Chapter fifty two
Cause I'm a Man
Fred's POV:
George was starting to get back into a better mood. He was moving on and I wasn't. I had to bury how I felt deep down every day. We would be opening the shop next month. Everything was almost ready. George went on and on about the shop as we sat at the table eating breakfast. I used my spoon and played with the cereal in my bowl, not listening to George. "Fred, are you listening?" I looked up and nodded. "Yeah." George shook his head and said "no you weren't. And you're letting your cereal get soggy. Are you going to eat it?" I sighed and said "I dunno." "What's wrong, Freddie?" George looked at me with questioning eyes. "Just tired." I lied. He frowned at me and said "you could go sleep for a little bit. If you want." I shook my head and said "no, it's ok. I should help with the shop instead of sleeping." "You can't work if you're tired." "I'm fine, George." I replied sternly. George nodded and took his dishes to the kitchen. He then left me at the table. I left my cereal on the table and went to my bedroom, pulling out some parchment, ink and a quill. I sat down at my desk and started to write.

Goldie, I'm sure I'm the last person you want to be hearing from right now. But, I want to tell you something. I love you. I never should've broke up with you. I did it because, you were going to give your whole life up for me. I couldn't let you do that. Your dream was to be a healer and you were going to give that up for me. I'm nothing special, Goldie. I'm not worth giving up your one and only dream. But, maybe you still would've succeeded if I hadn't of broke us up. Maybe everything would be fine. You'd be here with me. I'd be able to hold you and kiss you. Dee Dee, I shouldn't of done it. I haven't told anyone the real reason why I broke up with you. I told the biggest lie I've ever told. I told everyone I fell out of love with you. Which isn't the case at all. I love you so much and I've been beating myself up over what I've done. What I did, it caused George to be hurt along with Ginny. If anything, come back into their lives. You don't have to come back into mine. Not if you don't want to or not ready. That's your decision. I love you and regret what I did. You're not a freak. You're amazing. You're beautiful. I don't know if I can live without you. I don't know how long I can keep living a lie. Goldie...

My tears were beginning to smear the ink across the parchment. "Fred? Are you coming downstairs to help with the pastilles?" I quickly wiped my face and shoved the letter into a drawer. "Coming right now, George." I made sure I was presentable before leaving the safety of my bedroom.

