I've been meaning to write, been meaning to speak, of the things that strike me the most about you, but never had the courage, never had the chance, never had the time, until all that's left are remnants of the journey that I could've taken, splinters palpable memories that I could've cherished."

These are the last words that I wrote for Jennie, hoping and praying that once these words come out in ink, written in the last page of my worn-out journal, all that I feel for her comes along with it, scribbled, jotted down, etched.. and I hope it never leaves that piece of paper.

I hope it stays there for good.   

__________________________________

"What about these? Will you need the items inside this box?"

"It's labeled as DNT Soojoo, of course, I would be needing them."

"What's DNT?"

"Do Not Touch." The woman in front of her who was busily sorting things inside her living room answers. "And here I thought you were the hipper one between the two of us."

"Oh please." The model-like face friend of hers rolled her eyes. "DNT is like your acronym."

"So is everyone else in the world, you hag."

"Whatever... Anyway, you have one more box left to be sorted out. Why don't I finish this one before we head to the event okay?"

"Sure."

She enters her bedroom and looked at the space. It felt like it was just yesterday when she first entered the room and saw nothing but a blank canvas and the desire to make it as her own room as much as possible. Numerous piggy banks were smashed after months of saving only to be spent on paint, beddings and fairy lights.

Fairy Lights.

Someone loved fairy lights as much as she did too.

"Are you sure we have everything that we need?"

"I did double-check everything."

"Well, we both know double-check is not enough for you. Let me take a look at the list once more while you roam around and see if we had missed any."

Powder Blue paint? Check.

New Grey beddings? Check.

Shin-Chan-

"Chu! Look!" The latter looks around the alleys of the hardware store trying to find the source of the voice. "Over here!"

"What's that?"

"Fairy lights!" The other gleamed with joy as she lets out her gummy smile at her. "We should buy this!"

"We're gonna go over-budget."

"But they look sooo pretty..." She pouts, making it even harder for the other one to not be tempted to her request. "Our room will look all nice and aesthetic with this one."

"What are you talking about, we're renovating my room."

"Yeah but I barely sleep in mine so might as well call it our room." She answers. "We're gonna go halfsies on this one I promise."

"You always say then when we're upgrading the apartment..."

"This one, it's going to be real this time." She pulls out her wallet only to find imaginary spiders and a small-grey smoke coming out of it. "Oops..." She says as she accompanied it with a nervous chuckle. "I'll go to the nearest ATM now."

The black-haired girl sighs and pulls her wrist. "Just buy for dinner with that card of yours and consider it even."

"Alright! Thanks, Chu! Love you!"

Remembering that split-moment flashback brought a smile to her face. She did always end up buying whatever the other one wants and it didn't even matter whether she couldn't buy the things she needs anymore. Seeing her happy made her happy more than getting something that she had saved for months.

Months.

Someone did love the other for months too.

"Alright, I think that's enough reminiscing..." As she shoves the memory at the back of her mind, she continued the task at hand which was to sort out the things that were found in her bedroom. "Wow, I never knew I had this much stuff."

From old sweaters to the vinyl collection, she was totally at loss at the number of things that still needed to be sorted out. She couldn't believe that she actually bought so much over the years as she remembers only buying small things because of the lack of space available inside her room. One by one she separated them into three categories namely Still Needed, Still Could be Needed and No Longer Needed.

Minutes have gone by, she takes a look at her Still Needed pile which looks a lot in her eyes. Despite the fact that she was moving into a more spacious apartment, she didn't want it to clutter up with things she had brought along with. She was saving that space for the new things and memories she will get the opportunity to buy.

"This Grey sweater really did magic on me." She says as she remembered having this one her before she got the big news of her first job. "But I'm no longer into grey anymore so might as well have the others make use of it, pass on the magic." She says before throwing it like a ball and shot it at the No Longer Needed pile.

"Ooh! Favorite video game..." The jet-black hair grins as she remembered spending hours and hours just to get on every level. "But, the console is back with Hayul. I'll get a hold of this, maybe one day she'll decide not to be stingy and visit me."

"Let's see, what more can I give away here?" Looking through the sorted stuff once more, she finally sees a rectangular and thin carton box. It has been ages since she had done a major cleaning inside her bedroom so seeing this item once more seemed so foreign to her.

That is- until she uncovered the top and revealed its content to her.

Inside the box were two things. One was a rugged notebook whose springs were all rusted out and the pages were all glued together like it had been drenched in the rain and the other one was a very stylish and formal pen. Two were obviously different from one another but she recognized them right away.

It was her journal.

Her journal about Jennie Kim.

Someone who loved Fairy Lights.

And she was Kim Jisoo.

Someone who loved Jennie Kim.

__________________________________

Jisoo vividly remembers the first time she laid eyes on this canvas notebook. She was passing by the shopping district when she saw this item through the shop's door. There was something about having the replica of the great wave of Kanagawa on the cover page that caused her to buy it and though it was a bit expensive than the rest of the products, an expensive pen does require an expensive daybook.

