A cold shiver ran down my back as I stared up at Joker, my arms and legs tied down and the bright light of the lamp standing to my left side was shining down on my face which must've been pale of fear. My breath was quick and small drops of sweat formed on my forehead at the sight of his big, intimidating smile.

"Yooou...helped mee...?"

Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine myself somewhere else, wherever, everything was better, even Canada rather than where I was right now.

Reality blurred and I suddenly found myself sitting on top of the operation table, my arms wrapped around Joker's neck and his hands on my thighs, our eyes locked on each other's face while his loins pushed against mine while I pulled him closer with my legs placed on the sides of his hips.

"Rule number four..."

His voice sounded rough and dark, but to me, it resembled the most beautiful sound ever and I couldn't hold a small smile back at the feeling of Joker pushing me down with his strong hands on my throat.

Inhaling his scent, I watched him bending over me, the intoxicating sensation his every touch sent through my body ripped a gasp from my lips and I felt my thighs clenching around him while my hands ran down his chest and to the waistband of his dark blue inmate pants.

"Don't ask questions."

♦️♦️

"Harleen?"

A deep voice made me snap out of my thoughts and I flinched as the present hit me and I found myself sitting in my chair in Arkham's office, the files of Joker spread across the wooden table between us and I blinked to clear my thoughts from anything none-work related.

"Are you alright?" Doctor Arkham rose an eyebrow and I forced a friendly smile onto my face while my heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. I had those intense flashbacks all the time, but somehow, they felt different, now that Joker and I were split up.

"Sure, I just had a rough morning." Not my best lie, but certainly not my worst either. At least Jeremiah bought it and I sighed internally in relief.

Nodding, he looked down at a thin file in his hands he brought with him and tilted his head slightly while he took a few moments to think. My curiosity grew as I still had no clue as to why he called me into his office this morning, right before my session with Joker. It must've been something really important.

"Now the reason why I called you in and asked you for the files is that I want you to arrange something." Finally, Doctor Arkham started to explain and I sat up straight in the dark leather chair, my hands on my knees as I tried to focus on his words.

His eyes looked at me and he quickly passed the file over to me. "We worked on a few new medications over the past year and some of them are finally ready to be tested. Further information is included in the file you're holding, please take time to get familiar with your new work."

Without wasting a beat, I began to read through the lines of the first pages, realizing it was mainly information about the two new anti psychotics named Antipsyx and 06-Special, nothing too exciting but then I suddenly started to realize what the papers were actually about.

I looked up from the file, a frown on my face and I rose one eyebrow at Doctor Arkham who patiently waited for me to finish reading with his fingers intertwined on the table.

"You wanna test the side effects out on Joker?" Of course, my voice sounded far more surprised than I actually was. I mean, it was kind of obvious they'd test the stuff out on someone no one would cry a tear after, but still. Something wasn't quite right with that...

Shaking his head yes, Arkham watched me placing the file on the table again and put the paperwork about my study on Joker's behavior and his progress together while he barely lost eye contact with me.

"Joker is the perfect choice, he has a high pain resistance and his body regenerates pretty quickly from any kind of physical injury. Besides, he's the only patient in here the mayor gave us permission to test it out on. We just need your approval since he's your patient, then we can start right away."

How was I supposed to feel about that? Glad they finally came up with a possibility to have Joker under control? Angry because it'd possibly get paid less for having less sessions with him? Excited about a new research opportunity?

"Well, go ahead then."

This answer came quicker than expected but frankly, I wasn't really disturbed by the fact they were going to do human experimentation on Joker, I was well aware there were going to be more drugs coming for him. But why would I care?

"Thank you, Doctor. I will send you further instructions tonight, the first test run will start tomorrow." He explained and motioned towards the door behind me. "You can continue with your session."

I nodded and stood up from my chair, picked the papers up from the desk and turned away to leave as Arkham's voice suddenly stopped me.

"Oh, and please, I'd like to keep this medication program between us, Joker doesn't have to know about it."

My head turned around to him and I felt a smile tugging at my lips while I nodded with a wink back at him. "Of course, my lips are locked." Chuckling, I turned away once again and left his office, the grin on my face fading the second I closed the door and a frustrated sigh left my mouth as I leaned back against it and pushed my glasses up my nose again.

How fucked was the man in his brain to let human experimentation happen in here? And not on some serial rapist or that woman that came in yesterday because she ate her kids. No! It had to be my patient which my payment depends on. Well, let's see how things go with Joker now, if he behaves, maybe I couldvwork things out and get Arkham to change his mind.

But for now, I had my session with Joker so I tried focusing on the content of it instead of overthinking what Arkham just said. Even though I failed to completely ignore a weird feeling at the back of my mind.

♦️♦️

Half an hour had passed that was pretty much just me talking with Joker about the crimes he's committed in the past. During the entire time, his eyes seemed oddly empty, his voice was rough and an angry look remained on his face the whole time as if he just wanted to kill everyone in the room right now until I finally stopped myself mid sentence and let out a frustrated sigh.

