#53 Mick - Scared to love

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MADDIE POV.: Mick and I have known each other since I can remember. We went to kindergarden together, and then the same schools, until he dropped of, to focus on his racing carrier. And the fact that we were close neighbors was deffinitely helping our close friendship. I even remember the first time he took part in karting race... I was there with his parents and Gina, cheering him on... 

Everything changed when we're 17... That's when our contact broke off.. But not because we stopped talking cuz' he didn't have time anymore, it was because I moved... My mother got amazing job oportunity in London, and because of that, we left Switzerland.
I was really angry with my parents back then... My little sister, Ava, was very happy to go, but I wasn't. I had everything there, school, tenis practises, friends... And here, I had Mick...
At first I didn't want to connect to new city, but once time progressed, I found new friends and made myself at home in England, and it wasn't that bad as I firstly thought...
However the move had it's cons.. Contact with Mick and Gina was less and less, until it broke off completely. It was very bad time for me, as I was really close with both of them, and we couldn't see each other anymore. And to make it worse, I realised, that I have strong feelings for young Schumacher...
Even after all that time I kept close eye on his and Gina's carriers, but I never convinced myself to reunite with them. 
And after few years, the worst events of my whole life happened....

When I was in Uni in Oxford, my parents were coming back from a trip to Scotland. The road was slippery because of the rain and they crashed, as dad lost control over the car... While my dad died at the scene of the accident, my mum fought for her life for around two weeks in hospital in London, before she passed away as well...

As they whished to be buried in our hometown, in Switzerland, their funerial meant one thing. I had to get back to the place me and Ava grew up in and I didn't see it in many years....
With my bloodshot eyes and hair like a mess, I stood in front of my childhood home, not able to bring myself to enter it. Ceremony was set for next week, but I came ealier to orgenise everything. I had to do it alone, as Ava refused to help me and announced that she'll came from her school in Belgium the day before. I didn't have the strenght to argue with her about it, so I let it slide. She wasn't that close with our parents anymore...
I was so deeply in my thoughts, that I didn't realised, that more than familiar person came out of the door to house right across the street. I came back to earth only because I heard his unsure "Maddie...?!" behind me. My gaze locked with those ocean blue orbs of Mick, who looks more grown-up, but is still unmistakably like my best friend from all that years ago. His facial expression becomes anxious when he sees my reddened eyes, he comes up to me in blink of the eye and closes me in tight embrace. That familiar smell, which is associated only with him, makes me relax very quickly, but at the same time, wakes up the tears as well.
-What happened? Why are you crying?- he asked me softly, not moving an inch, and trying to understand why I'm in so emocional state. I don't answer at first, as I need a moment to gather the courage, before I mumble almost unaudible:
-They're dead...
Because of that Mick pulls away a little, and looks deeply into my eyes, as I see the tears shimering in his own.
-No....- he breathes out, as his face is painted in shock and pain.
-I'm sorry Mickey...- I didn't adressed him like that in many years, but at that moment, the nickname flew out of my mouth naturally, like it used to before my move. He's in such a state, as my parents were very important to him, just like his were to me, during our childhood years. 
-It's me who's sorry Maddie- he replied and pulled me into tight hug again, while we both cry -Let's crash to mine, shall we? I think you need to clean up your nose and make up..- Mick suggested gently, and I only nodded. I knew very well that he won't hurt me...
We entered the house with slight thud of the door.
-Mick, you are back?- Gina was first to see us, as she emerged the kitchen. And that was when she stopped dead in her tracks -Maddie?! Why are you crying!? My god!- she shouted and quickly came to us, to close me in warm embrace. I gladly hugged her back.
-Nice to see you again Gin...- I managed to whisper.
-Ok. Let's get rid of this make up, and you'll tell me everything later..- she decided and pulled me to her room. I didn't say anything, just glanced back at Mick, who flashed me gently smile.

