There are different reasons why our pupils dilate.

The first reason is that you are under the influence of medication. Whether it may be antihistamines, Botox and even motion sickness medicines, our pupils dilate thus affecting their ability to react to the light.

Second, you have a serious type of eye injury. Such cases where your iris is damage that cause the pupils to become dilated and irregular in shape.

The third reason why our pupils dilate is that we are surrounded by the things that we take pleasure in seeing.

And that is how I am looking at Jennie's lips right now- with dilated pupils as she pulls away from me, our breathing ragged as we just shared another moment of kissing once again.

I think it's safe to say that Jennie and I have been... practicing the so-called kiss for quite some time now and I'm not talking about a three-day practice no, I'm talking about two weeks practice with us grabbing every opportunity to kiss type of practice. Literally every chance we get to practice, we grab it.

Just like what we're doing right now.

"YAH UNNIES!" Lisa's annoyance matched the manner of her knocking in our bedroom. "Let's go we're going to miss the movie!"

Jennie rolls her eyes. "WE'LL BE OUT JUST A SEC!"

"You guys said that three times already now open up!" She slams her hand against the wooden door once more.

"Alright, alright! We're going to come out now! Geez!" She turns to me with a sneaky smile. "Let's go Chu."

"O-okay," I say and walks where the night light was and turned the switch off while Jennie was busy fixing herself and re-applied her lipstick. Grabbing the lipstick from my bag I applied minimal amount before asking- "Do I look okay?"

She looks at me through the mirror, eyeing me from head to foot. "You look like you make me want to skip movie night and just stay here with you with the night light on."

Heat moves in abrupt motion where my cheeks lie so I immediately hid the blushing with my chuckle. "Stupid." Added with an eye roll, Jennie completely buys the unimpressed act and smiles. "Come on."

As soon as we leave the room and met with the other girls inside the living room we both noticed that Lisa and Miyeon were looking at us weirdly. "What's up?" Jennie asks.

"You told me you were changing your top." Lisa asks her. "How come you are wearing the exact same thing?"

"I did change, quite a few times idiot, but Jisoo said she likes the first so I just wore it back."

"You should've just told her that one earlier unnie!" Oh great, now she's whining to me. "In that way, we could've saved time and probably head there earlier before the movie starts!"

Jennie drags Lisa away. "Okay kid, let's go and see this movie already."

Kissing Jennie is nice.

I like kissing her for various reasons.

I like the way her lips feel and move against my own. I've always compared Jennie's lips to smores or cotton candy, soft, sticky but still tastes sweet and don't get me started on how Jennie Kim's lips taste because this conversation could go all day. Sometimes, she tastes like Cherry, sometimes she'd taste like a mandarin or even raspberry but to me personally, I really like it whenever she tastes like strawberry.

I like how she is so cautious about kissing me. She'd ask me if I was okay with doing this and then she'd look me in the eye, pulls a few messed up hair strands away from my face before closing in the distance. I like how she is patient with me; how she knows that I need a few seconds to recover before I could actually respond to the kiss. I like how I don't have to say things to her she just... understands me just like that.

But what I like the most about kissing Jennie Kim is after the kiss happens. Whenever it was time for us to pull away, she would lean in and press her forehead against mine, intertwine our hands together while rubbing her thumb against the back of my palm; and when it was time for us to sleep, she'll press her body close to me just enough for her to not get a glimpse of the brightness of the night light because it still irritates her. I offered her multiple times that it was okay for me to sleep without the light yet still she insisted that it was okay and according to Jendeuk told me-

"Just keep the night light on. In that way, I get to kiss you whenever I want."

It became sort of our code, the night light.

Like an unwritten rule between us, we just kiss only with the night light on. I don't mind though and if I am being honest, kissing Jendeuk with just the night light is better because I doubt if she'd still want to kiss me in full brightness because of my ugliness.

"Hey," Jendeuk whispers to me, breaking my train of thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I replied yet I could still feel her looking at me so I turn to my left side and faced her. "Why? Do I look like I am not okay?"

"You look like you were in deep thought."

"Don't mind me; I'm always in deep thinking."

Jendeuk doesn't seem to buy my story and remained unbothered with that stare of hers. "Are you sure?"

And so I pulled out the card that always seems to shut her up. I gave her a smile and hold onto her hand. "I'm okay."

__________________________________

"Okay, so do we have all the ingredients that we need?"

"I don't know you checked everything right?"

"What? Was it my job?"

"Of course! You're the one who were supposed to do that."

"Why me? Remember, I am just tagging along. I am in-charge with the balloons."

"Ugh, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

It's Miyeon's birthday today.

The three of us had a meeting a week before and had come to the agreement that Jendeuk is in-charge of baking Miyeon's favorite treat while Lisa is out there in-charge of distracting the birthday girl and I have two assignments today, make sure that the balloons are inflated and the kitchen doesn't burn down.

Well Jendeuk's with me anyways so my confident and reckless that I won't do anything stupid.

"As long as you don't touch anything until I tell you." Jennie says all of a sudden as she continues to prepare all the needed materials.

"What did you say?"

She stops with the preparations and looks at me. "Your face screams that you worry about making a complete mess in the kitchen."

"My face said that to you?"

Jennie just smiles at her. "Come here, help me out with this."

"Hold on, what are we making again?"

"Macaroons."

"Why not cake?"

Sighing out loud, I think I just hit Jennie's impatient nerve. "Because we're running out of time so we're going to ask my mother to deliver it to us later on. For now we focus on this macaroon making."

