Nico di Angelo

Had I known he wasn't coming back, I wouldn't have out down that I was staying. But I did. So it's just Leo, Jason, Grover, and myself.

Like a few days after everyone left. Three days. Barely even a half week had gone by and Chiron asked for Grover and I. When the other two asked, he said they could come with, too.

So we went to the big house and I got nervous when Chiron told us that we should probably sit down.

For most demigods, Camp is the number they have for their other parent. For their godly parent. Most gods don't actually care, but it's nice for Chiron to know so like if you're injured they won't bring you in for emergencies until you're healed. It's nice.

But between Grover and I, we have one girlfriend and one sister and no other family as far as I know of. Hazel messages me yesterday saying they got back fine, and Juniper is here.

Which meant that something wasn't right.

"What's going on?" I asked, because I know Grover can sense emotions and I knew he was nervous because Chiron was nervous because he was more nervous than usual.

"We got a call about an hour ago, and we were trying to just get the situation figured out and to track both of you down," the centaur explained to us. "And I'm sure this is all just as our of the blue for you four as it was for me to hear earlier from his mother."

I don't like it. It's like 8:30 in the morning. I don't need this. Don't like it.

It was just silent as we were waiting for Chiron to tell us what happened to who.

"Percy tried to kill himself last night," Chiron broke the news to us, and my fucking heart just shattered and I'm positive Jason knew it would because where did that suddenly come from? "Paul woke up this morning and found him in his room bleeding and he's awake now and his vitals are stabilizing, he's at the hospital. They haven't found anything like a note, but Sally said to tell you two and then if he had any of other friends here. Visiting will be open at 9. So if you guys wants to take a day and go see him, go ahead. I'm going to give him a day and talk to him tomorrow and just ask him a few things. But please, go talk to him."

After that, he dismissed us and Grover said he was going to get his bag and leave because that's his best friend, who never called to tell him he needed help and he was having a bad night.

I barely made it to my cabin, and Jason followed, of course. Because like, the idea hit me. The reality hit me.

It wasn't that somebody tried to murder him and a monster or immortal wanted him dead.

This wasn't something he could just fight and kill like it's nothing when it's a monster.

This was him wanting to kill himself. This was him not wanting to go on with life.

He was hurting, and nobody noticed.

I almost noticed. I could've asked why he was wanting to leave and like... It didn't seem like him to just want to give everything up and leave when he was so close to just being done and completely... Like to drop out a week before you graduate.

But that wasn't him debating if he wanted to deal with the stress and not have a summer to relax before college.

That was him debating whether or not he was going to kill himself.

And he talked to me about it.

Had I maybe just said that I didn't actually have him and we could've talked and...

Before I knew it it had a million and one ways to blame myself for this. And it just... It scared the absolute shit out of me. The thought of him being gone, dead, because he wanted to be. Because he chose that.

I don't blame Leo for looking so confused when he showed up probably to see if I was even going or if I was ready to leave. But instead of me just being there and waiting, I was balling my eyes out as Jason was trying to calm me down because the person that Leo thinks I hate that I love tried to kill himself.

But I never told him that I love him.

Leo Valdez

I have never been more confused in my life walking into somebody cabin.

Like, I figured Nico would care a bit just because it's Percy and you always kind of care when somebody tries for suicide or stuff like that.

But I wasn't sure he was going to cry or really be super sad. Because last I checked, Nico fucking hates Percy. I figured he could be like the sensible one saying that he'll be fine and tell us to stop freaking out.

I walked in on him losing his shit, though, and Jason trying to calm him down.

Which, frankly, made no fucking sense.

Jason wasn't getting anywhere, either. We called Chiron down because it was a lot and Jason needed to get ready.

"What was that all about?" I asked my best friend, knowing that he's pretty close with Nico now. Has been for a while. "Like, I figured Nico would be just fine."

"Um, well you see," Jason explained to me, "and I'm only telling you this because I know you've been skeptical about it before and you personally know the stakes and whatever."

I gave him a confused look.

"What Chiron said just broke his heart," Jason said as we got to his cabin, which still made no sense. He made sure the door was closed behind him even in his room. Which means it's a pretty decent secret. "Absolutely fucking shattered it. This is like, his worst nightmare, Leo, he doesn't know how to handle it."

"What... What?" I questioned, confused.

My best friend sighed.

"When we were in Split, we kind of left a bit out of what happened," Jason explained as he sat on his bed. "And I won't go into the whole story because we don't really have time. But the bottom line is that Nico's gay and everyone thinks he has this crush on Annabeth, but really it's Percy and I mean, I'd go as far as to say that he might love him, but he hasn't directly said that so don't take that from me. He definitely has this huge liking and he's known for like, a while. I don't know how long, but a long time and he's struggled with like coming to terms with it because him and Percy just have some weird fucked up past and he doesn't know how he can get past it with Percy so he just kind of panics and shuts down and pushes him away every time they talk and that's why everyone thinks he hates Percy and like his mom is dead and so is his older sister and I don't think he can really handle Percy's death if he goes like this."

Oh, shit.

"So you mean..." I remarked, thinking about that just back. "I knew that he liked him at the start of the trip and then everyone was talking about how he liked Annabeth so I figured because I'm bi my brain just figured if he was gay he'd like Annabeth but he never came out and I was right?"

"I mean, yeah."

"Well shit." And then I realized that this was kind of bad. If he was like just as quickly and intensely as he was. "He's really uh... He's really in it, isn't he?"

"Kind of," Jason confirmed. "And I don't know what to tell him outside of he'll be okay and he's still alive and he can get better because I know he's not believing it and just don't say anything to him because this already fucked up, he'll probably have a seizure if he had a panic attack because you asked about his feelings."

"No, of course," I insisted. "I wouldn't never... It sucks to have that happen, I'll keep my mouth shut. We should make sure he's okay, though, and head out."

Nico di Angelo

I was exhausted by the time Jason got back, so I was calm. Had my wallet and a small bag of things he might like that I just saw.

Once we got in the taxi with Argus, I passed out for a little bit like until right before we got to the hospital. Sally told us his room number so we just went up and Grover went first as like, his best friend. I let Jason and Leo go next because they went in together and Sally noticed how like tense I was and tried to calm me down a little bit it didn't do much.

So when I went in to see him and talk to him, I wasn't exactly mentally prepared.

"Hey. I didn't think you'd come." Percy remarked and I knew he wanted to say why but he didn't. The tone was still there, though. The intent. "What uh... What's up?"

I gave him the small gift bag.

"It's stuff, um..."

And my brain just wanted to shut down because this just scared the shit out of me.

I love him but I don't know how to tell him that without scaring either or both of us and he tried to kill himself so he probably wouldn't even believe me and either way be bad a girlfriend and just...

So I just got into my own head about it, like I always fucking do because I can't talk to him because I don't know how because no matter how hard I try, I'm terrified to come out and so I just shut down.

I couldn't talk and I felt like such a dumbass because the whole point of this was to talk to him. But I couldn't do that. The only thing I could manage to do was cry and freak him out and make him feel bad because of it.

Like, I'm the worst. I'm here to try and make him feel better and I make him feel worse.

Who fucking, like... Who does that?