James was not, despite what Nadia said, a slut.

He honestly regretted ever going out for drinks that night. Maybe if he had stayed home or something, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe he wouldn't have said the things that he said. 

"Come on, James," Nadia had whined. She slumped herself over James's bed. "Live a little! You're only in your 20's once. We spent our whole teen years fighting a war, now we get to relax!"

James sighed and out down the book he had been attempting to read before Nadia had barged in. "I just don't like partying. There's nothing wrong with having a nice night in."

"Yeah, maybe not every once in a while! But at this point, you're just using being an introvert as an excuse to avoid living life."

"I am living life."

"A boring one."

That was the last straw for James. He slammed his book down. "I am not boring!"

He would show them. He would go get drunk with them and he would be the most fun, least boring person they had ever met.

"Honestly," James remembered himself saying, not at all in control of his words, "I feel like Keith's cock would be amazing. Like, I'm just imagining it inside me."

All conversation stopped, which confused James, because he hadn't realized he had said anything odd.

Nadia laughed so hard that it sounded like she was snorting. "What?"

"I said," James repeated, "I want Keith to fuck my brains out. Or, brain, I guess. I only have one. Why do people say brains when they only have one?"

Ryan turned to him. "James, how many drinks did you have?"

James thought about this for a moment. "Like, a hundred," He finally answered.

"He had two." Leifsdottir clarified. "Although he may just have a low alcohol tolerance. Griffin, have you ever had alcohol before?"

It took James a moment to realize she was talking to him. "Um, I don't think so. Can't really remember."

The table was silent for a long moment. No one was really sure what to do.

"Well," Nadia finally said, "I say we make the best of it. James will literally tell us whatever we want to know about him. Let's get some blackmail material."

"You want to blackmail me?" James asked. "That's mean. You're so mean, Rizavvi."

"We are not taking advantage of James not being able to handle alcohol," Ryan said.

"Thanks, Kinkade." James said. He then realized that Kinkade rhymed with lemonade, and that made him laugh.

"But Ryan," Nadia whined.

"Absolutely not. I-" Ryan was interrupted by a sound coming from his pocket. He paused and pulled out his phone. "Oh, shoot. Hunk needs my help with something."

"You too are so cute together," James said. "You could be in a romcom called 'Bready or not, here comes love.' Or 'Loaf Actually' or 'A love gone a rye' or 'At yeast we have each other' or- 'All we knead is love' or-"

"Why does drunk you know so many bread puns?" Kinkade asked. He looked at the others and squinted his eyes. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Kinkade walked away. As soon as he was out of ear shot, the others began bombarding James with personal questions.

"So, James," Veronica asked, "You're into Keith?"

"Heck yeah!" James answered, taking a sip of his third cocktail.

"Come on, Veronica," Nadia said, "We already know that. Sober him isn't that much smoother than drunk him." She turned to James. "What's your biggest secret?"

"When I was a child my father left my mother and I. The man I thought was my father is actually my stepdad. The only reason I know this is because my mom told me before she kicked me out for being gay."

Nadia, Veronica, and Leifsdottir all looked at each other uncomfortably.

"That got real way too quickly." Nadia said. "I thought it would be funnier."

"I used to steal Leifsdottir's ADHD meds sometimes so I could get perfect grades while also having time to master flying and make friends because I hoped that would make my mom love me again. It didn't." James admitted. He wondered why everyone was looking so uncomfortable.

"That explains where those meds went," Ina said, "I always assumed the pharmacy had messed up and made them start giving me extra just in case."

"Nope. It was me. I taunted Keith about his parents when we were younger because I didn't know he was an orphan and thought he was just being secretive about his parents. I hope that didn't ruin my chances with him. I still feel bad about it."

"Oh, James," Veronica said, "I'm sure he doesn't even remember. You're a good person."

"He's so hot. I want him to punish me for being a jerk, and then forgive me and we can have make up sex and we can go on cute dates and I can wake up to his face next to mine in our bed and we can love each other and get a cat and I'll tease him about how it reminds me of him and he'll get flustered and be all cute. He's soooooo cute, you guys. And so damn sexy. Sometimes I just sit and think about how good his ass looks in that Paladin armor."

Nadia laughed uncomfortably. "This feels wrong."