She carefully glances through every page remembering all sorts of feelings that she had poured on every page of her journal. Whether it was a fluttering feeling during the Cherry Blossom season or a painful memory during her college Tanabata Festival, Jisoo's heart seems to point out everything as if it had its own memory box. Just as when Jisoo decides to just place back and turn around at the entrance's gate inside memory lane, she landed on the page that brought back a tug in her heart.

September 21, 2018

The day when Jisoo's first wave came.

It's been two months since I first started living inside the dorm with a fellow senior student inside our university. Unfortunately, a lot of the seniors didn't make the cut based on the requirements of their department and now the school decided to mix up with other majors and I landed someone as Jennie Kim as my roommate in my final year. I don't know if she remembers, but we actually became teammates once during sports activity a month before the roommate thing shifted. She probably doesn't- I'm just Kim Jisoo, and she was Jennie Kim.

Despite having differences, surprisingly, Jennie and I clicked at the first few hours inside our room. She wanted to have the lower bunk and I wanted the upper, I didn't want too many pillows surrounding me so I freely gave mine to her when she said she loved being stuffed with pillows. Those were just the things we astonishingly met through halfway. We balanced each other well that we decided to become the best of friends three days into the major shift. I didn't want it to be on public though, her clique can be quite intimidating when they want to.

And out of all the things I like about having her as my roommate, there's this one trait in her that begs to differ. She was always teasing me.

It all started with a harmless flirt. We were watching an adult movie that had homosexual content and she asked me freely about my experience. I really wasn't ready to open up to anyone about my sexual preference much more about my sexuality because back then I don't even know what I want so I told her that I was okay with it, and that's where it all started. She would ask me to come and cuddle with her during thunderstorms, compliment me before I head out to class and sometimes she would come and pick me up so we could go to our favorite café before going home. She would text imy's and ily's and every time I blush to her teasing, she would giggle and then let the teasing die down.

Even my friends would tease me about it and create speculations and whatnot about my relationship with my roommate. I remember Soojin and Seulgi exchanging turns polluting my brain telling me things that Jennie was 'infatuated' with me and used these harmless flirting as tactics just so she could know whether I like her or not. I didn't believe them of course, most of the things that come out from their mouths are either jokes or non-sense and I think what they keep on instituting regarding Jennie are both. Jennie? Having feelings for me? I don't think so.

She was popular, I was more of a bystander. She had the most popular people in our school as her friends while I'm squad-up with Soojin and Seulgi who looked and existed like me. I was a major in music who wanted to have loud backgrounds for inspiration while she was in fashion, a major where silence would be the most appreciated thing to get inspiration. We were probably nothing alike. Jennie Kim liking someone like me would be even more unlikely than winning the lottery. Even if we balance each others' storms, Jennie Kim and Jisoo Kim are revolving on different orbits.

Jennie Kim will never like me. Never.

"What's taking you so long?" Soojoo barges in and widens her eyes when she saw the mess. "Oh my God Jisoo! You had this much junk on your backyard?"

Jisoo rolls her eyes at her friend's choice of words. "First of all my bedroom doesn't look like a backyard."

"Sorry, it looked to me like you were having a garage sale."

"Garage and backyard can't be found at one place Soojoo get your facts straight."

"Too bad, I'm gay." She winks and then stares at the things scattered all around the floor. "Please tell me you have these things sorted out."

"Of course I did. These are the Still Needed pile, that is the Still Could be Needed stuff and those are the No Longer Needed things."

"And what about the thing that's in your hand?"

"Huh?"

"That." Soojoo points the journal with the use of her mouth. "Where do those belong?"

Jisoo looks at it and smiles. "I'm still figuring it out."

Jisoo leaves her apartment and had her team fix the remaining things and leave with Soojoo as they leave for Paged, a local bookstore in Osaka where she will be having her first-ever book signing event. She looks through the window and while Soojoo was busy explaining her the things that she was expected to do at the book signing, somehow her mind strays away and remembered what happened right after she wrote that entry.

"You're back." Jisoo smiles at Jennie before looking at the wall clock that told her it was way past Jennie's usual go-home time. "Was Kato-sensei being a dick again?"

"No, someone else was being a dick."

The tone her roommate used got Jisoo crinkle in confusion. "Who was being a dick?"

Jennie snaps her head over her. "Someone named Kim Jisoo."

"Me? How was I being a dick?"

"Well I don't know, maybe it's because I already texted you that I was going to fetch you from your class and we could watch a movie together but then you left me on read and you ditched me for boobie Bona."

"Boobie what?"

"Boobie Bona!" She repeats. "The one who always jiggles her boobs in laughter whenever she's talking to you."

"Okay first, boobie Bona sounds weird."

"I bet you were enjoying the show."

"Oh come on, it's not like I was looking at her boobs every time we talk. I barely pay attention."

"You still acted like a dick because you left me on read." Jennie stands up and crossed her arms. "Why did you leave with her anyway? You've been hanging out with her lately it's irritating."

