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I NEED YOU
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Taehyung

For the first time, Yi-Seo and I have come for a walk in the community park, and she just told me that Dr Han has responded to the court this morning, and the next step would be a court hearing. The news sounds promising, but I know better than to prematurely count my chickens right away. Life is anything but predictable, and although I really want to see the end of this, I also don’t think I’m strong enough to handle another setback. And I absolutely don’t want it to be fueled by my expectations.

So, externally, I haven’t reacted much to what she told me earlier, and there has also been a lot of silence between us today. We halt at the arched footbridge over the lake, and I stand leaning my back on the fence while she stands facing me, leaning on the opposite fence.

“Uhmm-,” Yi-Seo hesitates as she twiddles with her fingers, and her eyes are somehow too shy to meet mine today, and it is making me curious.

“Do you have something on your mind?” I ask her, raising an eyebrow at her as I place my hands on the fence on either side of me.

I don’t know if she finds my body language intimidating because these days, she mostly seems a little nervous around me, and she also seems to be consciously keeping her physical distance from me although our eyes find and stay on each other longer than before. Not that we were lap dancing earlier, but I keep making attempts to be close to her, and I really want to at least have her close beside me when I talk to her, and the things that I want to talk with her are deeper. They’re more intense and passionate unlike the superficial things that I usually force myself to talk to her about.

However, if I suddenly go all out of the way than how she has seen me and known me, and show her a lot of affection, then I might come across as selfish, and as if I’m doing it only because she is devoting her time and efforts to help me out. Just because her efforts are helping with all the progress in my case.

But that surely isn’t the reason I want to get closer to her. My sober mind knows quite well that she has permanently invaded my thoughts so much to the extent that I want to see her and hear her talk all day long. And it is pretty much everything that I want and think about these days. I don’t know if she has noticed it yet, but lately, I hardly ever feel the need to drink when she’s around me, and that to me is a clear behavioral manifestation of the feelings that my heart is forming for her.

“I-, uhm-, no, it’s nothing. I- I was just a little lost,” she responds timidly, evidently hiding something from me, and her smile also comes out with a lot of nervousness.

My eyebrows come together when I see this unusually high tension between us, and although I don’t want to repel her, I also think I should make a move right now to see some progress between us. Something subtle, at least.

“Do you mind moving here?” I tilt my head a little to my left and request her softly although I have no idea how my voice sounded so stable. Because, internally, I’m shaking so bad. There is also not a spot of breeze today even though it is quite a pleasant evening, and the stifling air is making me feel a little hot under my skin.

“Huh?” Her eyebrows raise in surprise, and she blinks her eyes a few times.

I nod in confirmation, ending the silent conversation with her and letting her know that I need her to be beside me, close to me. A feeling of relief settles upon me when I know that I didn’t make that sound like a command because, without any protest or questions, Yi-Seo pushes herself off the opposite fence and takes a few hesitant steps towards me. All the while I try my best not to stare at her, but staring at her is all that I seem to be doing right now.

She stands beside me, small and shy, with her hands clasped under her stomach. I can see that she’s extremely conscious not to let her guard down and relax against the fence, which might cause her body to come in contact with my hand that is on the fence behind her.

“Miss Kwon,” I say softly, turning my head to the side to look at her, but when her eyes turn to look at me, I instantly forget what I wanted to ask her. My mind goes blank, and I’m swallowing thickly as my eyes roam her face.

There’s not a word that we exchange, and the escalation of tension in the space between us is so quick that I’m almost experiencing tremors in my limbs. Tiny beads of sweat sprout on my forehead and my throat starts to go dry as well. I can’t believe that my usually skyrocketing confidence to pull someone into my arms has somehow vanished in her presence.

I feel nervous, but I know that she’s nervous too, and I don’t at all want this unwanted nervousness to ruin this little moment where she has obliged to stand so close to me for the first time since we met. I, so badly, want to hold her hand now, but instead, I take a deep breath and summon all my confidence to show up at once as I push myself a little closer to her and slide my hand over the fence. If she leans back now, it would be on me.

