I reach the highway around dinnertime. Not that I've eaten any dinner, my stomach reminds me.

Trucks roar by going 70, 80 miles an hour, blasting right through this middle of nowhere place. Lila whines; she doesn't like being so close to the road. I stay on the shoulder, out of the breakdown lane. None of these big trailer trucks are going to stop for me; too much work to slow down. I'm tired of walking but I don't have much of a choice – that's the thing about following the highways, they're boring. A long stretch of flat road. No houses or trees. Out here some of the farmland is close enough if I get desperate for food

Hitchhiking isn't legal most places. I didn't know that when I started out but it seems to be a pick up line with truckers. "Hey, kid, you know you could get arrested for hitching? Come on, get in."

After a while I learned that I didn't even need to stick a thumb out like they do in the movies. Nah, scuffling along the side of the road looking homeless makes people feel kind. "You need a ride somewhere? It's awful cold out there." It makes other people predatory. "You need a warm place for the night, kid?"

The setting sun to my right burns over the landscape, turning ugly browning fields into golden valleys and the gray clouds to red and orange streaks in the sky. It doesn't last long, though. Within twenty minutes all is the same dim color, and now headlights wash over me and Lila, making our shadows shorten and lengthen over and over.

Not so long after the sun dies, a dirty white van flashes its red brake lights after passing us and rolls over into the breakdown lane.

I walk on past. The passenger side window is rolled down.

"Hey! You need a lift?"

The driver looks to be in his thirties, clean-shaven and dark hair. His smile consists of even white teeth.

"Sure," I say. I open the door.

"That your dog?" he asks, squinting down at Lila.

"No," I say. "She's just a stray."

"All right. Hop on in."

I look down at Lila. "I told you you couldn't come," I say to her as a good-bye, then climb into the van.

It's too dark to see her in the rearview mirror as we drive away.

"So, where ya headed?" the man asks. He fiddles with the radio, tunes in to a classic rock station.

"Texas."

"Yeah? That's cool, I'm headed there myself."

I keep my face carefully blank.

Already I miss Lila's fur, her closeness. Even though I couldn't see her as we drove away, I imagine her eyes watching after me, wondering why I'm leaving her.

"I'm Paul. What's your name?"

"Dan."

His teeth flash in the dark. "Nice to meet ya."

I have only the briefest moment to wish he would stop talking before he starts talking again.

"So what's in Texas?"

I shrug.

"Family?"

black pulse blocking out oncoming headlights

"No."

"Friends?"

shut up I know what you're really asking for

My hands shake as I hang on to the door handle. I have to swallow back the bile in my throat.

"Ah, well. I understand. Can't trust people out on the road, right?" More teeth. All I see are his teeth.

For a time he is blessedly silent, if you can count singing along with Aerosmith quiet. He taps his fingers on the wheel, "I know... nobody knows... where it comes and where it goes..." Nervous loudness, trying to fill up the empty spaces.

I breathe and try to calm down.

fight or flight you oughta run run run

I can't kick it down. I shove my hands in my pockets to hide my fists, clenching, nails biting my palms. My jaw clenched tight.

The van cruises through the night, a smoother ride than most trucks that deafen you with the sound of their own motors. The fields fall back; we pass by isolated gas stations and through dark, silent towns.

Up ahead, the word "VACANCY" glows red in the night.

"Hey, I'm gonna stop in here," says Paul. "You're welcome to share my room if you want."

no no no no no

I say nothing. There's not much else around, nowhere to go unless I keep on walking and hitch another ride.

He pulls in, parks in front of the brightly lit office.

"Just wait here. And crouch down a bit. Sometimes they like to charge by the number of people in the room. I'm just going to pay for a single then we can sneak you in."

I nod and he jumps out.

The familiar roiling starts up in my stomach.

you know why he wants you to hide

I watch him inside, chatting with the night clerk of the motel, laughing easily. Everything about him looks safe and friendly. Everything about him makes my body scream

RUN

As he thanks the clerk and turns to come back out I reach for the door handle. I'll tell him I can't stay. I'll walk off into the night without a word. My legs have rested; maybe I could run.

The door handle doesn't work.

The blackness pulses, heavy and strong, pressing into my eyeballs

RUN RUN RUN

"Oh, yeah, that door doesn't quite work." Paul hops in, restarts the van. "I'm gonna park closer to our room. That way he won't see you." He jerks his head to indicate the night clerk, and gives me a wink with his flash of teeth. "Remember?"

hands clammy, cold sweat dropping down my sides

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I can do this.

He parks in front of room 7, climbs out, and comes around to let me out.

When I move to slide out he doesn't get out of the way. He's close enough for me to smell his aftershave and the sour smell beneath it, nervous under a cool demeanor. No, not nervous. He leaves me trapped there between the door and the van as he reaches behind my seat for a suitcase.

Not nervous.

Excited.

He slings his arm around me like we're best buddies after our three hours on the road. Pulls me toward the door marked "7."

The taste of bile in my mouth becomes a flood.

"Hey, it's okay." He's noticed how badly I'm shaking. He pushes me through the door and sits me down on the bed. His suitcase at my feet and he's peering into my face. "When was the last time you ate anything?"

I'm panting now. "Yesterday."

the door's still open run RUN

blackness swimming in

"Okay. Why don't you lie down? Come on, it's okay, just lie down."

can't see anymore, just his voice sounds so nice but under it I can hear it that greedy sound of anticipation, of GLEE

He gently makes me lie down. "It's gonna be okay. You stay here and I'll go grab some food, okay?"

His hands are gone. I'm safe.

I hear clicking sounds then his hands are back, gripping my wrist.

Click, clank click.

A cold bracelet biting into my wrist.

fuck no NO NO NONONONO

"You stay right here and when I come back we'll have some fun..."

Even that cold shock gone now in the rush of darkness –