https://youtu.be/XwTKbYkKCKY

A little language

Girl I still kiss your head, in the morning
Make you breakfast in bed, while your yawning
And I don't do everything, how you want it
But you can't say your man, don't be on it

Cause I know true love ain't easy
And girl I know it's you, cause you complete me
And I just don't want you to leavin'
Even though I give you reasons

"Dammit, man, just go talk to her. We're all fed up with this shit, okay? It's been six months."

"Hmm?" Bucky murmured into his drink; he wasn't actually taking any of the dark liquid into his mouth, but rather holding the glass to his lips with the intention, watching you sway back and forth on the dance floor next to Nat and Wanda. It was Sam's stupid idea to bring everyone out that night, after a battle that had stripped away their confidence. No one really wanted to go, but the man was so insistent that it was easier to give in than to argue with him. I can't even get drunk, Bucky thought to himself as he finally took a grimaced swallow, wanting a greater burn in his throat and even just a small hint of a buzz, but he received neither.

"I said, just go talk to her," Sam repeated with a hard slap to his friends' arm. The glass in Bucky's hand sloshed the liquid, nearly spilling over the rim. "If you keep staring at her like that, she's gonna call the cops. It's creepy."

"Might as well. She hates me. At least then I could get the hell away from her. She's always around, Sam. She's trying to drive me crazy, and I tell ya, it's working."

"Well, it's a short drive."

"Fuck off," Bucky huffed, tossing back the final swallow of his wasted liquor. "I'm going home."

"No! Come on, we just got here!"

"So? The longer I stand here and think about that woman...oh, son of a bitch..." he grumbled, turning fully away from being able to see you. He had held his resolve to avoid eye contact for a full five seconds before he couldn't stop his head from turning back, catching a glance over his shoulder to see you getting closer. "Make her go away."

"Hey, girl!" Sam greeted, much too happily and not even trying to hide Bucky's manners. He threw a heavily sloppy arm over your shoulder, practically dragging you into him with a kiss against your hair, with mumbled whispers that you could barely hear. "He says that you're driving him crazy and that you hate him."

Even after nearly six months apart, after a break-up that tore you into shreds that you could never put back together, you certainly didn't hate Bucky. Sure, you may have spat that particular four-letter word at him in your anger, during the final argument held late one night in the confines of your shared room at the compound, and sure, the team may have heard it reverberating through the walls around them, but you didn't mean it. You were just really skilled at making them all believe it.

You turned into Sam's embrace to hide your voice, your inebriation dizzying your head so that you had to lean into him to stay steady. "He's the crazy one, Sam. I don't. Never did."

"That's not what we heard, baby. You were pretty clear about it."

"I was mad."

"And loud."

"Whatever," you sighed, closing your eyes to prepare for the inevitable. There was no way that Bucky didn't know you were there, and to ignore him would just be plain rude. You didn't want that, no matter how much venom and anger had been spewed at each other. You never wanted to be like this; you would never have believed you could have been after it had been so good together for so long. "Buck," you finally turned, opening your eyes to face him.

"(Y/N)," he answered flatly, quickly averting his eyes to his empty glass. "Excuse me, I need a refill." With that, he hurried away, almost fleeing in terror with the way that his feet tripped over themselves despite his perfect reflexes and balance.

"And that's my cue," you grinned sadly at your friend, "I'll talk to you later, Sam. I just wanted to let you know that I'm going home."

"No! You guys seriously need to work this out! If anyone is being driven crazy it's the rest of us having to put up with you two! You can't just keep avoiding each other. You live in the same building. You're both on the same team, in case you've forgotten."

"How could I forget?" The sounds of music around you began to pound heavily in your head as the last drink you had taken started to hit harder. A quick maneuver that he barely caught left you with your shoes in hand to steady your balance, enough that you could lift up on your toes to land a kiss on his cheek before taking your leave of him for the night. "I'm just gonna catch a cab, Sam. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm sorry."

Cause baby sometimes, I can tell just by your faces this part of us been gone for so long
And I know there's no replacing what we had going on for so long
But when it hurts, I can make it better
Girl if it works, it's gone be forever
We been through the worst, made it through the weather
Our problems and the pain, but love don't change

Girl you still hold me close when you see me
And you still make me know that you need me
And I know sometimes you don't believe me
But you stay on my mind, so believe me

Bucky refilled his drink and threw it back in one swift swallow, nearly choking on the cheap alcohol that paled in comparison to the bar that Tony maintained back home. It didn't help that he always went for the most ornate bottles stocked beneath the bar, sure to be Tony's private stash, and likely the most expensive. He wasn't about to blame himself for his exquisite taste; that was Stark's fault for taunting him with it in the first place. Despite the lackluster quality, he went against his better judgment and signaled the bartender for yet another refill.

"Buck!"

"What?" he yelled back, not turning to see who it was, and not caring. The call out came from clear across the bar and over the pounding bass line that hurt his ears, with barely enough urgency to catch his attention. At least not until it came again, this time in a new voice that pissed him off even more and finally got him to turn around, only to see the look of concern staring back.