Jisoo looked away, trying to find an explanation that was less suspicious of Jennie's standards. How was she trying to get away when she just agreed to whatever Bona offered because Soojin and Seulgi won't stop on teasing her that she was a whipped for Jennie's company?

"Alright." Jisoo pulls out her puppy eyes trick card knowing it would always work on Jennie. "How can I make it up to you?"

"Hmph!" She snobs yet still sit on the bean bag across the latter. "Have you been writing some songs lately?"

"I have." She says. "I recently wrote a new one, would you like to hear it?"

"Really?" Jennie says with excitement, totally 180-degrees different from her attitude earlier. "Of course! Let's hear it." Jisoo smiles as she gives herself a soft pat on the shoulder before grabbing her guitar.

Here are tons of things on my mind that I wish to forget,

Memories, feelings, moments that I wish I'd regret

Don't mind

You're on my mind.

Leave it behind

All that we are is all I could find...

Tell me something... anything that can ease my mind

Goddamn you're all I ever wanted, sometimes I wish, my darling,

Would you just take me for granted

So I could leave this place, and forget your face.

No, my love, it was never just a phase.

It's nothing

You're everything

We're bluffing

When will I stop running

"I recently just added this one- here are tons of things on my mind that I wish to forget, Memories, feelings, moments that I wish I'd regret, and then I would go back to the don't mind stanza... It's still a mess, my mind is always a mess but- yeah-" She decides to chuckles the nervousness away before looking at Jennie. "So? What do you think?"

Jennie remains silent for a few more seconds before saying- "Who are you running from Jisoo?"

That somehow catches her off guard. "W-w-well... I just want to p-put something that rhymes so that's about it."

"You're mind's a mess but your words are like calm waves..." Jennie trails off and then smiles. "It's a good song, what are you going to name it?"

"What do you think about the title- running away?"

"JISOO!"

"WHAT THE F-"

"Don't give me that look I've been calling you a million times already."

"It's impossible-"

"To call someone a million times because an average person speaks one-hundred and fifty times a minute and I would need one hundred thousand minutes to be able to call you a million times." Soojoo rolls her eyes. "Where did you even learned that?"

"From someone."

"Who is this someone?"

"Hey, Jennie!" Jisoo snaps her fingers in front of the girl after her demo song was done. "I've been calling you a million times already, are you okay?"

"Did you know that an average person speaks 150 words per minute and to call someone a million times you would need to call them out for 100,000 times?"

"Don't be smart with me." Jisoo squints her eyes playfully at her. "Is that the excuse you use every time you got caught on staring at other people?"

"I don't know, it's my first time staring at someone."

"It's nun."

Soojoo furrows her eyebrows. "Nun?"

"Nun of your business." Jisoo sarcastically remarks before exiting the car. "Let's go Soojoo!"

Her assistant closes her eyes and meditate. "Give me the strength not to strangle my talent today."

Jisoo's book signing event is going amazingly well. She narrates her favorite part of the book which was the beginning of the story, answers the questions were thrown at her with ease and confidence and interacted with her guests who came from different walks of life and some came from the country's neighboring countries. As promised, Jisoo did maintain minimal talk with the fans as much as possible, gave direct answers to maximize her one hour and to entertain many questions as much as possible. Forty-five minutes later, they were finally down to the last numbers, and as much as this was an enjoyable time, Jisoo's hand was starting to get numb.

"Hi there." Jisoo smiles at the Western foreigner. "What's your name?"

"It's Claire."

"Oh! So I finally came face to face with my main character." Jisoo says playfully before putting her signature on her book.

"I was intrigued by your book right away when I saw it had the same spelling as mine. I'm an Architect in the making so you can say I relate to Claire's life being a mess."

"Are you done with the book?"

"I'm still at the part where Claire was denying her feelings for Gwein." She says. "I have a question for you though, I hope it's okay."

"No problem go ahead."

"Would you confess to someone who is really out of your league?"

"I'm telling you Soojin, she's hiding something from us."

"We're her friends Seulgi, she won't hide anything."

"That's why I can tell you that there's something off with her because we're her only friends."

"I still, trust Jisoo will open up to us."

"On other things? I have no problem with that." Seulgi eyes their friend. "I bet it has something to do with-"

"Guys." Jisoo slams her book lightly. "I'm right here."

"We know."

"But you're reading, hence, you're actually in a different world. Mentally speaking, you're not here with us."

"I can't go to another world because of you two and your blabbering mouths." Sighing, she takes a look at their untouched academic books. "You two were supposed to study remember?"

"Don't blame me, blame Seulgi."

"No, this is your fault."

"Alright, spill." She crosses her arms and faces the two. "You two were ganging up on me again so ask away." Soojin and Seulgi share a look. "Well?"

"You do it."

"No, you do it."

"Why should I ask?"

"Well, why does it have to be me?"

