"tell me about tartarus."

"what?"

"you went through it, didn't you? just you alone."

i'm slightly uncomfortable at the memories of it, though there's not much to be uncomfortable about. it was something that had happened to me and everyone knows. everyone knows what tartarus is. "i did." i say. "why do you want to know?"

"is it like this place?"

"no. not like this place."

"worse?"

"yeah, i'd say so. it's tartarus. dark, hopeless, chaotic."

"how were you able to do it alone? i don't think i could make it through the forest we played war games in without you."

i smile, remembering those games. "i don't know. at the time, i just did. i couldn't afford to think about it. if i died, i died. if i kept going, maybe i'll live. that's all it was."

"i wish you didn't have to go through that. i wish you didn't have to go through this. it's unbelievable. i wish i could've been kinder to you."

i shrug, shifting the weight of the bag on my back. "you were plenty kind."

"yes, maybe." he says. "there's just so much more i want to do for you."

"the love you have given me thus far is enough."

"oh, no. the moment i decide that i love you enough is the day i have stopped loving you. you have never stopped loving me more and more." will's voice has been sounding more lively and like himself, though i've never heard him talk like this. i stay quiet. "are you tired?"

"what?"

"i think we've been walking for a while now. don't you feel tired?"

"do you?"

"i can't feel anything, nico, i'm kinda dead. but you're tired, aren't you? hungry?"

admittedly, i was exhausted. my stomach was beginning to hurt sharply from need of food, but i was beyond even thinking of eating. i was in no mood to enjoy a meal or any time where i had to lay down and be alone with my thoughts. one more foot in front of the other. and then another. and then another.

"no." i reply. "we can keep going."

there was little i could do to track time down here. no sun or stars told me if it was night or day. no clock or watches in the underworld. time is of little concern to the dead. i had forgotten how long it took to get anywhere on foot. if i had a somewhat long distance to traverse, i'd simply shadow travel. but i can't shadow travel a spirit from the underworld to the surface.

"nico," will chides in that all-too-familiar tone. i almost smile. for a brief second, things feel normal. will always had a way of knowing if i was sick or tired or hungry. he'd never leave me alone about it. he was the only person i had ever met who was as persistent and stubborn as i was. "you're tired. i may be dead, but i still know."

"don't say that word." i say. "i can keep going for a while longer. i want to get us out as soon as possible."

"look, you can't even see hades's palace anymore. why don't we rest?"

"i can't turn around, will, i can't see the palace." i stop walking. "okay. just for a little while."

"just for a little while." will assures me. though the words are meaningless as time has little effect here, it is enough for me to calm down and start setting up camp where we are. by a large rock and behind a barren tree, away from the open fields. i lay down my make-shift sleeping bag. i build a fire. i eat some of the food i had brought. not a lot, just enough to make the discomfort to go away.

"that's all you're eating?" will asks.

"if i eat more, i think i'll feel sick." i tell him.

"oh." he says. "you'd better sleep then."

"sleep? how can i?" the idea seems so far away now. things being how they are, how could i do something like sleep?

"i'm dead, so i might be wrong, but you lay down and close your eyes." will says sarcastically.

"okay, fine." i lay down, facing away from him. "now what, genius?"

"are you closing your eyes?" i close them and nod my head. "now... fall asleep."

"it's not that simple."

"but it is. what else is there to it? you either sleep or you don't and it's only a matter of time until you do."

"what will you do while i sleep, then?"

"probably just stare at your back or something. i don't know. are your eyes still closed?"

"they are." i lied. "i wish i could turn around and see you."

"i wish i could see your face, too." will answers.

"i can't tell if you exist or if you're just some hallucination of my memories."

"i mean, that's what i am, aren't i?"

"don't say that, i'm already paranoid."

"don't worry, i'm here. it's just what i am is a spirit. do you think i'll have a body if we get there?"

i don't want to admit that i don't know. surely, i want to believe, surely he will be granted a body. it wouldn't make sense if he were not. but then again, none of this makes any sense. will is dead and i am here leading him- or at least his disembodied voice- to a world that i don't know is ready to re-recieve him.

for the sinews no longer hold the flesh and the bones together, but the strong might of blazing fire destroys these, as soon as the life leaves the white bones, and the spirit, like a dream, flits away, and hovers to and fro. [1]

"when we get there." i say. "not if."

"no. definitely if."

i silently agree with him but i don't say it. it's not like me to be optimistic. and it's not like will to be pessimistic. my head spins, everything feels wrong. i can't bring myself to say that we might not make it. because i know it. i know we might not. i know it so much that my chest hurts thinking about it. it's so hard to be pessimistic when his fate relies on it.

i never cared for my own fate or my own future. even in tartarus, i had little faith that i would actually escape. it hardly mattered because i did anyway. but with him here, a spirit, barely there, so close to being alive. i know what it might cost if i fail and it's a fate worse than dying in tartarus. it's living alone.

i simply can't accept that.

i was thrust into tartarus. but this. i chose this.

"go to sleep." will's voice is softer.

"just be here when i wake up." i tell him. "please."

"where would i go?"

"i don't know. i don't even know if you're real or a disembodied voice. don't tell me that you are, i know. just don't disappear."

"i love you." he says. "go to bed."

that made my blood warm in me and i finally close my eyes. i wanted to touch him more than ever. i had begun to forget what his touch felt like. i just knew it was ecstacy. i had much to think about, but i couldn't afford to entertain these thoughts. i have already thought them over enough times to feel sick. my eyes droop and my head feels like it is being stuffed with static. it feels too full, too heavy. i fall into a restless, dreamless sleep.

...sleep seized him, loosening the cares of his heart, being shed in sweetness round about him-for sore weary were his glorious limbs... [2]

[1] Odyssey by Homer, Book 11
[2] Iliad by Homer, Book 23