Chapter nineteen
I'll Never Smile Again
Edward's POV:
A week. God, has it really been a week? A week since Juno left? No, I scared her. No, I told her to go. It's all my fault. I didn't hate her. Why would I say that? Why? Her clothes and her belongings were haunting me. I wanted her back. I loved her. I loved Juno. She was scared. I didn't mean to scare her. Gus Gus meowed at me and I scratched his head. I sighed and looked out at the pouring rain. My phone then began to ring. It was an unknown number. I picked it up and said "hello?" "Is this Edward Nashton?" "Uhm, yes." "Hi, Edward this is Julie from the orphanage. We haven't heard from Juno in over a week. Do you know where she is? You're listed on her emergency card." My heart started to beat fast. They hadn't heard from her. I started to think the worst. "Yes. I'm so sorry. Juno's been sick. She's got a really really bad cold. I've been taking care of her. That's bad on my part. I apologize for not notifying you guys." I quickly lied. Julie chuckled and said "that's not a problem, Edward. Thank you for the information. I hope she feels better. Have a good day, Mr. Nashton." "Thank you. You too." I hung up my phone and shuddered. I needed to go and check on her. "Gus Gus, come on." I told the small kitten sitting next to me. I grabbed his cat food and put him in the cat backpack I had gotten so I could take him to Juno's if I was spending the night. I rushed out of my apartment, almost forgetting to lock it. I got into my car and sped over to Juno's apartment. I knocked rapidly on the door as I stood in front of it. "Juno! Juno, please tell me you're ok!" I shook my head and Gus Gus looked at me with curiosity. I looked to the window and said "I gotta go out there." Gus Gus made a face and I said "you wanna stay here? Can you stay here? And be a good boy?" I got a meow back in response and I said "I promise I won't leave you. J-Just stay here." I went to the window, climbing out onto the fire escape. I struggled to get to the window as the rain pounded on my body. I went to Juno's living room window and opened it, climbing inside. I fell onto the floor, groaning as I landed on my side. "Owww, fuck." I slowly stood up and went to her door, opening it. I grabbed the backpack and set it inside. Gus Gus sniffed my pant leg and I said "I have to find Juno. You can explore." I locked the door and looked around the apartment. Nothing was touched. My feet carried me into Juno's bedroom. She laid in her bed, completely lifeless. "Juno!" I rushed over and saw the melatonin and sleeping pills on the bedside table. I scooped Juno up into my arms. "Hey, Juno. I need you to wake up. Hey!" I shook her and her eyes opened slowly. "It's me, sunshine. Hey, you're ok." "Leave me alone." She started to push on me and I furrowed my eyebrows. I grabbed the sleeping pills on the table and saw that the correct amount was gone. She wasn't overdosing. She was just sleeping. "Juno, it's me." "Edward?" She asked groggily. "It's me, angel." "Why're you wet? Let go of me." She pushed on me again and I let her go. She slowly got out of my lap, laying down on her bed. I knew she was much too tired to even comprehend what was going on. A sigh of relief left my lips as she was ok. Her chest rose and fell as she slept. She looked broken. I noticed lots of cups of water on her bedside table and Gus Gus came into the room. He jumped on the bed and I got off of it. I quickly discarded my wet clothes and looked around to see if I had anything else. I had a pair of pajama pants and the old sweater I had given Juno. I put my wet clothes in the dryer and went to sit back down on her bed. I didn't lay down. I just leaned against the headboard. I didn't know how long Juno would sleep so I just waited, hoping she'd wake up soon.