"Okay!" I smiled and clapped my hands together. "What do I have to do first? Cutting? Mixing? Pouring?"

"First, don't burn the house." Jendeuk chuckles before she wraps around me. "So safety first."

"Second?"

"Just do everything I say."

I nodded my head. "And third?"

"Third?" Jennie meets me in the eye and all of a sudden glares at me. "Fuck this up and I'll kill you, I swear."

Hearing that alone made me swallow the lump on my throat."R-right."

The infamous glare of hers disappears. "Alright, then let's get moving."

So when Jennie meant do everything she tells me to do, it meant for her to do all the complicated things while I hand her everything that she needs. May it be the flour, the coloring mix, sugar and amongst other things. I feel like an assistant chef to the one and only Gordon Ramsay but only the female version of him, a very beautiful, charming and sexyversion of him.

Jennie is truly a master in the kitchen and I wouldn't be surprised. Her mother has always been a great cook and whenever I'm at their house her mother would be go full on beast mode and spend entire day just feeding me so I always go home looking like I just finished a whole entire circle of watermelon.

Not that I am complaining though.

"Chu mind helping me out for a bit?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Can you mix this one thoroughly? I'm going to make the filling."

"No problem! I was made for this." I said confidently as she hand me the mixing instrument.

"Do not mess this one up." She says and gives me a warning look. "We don't have excess ingredients."

I instantly wave her off. "I got it, I got it... go and make the filling. They should be here anytime soon."

While my friend is busying herself with the filling making, I was literally struggling with mixing whatever was inside of this bowl. Seriously, do we really this much amount for Miyeon's birthday celebration? It's literally just the four of us. Sheesh, if only I did not love that rascal enough I would've screamed 'fuck this' and abandoned this difficult task to play with Dalgom or just to play games.

And while Jisoo was struggling to bond all the ingredients altogether, Jennie smoothly finished with her task. After putting it all inside the filling bag, she cleans her hands off the remaining pieces of stuff before she turns into Jisoo, who was clearly having a hard time. Instead of helping her friend right away, Jennie decides to enjoy the view a few more seconds.

"You really can mix can you?" Jisoo rolls her eyes hearing the tease from the latter. "But you look like you can use a break."

"I don't need a break pfft."

"Oh, Chu." Jennie chuckles as she approaches her friend to help her wipe off the dust off of her sleeves. "Jisoo got it she says, she can do it she says."

"Whatever."

"Here, let me help you out."

The younger girl stands behind the other and securely wraps her own hands around her slim figure, catching Jisoo completely off guard. "W-w-what are you doing?"

"Helping you out what else do you think I am doing?" She answers. "I'm going to hold onto you while you do that okay."

"Um- okay... okay."

"There you go." Jennie compliments her whilst she was still doing the job. "Now exert more effort and really dig in there..." The latter tightens her hold around Jisoo. "A little bit more."

Jisoo could feel her cheeks heating up as soon as she feels Jennie behind her back and it was weird for the girl with the heart-shaped lips to feel this way because it was just Jennie Kim; her best friend in the whole wide world, so why would she feel things like this towards the latter?

There were a lot of things that were going through her mind as of the moment. Jisoo just wanted Jennie to shut the hell up because with every direction she's been giving Jennie's breath hits Jisoo's earlobe and the side of her neck- and trust me, Jisoo was not liking anything about it even one bit.

She could feel the rhythm of her heartbeat pattern changing and as if that wasn't enough for Jisoo to feel bothered, Jennie scoots over and leans her face closer to Jisoo. The older girl knew that Jennie was just checking if she was still mixing the whole thing correctly but even though she wanted to concentrate at the task at hand, all Jisoo could think of was her friend's cheek touching against her own. This distance causes her to feel things again.

From calming tides to raging thunderstorms and it was so foreign that it made her want to detach herself away from Jennie and just take a three to five business working days to think about it.

It was weird. Because it was the first time that Jisoo felt it.

"Chu?" Jennie interrupts her train of thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"I've been calling your name a lot."

Jisoo blinks in the realization of her own trance. "Oh- um, sorry. I must've enjoyed mixing everything." She chuckles awkwardly and let go of the mixer. "Jendeuk, you can let go of me now."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

"...nothing?" Clearly, Jennie Kim doesn't buy her act and continued with that stare of hers making anyone feel small. "Seriously though I was just wondering why baking is so damn complex? Why can't it be similar to frying or to grilling? Does it really have to be the exact same measurements?"

Jennie shakes her head and just chuckles just how wide her friend's imagination can get. "Your mind can really get you to places huh." Jisoo laughs along with her; completely relieved that she was buying the entire thing. After the laughter has died down, Jennie looks at her in the eyes."Hey."

Jisoo hums in response while she cleans off the remaining specks of dust on her clothes. When Jennie didn't respond she gives her a look- only to realize that her friend has been looking at her for quite some time. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"Have I told you that I have always admired your beauty?"

"Maybe once or twice..." She answers. "Um, Jendeuk you can let go of me now."

But instead of listening to Jisoo's request, Jennie's hold of her remains unchanging. "I remember admiring your beauty from the very first time I saw you, your beauty has made me intrigued with you."

"Is that why you took me to the sauna with you?"

Jennie nods in affirmation. "I thought that now we're friends and even now as roommates, I get tired of seeing your beauty but you never fail to always give me new sides of you." The girl with cat-eyes changed the angle of her body so she could see Jisoo face-to-face with her hold remaining firm. "You're beautiful Kim Jisoo you know?"