"Hello? Are you guys going to ask or-"

"What's going on between you and Jennie?" They end up saying it at the same time.

"Between me and Jennie?" She tilts her head to the side as her eyebrows draw together. "What do you mean?"

"Are you guys hooking up?"

"Are there feelings involved or is it just physical?"

"Are you guys on drugs?" Jisoo counters defensively. "Why would you guys think of something like that?"

"With the use of logical explanation and a higher sense of observation and research."

"You two need help. My relationship with Jennie is purely platonic."

"Purely platonic my ass."

"You think I'm lying to the both of you?" Jisoo lets out a scoff. "Jennie is someone who doesn't sit in our clique and not to mention she's very... straight."

"She may be straight as a ruler when it comes to other people, but I get a sense that whenever she's with you, she turns into pasta."

"Pasta?" Jisoo was lost. "Why?"

"Straight until wet."

"No, she's an al dente pasta. A little hard, a little wet."

Jisoo gasps and shoves each of her hands to Soojin and Seulgi's mouths. "You need to shut your mouths."She takes a good look at the students around them who were into their books and readings before removing her hands. "You can't say things like that in the open. Jennie and I are not compatible with one another."

"Well, you're kind of right with that one." Soojin agrees. "I mean, almost everyone in the university knows Jennie. I doubt our professor even remembers our names."

"She's also very outgoing while Jisoo prefers to be alone ninety-five percent of the time."

"Not to mention Jennie's a hetero."

"Even if Jennie was gay, the chances of being with Jisoo is still highly impossible."

"Yeah, she would go out with someone like Irene Bae, a very famous gay on the campus too." Seulgi nods in agreement. "I hope you weren't offended Jisoo, we were just stating facts."

Although Jisoo felt a few heavy tugs on her heart as their differences were being mentioned, she handled it well and smiled at her friends. "None taken."

"Hey, guys!" Jennie comes in without any warning, stiffening the others' posture as they were caught off guard. She smiles briefly at Soojin and Seulgi before grinning towards Jisoo. "Hey, you."

"H-h-" Jisoo tries to regain composure by easing her body. "Hey." She smiles. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't text me where you were so I had to ask around. One of your classmates saw me and told me you were in the library which was dumb of me because if you weren't in class you were be found here." She chuckles. "What's that your reading?"

"Um, it entitled Out of My League."

"Whoops, too close to home." Seulgi mutters under her breath that earned a kick on the shin from Jisoo. "Shit."

Thankfully though, Jennie was too focused on Jisoo to pay attention to what Seulgi had said. "I read that book, good luck though- it can get quite frustrating."

Soojin then realizes this was their chance to gain some kind of information, so with the use of their so-called logical reasoning and a higher sense of research and observation, she throws in the big guns. "Why would it be frustrating?"

"Because the guy is giving her all the signs she could ask. It's like handed to her on a silver platter or even a huge neon billboard sign." Laughing, Jennie decides to give her a review regarding the story. "If the girl noticed these signs, they probably saved frustration towards each other. I'm not defending the guy though, he could've just straight-up told the girl she likes her. I know it's a slow-burn type of story but it just irritated the hell out of me." Jennie noticed the three were giving her odd looks so she shyly hides on Jisoo's shoulder. "Sorry, I spoiled too much."

Right there, both Seulgi and Soojin share another meaningful look. "Jennie, what do you think about liking someone out of your league?"

"Huh?"

"Well let's say you were a guy, what are the chances of you dating someone like-" Seulgi scans the room and then lands it on her friend. "Would you date someone like Jisoo?"

"Hey, don't include me in your conversation I am busy reading here."

"Good luck reading it upside down though." Soojin teases and caused for Jisoo to blush.

"Someone like Jisoo?" Jennie looks at her roommate who was busying herself with something else. "Yeah, I would date someone like her."

"Really?" Both of Jisoo's friends reach too positively while Jisoo stopped whatever she was doing.

"Yeah."

"Even if you guys are complete opposites?"

"Opposites attract." She shrugs. "When I like someone, I don't look at the things that make us different. I look at the things that we have in common and from there I try to sort out my differences with them. If they could meet me halfway just like what Jisoo did, then I have no problem with having them as my partner."

"So, on a scale of one to ten, what are the chances you would date our friend?"

"Hmm..." Jennie smiles and then looks at the person beside her who was already a blushing mess. "One hundred percent."

"Miss Kim? Are you okay?"

Jisoo was immediately embarrassed for dozing off. "Y-yeah sorry if I spaced out for a while."

"Is everything okay here?"

"Yeah, I just zoned out for a minute."

Soojoo immediately showed concern for her talent. "You skipped lunch again, do you want to cut the event short?"

"We're onto the last part anyway don't worry. It'll be sad for me too."

"Okay, if you say so... just call me whenever you need something okay? I'll be by the corner overseeing things."

Jisoo nods and then looks at the girl. "Okay, back to your question. What was it again?"

"Would you confess to someone who is out of your league?"