"Barnes!"

"WHAT, Steve?! Can't a guy get a drink in peace?!"

Steve merely shook his head, his hand raised and pointing towards the door where you were stumbling your way through and onto the sidewalk, surely to be crushed to death by passersby without a second thought. He would have gone after you himself, but as per usual, Steve was working under an ulterior motive.

"Oh, shiiiiit," Bucky hissed, tossing his glass on the bar top. He pushed his way through the crowd, keeping his focus on you until you somehow successfully pushed yourself through the door without falling down, much to his surprise. He didn't have time to question if his two friends were setting him up in telling him to follow you, and he didn't wonder why they didn't just do it themselves. The only thought in his mind was his unwavering focus to reach you.

Bucky didn't hate you either; he never could. Yes, your final argument eviscerated him and broke the trust that he knew he wouldn't find from anyone else once you took it away, but that didn't change the fact that he still loved you. He couldn't think of anything that would make him not love you, but he was also convinced just as fully that you would never love him again. That didn't change the fact that he didn't want to be witness to you face-planting on the sidewalk, reaching out for you in time to take your arm before you could stumble from the curb and meet that exact fate.

"(Y/N), stop. Maybe...maybe just stay here a while longer. Dance with me."

"Dance with you? Why?"

"Because I asked nicely."

"You didn't ask," you pushed your hands against his chest to walk away, successful in getting a few feet between you, "and that's your problem, Buck. You don't ask, you expect, and I'm sorry...but I...I can't." He reached out for you again, and you barely evaded his grip; something about having his hands on you in any way was leaving you feeling weak; maybe it was the haze of alcohol, but you couldn't take the chance that it was more.

"Doll, you're drunk," he sighed, "come on, let me get you back to the compound."

"I can do it myself."

"You can barely walk by yourself."

"Oh, yeah! Watch me," you snickered, poking his arm with a little laugh. Taking a few more wobbled steps back to the outer wall of the bar, the bricks somehow looking like they were moving beneath your hand as it pressed to hold you up, you lifted a foot up in a half-hearted attempt to slip your shoes back on before trying to walk. "I can..." you muttered under your breath, frustrated that you couldn't get your little toe to cooperate with getting into the damn shoe no matter what you did. It left you unsteady and tipping over, finding yourself slammed to the concrete with a hard hit on your backside and a bounce of your head before you could catch yourself. "I can...woah...crap! Ow, dammit anyway..."

"Okay, that's enough, you've proven your point. Now please, just let me get you home, okay?" Bucky knelt down at your side, sliding his hands beneath you to lift you against him. Tonight was the first time that he had made any physical contact with you since that terrible night that you walked away; even in the midst of a battle, he made concerted effort to keep from touching you in any way, because he knew it would destroy him. The strange thing was, as your skin connected again, he didn't feel destroyed at all. He felt like he had finally found his way home.

~~~

Cause you have my heart don't break it
Girl when times get tough, don't hate me
And it all adds up, we gone make it
Cause when you mad, I know you can't fake it

Cause baby sometimes, I can tell just by your face this part of us been gone for so long
And I know there's no replacing what we had going on... for so long
But when it hurts, I can make it better
Girl if it works, it's gone be forever
We been through the worst, made it through the weather
Our problems and the pain, but love don't change

After asking Sam to pass along your regrets and goodbye's, Bucky was ready to call FRIDAY to bring a car around to pick you up, assuring your teammates that once he had you tucked safely into the ride he would be back in to finish the night. But now, as he stood on the side of the busy city street, watching cars pass by one after another as he waited for the right one to stop, he found himself wishing the moment to go on and for the right car to never arrive. It felt unnervingly perfect to have your head lazily resting against his chest, a painful reminiscence stabbing at his heart to smell your perfume all around him, to remember those nights when that scent lulled him to sleep and gave him his first taste of rest without nightmares. Those nightmares had returned once you had left, and it wasn't really you that he had been mad at during these past terrible months; he was mad at himself for being such a stubborn ass who couldn't stop pushing people away when they dared to care about him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into your hair, unsure if he really wanted you to hear him, "for all of it. I know that it might be too late, and I'm sorry it took me so long." He groaned quietly when the car he had been waiting for turned the final corner and parked in front of him, "yeah, I 'spose it's too late for all that-"

"I'm sorry, too."

The driver hurried around the car and opened the door to allow Bucky to put you into the seat so that he could drive you home, but as he waited, watching the man waver and looking from the car and back to you, he felt as if he were watching a moment that he wasn't invited to. "Sir? Did you still need the car?"

Bucky took a deep breath, trying to calm his building nerves before taking a leap of faith; he wasn't big on faith, as it had failed him more times than he could count in the years that made up his life. Having faith was what had gotten him into that relationship with you in the first place, and it wasn't taking all that much to talk himself into believing again. "Yeah, I still need it," he answered, but instead of following his plan of sending you on your way, he settled in at your side, enjoying the warmth of you next to him for every minute more that he could get.