And there it is again, the irregular beating and of Kim Jisoo's heart. Swallowing the lump on her throat, she tries her best to keep their distance but then Jisoo widens her eyes as the younger girl leans in. "Are you..."

"Don't move okay?"

"But the night light-"

"Sshh, I want to try something new." Jennie pulls strands of Jisoo's hair tuck behind her ear. "Is it okay?"

"Jen..." Jisoo lets it out as a soft whisper while struggling to keep her feelings in check.

"Is it okay Chu?" Unable to find neither her voice nor the strength to fight her feelings- all she could do was to nod and let Jennie takeover of her.

Jisoo is going through a whirlwind of emotions right now. As she waits for Jennie's lips to touch hers, she couldn't help but feel worried about the situation that they are in right now. Jisoo could feel her palms glistening with sweat, her lips slowly getting dry and her mind has a lot of imaginations where this thing could go- and all of them were bad.

She still couldn't deny the fact that she had been anticipating for this to happen. Sure, kissing her friend with minimal light and some lo-fi songs playing in the background while they lock themselves up inside the bedroom was nice for sure but deep inside she had always wondered how will it feel when Jennie kiss her in pure brightness and so she tries to focus on that.

It's exciting. Because Jisoo was waiting to finally experience it.

Lost in the moment of having their lips touch in a different situation, both Jennie and Jisoo were unable to realize the beeping of their apartment door, indicating that someone had gone inside the room, they were deaf and wasn't able to hear the ascending sound of footsteps approaching their kitchen, where both of them are about to share a kiss. If it wasn't for Dalgom and Kuma, playfully barking their unannounced visitor would've seen them eating each other's faces right there.

But it was a complete relief that Jennie and Jisoo were able to back away just in time because their guest was none other than-

"Mom!" Jennie smiles as she skips her way to greet her mother. "What brings you here?"

"The cake remember? You asked me to deliver it to you." Mrs. Kim says. "I also brought some seaweed soup and other side dishes that you girls might need."

"You didn't have to."

"I know, but Jisoo here likes seaweed soup even if it isn't her birthdayain't that right honey?" Mrs. Kim noticed that Jisoo looked somehow in shock so she walks towards the latter and give her a slight nudge. "Jisoo?"

"Yes?!" She instantly looks at Mrs. Kim who was curious of her spacing out. "Sorry, I was eyeing the seaweed soup can we eat now?"

Jisoo's good act seems to do the trick and remove Mrs. Kim's doubt on her. "Oh, Jisoo I've missed you dearly."

"But mom I'm your daughter."

"Which I get to see most of the time." Her mother turns to Jisoo and squeezes her cheeks. "Jisoo on the other hand..."

"Okay, okay, you guys do your reunion there preparing the table while I go and finish these macaroons."

The first time I met Mrs. Kim felt like riding a jetski. It was awkward and scary at first and I almost slipped a few times but once I got the hang out it, everything was enjoyable and light. I remember that day so well, Jennie asked me to come with her and it wasn't because she wanted me to come, but because her mother expressed her intention of meeting me.

So just imagine my face and all my tremoring when she texted me if I could meet her mother for lunch. Yep, you got that one right.

"So, how old is Miyeon?"

"She's seventeen now."

Mrs. Kim nods her head in reply. "She's such a young girl."

"Yeah, I can't imagine being away from home at an early age."

"That's why I've always been reluctant leaving Jennie here." Mrs. Kim sighs. "I know she is a responsible woman but I'm her mother you know? It's one of my duties to worry about her."

"My mom feels the same. She would call any time of the day and ask if I had eaten or something... It used to irritate me, but my sister helped me realize that I should be thankful because my mother still looks out for me because other kids are probably praying for what I have now."

"This is why I am confident and allowed Jennie to stay within the dorm." Mrs. Kim turns to her. "This is because of you."

"M-me?" I chuckled nervously, wondering why in the world it has to do with me. Although Jennie said something a few weeks back. "W-why me?"

"Because I know you're a good person Jisoo. I trust the way your parents have raised you and I have met them as well. I could tell that they're good and beautiful people and brought you up in a manner any parents would want their own child to marry." She smiles at me. "And as Jennie's mother, I'm glad you're here in this journey with her."

Miyeon's surprise birthday party was a complete success. By the time she got inside the dorm, we had the poppers blasting off and the birthday cake presented in front of her. She cried, of course, and thanked us endlessly for the amount of effort we had put in this surprise.

We shared a bottle of wine, nothing too dangerous because we still had a schedule of promotions for tomorrow. The girls were already a tad tipsy with Lisa being the leading in the ranking. She was too adorable and excited to taste the wine that she probably had more than what she can handle and now she was sleeping on the couch. Miyeon went out for a while, said she'd be meeting someone. It was her birthday so I let her with a promise that she'd return quick.

Jennie on the other hand, helped me finish cleaning up the mess we made. After helping a drunk Lisa get inside to her room, we both got cleaned up, I sent a quick text message to Miyeon, asking her about where she is at the moment before going inside our room.

"Someone's drained." I teased as I enter the room. "You okay there Jendeuk?"

"Yeah, you?"

"A little bit tired, but it's okay."

"Did you enjoy the dinner?" I gave her a simple nod and takes up the free space beside her. "I could tell, Miyeon was amazed at your seaweed soup eating skills."