"I think liking someone shouldn't be based whether they're in your league or not. Liking someone should be free and you're free to like whoever it is that you like. Whether it's someone as famous as Gwein or someone plain and simple like Claire, it's completely okay. The term out of your league is just an excuse that humans invented to validate their fear of confessing to someone."

"So you think that I have a shot with someone that I like?"

"As long as you ask in a proper way and not freak them out, then I think you should give it a try." She answers. "We only have one life, what's the point of living if we don't do the things that make this only life memorable?"

Jisoo signed a few more and now it was down to the last five people who are waiting in line. The others passed by quickly because this time Soojoo stood beside Jisoo who made sure that they wouldn't exceed the expected timeframe. While Soojoo was firm and strict when it comes to handling her career, Jisoo was grateful that she was around and after this, she was going to treat Soojoo and the rest of the team to a feastful brunch. Finally down to the last person, Jisoo was so excited to end the event that she didn't bother looking up and signed the book.

"What's your name and what should I say here?" Jisoo asks.

"My name's dumpling."

The rookie author couldn't help but laugh at the choice of name. "Dumpling?"

"Yeah, that's what you used to call me to remember?"

Her hand immediately stops- marking a huge dot on the first page of the book before lifting her head . "Jennie?"

The last person in line smiles at her. "Hi, Jisoo."

__________________________________

"Jisoo are you not going to see her?"

"I don't see the point of seeing her."

"She's leaving Japan for good Jis, who knows when will be the next time she's going to come back?"

"It's for the best if she didn't." She drunkenly says. "I can't be there like she wants me to be okay?" Chugging a huge portion of her beer she goes on. "We fought last night, so she's going to understand if I don't show up."

"You don't need to show up for Jennie you know? We're encouraging you to show up it's because this is for your own good."

"How does seeing the girl I love leave me going to do me good?"

"Because you get to have a closure with her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Look, I don't understand the pain you're going through and God forbid that I go through the same thing but you have to place an ending to your chapter with Jennie Jisoo. I know this isn't the ending you imagined, but you deserve a proper closure. You don't want to continuously ask yourself what could've changed if you just had enough courage to go to the airport now."

"Courage..." Jisoo lightly trails off. "I always end up finding courage at the wrong moments."

"Seulgi is right Jisoo, you can't start if you left the previous part hanging. Your life doesn't need to stop just because you didn't end up with Jennie. Life goes on, with or without Jennie." Soojin adds. "I know you can't let her go, but loving someone who can't be yours involves setting them free, even if it takes all of you."

"Here we go, two strawberry pancakes and milkshakes." Jennie places the plate in front of her, disrupting her reminiscing. "The line here is insane! I don't remember having this many people before."

"Sanji took over the family business and used her recipe and elevated the original one."

"Really? Well, I'm glad her cooking was always superb you know? I remember whenever she would have us to taste her inventions."

"We were like her Guinea pigs." Jisoo smiles.

"I'm glad her dad approved of it."

"Her dad died years ago, that's why she took over."

"Oh, that's so sad."

"It took a toll on the family business too, but I'm just glad she pushed through from that hard fall and stood up again."

"It changed so much..." Jennie trails off while letting her eyes roam around the establishment. "It's been long since the last time I've been here."

"Three years."

"Well, actually three years and six months but it's close." She lightens up the mood again. "It's been three years and six months since the last time I saw you, it's been that long."

"Time flies when you're having fun you know?"

"It wasn't fun without you." Jennie says just right above her nose but Jisoo heard it completely fine. "How are you Jisoo?" She quickly changes the topic.

"I've been good." She smiles and takes a bite of her pancake. "You?"

"Same, though I can't say for the past months, it's been stressful. There were a lot of things that needed my attention and it felt like one versus three-hundred tasks all at once."

"But you showed grace under pressure." She comforts her friend. "I saw the invitation, it was really beautiful..." Jisoo trails off and then takes a good look at Jennie's hand. "So, it's finally happening."

"I know..." Playing with the one of a kind ring, she smiles at Jisoo. "Can you believe it Jisoo? Because I'm still having a hard time doing it."

"Jennie, you have to believe it. You are getting married." She says it with a struggle. "You're tying the knot with your prince charming."

"Oh stop it, you make it sound like my wedding is going to be a fairy tale." She rolls her eyes but Jisoo noticed the blush on her cheeks.

"Anyway, what brings you here over? I'm quite surprised you paid a visit here all of a sudden."

"I'm here to convince you to attend the wedding."

Jisoo gives her a blank expression. "No way."

"Yes, way."

"You know you could've just called me."

"And my call would be ignored."

"Text? E-mail?"

"I know you leave your chatbox unread for months." She rebuts. "Besides, even if I did all those things it wouldn't guarantee me that you're gonna go."

"Hey, I already told you that I can't remember? Your wedding day is the same date as the start of my very first book tour."

"Should I postpone the wedding then?"

"Silly, that's non-sense, your wedding can go on without me."