How am I even taking all the crap from Arkham? No one gives my patient medication I'm not familiar enough with. And he won't be freaking performing experiments on Joker, he is my patient, and mine only!

"Leave us alone for a moment."

Did I know what I was doing? Not at all. But I needed some privacy with Joker now, that was more important than sitting here and just playing along. Arkham can play his games with someone else's patient.

Hesitating for only a moment, both guardsmen left and the heavy door closed behind them, leaving me and Joker alone in the warm room - something that irritated me at first, to be honest. But not even a heartbeat later, I found my confidence again and looked from the door directly into Joker's emotionless eyes that stared back in a way that I wasn't used to.

"Arkham decided to perform a couple of drug tests on you."

Well, that was smooth.

Joker snorted and rolled his eyes, obviously not interested in those news I threw straight at him but I felt like he understood what I was saying. Maybe he just didn't care enough to give me a proper reaction.

"Joker, listen up."

Getting up from my seat, I grabbed the collar of his straight jacket and pulled him closer to me, an action that surprised him enough to make him look at me - finally.

The rage in my eyes reflected in his own and it took me a moment to calm the sudden storm of thoughts and emotions that erupted inside my mind until I found my words again.

"These drugs could kill you, idiot, do you realize that?" Of course he didn't, Joker's sense of reality was just slightly different from what I knew - yet I couldn't shake a feeling of fear off. My fear for his life. The fuck?

A second of confusion was promptly interrupted by his loud, joyful laughter that echoed through the cold, dark room and caused a soothing feeling to spread throughout my body. Odd, very odd.

"Oh, please, Doctor." It took him a while to stop himself from all the laughter and look me in the eye, his own emotions hidden in the darkest corner of his soul.

"Don't act like you are scared for me. I know you, Harleen. You want my attention. And I'm not interested in giving you that."

Without noticing it, I loosened my grip on his collar and my eyes grew bigger at his words that made me want to shut him up. But...I didn't find the courage to do so.

His head tilted aside, Joker smiled and watched every reaction of mine while he spoke.

"You have someone else in your life. Someone who, in your eyes, is better than me. And as long as he is around, I don't want you. You're mine, not his. Either he goes or I will gladly stay here in Arkham. I don't rely on you, dollface."

I shook my head, confused about his words and eager to find an instant solution. I couldn't let Joker surrender to all of this mayhem, it could literally kill him. I had to get him out.

"Oh, come on, he is your main henchman, he--"

"I can get a new one. It's not that hard."

Joker didn't lose eye contact with me and my heart started pounding in my chest. What he asked me to do was way too complex. I couldn't  just choose between him and Jonny. That was something I'd have loved to avoid. But I also couldn't put Joker in danger...

"Can't we just act as if nothing happened and y--"

"No."

Joker cut me off, his voice strong and with a hint of impatience as well as anger. I shivered.

"Why not?"

Our faces were right next to each other's, his cheek brushing against mine and his warm breath hitting my ear as he leaned forward over the small metal table in between us to whisper into my ear and I felt so dizzy from what he whispered that I had to grab his neck in order to not drop off the chair.

"Because it hurts, you ignorant bitch."

Has he ever called me names? I couldn't tell. But it felt like this was the first time, so probably not. Irrelevant, anyway. Somehow, I didn't know how exactly, I had to fix this. Hurting Joker? Not on purpose!

"Mister J..." It wasn't easy to hold the tears back that formed in my eyes because I didn't know how to comprehend everything that was happening. "...I...I can't just..."

A burning firestorm of pure rage and fury immediately grew inside Joker's eyes and spread all over his face as he showed his blinking teeth.

"You let me inside Arkham to rot away, I was fine with that. You chose your squad friends over me, alright. But if you continue to even look at Frost, there's the door!"

Although I could feel his outraged breath hitting my face, his voice remained somewhat calm and controlled. But that was actually worse than him yelling at me.

"If you decide to stand up and leave now, I don't ever want to see your face again. If you close that door behind you, you are just some faceless doctor to me, not my Harley Quinn anymore. Either you are with me again or not. I don't need someone who doesn't know what they want."

A warm tear dropped down my cheek as I gasped for air the second he grabbed my throat and pulled me closer to him again. When did he get out of this goddamn straight jacket?

"So, who's it going to be, Harley?"

Not able to say anything, I just felt so overwhelmed by everything that my brain stopped working instantly and my hands shot up to his face to pull him closer, but, surprisingly, he refused.

"Do you know what you want? Do you mean it?"

Joker's voice had changed, at least for me. He didn't sound like a mentally insane patient to me. He sounded like...my Joker again.

Nodding, I dug my fingernails into the sides of his face and tried to calm both, my heartbeat and my breath as he finally gave in and deeply kissed me and my head started spinning until Joker pulled his head back and looked into my disappointed eyes, his grip still firmly around my throat and a huge smile on his pale face.

"Good girl."