Juno's POV:
It was dark. Which meant it was nighttime. I sighed and rolled on my back, staring up at the ceiling. I saw a figure in my peripheral vision and slowly looked over. Edward was sitting next to me. He was asleep and leaning against the headboard. His head hung low and I backed away from him, falling out of my bed. The thud made Edward wake up and look over. "Juno." He began but I was quick to run into my bathroom. "Juno!" I locked the door and said "go away, Edward." "Juno, I was worried! Your job called me and said you hadn't gone in a week! A week! And I know it's because of me." He said. I felt the tears welling up into my eyes and I said "you hate me, Edward. You're just like Harry. You hate me. I love you and I hate myself for it. You shouldn't of come here. I was doing just fine." "Taking sleeping pills and not taking care of yourself?" Edward spat. I cried softly and said "I always accepted you! I can't believe you'd say that about me! I love who you are and how happy you made me. What did I do to make you hate me? Was I too needy? Did I tell you I loved you too many times? Was I...." I couldn't finished as a sob wracked my body. "Was I not enough?" I heard Edward sigh through the door. "Juno, I don't hate you. I don't. Not at all. I don't know why I said that. I was so angry. I was angry because you didn't support me or what I was doing. You didn't like that I was the riddler. I wanted you to. I was so scared of telling you and believe me I wanted to so badly. I wanted to tell you." "I don't care about that." I interrupted him. "Well, it was a debate I had in my mind for a long time. I wanted you to know. And I didn't want you to find out that way. I wanted to tell you. Not for you to see me just after I'd killed someone. I know there's a lot to explain and a lot to talk about. But, when I'd heard the orphanage hadn't heard from you, I sprinted over here." "How did you hear about that?" I asked curiously. "They called me. You put me on your emergency card." Edward replied. I shook my head at myself and said "oh. Right." Now I wished I hadn't done that. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't of done that. You can go home. I'm fine. J-Just take Gus Gus and go home. It's better for the both of us." "Better? I don't understand." Edward sounded confused. "Eddie, go home. I can't deal with the thought of you being here and you hate me. Those words really stuck with me. I just can't...I can't do it. It's probably better if we go our separate ways. And I promise I won't tell. I promise. You don't have to kill me. You don't." I said. Edward pulled on the door handle and said "Juno, I don't hate you. I don't. P-Please believe me. They're just words. I didn't mean them. I was so angry. And I'd never kill you. Ever. I wouldn't care if you did tell the police. It would mean my gig is up. Please don't shut me out. Don't send me away. I've been turned away all my life and for once in my life, just once, I don't want to be. Believe it or not I miss you. And I love you so fucking much, Juno. I don't want to be without you. P-Please. Don't leave me." I wanted nothing more than to open the door and run into Edward's arms. But that voice in the back of my head told me not to. It kept reminding me of the words he said. "Edward, I can't." "Please." He pleaded desperately. I backed away from the door and pulled my knees to my chest. I cried and said "Edward, I'm scared." "O-Of me?" "I'm scared of everything. I'm scared if you don't hate me now, you will later. I'm scared of The Riddler. I'm sorry but I am. I'm not your sunshine anymore, Eddie. I'll just hold you back. You need to go and do what you planned. I'll just get in the way. You need to go on without me." "No, Juno. No. Don't do this." "Edward, you deserve someone who won't be scared of you. I'm sorry." "Juno, stop. Just stop. You're not the one who needs to apologize. It's me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I scared you. I'd never hit you, you know that right? You do know that I love you with my whole heart? I've longed for someone like you in my life since I was a teenager. And I have it. I finally found someone who loves me for who I am. It's ok to be scared of the riddler. I wanted to be scary. I needed to be. Otherwise, people wouldn't take me seriously. And you are my sunshine. You're the light of my life. My world was dark without you. I couldn't see. I was barely surviving. D-Don't make me go back into the darkness, Juno. I'll never find my way back to the light again." I sobbed and laid on my side. I didn't reply to him as I could barely breathe from how hard I was crying. I heard sniffles on the other side and heard Edward crying softly. Oh, how I wished that sleeping pill would've lasted longer. I wish Edward would've just given up and left. As much as I wanted him here, I was terrified and words hurt. They hurt so much. I think I've always been a little bit sensitive growing up and it's definitely followed me into adulthood. I longed for the days Edward would just hold me. Nothing would ever be ok again. Everything was broken. And I didn't know how to fix them.