After I calmed down and took off my make up, we came back downstaris to see Mick sitting with his parents in the living room. The second we entered the room, Corina spotted us and came to me, to hug me closely and tight.
-I'm so sorry sweetheart...- she whispered and kissed my head, as she rocked us back and forth. That moment I knew that Mick told them about my parents...
Next person to hug me was Michael. He held me tight in loving embrace and kissed my head couple times, while I just cried. After that I sat down between Mick and Gina, and let him hug me close, as I told them everything what happened, and why I came back to Switzerland. At the end of my story me, Corina and Gina were crying hard.
-I'm so, so, sorry Maddie!- Gina cried and pulled me in very tight hug, which I returned.
-Stay with us Maddie. You shouldn't be alone during this hard time...- Michael said warmly, with tears in his eyes. After all, him and my father were almost like brothers when we used to live here...
-No, I should co-operate with this on my own, I have funerial to orgenise, I can't disturb you like that...!- I disagreed, as I wiggled myself out of Gina's grip.
-Stop this bullshit Mad. You're not disturbing us!- Mick interupted me quickly.
-And besides, you'll need help with everyting! Please, let us help you!- his sister joined in, with cracky voice and hope in her eyes, as she squezzed my hand.
-Okey...- I gave up, and let Mick hug me again. I knew really well that next few days will be the hardest days in my whole life...

....
Before I knew it, days passed and all the Schumachers accompanied me to the funerial. Mick never really left my side in next 2 weeks, same as Gina. I also had a daily, very long talks with both Corina and Michael, which helped me a lot. It almost felt like home again, even when my sister left the morning after the funerial without many words. They really helped me...
Mick made sure that I eat proper food and tried to convince me to sleep. But I refused because of my nightmeres. However, seeing his worried expression, I gave up couple of times, and tried to at least take a short nap, from which I would wake up every time with shout on my lips, and my body covered in sweat. And every time he or Gina were by my side to help me calm down again. It was really hard, but I tried...
And in addition to the loss of my parents, another thing weighs on my shoulders... All the time I spent with the Schumacher's, Mick in particular, made my old feelings again come up into the light. I tried to ignore them, as it's not a good time to fall in love again, but failed miserably...

Mick and I have made ourselves comfortable on my bed and are watching a film, the contecst of which I don't really get, as my gaze keeps wandering to the man right next to me. 
At some point, Mick paused the film and turned to me.
-Ok, what's going on in that pretty head of yours?!
-I don't know what you're talking about?- I tried to dodge the question.
-Come on Mad! Tell me! I know that something is up! You don't pay attention to the film, and you're anywhere but not here, so?- he asks again, as he pulled me closer to him. I leaned to his touch instantly and relaxed.
-It's stupid...- I mumble, not wanting to look at him.
-If it distracts you so much, it can't be stupid!- he disagrees, and encourages me to tell him more. Before I chicken out again, I decided to speak up:
-I think I'm in love with you, and I'm terrified!- I told him, and wanted to stand up, but his strong arms kept me in place.
-Why it's scaring you?- he asked me calmly in return. And this time I manage to pull back a little, to lock our gazes.
-My parents are dead, because of the car accident, and you race in them week after week, which is way more dangerous than normal driving. I can't lose anyone like that again, and that's why I'm scared to love you!- with every word I say Mick's gaze softened, and he gently placed his hand on my cheek.
-I totally understand, but I promise you that nowdays F1 cars are much safer than they used to be. You won't get rid of me that quickly...
-I know, but I'm still scared! That crash Grosjean was involved a year ago...
-I know, and it's perfectly fine to be scared. No one who's not scared should sit behind the wheel. And I'm not gonna let that fear of yours divide us again.... Not after I got you back...- his words made me wonder. Is he really feeling the same as me?! -I'm in love with you too, and I need you by my side. Years ago, I was scared too. Scared that I'd ruin our friendship with my feelings, and then you moved, so I lost you either way. Now I'm not going to let you go again, because I want to kiss you, hold you in my arms to make you feel safe and loved, and get through everything with you...- he ranted and added -But only if you want that too...
Carefully, I nod and let Mick pull me into a gentle and soft kiss, which I return in a heartbeat. We stay like that for a few minutes, and then pull back enought, to lay down together, as I relax against his body. 
We lay in blisfull silence for a few moments, which I interupt by loud yawn.
-Should I stay with you? Maybe it'll help against your nightmeres?- he suggested, looking down at me, lovingly.
-So you want to be my new pillow?- I raise one brow at him, in joking manner. I feel sleepy, but not enough to not play a little game with him.
-Only if you want to- he replied, holding me close against his chest. When I nodded, he kissed my head lovingly and grinned widely at me. It made me giggle, as I snuggled closer to him, and let his body heat lull me slowly to sleep.
-You're cute when you're half asleep- I hear him whisper, before he places one last kiss to my forehead and I drift off to peacefull slumber, not interupted by any nightmeres. Since then, I could call him my own "nightmere catcher", as we hardly ever split up again...
THE END

Something sad but with happy end...
I hope I didn't do it too sad though..?!
Have a nice day! / Goodnight! 
F.

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