I was pretty much so far up Hoseok’s ass I didn’t notice some shit going down in other parts of my life, like my classes with Mr. Kim. It was horrible, truly dreadful, because being one on one with him after classes suddenly made my anxiety skyrocket higher than before, hands shaking slightly while I tried to grab the goddamned pencil. He was kind and patient with me, but it didn’t work, so one beautiful afternoon when we finished up class with him, he waited until everyone was out of the classroom and came to me. He wore a navy blue shirt, sleeves rolled up and normal jeans, but somehow he still managed to rock these simple pieces.

“Let’s get out for a tea today.” I looked at him puzzled, waiting for a further explanation, because no way in hell I was going to just go out on a supposed date “I want to talk with you in an environment where we can just casually chat.”

“About uni stuff?”

“Precisely.”

This calmed me a notch, but inside I was still low-key having a minor panic attack about  this whole situation. I put all my stuff away, while he waited for me at the door, swiping on his phone and, what looked like, answering to messages. For a second I thought about how many girls or even women are into him, because he was something else. In our class too most of my classmates looked at him with heart eyes, while the guys just pretended he was no big deal, when in reality we all know he was a half God.

We just walked to a cafe close to the uni, which meant one thing for sure, we will bump accidentally into more than a few students. It was a Monday night after all, outside it was already Fall, most of the people stayed inside, so it was no surprise to me when I found the cafe almost full. We sat down to a smaller table at the side of the room and ordered. While we waited he already started to talk.

“After looking at your works I decided to enroll you to a competition.”

“What? What kind of competition?” I stuttered while looking at him without blinking.

“Thought you would freak out. Nothing too hard, just a simple drawing technique is required, I’m sure you are capable of coming up with a good idea. Besides, I will help.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It will be in one month. Can you do it?”

“I mean, yes of course, I just don't understand why me?” I asked with a confused expression, yet again.

“You underestimate yourself, which bothers me. A lot.” he scoffed at me before taking a sip of the tea that just arrived “You need to see how amazing your art is, even if you struggle to do it. You have to know by now that the biggest critique for an artist is his own mind. Take that into consideration when you look at your art pieces.”

“You're really thoughtful Mr. Kim.” I locked my fingers around my hot mug, the heat making me calm.

“I know why are you feeling anxiou Jo, I know it's because of me, but don't concern yourself with trivial things, okay?”

“I… yes. Sure.”

I left the cafe somehow with a clearer mind and my heart completely at peace. Thought I will be an anxious mess around him, especially closer to him, but it was the complete opposite. I realized he really just wanted to help me out, and this little crush I had on him was hopeless anyway to begin with. His words however hit me hard, making me open my eyes a little bit more. I decided when I get home I will start to look at myself in a different light. I can't be so helpless and self conscious about everything in my life. I had to start to work on myself and this work starts today.

I was messaging with Hoseok, he was still practicing alone at the academy until it will close. I was feeling sorry for him a little bit, he was always working out a new choreography or practicing until he passed out. I just hoped he wouldn't overwork himself.

With a sigh I put away my phone, opening our dorm room to a surprising sight. Glen was making out with someone on her bed, that wasn't shocking, considering how hot she was, but what startled me, was the fact that the person was a girl. Glen quickly got off of her when she heard me enter, and my automatic response was to stare at them. The girl quickly put her hoodie back on while apologising a million times, then almost ran out beside me. I just noticed how my mouth was agape, so I closed it, shutting the door behind me with a loud thud. Glen looked at me with an expression that made me angry, but I kept it inside.

“Mind explaining?”

“You might want to sit down for this.”

“No, I'm fine here, thank you very much. Continue.” I put my hands on my hips, waiting.

“So, okay there's no reason to beat around the bush, I'm a lesbian. Have been since I was a teen.” I furrowed my eyebrows looking at her.

“What? But how is that even possible? All those guys you told me you hooked up with before college?”

“All girls, I just changed up the names.”

“And the guys you dated?”

“They were all girls.”

“But what about all those times we thirsted over guys?”

“Look, I have eyes. I can see when someone is hot, I just don't want to bang with them.”

Princess walked up to me and grinded against my legs. I absentmindedly pat her head before taking a deep breath and going to our closet. I found a bag big enough that a towel, my toothbrush and a few clothes would fit in so I quickly threw everything in there.

“I'm going to sleep over. Don't expect me.”

“What?” she looked scared and took a few steps towards me.