-

I wiped my eyes as I slowly woke up. I was in the bathroom. My eyes widened and I remembered Edward was in my apartment. I stood up and slowly opened the bathroom door. I looked down and saw Edward. His glasses were discarded in his lap as he was slumped against the wall. The pile of napkins indicated that he was crying. I tiptoed past him and made a beeline for my bedroom but then stopped. I looked over my shoulder. I looked at my boyfriend or ex boyfriend who was asleep. He looked so miserable. I wanted to wake him and come to bed with me. I approached him and his head hung low. I cupped his cheek and said "Edward?" A groan left his lips and I jumped, removing my hand from his face. I shuddered and called out his name again. Edward's green eyes fluttered open and he said "Juno?" "You're going to get a crick in your neck." "I don't care. I'm in enough pain already. What's another thing to add to the plate?" His tone was bitter and frustrated. He reached for his glasses and put them on his face. His shoulders slumped and I could see his lip start to quiver. He covered his face and I watched as he started to sob. "I'm so sorry! I-It's all my fault! I'm sorry! Please forgive me, Juno!" He said in between sobs. I bit my lip to hold in my tears and I said "Edward." Edward got on his knees and grabbed my hands as I stood in front of him. I gasped and he said "I take it all back. Everything I said. I didn't mean it. You're my angel. My sunshine. My everything. Just don't leave me. Please." My heart was going to override anything my head was saying. I took a deep breath and said "can we talk about this tomorrow? When we've both had some proper sleep? And will you sleep with me?" Edward nodded frantically and stood up. "I'll do whatever you want." He still had ahold of my hands, his thumbs running over the back of my hand. I nodded and led him into my bedroom. I laid down and Edward followed, his hand going to my hip. I jumped out of fear and Edward said "don't be scared. I'd never hurt you." I slowly reached to cup his cheeks. They were red and puffy even though he had been sleeping. It was evident he cried himself to sleep. "Hold me." I whispered. Edward nodded with a half smile. "Of course, angel." He replied. I laid my head on his chest, inhaling his scent. He smelled of fresh linen with a faint scent of lavender. He most likely used my body wash and it smelled amazing on him. Edward's arm was around my waist, his hand staying on my hip. I held back the small tears that were going to fill my eyes. I wasn't sure where Edward and I stood at the moment but he was here. I was so grateful for it. I missed him so much. Edward's heart was beating so fast and hard. His chest thumped with every beat. His breath would quiver and he flexed his other hand that wasn't holding me. "Can I..." I didn't finish as I looked down. "What is it?" Edward piped up. I slowly looked up at him, his green eyes staring back down at me. They were so pretty. The moonlight was shining through the window just right, pretty green hues swirling around in his eyes. "Can I hold you too?" Edward opened his mouth to speak but then closed it. "Mmm-hmm." He hummed. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around Edward's middle, feeling him jump under me. "Oh." He quickly said. I held a small fistful of his shirt nuzzling my face into his chest. "Mmm." Edward's chest vibrates as the sound left his lips. His eyes fluttered closed and I knew he was relishing in the feeling from the way his hand tightened on my hip. I didn't know what to do with the information I knew. Edward Nashton was The Riddler. The Batman and the Gotham Police were hunting him down but had no leads. I hadn't checked in with my father. I knew he was working this case. I'm sure him and Batman were up to something. And they were good at their jobs. Even though Edward and I weren't on good terms, I didn't want him to be found. I didn't want him to be caught by the police. I don't know what they'd do to him. Would they kill him? Would he rot in jail for the rest of his life? Would everyone hate him? For what he's done? Edward had fallen asleep minutes ago. His breaths were calm and slow. I reached up to his face, removing his glasses. A groan left his lips and he pulled me even closer to him, both of his arms wrapped around me. I gasped softly as my face was on his shoulder, basically in the crook of his neck. I reached over him as best I could and set his glasses on my nightstand table. The small thunk signaled they had landed there. I closed my eyes and slowly felt sleep begin to take me over, silencing my thoughts.