I gave her a chuckle and just shake my head. "Well, your mother makes the best seaweed soup in all of Korea."

"Should I tell your mother about this?"

"She would have to agree with me anyway, remember on when we attended your dad's birthday? My mom overdramatically said- I have accepted my defeat."

"I love your mother; remember when she took me with your family to Jeju? She practically fed with everything she could get her hands on."

"My mom really loves your company."

"And so does my mom with you."

"To be honest I still find that hard to believe really."

"Which is believable I know. My mother has been very protective of me and she's really picky on the friends I let inside my life. It even took a lot of meeting with Chaehee before she was finally given the green card but with you-"

"Why?" Worry filled my voice as I really don't want to leave a bad impression on her mother. "D-did I leave a really bad impression?"

"Quite the opposite actually..." Jennie trails off while she plays with her fingers. "We were on our way home from the lunch meeting we just had. I was really nervous because she never requests to meet any of my friends, it's usually me." She shares. "I was surprised even more when she told me out of all the people you have in your life, it's the first time that you've allowed me to meet someone who has met my standards."

That really caught me off guard. "She really said that to you?"

Jennie nods in response. "She didn't talk about you that much, but she would always panic whenever she knows you're visiting. She always wants me to call ahead just because she wants to cook your favorite meal."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow."

"Your mom said something to me earlier." I opened up. "She told me that she really likes that I am with you on this idol journey."

"Bet you blushed when she told you that."

"That's a secret between your mother and me."

"As if you can really keep a secret," Jennie says in a very cocky manner to which I just rolled my eyes.

"I'm just happy that your mom likes me, from what you've been sharing to me, she sounds like a woman who's very hard to please."

"Because she is."

"What if your mom didn't like me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what if your mother wasn't fond of me?" I asked. "What if she asked to meet me that day so she could personally tell me to stay away from you because she doesn't want people like me surrounding her precious daughter?" As soon as I finished my hypothetical question, Jendeuk chuckles in a way that she just thought that the scenario was impossible. "Hey, what's the teasing laugh for?"

"Nothing, I just-" She laughs once more. "I just think you've been watching too many dramas with the kids."

"Jen, I'm serious here."

Jennie looks at me, through the dim brightness brought by the night light. "Well, then my mother's going to have a very rebellious daughter."

"What?" That seriously caught me off guard, Jennie was never the type of daughter who doesn't follow her parents' orders, especially her mother's. "You're not going to agree with her?"

"No."

"But Jendeuk she's your mother."

"I know that, but just because she's my mother she can do whatever she pleases with me. I think I'm old enough to live my life my way, and I'm going to live my life with you inside it, being one of the most important people to me- ever." She answers. "Until she learns to accept that a life with you is the life I'd like to live, then I'm going to be really, really, stubborn."

Kissing my forehead, she bids me goodnight and went off to dreamland. While I lay down here, listening to her breathing as I try my best not to disturb her.

It's starting to scare me. Because my heart is beating rapidly and I don't know why.

__________________________________

"And cut!"

"Good job Jisoo."

"Thank you, director."

I'm really doing it.

Finally.

I'm really starting to make a name for myself.

It all happened the day after Miyeon's birthday. I got a call from Ae unnie and she told me that I got booked to do a short commercial for an online gaming app. I was super excited and nervous about it that time, I told the members and then my family. I remember just being a total mess yet trying to keep it all together. I even apologized to Jendeuk afterward because I kept bothering her, asking her for some tips when I knew all too well that she was busy shooting too.

"Jendeuk I'm serious I am a literal mess right now."

"Chu, don't worry too much. You're not going to say anything; they're just going to make you do things."

"Yeah I know but what if I fail? What if I'm not able to meet their expectations?"

"Relax, you're over analyzing again."

"This is my very first solo gig Jendeuk. You can't expect me to be calm and composed about it when all I can think of messing this up!"

"You're not going to mess this up."

"And how are you sure about that?"

"Because I believe in you."Jennie said and it totally calmed me down even just a bit. "If they won't believe in you then that's their loss but I believe in you. I've always had believe in you Jisoo, so trust me when I say you got this alright? Don't mind what other people say, the only thing that matters is your opinion, and the people who know the real you- and I am one of those people."

From that moment on, I had this mentality instilled in me that the people who dislike me will dislike me, the people who like me will like me and the people who support me will support me. Regardless of anything, there will be people who will be supporting me. Even if I am only supported by one person, then that's already enough for me.

Because I know that one person- is no other than my Jendeukie.

Ae unnie calls for me again and asks me if I was willing to participate in another commercial which of course, I accepted too. I remember hyping myself up and just reminding me to be a little bit more professional this time since it was my second time doing this but when Aeunnie told me on the spot I'd be acting with the Lee Min Ho oppa, my brain just stopped functioning. When it came out, my friends went hysterical on the group chat and whined why I haven't told a thing about it. Just as I thought that it was enough blessings, once again Aeunnie called for me and told me that I was cast to participate in the same drama skit with one of the seniors in my company, Daraunnie.

Jendeuk was right, better days were indeed coming, and this is the start of my better days.

"There you are!" Dara-unnie welcomes me as I entered the tent. "Here you go."

I took the sandwich from her and smiled gratefully at her. "Thank you unnie..."

"How was your cut? Did you memorize everything?"

"Yes, the director even complimented me this time."

"Well, that's good! Knowing him, he barely recognizes anyone." She smiles. "Anyway, how are you holding up?"

