for Emily helping me. I apologized a thousand times but every time she said it was fine and that she wanted to be here for me. I know she was being genuine but I still felt bad for burdening her when I should have been able to handle myself. I'm an adult for fucks sake, it's what we are meant to do.

Emily's POV:

I've been sitting in the hospital room with JJ for a while. She still hasn't moved, or talked once since we found her. She has twitched a few times but that's it.

She seems so peaceful like this, I know she isn't at peace with anything that's going on in her mind. I just want to help her overcome everything that she has been through the last few days. First I need her to get out of this catatonic state. I can't do anything to calm her right now but I know she alway loved when I ran my fingers through her hair so I tried that to see if it might help.

JJ's POV:

I can hear Emily very faintly throughout all the other voices in my head. She's telling me that I'm okay and that she needs me back but I don't want to go back to reality just yet. This is a lot more peace then everything else. I know it might not seem it but it's better then the alternative. I can feel her touching me, I don't mind it because she's doing something that would always help in the past. I know she needs me back but she can wait a little bit longer.