"It wouldn't make sense if you weren't there Chu, you're very important to me."

"If it was dated earlier, I would've said yes."

"Can't you postpone your book signing just for a day?"

"As if Soojoo would allow that."

Right at the mention of the new girl, Jennie's demeanor changed. "Is Soojoo your agent?" Jisoo nods her head. "Oh, I thought she was your girlfriend."

Jisoo takes in a huge amount of her food at the same time Jennie said it causing her to choke on her food. "Why- why would you assume that?"

"You guys just didn't give me that professional kind of vibe. Plus, I always see you together on your social media."

"That's because she's one of my closest friends." She defends. "Seulgi moved to Chicago with Irene, Soojin is living her dream in Paris. I met Soojoo when I was looking for a publisher."

"For saying that you guys are friends that's a lot of explanation don't you think?"

Jisoo just ignores the statement and move to a different topic. "So, what are your plans now?"

"Up to you."

"How come it's up to me."

"Because now, you have to make it up to me." She looks at her wristwatch. "You don't have much time though, only a few hours more."

"Wait, what time would you return to Seoul?"

"Early morning tomorrow."

Jisoo widens her eyes. "Jennie, your wedding is tomorrow."

"I'm not stupid Jisoo."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I can."

"And what about Jongin? How did he react?"

"He was pretty calm about it. He was even the one who told me to go on this trip. Our families can be quite stressful when they want to be." Jennie looks at Jisoo who was still shocked at how impulsive she could be. "Don't worry, I am not having cold feet. I am still one hundred percent sure of marrying him..." She reassures the latter. "I don't intend on getting away as far as Japan, but when he told me I could get away, the first thing that came to my mind was you." She looks at her food. " I guess you're still my safe haven after all these years."

"Jennie..." That was all she could say, as she was in the middle of processing it. "I don't know what to say."

"Jisoo?"

The latter swallowed the lump on her throat. "Y-yeah?"

"Will you escape the reality with me?"

__________________________________

"You're going to where now?"

"Okinawa, Soojoo."

"Are you crazy? You're flying to Okinawa now? But your flight for Tokyo is tomorrow!"

"And all I ask is a few hours of escape."

"Are you going with that woman?"

"Yes."

"Is she your hidden girlfriend? Are you hiding your relationship from me?"

"I'm not hiding something from you. That woman is Jennie."

"Jennie? Who is Jennie?" She asks, but it only takes a couple of seconds for Soojoo to catch up. "She's Jennie? The Jennie Kim? Your Gwein?"

Jisoo takes a look at Jennie who was looking around their old apartment. "Yes, my Gwein."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Oh hell no Jisoo, there's no freaking way that I'm going to let you go through that. Absolutely not!"

"I'm not asking for your permission."

"What?"

"I'll see you at our flight to Tokyo."

"Kim Jisoo-"

Jisoo hangs up and follows Jennie who was inside their shared bedroom. "I forgot that the bedroom was big." She says. "Our things were cluttering up this much space."

"Our things? Last time I remember I wasn't working at a fashion company."

"Oh please, all of my clothes and other kinds of stuff were in the other bedroom."

"And so was in my closet too. It was my closet yet I feel like I own only a quarter of it."

"You're being over-dramatic." She says before letting the silence surround them for a while. "Did the place felt bigger when I was gone?"

"It did." The latter answered honestly. "I thought I could make it small again by turning the other bedroom to an office and buying stuff I usually couldn't buy before but the place still felt big... it was as if the apartment's atmosphere left along with you."

"Well, you don't have to worry because you're going to create your atmosphere right at your next apartment."

Jisoo held back her tongue from saying unnecessary things. So instead, she answers with a smile and moved on to a different topic. "Are you good to go?"

"Hold on, Soojoo really approved you leaving?"

"Not really, she said she didn't want to ruin my routine and she knows me well but I told her that it's only for a few hours."

"Sounds like a girlfriend would do."

Jisoo rolls her eyes. "Where's your luggage?"

"At the airport, I left it there because I knew you were going to say yes."

"Confident are we?"

"Just a little." She smiles and then finds Jisoo's old journal by the desk. "Wow, you still have this with you?"

She just nods and placed it inside her coat pocket. "Ready for an adventure?"

"You bet."

The two head for the airport and got on the boarding time just at the right moment. While waiting for the plane to take off, Jisoo noticed that Jennie was getting sleepy so, just like the old times, she offers her shoulder as a pillow which the latter agrees. She passes out as soon as her head came in contact with her shoulder so Jisoo took the liberty of arranging everything for them. As they took off, Jisoo made sure that Jennie was fast asleep before she pulls out her journal and picked up where she left off.

May 6, 2017

When Jisoo's second wave came.

They say that each person is unique with different strengths, weaknesses, and fears. While others are having a hard time being high above the clouds, others enjoy sky diving, traveling in the air, or looking at the view with no problem being thousands of feet above. Some, have fear of the water while some dream of having a house by the beach, hearing its waves smash against the rock, being able to snorkel. I think that each human is different, but I also think that we have this universal fear, and that fear is to live life without living it to the fullest. We are scared of regrets, scared of what if's and what could've been's.

