Percy Jackson

My brain decided to just take a shit when it heard that, which was amazing.

Like, good news. It helped.

My anxiety was still fucked, though.

Maybe I should go get myself checked. I had two panic attacks, that can't be healthy.

Feeling like a dumbass for not noticing that over the season, I just asked if he had any more lavender because it seemed like it'd help and I think he gave me some earlier but it was gone now.

Thankfully, he had a little bit more and I just put some in the mini humidifier I had next to my bed because in the winter the air can be really dry here. So I just turned that on and put a tiny bit more by my nose, laying down.

I was tired, and I'm sure I'll have nightmares tonight because I didn't last night.

"Does it help?" Micah asked me as he rejoined me on the bed, just sitting on the edge as I nodded my head.

"Yeah, a bit."

"Do you want me to sleep on the floor or anything?"

And I was glad that he did ask, because now that threshold has been crossed where we both know and it's out there, but nothing has really been done about it. It's like, the worst zone, in my opinion.

I shook my head.

"Don't worry, it's not like... I don't know what I was gonna say." Of course I had to forget it half way through. "you don't have to sleep on the floor, that's dumb."

"I'm just making sure," he told me. "couch or anything? I don't want to make you uncomfortable, you had a long day before the two panic attacks."

"It doesn't make me uncomfortable," I stuck to my point, though. "I promise. If you are so compelled to sleep in the living room and listen to our neighbors from that wall argue at like 7 AM, go for it, but I wouldn't suggest it. This mattress is memory foam."

Aka please just sleep in this bed, it sounds really nice right about now. It seems like it'd be less awkward, too. Maybe not, I don't know.

But I'd like it.

"Alright, I will," Micah assured me and smiled. "I'll be right back, I have to pee and then change because I don't really want to sleep in jeans."

"Don't fall in." I told him as he walked out.

I'm hilarious, okay?

It's a miracle that I was awake when he got back like a few minutes later, in his sweats and that's it. Which is what he normally sleeps in. He will not sleep with a shirt unless forced.

Personally, I don't mind. I just don't have that sort of self confidence for myself. Too many scars, too many bad stories.

I like sweaters in the winter.

But I was happy that he has grabbed his sketchbook. Micah is a pretty artsy guy, which is cool to me. I'm okay with art, but I also don't put a ton of effort into it. It's nice for me to like, use mom's old paint to paint on a random piece or cardboard or something to destress. That's what I do for paint. Just random stuff to help my mood. Nothing with a real good outside of to be relaxing.

Watching Micah draw, though, is both amazing and almost therapeutic.

Micah laid down next to me and I grabbed a blanket, figuring he'd be a little chilly after he closed the window and he opened the sketchbook. So I took my chance to basically cuddle up next to him and at first I couldn't really tell what he was drawing, and I never figured it out.

Because I fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmares that I didn't remember, drank some water, and went back to bed immediately. Micah's sketchbook was next to his bag so he must've finished the sketch. If I had more energy, I would've looked, but I don't.

So when I woke up in the morning, almost afternoon, and I was still cuddled up against Micah, it was really nice.

I really do like him.

"Hey, you're awake!" Micah exclaimed a minute or so after I woke up. "how'd you sleep?"

"Fine," I assured him. "I woke up once, but I just needed some water. Did you sleep alright?"

"Like a rock," he confirmed and smiled. "you seem a lot better."

I nodded my head, staying where I was.

"Yeah, I feel better," I responded and sighed after a second. "sorry if I freaked you out at all yesterday. It's a lot to take in."

"You didn't freak me out," Micah told me, which was nice to hear. His hand ran along my back, which made me smile. It felt really nice. "worried me a little, towards the end. But no, it's nice to know. It'll be nice to go to church with my parents on Sundays and know it's not all bullshit. Just a little out of date. Do you have any plans today?"

"Uh..." I thought about it. "Grover is coming here for dinner, I think. That's it. Why?"

"If you want to," he left the option open for me to decide, "I know you were really panicky about it last night, but we should go out for lunch."

At first I thought he meant just eating and my brain was like, I wasn't freaking out about eating last night. But that's not what he was asking. What he was insinuating.