"Still nervous, I know it's silly, I'm just going to appear in a few episodes anyway."

"It's okay to feel nervous Jisoo when I had my break- I was just in a trance, but that's why we're usually paired up to more experienced actors so they can help us."

"That's why I am so thankful for you guys."

"Don't worry; when you girls make your debut, you're going to have lots and lots of breaks. This is just your stepping stone to that." She says. "You're definitely made for this industry."

The overflowing compliments made me shy that I could feel myself getting hot and sweaty all of a sudden. "Eyy unnie, don't compliment me too much I am barely holding up."

"No, I'm not kidding Jisoo, I like your acting, it's really good."

"Hey, Dara?" Staff comes inside the tent. "You're starting to shoot in fifteen and you're going to shoot the realization scene."

"Thanks."

"A realization scene?" Dara-unnie nods her head. "What's that?"

"It's when I realize my feelings towards my love interest."

"How do you prepare for that scene?"

"Well, I'd like to remind myself to put myself in my character's shoes so that the acting can be more authentic and relatable."

"How would you know if you like someone?"

Dara-unnie ponders for a few seconds. "When I like someone, I act differently around them. If I'm with my friend, I am usually calm and composed- just my usual self. Whenever I am with someone who I like, I tend to overthink almost every little thing to the point it's actually really annoying." She chuckles. "I worry what they think of me, how do I look, if I respond to text messages too quick or should I wait a little bit more. If I did wait, would he consider me to be a snob."

"Basically it's just me worrying too much. I know that I like someone because I easily get flustered and almost everything they do- even when they're not doing anything is just adorable to me. But of course, we can't forget that ever cliché sign that we all experience once we come into terms that we like someone." Furrowing my eyebrows I asked for her to elaborate. "Butterflies Jisoo."

"B-b-butterflies?"

"Remember that feeling when you're overly excited or nervous Jisoo? Like- there's something inside of your stomach slowly awakening that you feel it fluttering?" She explains. "Once those butterflies are awake and hover around your stomach, it goes up and up to your heart, making it pounding like a madman. Like-"

"-Like you just jumped out from a 150-floor building bungee jump."

"... Well, I was thinking more of running a 21km marathon for the very first time or reaching the top of a summit but I guess bungee jumping from a 150-story building works."

"Shit..." I muttered involuntarily. "Shit."

No.

No.

This- this is not happening right now.

"Jisoo?" Dara-unnie interrupts my train of thoughts and lightly taps me on the shoulder. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I turn to her. "Why? Do I look like I just came from bungee jumping?"

"No Jisoo." She shots me a sympathetic look. "You look like you just realized that you like someone."

__________________________________

This is bad.

This is super bad.

Not like the end of the world bad- but more of like there are no more trees in the Earth type of bad.

It still means the end of the world, because basically, trees produce a mass amount of oxygen that helps us and the wildlife breathe so yeah.

This is the end of the world- for me.

It was nearing midnight and inside our home were just the three of us since Jennie was still out for filming. While Lisa is out on the living room watching Disney movies, Miyeon was inside their room probably talking to someone and me- well- I'm inside my room breaking down over something Dara-unnie had said. Seriously, am I really entertaining what she said earlier?

"You look like you like someone."

No, no, no.

Nah –uh.

No freaking way.

"You're overreacting Jisoo, there's no way. Literally, no way for you to entertain the possibility that you like- okay, you like her but not in that kind of like!"

"This is just puberty okay?" I try to comfort myself as I bit my nails. "Don't be too stupid, puberty ends around sixteen you idiot you're nineteen now!"

"This is not you okay? This is not you Kim Jisoo wake the hell up!"

"Okay, maybe this is just me missing out the dating scene. Maybe the lack of interaction with the opposite sex is making me feel things that make ma think that I could really like her in that kind of way." I say. "I just need to go out, have fun and maybe go out some more! Yes! I'll just call Soojoo right now; have her set me up on a blind date. Okay, that sounds good." Pulling my phone out I dialed Soojoo's number for me to only hang it up out of frustration. "Oh for fuck's sake who am I kidding?"

"Blind dates and interacting with the opposite are two of the most hateful things I will not do!" Okay, this is no longer funny. I am completely annoyed... "Maybe I am just feeling this way because I have been spending too much time with one another and Jennie just means so much to me that I start to think that the way I see her in a different light where in fact this is just a sisterly bond. Jennie has just been too much of my first's."

She was the first person I saw as soon as I entered YG.

She was the first person who saw me naked during puberty.

She was my first kiss.

Oh my God... the kiss.

"It started with kissing. It's definitely with the kissing, why did she choose to kiss me? Can kissing really fool me into thinking Okay when all things fail, consult the internet right? Okay..." I pulled my phone again and went to the search engine. "Let's go."

Why do people kiss?

Kissing someone actually shows trust; it means we are vulnerable enough to show our most fragile side, which is our soul to someone else.

Okay so trust... So Jennie's intentions of kissing me are clear. Next query:

What is the significance of choosing someone to be your first kiss?

It is very important to individuals since it will mark the first of the many kisses an individual will get to experience and although you can kiss a million lips in your life, the very first kiss will be the kiss that you will remember for your entire life.

Can you kiss someone without liking them?

You can kiss someone without liking them. Sometimes we tend to blur the lines of falling for someone and just liking the kiss that you guys are sharing as some people tend to grow some feelings after series of physical contact. If you're confused, then maybe a short time of separation will do the trick, just to sort your feelings out.