That's why there's this thing called bucket list. A list of things where you would want to experience before dying. Some people start it while they're young, some start it right before they're knocking on death's door. Others have ten items on their list while others have hundreds. Some, have accomplished three bucket list already while the others recently finished their first. But while we all share one common fear, I am unlike everybody else. I only have one thing on my list.

And that is to confess to my roommate, who I have developed feelings for a long time.

At first I was totally scared of admitting this feeling that I have for her... I thought that it was just a light crush, that there was something physically attractive to her that's why I like her and just give it a few months it'll all fade away and everything would turn back to normal. But the more we spend time together the more I realized it wasn't going to fade away, and every day I just found more and more reasons to like her. I didn't want to listen to what my heart says because I like what we have right now and if I could I would rather keep it in until the very end. But I guess the heart wants what it wants so I decided to listen to my friends' advice and took the leap.

However, instead on landing Jennie's warm embrace where I could smell a scent of relaxing vanilla scent, I find myself lying around the grass filled with thorns causing bruises around my body. The day I decided to confess my feelings towards my roommate was also the same day that she took the leap too.

And she landed safely on Jongin's arms.

"Okay Chu, just relax and take deep breaths... When she comes home, you ask her how her day went and then tell her you have to say something serious. She's gonna sense that you're not in the mood for jokes so she'll agree and that's when you're going to tell her slowly, but surely that you like her. You're going to tell her how you feel." She looks at her reflection and encouraged herself more. "You can do this, it's time to stop hiding behind the term 'friend'."

"Chu!" Jennie barges through the door and immediately jumps onto her roommate.

"Okay there kid..." Jisoo chuckles as she locks Jennie safe in her arms. "Wow, someone's happy... Wanna tell me the good news?"

"Chu, I finally did it."

"Did what?"

Jennie pulls away and looks straight at her. "Jongin Chu." She smiled so wide that it showed off her gummy smile. "Jongin confessed his feelings for him and I said yes."

Jisoo has remembered it all too well. It was hell week and Jennie would usually come home late because of tons of errands and projects that she needs to finish right at their work station. It was the end of the dreadful week and Jisoo thought that they could head out upstairs where they have a beautiful view of the Osaka bay and that's where she's going to tell her feelings. She had it all planned out, quite perfect if she was being honest. She also remembers how her plan came down crumbling when Jennie spilled the news. She remembered the pain, the regret, everything bad about it.

Regrets.

Some people get to live without them.

Some people have to wake up every day with it.

And Kim Jisoo was one of them.

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Okinawa." The flight attendant says over the speakers.

Jisoo forgets the ugly memory and turns to Jennie who's still fast asleep. "Hey, wake-up we're here." Jennie ignores her and continued sleeping. "Jennie, wake-up."

"Nooo..." Jisoo knew that tone very well. "No Wakey."

"I wonder how Jongin puts up with you when you're always like this."

"I'm not always like this." Jennie opens her eyes and turns to her. "Only with you."

Just like that Jisoo could feel all those fluttering feelings slowly resurrecting from the grave. "You still haven't changed." Shaking her head she continues to encourage the latter. "Come on, we have to go."

"Let me do my stretches first."

Jisoo then notices that there wasn't a ring on Jennie's finger. "Where's your engagement ring?"

"I asked you to escape reality with me remember?" Standing up, Jennie does a few more stretch before reaching out to hold Jisoo's hand. "Now come with me, we only have a few hours. Let's live it without any regrets."

Regrets.

Some people get to live without them.

Some people have to wake up every day with it.

And today, Jisoo wasn't going to be one of them.

Right after picking up the rented car, Jisoo told Jennie what they were going to do, given a few hours to make every trip memorable for them. The first thing they were going to do, was to do a small hike and have a great view of the beach, next is they're going to eat as much as they can and third, they're going to end their day by the beach just relaxing before checking-in at one of the best accommodations available in all of Okinawa.

They stopped by the hiking start and borrowed some needed gear and bought water fit for their hike. During the hike, Jisoo was able to notice small different things from Jennie. First, she wasn't that much of a hiking weakling anymore, in fact, she was the leader for most of the hike, guiding Jisoo and making sure she was okay and hydrated. Jennie was enjoying the walk much to her amusement and last- there was something about Jennie reaching the top and looking at the view without any hint of fear was really different.

She was looking at Jennie, but it wasn't the Jennie she knew at all.

"This is amazing." Jennie looked at the view with a smile on her face. "I couldn't remember looking like this."

"That's because you had your eyes close for the most part and you were screaming ninety percent of the time." Jisoo recalls. "Even my brother's eardrum changed after going on a hike with you."

"I was a bit of a scaredy-cat before huh." Jennie sits beside Jisoo while they both admire the view. "How's your family Jisoo? Are they living well?"