It would take one little flick of my wrist to place my hand on her waist and pull her to my chest, but she isn’t just any random woman whose reaction to my move wouldn’t bother me. I want to touch her, but I also want the touch to be meaningful.

Yi-Seo’s eyes stay on mine as I allow myself to relax a little and try my best to appear cool and casual about everything.

“Can I ask you something?” My voice lowers as I prepare myself to open up to her, and the way my heart is hammering within my chest is a little unhealthy for my existence. The rush of blood within my veins is jumbling up the words inside my throat, and never did I imagine that having her this close to me would have such a reaction on me and make me behave like a teenager in love.

Yi-Seo only nods her head a little in response.

I like you a lot, Yi-Seo. And I want to know what you think about me. Do you like me too?

“So, Dr Han has responded, and there will be a hearing in the court very soon, right?” I blabber something completely out of context, unable to find the words that I wanted to tell her.

I feel like rolling my eyes at my own stupidity and anxiousness.

“Yeah,” Yi-Seo answers in a small voice, and I nod my head, still keeping my gaze strong on her as I lick my lips and begin chewing the corner of my lower lip.

I know I’m making it awkward, and I have no idea how to avenge the situation now. My thoughts are all over the place, my words are lost, distracted by her presence, but somehow I’m not finding the courage to openly tell her what’s going on inside my mind and what she’s doing to my heart.

I have no idea what happens within me, but in a few seconds, it suddenly feels as if my brain has given up and lost all sort of control over my body when I uncontrollably lean closer to her and press my lips to her cheek in a firm and lingering kiss. The fact that we are in the open where there are others walking about does not bother me one bit when I kiss her.

My eyelids fall shut as I feel her delicate skin against my lips, and it takes every bit of my character and self-control to suppress the rising urge to drag my mouth to hers before I lean back after a good few seconds. My hands are cold and trembling, and my breathing accelerates in sync with the beats of my heart when her eyes shoot up to look at me.

“Thank you,” I say softly, gulping as I try to communicate the sincerity of my action through my eyes.

The kiss and the thank you—they weren’t just for her selfless help. They were for making me feel the way she does. For being beside me. For hearing me out and trusting me. For spending her time with me. For making me want to try. For making me realize and believe that I’m more than just my physical desires that I was hiding behind all these years.

Although I’m quite sure that she enjoys spending her time with me, and she quite possibly thinks about me as much as I think about her, Yi-Seo wasn’t surely prepared for any of this right now. She looks flustered, and her cheeks are a deep pink as her fingers gently feel the spot where my lips touched her a moment ago. We’re just inches apart, practically breathing on one another, and we’re still looking at each other as if in a trance.

After having made the first bold move, I find my confidence emerging from the shadows. My gaze shamelessly drops to her lips, and she obviously notices it.

I want to kiss her again, but on her lips this time.

My hand that is on the fence of the bridge softly lands on her shoulder, my cold fingers curling lightly to hold her. But I’m careful not to pull her towards me right away. I want to see if she wants to be held, and making another move without any reciprocation from her would scare her away.

“You don’t have to thank me,” she answers in a whisper, dipping her neck and diverting her eyes to her hands as she deflects the mood in the atmosphere to a completely different direction while staying completely still.

It’s hard to fathom what’s going on in her mind, but the fact that she isn’t getting closer to me despite my hand that’s on her is enough for me to remove my hand from her shoulder. She would probably think that I’m just a needy creep who is trying to get into her pants right now, and I wouldn’t blame her for it. Because what other vibes have I ever given her?

Should I apologize?

I feel helpless as I quietly retract my hand and return it to the fence, somehow managing to send an uneasy smile her way. However, Yi-Seo doesn’t say anything to make the situation any more awkward than it has already turned out to be. As I watch her, she steps away from her place beside me and pushes some hair behind her ears and fixes her glasses.

“I’ll see you some other time,” those words are the last that I wanted to hear from her, and I so desperately want to tell her to stay with me. Probably even drag her back beside me. I don’t do any of it though as I slowly nod my head instead and watch her silently leave the place.