"Not as wrong as making fun of an orphan about his parents," James said, "I mean, Admiral Shirogane was like a father to him. Or maybe a brother? I don't know. Admiral Shirogane is hot, too, but he's, like, 35 now. And he's married. Don't wanna be a home wrecker."

"I don't think Admiral Shirogane feels the same way about you," Ina said. "He is very attractive, though."

"That's fine," James assured her, "My attraction to him is purely physical. But Keith is good physically and romantically."

James paused a moment. "And they're both kinda my bosses, and that really gets me going."

Veronica snorted out her whiskey.

"You okay?" James asked. "Your nose is leaking whiskey. I think that's bad."

"You have an authority kink?" Nadia asked excitedly. "This is the kind of secret I was talking about!"

"Nadia," James said seriously, grabbing her face and staring directly into her eyes. "Of course I have an authority kink. Anyone who knows me knows that. It's probably the thing I talk about the most."

Nadia, whose face was still squished in James's hands, furrowed her brow as well as she could. "First off, you've never mentioned it before. Secondly, why was grabbing my face necessary to get your point across?"

"Because," James said quietly before raising his voice to the point of near yelling, "You are my best friend!"

"Rude." Veronica said.

"Agreed," Ina seconded.

"You guys are my best friends, too!" James said. "I will tell you all my secrets!"

"What's going on here?" A voice asked. James turned around to see Ryan.

"Kinkade?" Nadia smiled at him, "I thought you needed to go help Hunk."

"I forgot my phone." Ryan picked up his phone and put it in his pocket. "But based on the snippet of conversation I heard, I can tell I can't leave James here with you."

James wasn't sure what that meant, but Nadia seemed disappointed, so he got disappointed too.

"Come on Ryan," James whined, "Don't make Nadia sad."

"James, do you even know what's going on?"

"No, I just like to be included."

Ryan sighed and slung James over his shoulder in a fireman's lift.

"This is intimate," James giggled. "I'm like a sack of potatoes."

"I'm taking James home and putting him to bed." Ryan said.

"I'm gay," James interjected, feeling like this was a good time to tell everyone.

"We know, James." Ryan said, carrying James to the car.

"I'm sorry I can't be the son you wanted me to be," James said, still feeling like this was relevant. "But it's my truth, and I hope you can accept me."

Ryan buckled James into his backseat, because he didn't want James to throw up on his dashboard. "I accept you, James. I'm gay, too, remember? I'm dating Hunk."

James looked at Ryan and had a realization. "You're not my father! You're my best friend, Ryan Kinkade!"

Ryan laughed. "Was your father a 23 year old muscular black guy?"

"I don't know," James said, "I never met him."

Ryan stopped laughing and backed the car into reverse. "Oh. My bad."

"That thing guys do when they back up cars is so hot. Like, when they put their arms around the friend seat so they can look out the back? That's husband material right there."

Ryan immediately removed his arm from the back of the passenger seat.

James gasped when Ryan unlocked his front door. "You have a key to my house?"

"Yeah. You wanted me to feed your cat when you went on vacation that time and you gave me a key."

James scrunched his face up in thought. "That sounds vaguely familiar."

Once Ryan had managed to put James in bed, he gestured to James's nightstand. "Here's some ibuprofen and water for when you wake up with your first hangover."

"Hanging over what?" James asked. "And how did you get into my bedroom?

"You gave me a key to your house." Ryan explained patiently. "I'm going to go help Hunk with his problem now, don't do any booty calls."

"Thank you for everything, Ryan!" James said, which would have been sweet if he didn't then begin singing 'Ryan started the fire' from The Office.

"No problem," Ryan said, smiling and leaving.

James looked around his room and saw his phone. He remembered what Ryan had told him. Don't do any booty calls.

But Ryan hadn't said anything about booty texts.

'Heeeeeyyyyyy Keith it's your childhood enemy James griffin and how you doing man with that hot hot aesthetic'

James reread his text. "Nice." He said to himself before hitting send.

James's phone buzzed with a response a moment later.

'Griffin? Are you drunk?'

'Heck yeah my man,' James responded.

'Wow, the ever disciplined and prudish James Griffin, drunk at 9pm and texting me of all people. Something must be really wrong.'