Maybe I should just stop the kissing. Maybe if I stop kissing her then maybe this feeling will go away and my mind will be cleared from all this non-sense mayhem that has been bothering me for days, making me feel weird things and got me thinking weird thoughts about my roommate! I mean- this is disturbing! Jennie is my friend!

"Alright Chu, just be honest to her. When she comes home, all you have to do is to wait for her to rest for a bit and then just tell her. Be honest, no bars hold so that you can take this weight off of your chest. Or, you can go vague and tell her that you two have practiced enough and just cheer her on."

Okay, that sounds like a very, very nice plan.

This can go well.

This can work.

"UNNIE! WELCOME HOME!"

WHAT!? She's home already!?

I sat on the bed, trying to focus on my agenda. "Okay, alright Chu. Just get on with it, as soon as she opens the door, just rest, and then you'll feel it. Just- be honest with her, she's going to understand that for sure. She's your Jendeuk, your-"

"Chu!" She greets as soon as the door opens.

"Wow, looks like someone's excited." I try to shake off my worry with a chuckle. "Do I sense a piece of good news coming?"

She bites her lip and slowly nods her head. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Tomorrow is the day." I furrowed my eyebrows, indicating that I don't know what she's talking about. "We're gonna shoot the kissing scene tomorrow."

"You're going to what?"

"I'm going to have my very first on-cam kiss!" She smiles. "I just got the news today and..."

Wait- back it up one second, did she just say that she's going to have her first kiss tomorrow?

I look at Jennie and noticed how she was totally animated with the narration of how her day went. Is she actually excited? Why would she be excited? Did she already meet the guy she's going to kiss? Is she looking forward to kissing him? Who is this guy? Had they seen one another? Did they talk already? Is she good looking?

All the thoughts inside my head don't really help me think properly because all I can think of the moment is how I really want to scream at Jennie to shut up because seeing her looking this happy towards kissing someone.

Why in the world am I feeling this way?

It's like someone punched me hard on the cheek and I could taste the blood inside my mouth but the only problem is the feeling nor the taste fades away. It's stuck in my mouth and no matter what I do, it's annoyingly there.

Like my ribcage walls are closing in my heart making hard for me to breathe. Just seeing her, just to even think of her kissing someone else- irritates me and the fact that I see her anticipating it to happen- makes my blood boil.

It's bitter. Because she's actually happy.

"So... yeah, I'm just so happy that I finally got the break I've always wanted." The break that you always wanted? You mean- kissing a random stranger has always been your idol dream? That's just fucking ridiculous. "Chu? Are you okay?"

Hiding my knuckles underneath my jacket, I try my best to smile at her. "Of course! I'm just trying to absorb everything you say."

"Sorry! I just talk very fast whenever I'm excited." She takes a seat beside me.

"So, I think we should practice one last time?"

"W-w-what?"

"It's tomorrow, right? We should practice." I say. "I mean, wouldn't want to be embarrassed right? From how happy you sounded earlier, you look like you're really looking forward to the kiss." Too excited for my liking if I may add.

"Uh... M-maybe we could just skip? I have an early call time tomorrow so..." Is she really denying to kiss me right now? How good-looking is this guy that he has this sudden effect on her?!

"Jennie we're not going to kiss all night, just a few seconds." My jaw hardens as I control the anger inside me. "So? What do you say?"

"O-o-okay then." She says as she swallows the lump in her throat. "Let me just get the night light-" Before she could escape, I grabbed her by the wrist and pinned her right in front of me.

"No."

Jennie's eyelids were rapidly blinking and I could perfectly understand because she's not used to seeing me in this kind of way. "C-chu..."

"We're going to try something new for the last time." Tucking a few loose strands of hair away from her I directly look at her in the eyes. "Is that okay?"

When Jennie lost her voice, a slight nod was all it took for me to press my lips on her own. As soon as our lips touched, there's a sudden turmoil inside me that I just couldn't explain. And for some odd reason, I just want to be in control of what's about to happen tonight.

It was a bit awkward at first; there's this voice inside my head telling me to cup her cheeks, another tells me to press harder, the other says capture her lower lip and the others- the others you don't need to know. There are so many things that I want to do to her right now but I'm afraid that it'll scare her away.

I remember one time when I overheard my brother's conversation on the phone with his friend because he was such a blabbermouth around the house that you can hear his voice even when he's outside of the house. He told his friend- when you're unsure of what to do, just let your gut feeling take over.

Should I let my thoughts hover me or should I listen to my idiotic brother for once? But there was no time to waste because this non-moving kiss is taking too long and I fear that Jennie might be wondering what's bothering me.

I seriously cannot believe that I'm going to go for option B.

Fuck this.

As soon as Jisoo felt that Jennie was already slipping away, she followed her brother's idiotic advice and let her gut feeling take over. Cupping her friend's cheeks, she presses her lips with a greater amount of pressure this time and started moving her own lips.

Jennie responded to her kisses thankfully, and Jisoo could feel her confidence slowly growing bit by bit. In her mind, there's nothing that she wanted more for Jennie to wake up tomorrow, go to the set and kiss the guy, but having this kiss tonight imprinted on her mind.

She wanted when they're standing face-to-face, Jennie's not going to see his handsome features but her beautiful face. She wants for Jennie to see in him her eyes and how completely different they were because while the guy probably looks at her as per instruction of the director, Jisoo looks at Jennie with dilated pupils. She wants that when Jennie looks at the guy's lips tomorrow, she will be reminded of heart-shaped lips instead. Jisoo also wanted that when the guy gets to touch Jennie's sumptuous lips tomorrow, he will have an idea that someone had already gone before him and that someone- is her.

