I didn't remember how, but I ended up in one of the bathrooms. I stood in front of a mirror, my fingers clutching the sink. My reflection look disheveled and I was soaked. My shoulder's rose and fell rapidly, my breathing ragged. I stared at my pathetic appearance for several seconds, my heart hammering in my chest. After my brain caught up with my body, I ripped my jacket off, the wet fabric clinging to my skin uncomfortably. I walked over to a nearby hand dryer, flipping the nozzle upward and placing my jacket over it. I jammed my palm on the metal button and the machine roared to life.

With one article of my uniform drying, I pondered my next steps. I leaned against the nearby stall, my fingers ripping at my hair. A sob erupted from my throat and I slid down, resting my elbows on my knees.

Everything was going to shit, and it was spiraling faster than I could deal with. First it was these damn demon powers, dad's death, Yukio being an Exorcist, the Grigori finding me, the death sentence, almost dying to a gunshot, the self harm, the cram school finding out, the picture, now this fiasco? I should've ended things months ago and saved myself the headache. Thoughts of my blade poisoned my thoughts. If I got my hands on it, even for just a moment, I'd shred my arms until they were barely attached. I'd leave nothing but bone behind. I'd fillet this body until it resembled nothing more than a carcass at the butcher shop. Maybe it was some sort of physical embodiment of my struggles, but I wanted to vandalize this body until nothing remained but gore.

My abdomen rumbled violently and my thoughts shifted to my scarcely eaten lunch. My stomach lurched and I shoved myself over to the closest toilet. I gagged and choked on the meager contents of my stomach. Eventually, I coughed up my small lunch, my skin breaking out in a cold sweat and my chest heaving. The awful taste of stomach acid burned the back of my throat. A thought crossed my mind and I acted on the impulse. I shoved a few fingers into my mouth, wiggling them at the back of my throat. I choked and withdrew my fingers, gasping for breath. Continuing on my actions, I inserted my fingers back inside. My body rejected the intruders, spasming as I gagged. I repeated the process a few times, tears welling up in my eyes and falling down my cheeks. I felt feverish and saliva covered my fingers, but eventually, I succeeded. A strangled sound echoed off the walls and I vomited once more. This time, only bile came out. I spat into the toilet, trying to rid my mouth of the taste. Pushing myself up, I flushed the toilet and exited the stall. I walked over to the sink, turning on the faucet and wetting my heated face.

That was fucking horrible.

I sighed and leaned against the nearby wall. The tile was cool against my clammy skin. I pondered my actions as my body recovered. While the experience was absolute hell, I was left feeling much better, lighter even. It was intense and mind numbing, which is exactly what I wanted. Cutting had it's own pain, but the violent reactions of my body were somehow similar. It didn't bring forth any blood, and while I would miss it, I couldn't help but believe that this was the perfect solution. I wasn't scarring myself anymore, and without any physical marks, no one would find out.

Speaking of marks, I looked down at my bare arms. I walked over and retrieved my still damp jacket. Shrugging it onto my shoulders I assessed the torn sleeve. Thankfully, I had another one hanging in my closet, but I'd have to go back to frequent laundry days, again. I sighed and did my best to reposition the fabric. Once covered, I clumsily buttoned my cuff. With the rip being as long as it was, it didn't do much. Every time I bent my elbow, the fabric would part, exposing the skin underneath. At least the button made sure it stayed attached at the wrist. I didn't know how I'd make it through the rest of my classes, though. I'd have to be careful with how I sat, maybe sitting with my arm in my lap would help? That way my desk would cover most of the damage.

With a somewhat decent plan in place, I exited the bathroom. Glancing up at a wall clock, I realized I was extremely tardy. The bell had rung without me realizing it. I begrudgingly made my way to the last of my day classes.

.oOo.

The final bell rang and I basically darted out of my seat. The day had passed by without any more issues. Which was surprising, I had expected all hell to break loose after lunch was over. That didn't mean the whispers stopped, though. If anything, they multiplied. By the time my last class had rolled around, nearly every sentence pertained to what had happened. The childish gestures stopped, however, and I was thankful for that.

I pushed open the door to the gymnasium. Quickly and quietly, I changed and re-entered the room. I walked over to the far wall and sat down, preparing to stretch. However, I found myself lost in thought, chewing on my nails and cracking my knuckles repeatedly until the joints hurt. I didn't even notice when Bon sat down beside me. He gripped my wrist, pulling my fingers from my mouth and stopping my fidgeting. "Try and calm down a little. You're so pent up that I walked in and immediately felt your anxiety." My eyes met his and he sighed, "I heard what happened. That fucker is from some rich family. But Mephisto didn't give a shit. He's been suspended for two weeks and most likely has detention for life. You don't have to worry about him, okay?"