-

The sun shined brightly into my bedroom. I groaned and woke up to an empty bed. I quickly sat up and looked around. "Edward?" I said softly, not knowing if yesterday was a dream. "Eddie?" I said a little louder. The sound of my toilet being flushed entered the air and a very sleepy Edward Nashton came into the room. He held his lower stomach and a sigh left his lips. His eyes landed on me and I said "I wasn't sure if you were really here or not." Edward half smiled and said "sorry to disappoint you but, I'm really here. I uhm, had to pee. My bladder was full so I feel a lot better now." He rubbed at his eyes and looked like a child who had just woken up. I wanted to giggle at how cute he looked but looked down to keep from smiling. "I'm not disappointed. I was scared you'd left. Everything came rushing back and I wasn't sure if it was real. I haven't exactly been awake for a week. I've been up here and there but those pills have been my remedy. And Robyn told me not to take them but I didn't listen. I was in so much pain. I still am." I rambled. Edward took my hand in his and said "you don't have to be. I know this is my fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I should've told you early on. Everything's my fault. You made me feel like I existed. You made me feel like I mattered. I wasn't invisible anymore. You could see me. I was right here." My lips parted in shock and I said "Edward, you were never invisible to me. In fact, you stood out. You were so kind to me and I loved the way you pushed your glasses up your nose. And your cherub cheeks. I loved the way you looked at me. Nobody had ever looked at me like that before. You looked at me like I was an angel. Like I was the answer to your prayers and problems. I looked at you the same way, Edward. I love you so much but...I need clarification on what exactly you hate about me. I know you've said they were just words and you were mad but is there any chance there's a glimmer of hate inside you? Hate towards me? It's ok if there is. I kind of accepted that fact. I guess I can be kind of a handful. I know I can be a bit embarrassing." Edward shook his head frantically and said "you're not a handful. Not at all. And you're not embarrassing! I was always so proud to have you on my arm. You're way out my league, Juno and you wanted me. You didn't want another Harry. You wanted me. Invisible Edward Nashton. The forensic accountant who doesn't mater to anyone. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask to be an orphan. I try every day of my life to be happy. It's so easy for everyone else to be happy. How? How is it so easy for people? This city sucks. I hate it. Renewal. God, that stupid word and stupid project mocked me my whole life. Thomas Wayne promised me. He promised the orphans we'd be taking care of. And then BOOM! Thomas and Martha Wayne drop dead and everyone just forgot about us. My life had no meaning. I wanted it to end. Sometimes I wished as I crossed the street a car would strike me down. Or as the train was coming to the station, I'd jump out in front of it. BAM! SPLAT! I'd be dead and no longer in pain. My life had no meaning. None at all. Until you. You are my everything. You're my sun, my moon, my stars. When I am able to sleep, you're the first thing I think about. You've given me the love and support I needed all my life. You gave me everything I've ever needed. I don't hate you. I couldn't ever hate you. You could rat me out to the police, you could cheat on me, I'd still love you. I should never have said that everyone hates you. You're the light in this city everyone needs. I n-need you, Juno. I'm begging you, please, please don't leave me. I love you. I love you so much. I'm so so sorry. If-If you could find it in your heart to forgive me...I'd be grateful." Edward was on the verge of tears. I watched the tears threaten to spill from his green eyes. The tension in the room was thick and I went to cup Edward's cheek but then pulled my hand back. He then grabbed my hand and pressed it to his cheek. He closed his eyes and his breath quivered as he held in a sob. "D-Do you still love me?" I sniffled and said "of course I do, Edward. When I said I loved you, I thought you were done with me. That didn't mean I stopped loving you in that moment. I still love you so much. And I accept you. I