He meant as like, a date.

And it is the worst phase. The phase that makes me want to shoot myself. Or at least, it did last time.

"I don't see why not." I figured, and looked at the clock. "We should head out soon, then. It's almost noon."

"How did we sleep until noon?"

"Because I was a hot mess last night."

So Micah went to get dressed and shower quick and so I'm in bed. Now lonely.

Getting dressed is a lot of work.

But I got up anyways and went over to my dresser. Most of my clothes are too big now, I lost a bit of weight in Tartarus so I'm now a small and not a medium. But I found one nice thing that fit me and some decent skinny jeans. It was a short sleeve shirt, though, so I put a flannel on over it. I'm not a fan of the whole being exposed thing. Too many scars.

Plus, it's November, so it checks out. It's colder than hell outside.

Then again, Hades does like it warm down there.

Anyways, I walked out and saw my mom and Paul eating lunch. There was a little leftover, for me. Which was nice of them to do.

"Hey, kiddo," Paul said, sitting to face me as my mom was facing the opposite way, towards Paul. They're cute. I'm glad we haven't scared him off yet. "How'd the funeral go yesterday?"

"It was fine," I assured them as Mom gave me a rub on the arm for support. "Everyone showed up that could from what I noticed. Nico was a mess, but that's expected. I told him he could swing by if he needs to."

"Nico?" Mom asked, confused. "was he close with Will? Will wasn't his brother, was he?"

"What? No!" I insisted as Micah found is. "Will was Apollo's kid. He was Nico's boyfriend. So like... Yeah. He hasn't run away yet, so I think he'll be fine. It's just hard, but he'll figure it out. Grover is coming over tonight, though."

"Oh, good!" Mom exclaimed. "I miss having him— Micah, hi!"

Mom gave me the look that he definitely would have heard something.

"It's fine," I assured her. "were going to head out for lunch and I'll be back after, okay?"

"Be safe!" They both said and I just rolled my eyes as we headed out, grabbing my wallet on the way out. 

We held hands on the way there, it was gay.

And it went really well! We just went to a nice place a few blocks away and it was kind of a relief, honestly. Just being able to say what I want to without too much hesitation.

Of course, though, between finishing our meal and waiting for dessert, somebody noticed me. It had to happen, right?

Others on their own date.

"Perseus Jackson!" It's the only time I think that Area hasn't dreaded saying my name, and it felt good to hear. I wonder if he's still upset about that ankle situation from when I was on my first quest. "What a coincidence to see you here. How are you doing after the funeral yesterday? It was a shame."

Does Aphrodite really mellow Ares down this much? It's either that or he knows that there's mortals around, because I don't even feel aggressive.

"Ares, Aphrodite, hi..." I responded, slightly off guard. At least Micah knows. "I've been okay, I wasn't too close to Will like Leo and Nico were. I guess I wasn't super surprised, it's bound to happen. Which is sad, but it's how it is. I must've left before you guys got there, I'm not a fan of funerals anymore."

"It's a part of life, kid."

"Yeah, you don't need to tell me." I said. "What uh, what are you guys doing here?"

"Hiding from my husband," Aphrodite told me, which sounded about right. "We should let you two be, though. Should we expect you back this summer?"

I nodded my head and wished them well. Micah looked just amazed.

"Hm?" I asked and his eyes went wide.

"That was Ares and Aphrodite?" Micah asked, because they looked pretty normal. Their mortal forms. I nodded my head. "Dang. They... Aphrodite looks a lot like you, are you sure she's somehow not your mom?"

I shook my head and smiled.

"Annabeth used to say that a lot," I told him, looking back up at him. "it's flattering, but no, she's not. She actually uh... Everyone kind of perceives her differently. You see what you find attractive in her. So it's different for everyone."

That caused some embarrassment for him. Micah turned red.

"Oh."

I just smiled.

"It's okay, I'm flattered." I insisted, holding his hand.

•••

Grover Underwood

I got there early because I was excited to hang out with my best friend and he wasn't even there when I got there.