I shook my head, "The damage is done, and there is nothing anyone can do to reverse it. Anyone who had any doubts about that damn photo knows it's a fact now. That asshat may have got justice, but there are so many others who could be just like him." My vision swam as I thought about the gestures they made, mocking my self harm like some sort of circus act. "There's no regard for my feelings, they all act on impulse, trying to get some sort of reaction out of me. It's vicious and insulting. I'm so embarrassed just walking though the hallways."

"Rin, there are seven of us here at cram school, including your brother. We can take on a few hundred demons at once, I think we can help you with one hundred teenagers."

I laughed humorlessly, "You mean a few hundred pests, those demons were nothing but angry pigeons. You also seem to be underestimating the tactlessness of teenagers. They only care about themselves."

He sighed next to me, "either way, we are here for you, understood?" I nodded reflexively and he changed the subject. "Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. If you don't have any plans tonight, Koneko and I were going to go out to the local buffet. We normally have Shima tag along, but he and Moriyama-san made prior plans." I was slightly offended that the invite was only extended because their original party had fallen apart. However, it did seem tempting. Either I went along as some sort of pity invite, or I wallowed under my covers back at the dorm. The former seemed like a better waste of my time.

.oOo.

"Rin, you sure don't eat a lot." I glanced up from the surplus of food on my plate. Bon gave me a curious look, popping some sushi into his mouth. "No wonder you're so much shorter than Sensei, you're probably malnourished."

I returned my gaze to the plate in front of me. It was just some tempura and vegetables. While I would've usually polished off the whole plate, my appetite was nonexistent. To satisfy my classmate, I grabbed a fried shrimp and took a bite, chewing slowly before swallowing; feeling it move down my esophagus before making a rock in my stomach. "Sorry, I'm just not hungry. By they way, you don't have to be so formal about him in front of me. I know he told you to drop the honorifics while outside of class."

Bon shrugged, "old habits die hard." I laughed at the phrase. If he only knew just how true those words were... "And he's your brother, I can't help but be polite when I mention him." I rolled my eyes and mentioned a few nicknames I called him when we argued. Bon laughed, covering his mouth so no food came flying out. "Those are golden!"

"That doesn't seem very kind, he's your family." Koneko spoke up, but a small smile played on his face. He hadn't talked much on the way here, and I didn't doubt he was still uncomfortable with my presence.

I didn't let it bother me, however. I took another bite of food, feeling my stomach protest in response. Setting my chopsticks down, I gave the bald teen an incredulous look. "Isn't that the point? Have you ever met two siblings who didn't call each other names? I sure haven't. Besides, I'm sure Yukio has a few nicknames for me, as well. He's just too kind to say them to my face."

Bon picked up his bowl of miso soup, slurping on it before speaking. "Unlike you, obviously. You're as brash and cocky as that mentor, what's her name?"

I rolled my eyes, "you talking about Shura? She's a lot worse than I am. Speaking of which, I haven't seen much of her since that mission. She cancelled our sessions together not that long ago."

The two of them exchanged glances and Bon cleared his throat. "Probably because of... Well, you know..."

I sighed, feeling uncomfortable with the subject. "Yeah, I know." The air grew tense between us and I wanted to escape from the situation. I pushed my plate toward Suguro and scooted toward the edge of the booth. "I need to use the bathroom, you guys finish up. I'll meet you outside." Bon sighed, but didn't try to stop me. I stood up and walked toward the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.

Thankfully, the restaurant was small, so the bathrooms were single use only. Once solidly inside, I let my expression fall. I should have just stayed home. I didn't want their sympathy, it was almost as bad as the other student's taunting. I walked over to the toilet, moving down to my knees. I should be far more grossed out than I was. This bathroom wasn't nearly as well kept as the academy's. If I didn't touch anything, I should be fine, though. I jammed two fingers down my throat and my body convulsed involuntarily when I gagged. I recalled how I had performed these exact actions earlier in the day. I wiggled my fingers and coughed a few times. I repeated the action and shoved myself forward, vomiting into the bowl. The taste of my dinner pushed me over the edge again and I choked out even more liquid. Sniffling, I stood and flushed the toilet and walked to the sink. I wiped my mouth and washed my hands. Feeling weightless, I readjusted my clothes, taking a few looks in the mirror to make sure I was presentable. My cheeks were a little red, but I didn't really have time to let the blood drain from my face.

I unlatched the door, moving out into the lobby. Just as I promised, I walked outside, surprised to see two familiar faces. I didn't expect them to finish eating so quickly. Bon waved me over, a smirk on his face. "Took you long enough, did you wreck the toilet or something?"

A smile crossed my lips and I playfully punched his arm. "Shut up, let's just go back to the academy. Thank you for inviting me out to dinner."