You stared blankly at the ceiling as they stitched your wounds and tried to feed you, but the starvation over the last few weeks had altered your stomach and diminished your tolerance for food, so you wanted nothing to do with it.  Eating was the furthest thing from your mind.

"(Y/N), we told your brother that we would feed you, but that bargain really only helps us to keep you alive to keep him in under our control.  If you won't eat, we have ways to force nutrition into you."

His words didn't make any difference to you and you held your silence; it wasn't a lie when you told Clint that you would rather that he let you go, releasing you from the torture that you had endured under HYDRA, and now by his own hand.  It wasn't his fault, though you knew that at this moment he was torturing himself with the thought of what he had done to you.  They had promised him that they would keep you alive, but only if he would partake in your torture as well. 

'I'm sorry, (Y/N), I'm so sorry.  I'm only doing this to save you.  I have to save you.'

Honestly, after this much time and this long of enduring beatings, starvation, electrocution, and systematic cuts into your skin, both deep and superficial, you weren't feeling much anymore, and the physical pain that Clint was forced to give you was minuscule in comparison to the emotional pain that you could see in his face.

~~~

"Mr. Barton, we've met our end of the agreement; we are in the process of repairing the wounds that you've inflicted, but she's refusing to eat."

Clint stood and bolted forward from the cold steel bed in the corner of his holding cell, slamming his fists against the thick glass window that kept him from reaching out and strangling the guard in front of him.  "Then you force it into her, do you understand?  She isn't in the right mind to make that decision for herself, but I sure as hell am!" He began to pace back and forth, the images of you running through his mind at a rapid-fire rate, barraging him with the sounds of your whimpers and cries as you tried to stay strong so that he would be spared the guilt, but you both knew that was pointless. 

'Clint, it's okay.  I understand, I know this isn't your choice.  Just please, let's finish this, for me.'

The guard stepped back and waved his hand to someone just out of Clint's line of sight, holding a hand on the door until they arrived.  "Mr. Barton, against the back wall, please."  The HYDRA agent raised his gun in warning so that Clint would do as he was instructed, keeping a sharp eye on his every move.

"Mr. Barton, we agree with you, so if she won't do as we tell her, it's best that you convince her to comply yourself."  They pushed you into Clint's room on a gurney, looking weak, malnourished, and empty. Once you were inside they closed the door again and left you with him, but he was afraid to touch you; he could barely even look at you without breaking down.

"(Y/N)?  (Y/N) can you hear me?  Hey, can you look at me, honey?"

Your head turned slightly to look at him, but the sudden movement made you dizzy so you immediately closed your eyes again and shook your head very slightly.  "I can't, I'm sorry.  My head hurts and I'm so lightheaded."

"Why won't you eat?  You know that was a part of why...why I did..."

"I'm not hungry."

"I won't let you starve to death.  I can't."

You sighed but it turned into a long yawn, and you felt your body relax for the first time since you had been taken, knowing it was because you were finally alone with Clint rather than in your own cold cell.  "Can we just sleep for a while?" you asked quietly, moving your arm to take his hand. "Could you lay by me for a while, please?  I need to sleep, and I feel safe with you here."

The final sentence cut him to his core and he finally let his tears build and roll down his cheeks, but he did his best to keep his breathing even and the sounds of crying away. "How could you feel safe with me, (Y/N)? After that?" 

"You're my big brother, Clint.  There's no one else that I would feel safer with.  Especially now."

~~~

"Buck, you need to calm down.  If they're in there like we think they are, then you need to hold it together at least until we get them home, alright?"  Steve stood at his friend's side as they both put on their gear and prepared to land just outside of a base believed to have you and your brother held hostage.  "Nat, remember the plan," Steve said firmly as he pointed at her, "no going rogue.  We work as a team and bring them both out as quickly and quietly as we can."

"That really hasn't been our style, Cap," Tony interjected, "I say we take out as many HYDRA as we can. Make these bastards pay."

"If we go in and start blowing things up, how do we know that they won't take it out on (Y/N) and Clint? How do we know that they won't kill them before we can reach them?  We go in, find them, and get out."

Bucky and Natasha glanced at each other and straightened, both of them understanding what this mission meant on a personal level; Natasha was Clint's best friend, and Bucky was yours. They were going in together, at their own insistence, while Steve and Tony guarded from the outside but fully prepared for a full-scale assault.  They knew that Steve was right; that a loud attack would only put you in more danger.