He got home like ten minutes after I got there, but he was still wasn't there when I got there, and according to what he told me yesterday, he didn't have any plans today. So uh, lies?

"Is it already... It's not 4:30, is it?" Percy must have not kept track of time while he was gone, though, that was evident.

"Uh, no," I told my best friend, having already taken over his bed. It's a nice bed, I missed stealing it. "I just had nothing better to do and then nobody was home so I had to come in through the window. I thought you had nothing to do today."

"You sound like Annabeth when I'm two minutes late," Percy remarked, laying on top of me. "And as of yesterday, I didn't. It was last minute and I can't exactly call you, so. I figured if I was back before 4:30 it'd be good."

"Last minute? Since when?" I asked him. "None of your friends do last minute besides me and like, Leo."

"Nobody from camp does, no," he corrected me, which meant he still has mortal friends outside of like, Rachel. Who isn't even really mortal anymore. Which, I knew. He at least has a few people on the swim team, I'm pretty sure. It's been a while. "Do you remember Micah? He's on the team. He heard about Will, or really that I had a funeral to go to so he just came over to make sure I wasn't like, sad. We went out for lunch."

I thought about that for a minute.

"Wait, is he..." I paused. "Is he the guy you asked me about yesterday? The... The one you've wanted to go out with for like, 3 years?"

"Maybe..."

"Percy!" I exclaimed, which made him jump and I chuckled. "Dude, what the hell! That's good! Was it like, a date? Did you tell him you liked him?"

Percy thought about it.

"I mean, I think he guessed, but he found out, yeah," my best friend updated me. "Uh, I don't remember most of it because I was in between panic attacks, but he figured it out and eventually I calmed down and fell asleep and then this morning he asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him and like, he told me he liked him last night, while I was panicking. So yeah. It was. We saw Ares and Aphrodite while we were there. They were cute. She's good for him. He's a lot calmed. Um..."

Percy looked at me.

"So you know how you told me to tell him after we were serious?"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I spilled my guts to him last night before I even told him I liked him."

"Percy!" I knew that was really bad, and so did he. "you can get in so much trouble for that. Why... Why?"

"I don't know!" But he got defensive about it, and I think I kind of got it just from his initial reaction to me asking. "I just... I don't know, I can't just tell my parents everything. They have a kid on the way, I don't want them trying to wrap their head around the idea that I was in Tartarus for at least a few weeks."

"You haven't told your parents about Tartarus?"

"I didn't tell my parents I was supposed to die when I was 16, either," he tried to make it sound better, but it didn't help. "I had everything ready in case I did, but... I don't know, man, sometimes you just need somebody who doesn't really understand it maybe. I don't know."

He stopped for a second, trying to not be frustrated but kind of failing.

Percy doesn't like admitting how hard death is on him. He doesn't have any control over it, obviously, and he understands that. I know he does. But it's always frustrated him that he doesn't have the ability to stop it.

Death is hard, no matter what. Percy's the heroic type, though, and always tried to play it off as if it's just another death. And for those he doesn't really know, it is just another death.

But Percy's never had a lot of family or friends to start off with and he tries to keep his friends close.

Until Annabeth basically cuts herself off from him for no reason that I've heard of, Nico continued to push him away, Jason dies, and nobody else is around. Leo in California, Piper in Oklahoma, I was on my way back from California. Tyson is probably with his dad. Clarisse is off at college.

He's always has a hard time with keeping friends, and now they're dying at a pretty fast rate, considering our age.

Mortal friends are pretty safe, though, death wise. Unless there's a car accident or a shooting, most of them live until they get some illness or whatever. You can't tell them much, but they're reliable.

I don't know if he notices that he's always less stable when somebody just randomly dies, but he is. And I've told him to get checked for things like anxiety because he has it, he just doesn't believe me because a mental link doesn't guarantee that. Which is understandable.

That's not how I figured it out, though.

Sure, starting a relationship makes Percy a little anxious. But it's not that bad. Both times it's happened, though now, has been immediately after death.

Which is when his anxiety is fucked, like it is right now. It's when he gets really defensive and insecure and just anxious.

Maybe I should talk to Sally about it.

I just want to make sure he's okay.