'Everything must be really right if that's what you mean. I am 100 percentages happy that Nadia made me drink an alcohol!!!!!!!'

'Rizavi, huh? Figures. But why are you texting me?'

'Because I am in lesbians with you <3'

'What? Griffin, I think you might need to go to sleep, because you obviously aren't thinking right.'

James sighed. 'Uuuuugggggg Keith I have liked you a long time and I want you to duck me all night you sexy beast.'

'Lol. Duck you? Go to bed. You're going to hate yourself in the morning.'

'Jokes on you keithy Keith I'll hate myself in the morning no matter what because I have mild self esteem issues so can I send you a picture please?'

'As long as it's not a picture of your dick or your ass, sure.'

'But I have a great ass according to that pervert at the gym :)'

'I'm going to bed. You should try, too.'

James disappointedly put his phone down and laid back in bed.

James woke up with an awful headache. He sat up and groaned, clutching his head to try and make the pain stop. He spotted some ibuprofen by his bed and took it.

He picked up his phone and sent a message to Ryan. 'Hey, thanks for getting me home safely last night. I'm sorry I was such a pain. I'll get you a pizza to make it up to you if you want.'

Then he texted Nadia. 'You're a real jerk sometimes. I hope you're happy knowing my secrets, Rizavi.'

Then he looked at the messages he had sent Keith.

"Oh, hell." He said. James usually didn't curse, but this called for some cursing.

He took a deep breath and crafted a new text. 'Good Morning, Kogane. I just wanted to apologize for the texts I sent you last night. As you can probably tell, I had a couple drinks and am apparently a lightweight, haha. I definitely won't be drinking again any time soon, no matter what Nadia tells me. Again, I am so sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable. —James Griffin'

James read the text over again. It looked good. Formal yet pleasant greeting, apology, acknowledgment of actions, light joke, promise to not repeat actions, another apology, formal sign off. Perfect.

James hit send and went to his kitchen to make himself some breakfast. He was still stirring the eggs for his omelet when his phone pinged, and he was ashamed to say he nearly knocked the bowl over scrambling to see what Keith had responded. He was disappointed when he saw it was just Nadia.

'Not my fault your a slut for Kogane' She said.

'You're, and I am not a slut.' James responded. He was not, despite what Nadia said, a slut.

Another message popped up. It was from Ryan. 'No problem, man. I'm just glad you got home safe :)'

James went the rest of the day periodically checking his phone for Keith's response. He got a message on Grindr, but didn't respond, just deleted the Grindr app. Nadia had made him get it in the first place, saying he needed to loosen up, but after last night, he had done enough loosening up for a lifetime.

He didn't get a response from Keith until evening. He assumed Keith was on a mission with the Blade of Mamora (because apparently Keith was half Galra? James didn't really know what to think of that, but he supposed it didn't change anything.) or doing Black Paladin duties.

'How long did it take you to write that? You could have just said 'sorry I drunk texted you' instead of being all formal. And why'd you sign it? I know your name lmao'

James didn't know how to respond to that. Luckily Keith sent another message a moment later.

'Don't worry though. You didn't make me uncomfortable. A lot of drunk people flirt with me so it's not a big deal. Once Shiro was drunk and actually hit on me when I was in my Blade suit because he didn't recognize me, and he's my brother, so no bad flirting experience can top that.'

James laughed. 'I'm glad I didn't make you uncomfortable.' He texted, 'I guess formality is my default setting.'

'No problem. When you're part of an intergalactic war, you're used to people saying things they don't mean.'

James frowned. Keith thought he didn't mean any of what he said.

'Unless,' Another text came in, 'You really are into my hot hot aesthetic.'

James didn't answer for. He just sat there for a few minutes, wishing he had better romance skills, until he heard a knock on the door.

He got up to answer and was taken aback with what he saw. "Keith?"

Keith was standing in front of his door, holding a two fast food bags and a cup of coffee. His hair was pulled into a ponytail, and James was having unwholesome thoughts about it.

"Hey." Keith said, "I figured that last night was your first time drinking, so I brought some hangover cures. I read that fast food, Pedialyte, and coffee help, so I brought those things."

"Thank you!" James said, "But can I ask why you're doing this?"

Keith walked in to James's house and put the bags and coffee on the counter. "Let's just say I like your hot, hot aesthetic, too."