"Don't worry," Bucky whispered, "I can do both."

~~~

If Natasha and Bucky were having any trouble finding you, then you were sure to have turned them in the right direction now.  Lying next to Clint, you woke with a blood-curdling scream, waking to the sound of your own voice echoing down the halls of the base, filled with terror from your latest nightmare.  Clint had heard you before, but never from at your side, and it shook him to his core in a way that he would never forget.

"(Y/N), hey, I'm right here. I've got you, sweetheart."

You panted and opened your eyes, struggling to focus in the dark room that held barely any light to orient you.  When a round of silenced gunfire was shot next to your room, you felt the first sensations of hope that you had experienced since before you were taken. Looking to Clint, you rolled tighter against him until you knew for sure what was happening.

Clint tried to stay motionless as to not draw attention, but his efforts didn't last long.  He nearly jumped from the gurney in surprise when the door was blasted open, but the loud noise made you recoil in fear and his grip tighten around you.  Once inside, Natasha rushed to Clint while Bucky kept a lookout, turning his head slightly to see you; when his eyes met yours and he saw your fragile and broken state, he abandoned his post to be immediately at your side.

"Oh, (Y/N), oh look at you," he murmured quietly in your ear, while slowly sliding his hands beneath you and lifting you gently to hold against him, ready to carry you out to the waiting jet.  "You're safe, baby.  I'm going to make sure that you're always safe, okay?"

"Here," Natasha said with a stern whisper to Clint, handing him his bow and quiver, "thought you could give us a hand?"

A wide smile replaced his look of surprise, readily grabbing his gear and slinging it over his back. He took an arrow in hand and allowed himself a slow, deep breath to steady himself.  "Nat, it would be my genuine pleasure."  He paused and looked at Bucky with you held securely, quickly taking the few steps to close the gap between you and gently kissing your head.

"We're getting out of here, (Y/N).  Hold on tight, it's gonna be fast."

You kept your eyes tightly closed as Bucky moved through the dark building with you, watching the scene play out in your mind.  There were only a few yells to stop and a small number of screams before a shot of Natasha's gun or before the sound of Clint's arrow cutting through the air, but you knew that by the time you reached the jet, there were very few, if any, of HYDRA left standing.

~~~

"Hey, here," Steve whispered, handing a fresh cup of coffee to Bucky as he maintained his vigil at your hospital bedside.  "You ever gonna get any sleep?"

"No."

Steve gave a small smirk and a raise of his eyebrows, amused at the answer that he should've known was coming.  Bucky looked exhausted, but in his years of battle he had learned how to survive on little rest, and was falling back on that to keep himself with you now.  "I can stay with her for a while if you need a break, Buck.  There's no shame in that."

"I told her that I would make sure she's always safe.   I can't do that if I'm not here."

"You can't be with her every minute.  You're putting too much of this on yourself.  We're here too, and Clint..."

"Barton had to leave," Bucky said flatly, "his family came down with some stomach bug or something, but he knew that I would watch over her."

Steve watched his friend watching you; he took the last drink from his cup and set it aside, leaning forward in his chair to rest his arms on his thighs and consider how to approach his topic.  His voice was calm and quiet, trying not to push too hard.  "Bucky, I've never seen you like this.  What's going on?"

"Don't know what you mean."

"Okay," Steve sighed, "I'll be more to the point.  Do you love her?  Only a guy in love would act like you are right now."

Bucky stood and moved to your side, running a finger over the top of your hand, circling around the bandage that secured your IV and grimacing at the sight of the cuts and bruises that discolored your soft skin.  "Yeah, I suppose I do.  Is that a problem?"

A small chuckle escaped Steve's lips as he sat back in his chair, "not as far as I'm concerned. Nobody's breaking any bylaws.  You might want to consider how to tell Clint, though."

"I need to tell her first."

"Well, that's actually the easy part in this case, pal.  Because I think she already knows."  Steve stood and gave Bucky a firm slap on the shoulder and turned to leave, pausing at the door.  "Before she went missing, she had asked me how to tell you the same thing." 

Even though you were sedated so that you could rest, and even though you likely wouldn't know or remember it, Bucky leaned down and kissed you, gently pressing his lips to yours for just a moment.  He pulled back to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, committing your peaceful expression to his memory before taking his place at your side, prepared to fulfill his promise for as long as it would take.