always have. I don't care that you're an orphan, I don't care that you didn't have any friends, Edward. We were both at a point in our lives when we needed one another. I believe that we found each other for a reason, but it's up to us to fix this. I guess it's up to me." "I fucked up too. The blame isn't all on you. I'm the fucking riddler, Juno. That's something you tell someone you love. I didn't want to tell you out of rejection and safety. If I were to be arrested, you could be an accomplice and I won't have you rot in jail because of me. You can't. You're the kindness this city needs. If you go away, the city stays evil. This isn't your fault. It's mine. It's up to you what happens. Not us. You. I hurt you and it's up to you to decide. If you want me to go, I will. You won't hear from me ever again. But if you want me to stay, we can work this out and I promise you, I'll never hurt you again. Ever. You are the only thing that matters to me. I just want to keep you safe from all the evil in this city. Is that so bad?" I stroked his cheek with my thumb and slowly went to embrace him. I hugged him and Edward clung to me. A broken sob escaped his lips and I rubbed his back. He buried his face into my hair and his large hands went to my hips, pulling me into his lap. I hesitantly wrapped my legs around his waist, leaning my head on his shoulder. Edward started to squeeze me as he cried softly. I stroked his head and said "it's not bad at all. You've done an amazing job at protecting me. You've done so good." Edward hummed in agreement. "I understand why you did what you did. I understand why you killed the mayor and the commissioner. I watched the news. They were bad people. Even though my heart was broken, I still watched the news. I still watched what you were doing." Edward looked up at me, tears streaming down his face. "You're getting rid of corrupt politicians in the city. I might not agree with your methods, you are tearing families apart, but they're awful people." "Y-You're not mad at me for killing Harry?" Edward asked. I shook my head and said "he was just going to do what he did to me, to someone else. Or come back and try to finish the job. Edward, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad he's dead. Everyone thought I did it. Nobody even suspected you. You're good at what you're doing. I felt betrayed when you didn't tell me and I honestly didn't care about it after a few days. I just didn't want you to hate me." Edward shook his head. "No. No. I could never hate you. I got so mad. Juno, I'll do whatever you want. I know I'm repeating myself but, please. Please forgive me. Don't send me away. Don't....leave me like my parents did." I shuddered and wiped some of Edward's tears from his face. I kissed his forehead and said "I won't leave you, Edward. I don't think I could bring myself to do so." Edward sighed contentedly and kissed my jaw and then my neck. His kisses started to get more feverish and more heated. "Edward, wait." I pushed on his shoulders and he furrowed his eyebrows. "You're trembling." He whispered. I sucked in a harsh breath and said "I might need some time, Edward. Right now, I just want the reassurance that you're going to stay. That I'll have you here with me. That we're okay." Edward looked down and his thumbs ran up and down my hips soothingly. "So, you want to take it slow? You just need some time? Right?" I nodded and Edward clicked his tongue. "Whatever you need, angel. Whatever you need." I massaged his head and Edward gulped before speaking. "Can I call you angel?" I nodded again and said "of course." I kissed Edward's forehead and my stomach growled. I rolled my eyes and Edward looked at my stomach. "Let me make you something to eat." He said. I shook my head and said "I'm not hungry." Edward furrowed his eyebrows and said "your stomach just growled. When's the last time you ate?" I shrugged and said "I don't know. Three or four days ago?" Edward's eyes widened and he said "Juno, are you serious??" I shrugged and said "I was in too much pain to eat. I practically sat in front of the tv every time they talked about the riddler. I'm not even hungry." "I'm going to make you something to eat. I don't care what you say. You have to eat. You have to..." Edward cupped my cheek and I nodded. "Ok?" He asked softly. "Ok." I whispered.