The moment Jisoo let her gut feeling take over; her body took control as she slowly pushes Jennie further into the bed, without breaking the kiss until the latter's back hit the cold concrete wall. Using her hands and knees for the support she slowly hovers over Jennie yet still retaining that minuscule distance between their bodies.

Jisoo was shaking there was no doubt about that. Although she was very responsive to the kisses and she had let her desire to gain control over she was still thinking about what to do next. Should she deepen the kiss more? Be a bit more aggressive? Does Jennie like being rough?

Yet every time her mind tries to bother her she immediately shuts it down and just focus at the task at hand. As long as Jennie doesn't do anything that will catch her by surprise, it will be fine.

But this is Jennie Kim we're talking about. Surprise is like her middle name.

So when Jennie's hand found its way wrapping around Jisoo's neck, she immediately felt like jello, slowly melting away from the heat of the sun or in this case- in the heat of Jennie's touch. She had to react fast in order not to make a complete fool of herself and to regain control of the situation and so sitting on top of her friend seems to be the best option for it.

The sound of lips smacking against one another and hands rustling on the fabric of each other's clothes along with their ragged, short breathing were the only sounds that could be heard inside the room. With every touch of Jennie does to Jisoo, from rubbing her nape to sliding down to the shoulders, giving it a good grip sent fiery sensations to Jisoo who have never felt this way. It was foreign yet familiar, nervous yet exciting and wanting to stop but also not wanting to stop type of feeling.

Maybe this is why friends kiss friends in American movies. Jisoo thinks to herself.

But the kiss was slowly tiring them out or boring the hell out of Jisoo and if she was feeling this way, Jennie would soon follow so she had to think another way of making things exciting. She immediately digs onto her stored memory from reading novels with some erotic scenes, trying to remember how did the characters elavated the kiss between them, and she said screw it in her mind and immediately went with the first thing she remembered.

She lets out the tip of her tongue and just briefly let it slide across Jennie's bottom lip. It caught the latter by surprise of course and even let out a silent gasp. When Jennie had opened her mouth at that moment, Jisoo took this opportunity to slide her tongue inside her friend's mouth; boy did it ever set her entire being on fire. Just as when she thought that Jennie was about to back down and push her away- her roommate of three years move her hands on the neckline of her shirt and brought her even closer.

It was burning Jisoo. But she didn't even mind one bit.

When their tongue ran out of gas Jisoo decides to be even more daring and removes her lips off of Jennie's which made the latter whine. It was just for a very brief moment, but Jisoo had heard it very perfectly and thought that it was adorable. She then returns to her agenda which was kissing a new part of her friend's body- her neck.

If Jennie's lips taste like strawberry- Jennie's neck tasted like her favorite drink and she just couldn't wait until she gets a solid taste of it.

But the excitement in Jisoo immediately disappears the moment Jennie decides to open her mouth.

"Chu..."

Jisoo stopped kissing her after hearing that.

Though it was just a really really soft tone, she was no stupid girl. She knew perfectly well that Jennie wasn't whispering nor calling her name. She knew exactly what to call that. It was a moan. Jennie Kim moaned out her nickname and for the very first time, she really doesn't know how to react towards it.

It felt like a wake-up call for her. All those fiery feelings and uprising desire seem to fade away and whatever she felt went with the feelings as well making her realize how much of an idiot she is. Now, she wishes that she just let Jennie turned off the light because in that way- she wouldn't have to see Jennie's surprised face in full brightness.

She felt disgusted with herself, to have such thoughts, liking and even having such desire to someone whom she practically grew up with, someone who treated her as her sister, a family member brought chills in her body and it wasn't the good kind of chills. It was the kind of chills that you'd want to forget, the kind of chills that would make you want to stay inside the cold shower. For Jisoo- it was the kind of chills that made her want to stay away from Jennie.

And that's what she's really about to do.

"Jisoo-"

"I- I'm sorry Jennie."

"Jisoo wait!" Jennie tries to catch up with her friend but she accidentally hits the smallest toe finger against their accent table making her scream and hops on one foot in pain. "Jisoo wait!"

She didn't listen and rushed outside of their room slamming the door with all her might and immediately pulls the phone out of her pocket. "Soojoo."

"Hey Soo, what's up? I was just about to go home and-"

"Joo pick me up." The shakiness in Jisoo's voice didn't go unnoticeable in Soojoo's hearing. "Pick me up please."

"What's going on? Soo tell me-"

"Don't ask anymore... I- I need to leave, I need to get away as soon as possible." She says as she was rushing to find her shoes on the rack. "Please just do what I tell you."

"I'll be outside in ten minutes. Wait for me."

As soon as the call ends, she was done tying her shoes but Jennie was right there grabbing her by the wrist. "Jisoo wait let me explain."

"You don't have to explain anything." She tries her best to smile and to be aloof about this whole situation. "I just- I just need some air and time alone."

"But we have to talk about this."

"We'll talk about this when I come home okay?"

"No, I am not going to allow you to leave." Jennie's determination was shown when her hold on her wrist tightened. "We're going to go inside the room and we're going to talk about this."

"Jendeuk please just let me go this once-"

"No, Chu. End of discussion now untie your shoes or I am going to drag your ass back-"

"JENNIE PLEASE!" She screams out at the top of her lungs. "I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!?"