“Frankly, I'm fucking pissed off. You were going on about how we are literally sisters, soulmates, the best friends and all that crap when you hid from me this? Seriously? Yea, I'm mad and I need at least a day away to calm down.”

My voice cracked at the end, but I refused to cry until I shut the door behind me. With the bag on my back I texted L if I could sleep at her dorm room, but she said her cousin was sleeping there and there wasn't any room left, since four people slept there already. I tried another one of my classmate but she didn't answer so I texted Muti, but he had a girl over to smash. Tears were streaming from my eyes at this point. I didn't know what to do, I was desperate so the next thing I knew I was dialling Hoseok. He didn't pick up only last minute. I could hear in the way he breathed that he was still practising, making me feel even worse for disturbing him.

“Hey! Missed my voice?” he was all cheerful, even though he must have been tired.

“I-” my voice cracked, more tears rolling down my cheeks.

“What happened? Are you okay? Where are you?” his voice turned serious in a matter of seconds.

“In fr… front of my dorm.” my breath was ragged, but still I tried to properly talk “I'm sorry. Can I sleep in your dorm?”

“I'll be there in fifteen minutes maximum.”

I put my phone in my pocket, my head in my lap, crying like a little kid. I felt cheated on, hell, even if someone cheated on me wouldn't feel this bad. We were really close, we still are, that's why it hit me hard. I just wondered for how long was she going to keep this secret away from me? Until we were grannies and couldn't walk? I knew deep inside I was being overly dramatic, but my heart told me otherwise.

I was so engrossed in my self pity I didn't hear Hoseok come to me, only when he touched my shoulder. I looked up at him in surprise, he was breathing hard, all sweaty from the practice and running until now. I quickly hugged him close to me, forgetting about my shyness. He automatically hugged me back while helping me stand up. I felt safe in his arms, he engulfed me closer, caressing my back and resting his chin in the crook of my neck.

“Let's go, okay? This is no one's business.”

He led me away, while still having an arm around my shoulder. Even if it made walking uncomfortable, I slowly stopped crying until my eyes were only a little watery and puffy. I sniffed, coming closer to him, when he sighed.

“I have to tell you something.” he said slowly “I don't live in the dorms.”

“It's fine, I'm stupid for-” I remembered Mr. Kim's words and I stopped myself “Just, sorry. This is unexpected for me too.”

“I live alone.”

“Okay?”

“Don't judge me, that's all I ask.” he said, pulling me a little bit closer “You can sleep here for as long as you'd like. I don't mind. Really.”

I nodded without saying anything. Honestly after crying so much I suddenly felt extremely tired, my eyes hurt, and the whole walk to his place seemed long.

“We're here.”

I felt some tension in the air as we walked inside the apartment, but I might have been wrong. I noticed he stared at me, waiting for a reaction of some sort as I looked around his place. Expensive was an understatement to how it looked. Everything was black and white, modern furniture everywhere, huge TV that costed probably more than my life, not to mention the great scenery of our city. There were bunch of art pieces all around, different plushies and even game consoles. I got out from my shoes and walked further in, while he kept a close eye one me.

“In front is the kitchen, first door to the right is my room, next is the walk in closet and beside that the studio.” he said in a calm voice.

“Walk in-” I looked up at him with confused eyes not sure how to react “Am I supposed to scream or-?”

“Aren't you surprised? I'm rich. Too rich. I could buy a house now if I wanted to. All cash.”

“Okay that is impressive but-” I shook my head still not getting what he wants “I don't get it. What do you want me to say Hobi? Literally on our first date you wore Balenciaga shoes.”

“How did you know?” he asked, eyes widening from shock.

“I like fashion, I notice these things. And I knew they were not from a thrift shop, okay?”

I tossed my bag on the floor, afraid of making anything dirty. It was scary how everything looked so neat and tidy, I never would have known he was this kind of guy.

“I don't know what to say.” he took off his jacket, only now I noticed how his ears were bright red. “I'll sleep on the sofa.”

“Can we like, uh, maybe-”

“We're definitely not sleeping in one bed.” he bent down to kiss the top of my head, making me a blushy mess.

“I want hugs.”

“What a baby.”

He laughed loudly, ruffling my hair before going into his room. I gave him some space, but I was ready to get the hugs, even if he didn't want to give me some. I was sure some innocent eyes would work perfectly on him, so I stayed put, playing with my fingers, waiting for the perfect opportunity.