Yi-Seo

I try my best not to run into my home and make it appear as if I didn’t like what just happened with Taehyung at the bridge. Each step that I take towards my home feels heavy, as if I’m trying to pull myself against a strong magnetic force, but I somehow manage to step inside.

Softly shutting the front door behind me, I slam my back to the door, clutching my chest in my hand and letting out the long puffs of breath that I never knew were locked up inside my lungs.

My smile grows wider as I touch my cheek once again, trying to protect the feel of Taehyung’s lips on my cheek. I never thought I would do the same in his presence, but weird me did it with a possibly petrified look on my face, and I guess he got the wrong message that I probably didn’t like what he did.

God! I was so awkward and dumb. I should have just curled up to him when he tried to hold me.

My mind was already muddled up with so many confusing thoughts, and what Taehyung did just now is only strengthening Se-Young’s statement. Taehyung probably likes me too as much as I like him, otherwise why would he kiss me?

He seemed unusually nervous too, but it could be just me. Heck! What should I do now?

That day in his kitchen, the tension was palpable, and I thought it was only within my head. His drunk confession about him wanting us to kiss made my heart flutter and fly into delusion. And a few days ago, I felt the same thick tension in the air when he came here to explain what happened with him and Mi-Yang. But today, it happened, and how do we go about this? How do I face him and behave normally, brushing aside this kiss as nothing?

As I stand there contemplating my next move with my fingers still caressing the kissed cheek, my phone vibrates in my pocket and draws my attention away from the situation. Pulling out my phone from my pocket, I notice that the call is from the home for the aged, and I answer it immediately.

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Yi-Seo,” the matron answers me, sounding a little worried. “Se-Young has been taken to the hospital. Would you be able to make it there? Because they need the local guardian to sign his admission documents.”

“To the hospital?” I shriek in panic, my eyes go as wide as saucers, and I begin pacing around the house not knowing what to do next.

“Yeah, he had high fever, and he is…a little ill, Yi-Seo. I believe the doctors would be able to give you more details about his health condition,” the matron informs me in a sorrowful tone.

“I will go there right away. Which hospital is this?” I ask her as I scramble around for my purse and keys.

Once she gives me the necessary details, I end the call with her and head outside. I don’t think about informing Taehyung or Jimin or anyone else because I’m unsure about Se-Young’s exact condition right now, and telling either of the men that he is at the hospital now would create unnecessary fear and panic. I don’t want to cause any of that before I get some clarity about the situation at hand.

I proceed to drive to the hospital while trying my best to stay calm throughout the drive, but it seems quite impossible. My mind is on overdrive, coming up with all the worst possible scenarios and pushing out every little bit of optimism that remains within me. His elevated temperature from this morning keeps floating back to the top of my mind, and I feel so foolish for having ignored that and just left him believing his reason for it.

When I arrive at the hospital, I enquire about Se-Young at the front desk and head straight to the critical care unit where he is currently being treated. The corridor feels cold and empty, and there’s not a single soul in sight for me to find out what’s happening, and I’m left with no choice but to wait on one of the cold metal chairs, hoping to meet a doctor or a nurse soon.

A few minutes pass by, and my nervousness only keeps amplifying in loneliness. I even regret coming here alone, and I consider informing Jimin because he would be calm and stable even in testing conditions, and he would probably be able to think more clearly than I do when the doctor informs me about Se-Young’s current state.

Should I have told Jimin about the fever earlier? God! How did I not know it was a fever?

My train of erratic thoughts is derailed when a door to my left clicks open, and I shoot up from my seat to find a pair of doctors stepping out of the critical care unit. Their muted footsteps, shielded by padded shoe covers, patter softly along the corridor as they spot me and head in my direction.

“I’m Kwon Yi-Seo, Se-Young-ssi’s local guardian and emergency contact person,” I introduce myself quickly and bow to the doctors when they get closer to me.

“Miss Kwon, do you perhaps know what Mr Lee is suffering from?” One of the doctors asks me, and I’m not sure if the question was rhetorical or if they have yet to diagnose his disease.

When I give them silence as a response, they exchange a brief glance and show me the way to one of the rooms across the corridor to elaborate their findings to me.

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Yikes!
😬

Published on : 02/08/2023