Lisa immediately rushes to the scene and noticed the unwanted tension between her two members. "Hey, what's wrong with you two?"

The sudden rise of voice coming from the eldest member took Jennie off guard that made her loosen her hold of Jisoo and the latter used this as an opportunity to leave by pushing Jennie's hand off of her in a very rude manner before slamming their apartment door loud.

As soon as Jisoo disappeared from the other side Lisa lets out a huge sigh. "Unnie, what did I tell you? I told you that there was nothing good coming out from that plan of yours." She shakes her head. "You haven't told her, have you?"

"Told her what?"

"The truth."

Jennie turns her head to the side and glares at Lisa. "What the hell are you talking about? What truth?"

"The truth about the music video you were cast." Lisa who seems not to be bothered by the older girl's death glare towards her meets her in the eyes. "The truth that there was absolutely no kissing scene at all."

__________________________________

"Soo!" Soojoo immediately gets out of the car to greet her friend who was anxiously waiting for her to come. "What's wrong?"

"Joo- Joo get me out of here." Jisoo grabs her friend's hands tightly, and Soojoo was totally surprised when she felt Jisoo's cold palms. "Take me anywhere just get me out of here."

"I don't understand Soo..." She trails off as she tries to calm her down. "Wait can you hold up for a minute stop pacing back and forth."

"I need to leave, please Joo." Jisoo's eyes were slowly filled with tears. "Please just- just take me away."

"But why?"

"Because I can't take it anymore!" She screams out of frustration. "If I don't leave now, I am going to explode!"

She was about to ask why did her best friend feel this way but then she hears footsteps coming down the hallway and she was totally caught off guard when she sees Jennie on the other end and Jisoo freezing on the spot. Soojoo furrowed her thick eyebrows, giving both parties brief looks until she kind of figured out what was going on. She gives Jennie one last look, who clearly had this annoyed stance towards her with her glare and crossed arms.

"Okay." Soojoo kisses Jisoo's forehead. "Let's get out of here."

The model in the making decided to take Jisoo to their favorite place in all of downtown Seoul. It had the peaceful surrounding and the perfect view of downtown Seoul with the right amount of Han River. Soojoo remembered that Jisoo took her here when she was feeling down because she had felt like her career had no sense of direction.

Whenever their group had gatherings, it was an agreement to all of them that each had a specific role during their get-togethers. Soojin is in-charge of hyping everyone up and bringing everyone together in a very lively mood. Yujin was the crybaby out all of them and starts the serious soft hours but that's when Jisoo's role comes into their friendship. Jisoo was in charge of lightening up the mood and bringing everyone to a much happier state of mind.

Throughout the years of friendship, Soojoo can say that she can only count using the fingers in her one hand when she had seen Jisoo broke down and out of all the times that Jisoo had broken down in front of her, it was her first time seeing Jisoo in that kind of light and that honestly bothered her. It bothered her because Jisoo wasn't like this. It bothered Soojoo, because this is not Jisoo at all.

She respects the silence that Jisoo wanted to have so she decides not to speak for a few minutes, and allow her friend to take control of her emotions so that maybe when she asks, she can fully explain what happened and make her understand.

But it has been exactly fifteen minutes since they had arrived, and Soojoo was dying because of the silence.

"Hey." Soojoo tries to catch Jisoo's attention but the latter made no effort in replying. "Soo?" Still, no attention is given. "Yah Kim Jisoo, do you know I can bring you back there when I want to?"

"You won't do that."

"I won't do that if you tell me what's going on."

"I can't." She replies in a small voice.

"What do you meant you can't?" She asked confusingly. "You can't tell me or you won't tell me? It's two different things."

"I can't tell you."

"Of course you can Jisoo, you have to make me understand. What the hell happened back there? Why was Jennie running after you, what the hell happened at the dorm? Did she do something? Did you do something? How come-"

"I SAID I DON'T KNOW SOOJOO!" Jisoo screamed back and it really surprised her. "I don't know what happened, how it happened, why did I let it happen and I hate it! I fucking hate it why can't you see that!"

"Jisoo..."

"Did you really think I want this to happen?! Did you think I enjoy putting myself through what I am experiencing right now!? Do you even have the slightest idea of what kind of shit I am going through?! Of course, you don't! You don't- and you will never understand!"

"I can't understand if you won't allow me to understand!" Soojoo fights back. "You have to tell me what's going on!"

"That's the thing! I DON'T UNDERSTAND SOOJOO!" Jisoo says as her hands were going in various directions just to release her anger. "I saw the signs Soojoo... I fucking saw the signs but I choose to ignore it. I ignored it because even though my brain told me to hit the breaks, my heart held on tight on the steering wheel and I... I was the one who stepped on the accelerator." Tears were flowing down her face as she continues to break down in front of the few people she can be truly vulnerable. "I ignored all the red flags... and look where it got me..."

Soojoo's heart broke seeing her friend go through this kind of pain. She pulls Jisoo close and held her tight in her arms, non-verbally assuring the latter that she is willing to listen to everything. "Soo, you have to tell me honestly this time. No more cryptic messages." She says as she soothes Jisoo's hair.

"It hurts Joo..." Jisoo whispers. "It hurts..."

"Why does it hurts?" She asks. "Come on tell me, I'm your friend."

Jisoo bites her lower lip as more tears came rushing down her face. "It hurts."

"It hurts... Because we're friends."