-

I had to go to Gringotts to deal with some matters about the shop. I walked since it was a nice day out and I quite enjoyed being in Diagon Alley. As I passed Florean Fortescue's I frowned and my shoulders slumped. The last time I had went there had been with Goldie. As I walked into the bank, I wanted to get in and out as quick as possible. Luckily it didn't take long. I exited and bumped into someone. I went to scold them when I saw it was Blaise. "Weasley, how are ya?" He said. I shrugged and said "I'm good. How are you?" Blaise smiled and said "I'm great." It was weird to hear him speak so nicely to me. I was waiting for a snarky remark or an insult to my family. "How've you been since school?" "I've been good. George and I are opening up our own joke shop." "I heard!" "How?" "You know how it is. Word gets around." I furrowed my eyebrows and said "I guess." "I heard you and Goldie broke up." There it is. The snarky remark I was waiting for. "Yes. We did." "How come?" "Reasons that don't involve you." "So, you wouldn't mind if I got with her then, eh?" I grabbed Blaise by his shirt and he laughed. "So, you do mind?" "She won't go for a git like you." I spat. "Sure about that?"He asked. "Yeah. I'm sure. Goldie is sweet and doesn't like guys who are dicks." "I'm not a dick to her. We got kinda close after the two of you broke up." I scrunched my face up in anger and said "stay away from her. She doesn't like you." "Ah, see that's where you're wrong. We're quite aquatinted." He tried to shove me but I stood my ground. I smirked at him and shoved him off the steps of Gringotts. Blaise stumbled back but didn't fall. He straightened his shirt out and I went to walk away. "I have to go into Gringotts to get some money, to buy Goldie something really nice." I whipped my head around to look at him and approached him once again. "Fred, don't." George said as he grabbed me. Blaise laughed as he went inside the bank and I tried to push George off of me. "Fred, what's gotten into you?" "Stupid Blaise! Saying things about Goldie! Saying how she might like him!" "Fred, she's not your girlfriend anymore." George said. I looked at George who frowned. "But, George, he can't be with her. He just can't. He's not good enough for her." I said. "Fred, there's nothing you can do about that. You can't force him not to be with her. And what do you care who she ends up with? You fell out of love with her." I went to open my mouth but didn't, swallowing the words I was about to say. George awaited for me to answer him. "You're right. I fell out of love with her. So, it doesn't matter who she ends up with." I removed George's hand off me and began to walk back to the flat. George walked alongside me and put his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to tell him. I wasn't sure if I could. A thunderclap entered the air as we were walking. "George?" "Yeah?" "I lied." "About?" I stared at the ground as we walked, regretting I had even brought it up. "Fred?" "Never mind." George stopped me and said "no, what is it?" "I fucked up. I really fucked up." Tears began to form in my eyes and George furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh, Freddie, what do you mean?" "Goldie. I lied. I still love her. I never stopped. I only broke up with her cause I didn't want her to give up her career for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stay. I couldn't. Not when I wanted to be with her so badly. I fucked up. And now she's going to be with that git Zabini. All because I let her go. When I shouldn't of." George stared at me in shock and my lip quivered. "George..." "You can get her back, Fred. I know you can." I shook my head and said "no, I can't. She'll be with Zabini. She won't want me anymore." George pulled me back to the flat as we were having this whole conversation in public. "Fred, she'll take you back. She's still in love with you. I know she is. You have to tell her the truth. You have to tell her everything." I nodded and said "do you think she'll accept it?" "Possibly. She told me the three of us would be better off without each other. And that she loved us. She said we meant a lot to her. She was so distraught that day I went after her." "What happened? Between you and her?" I asked. "Well, I should let her tell you. It's not really my place." I furrowed my eyebrows and George said "you should invite her to the grand opening of the shop." "No. She won't come." "You don't know that. She might." "Not if it's from me. After what happened with Blaise today. I'm sure he'll tell her how I attacked him or something." "Don't worry about what Blaise says. Worry about what you're going to say to Goldie." "George, please don't tell anyone about this. Please. I don't know if I'm ready to tell her everything. I'm terrified of how she'll react. And I'm so bloody stupid for doing it. I shouldn't of let her walk out that door. I should've scooped her up in my arms and told her everything was ok. I broke her. I broke her so badly. I'm not sure if I can fix her." I looked down at the ground. "If anyone can fix her it's you. And I won't tell anyone. You make the decision when you want to speak to her." I nodded and said "ok." George patted my shoulder and walked away from me.

"Freddie, don't! Please! Don't leave me. You promised. You promised you wouldn't leave me. I love you. I love you so much. Please don't do this."

I woke up in a cold sweat. I looked around the room and saw that I was in my bedroom. The realization kicked in and I put my head in my hands. I felt something cool against my forehead and noticed the bracelet on my wrist. The one Goldie had gotten me. I teared up looking at it. "I shouldn't of done it. I shouldn't of done it." I stood up and went to leave my bedroom when a box of things fell in front of my feet. I rolled my eyes and noticed the pictures of Goldie and I in fourth year sticking out of the box. I picked them up and stared at them. I could practically hear Goldie's giggle as I swung her around in a circle. I kept wishing and wishing I could go back in time and fix what I'd done. But I couldn't. The damage was done and that was it. I put the pictures back in the box and sniffled. I didn't even know where she lived. Was she at home with her dad? Did her and Alta get a place? Was she living alone? Was she with Blaise? Was he at her flat day and night? I tried to push those thoughts out my mind but I couldn't. All I could think about was how I let her slip through my fingers. I didn't even try to save her. I let her go. I couldn't do it anymore. I just wasn't sure if I could.

I know these chapters have been hella sad but I promise they won't be soon!!
~skylar✨✨✨✨