Edward's POV:
Juno slowly got off my lap and I frowned at the loss of contact. The warmth from her body was something I never wanted to be away from. "I'll be in the kitchen. You stay here." I told her. Juno nodded again and wrapped herself up in the blanket on her bed. Gus Gus laid at the edge of the bed and I walked out of her bedroom. The sun made the bleak walls in Juno's apartment look sickly. Her bedroom was the only thing that actually seemed like she lived there. Her bedroom walls were a pastel pink while the other walls in her apartment were gray or a white. I searched her cabinets and her fridge for any food she had. She had some eggs and bread. That was the only thing I could cook without burning. And bread is good for you when you're hungry. It's filling and she could possibly be sick from not eating. Which is why she doesn't have an appetite. I cracked the eggs and put them in a bowl with some milk, starting to mix them. I walked back to the bedroom, standing in the doorway. Juno was currently looking down in her lap, her curly hair hanging in her face. "Sunshine?" Juno looked up at me and I said "uhm, how do you like your eggs?" "Scrambled, Eds." I felt my heart swell and I quickly looked down to hide the blush on my cheeks. "Scrambled. Got it. And what do you like on your toast?" "Strawberry jam." My eyes flickered up to look at her and I said "strawberry jam. Did you want coffee or orange juice? Wait. No. You need orange juice. Coffee isn't good for you right now." Juno shook her head and said "I'm fine, Edward." "Juno, you were starving yourself because of me. Let me take care of you." Juno stood up and said "I'm coming with you." She had on one of my T-shirts which was like a dress on her. Juno sat down at the small dining room table in her kitchen. I whisked the eggs, going to grab a pan when I was finished. I pulled a frying pan out of the cabinet. "I got the money you sent." Juno said. I dropped the frying pan which caused a loud clanging sound. I looked over my shoulder at Juno who looked up at me. I reached down to get the frying pan and said "oh. Did you?" "I didn't know why The Riddler would ever send me money but now I know why. It was you. You gave Robyn's dad the money his wife stole. You gave it back to him. And you gave me the money Robyn's mom should've given to me. You didn't have to." "Yes, I did. You didn't deserve that. I have to protect you, Juno. It's my job as your boyfriend-" I stopped as I realized the words I just said. I poured the eggs into the frying pan and started to pour Juno a glass of orange juice. "As your partner or significant other, that's my job. I have to protect you. M'not really sure if I'm your boyfriend anymore..." I jumped as Juno grabbed my arm, putting herself up under it. I furrowed my eyebrows as she wrapped her arms around me. "Can I stand here with you?" She asked softly. I nodded and hesitated to kiss her forehead. I shook my head as if to rid the thought from my brain. "You can if you want." I furrowed my eyebrows and Juno stared up at me. "You can kiss me. I'm just not ready for anything past that. And...I don't know if I want a kiss on the lips." "I want you to be comfortable. It's better we don't." I quickly replied as I stirred the eggs in the pan. "Please, Eds. Don't discard me." Juno whispered. I slowly leaned down, kissing her forehead. Juno squeezed me as I did so. I started to put the eggs on a plate for her and then started on the toast. Juno stared up at me as I made her breakfast. My hand went to her hip, rubbing soothingly. Juno leaned her head on my chest and said "you're still my boyfriend." "W-We didn't break up?" I asked curiously. "I mean, I guess we technically did but we aren't broken up now. Right?" I shrugged and made Juno's toast and led her to the table. She let go of me and sat down at the table. She salted her eggs and started eating. Juno then furrowed her eyebrows and said "where's your food, Eddie?" I shook my head and said "I want you to eat. I'll make some food in a few minutes." Juno frowned and said "I feel bad." "Don't feel bad, baby. Just eat. I need you to eat." Juno nodded and started eating her food. I pushed my glasses up my nose and watched the dark clouds start to swallow up the sun. I sighed softly and said "and there goes the sun." Juno looked over her shoulder and said "hopefully it comes back out soon." "Hopefully." Juno turned back around to face me and was eating her food. It was mostly silent between us and I just hoped everything would be ok. All I wanted was someone like Juno and I couldn't afford to lose her.

Here's the update!! This one is extra long and took me a few days because my job has been kicking my ass!! I also love writing this book and I hope y'all are enjoying this so far!!
~skylar🖤🫧🖤🫧