"They are. My parents are just enjoying traveling wherever they can and my siblings are busy raising families of their own."

"How about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you not going to raise your own family?"

"It's not my priority right now. It's fine, my parents don't annoy or pressure me anyway, I can be the filthy rich auntie who spoils their children just because I can." She laughs.

"I'm glad they're living well, I'm glad you're living good too."

"Thank you."

"Do you remember the last time we were here? It was just the two of us remember?" Jisoo nods her head. "It was our first trip together, just the two of us."

"Is that why you chose Okinawa?"

"I like it here, it's peaceful." She answers. "I had so many good memories in this place. My first memory was when I tagged along with your family vacation, the second when we visited again for Spring break and now, I get to spend a day with you right before getting married." Jennie smiles. "Come to think of it, almost all of my happy memories, you were there."

"Don't worry, you were there on mine too."

Right after the hike, Jennie and Jisoo head to this famous restaurant known of their fresh catch dishes and truth to be told when they were there, it had already a long line with tons of people waiting. This place was one of their go-to restaurants and would always spend hours and hours here just talking and eating. That was their initial plan too, but with the huge line waiting and limited time, it wasn't much of a wise decision to wait until they could get in. They were about to leave the place when all of a sudden a familiar face stops in front of them.

A familiar face that wasn't sitting well with Jennie.

"Bona!" Jisoo was the first to react when the latter instantly appeared in front of her. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't I get a hug first?"

"Of course!" Jisoo ecstatically gave Bona one while Jennie stood there with crossed arms.

Bona this time takes a look at Jennie. "Hi, Jennie."

"Hi." She gave a quick reply before fanning herself. "I'll be in the car waiting."

"Are you guys planning to eat here?"

"Yeah, we were but the line is too long so we might have to go to a different restaurant."

"Well, maybe I could help you with that matter."

Jennie faced Boobie Bona. "And how are you going to do that?"

She looks at Jennie and gives her the smug look. "It's because I am the owner of this place."

__________________________________

"Here you go, eat some more." Bona placed more seafood dishes right in front of them. "And these are for you Jisoo, I know you like crab meat so I asked my employees to peel it off for you."

Jisoo smiled at Bona. "Thank you!"

"I'm gonna go and entertain some more guests but I'm going to be back okay?"

"No pressure." Jisoo gives her a cheeky smile and went on with her food.

Bona leaves the scene and Jennie was completely annoyed when Jisoo's grin was still on her face. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Did you insisted on coming to this place because you knew that woman owns this place?"

"Of course not, I wanted to come here it's because we both like this restaurant. Remember we used to eat tons of seafood here before?" She says. "I didn't know Bona's family owned this place until now."

"But you guys used to hang-out a lot right?"

Jisoo remembers that one of the reasons why she chose to be with Bona sometimes because she wanted to escape realizing her feeling towards her roommate. "We always talk about things around the campus." Truth is, she just really forgot most of the things she said.

Jennie lets Jisoo eat for a few minutes before throwing in another question. "Why didn't you date her back then?" She played with her food. "Bona, I mean."

"I was interested in someone else at that time."

"Wait." The latter was completely thrown off after hearing it for the first time. "How come I never knew that you liked someone in college?"

"It's because you never asked."

"I didn't want to be labeled as the nosy roommate. Plus, I trusted you enough that you would confide to me about everything. We talk about anything under the sun right?"

"Yeah." Jisoo scoffs. "Except for our feelings."

"Did you say something?"

"Nothing." She says affirmatively. "Nothing at all."

"Okay, since that happened a long time ago, you need to tell me." Placing her hands in front of the table, Jennie leans in towards Jisoo's face. "Who was this girl you that you liked?"

"Here you go! More crab meat for the one and only Kim Jisoo and Jennie Kim." Bona disrupts their talk and Jisoo wanted to laugh seeing Jennie's pissed off face. "So, what are you two doing here in Okinawa all of a sudden?"

"We just thought that it was a good day to travel and we just decided to head out here today."

"Really? You? Doing things out of the whim?" The restaurant owner laughs like it was the most unbelievable thing. "Jisoo, you calculate everything. You can't do things impulsively."

"People change Bona." Jennie bats in.

"You know what hasn't changed Jennie?" Bona taps Jisoo's shoulder. "This person right here."

"What are you talking ?"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Jennie was still looking like she was left out of the dark. "I mean, aren't you thankful that after all these years, she finally dared to tell-"

"Bona, can you show me where the bathroom is?" Jisoo immediately interrupts her former colleague. "Sorry, I need to go."

The latter was starting to get confused too. "Okay, come with me. It's on the back."

"Excuse us for a moment."

__________________________________

"Bona, what the hell was that?" Jisoo said as they went outside of the restaurant's back exit. "You can't say things like that in the open."

"Why can't I? I mean you guys are together right?" When Jisoo didn't answer, that's when Bona was left out with few words to say. "Jisoo!"

"I know."

"You told me you were going to tell her!"

"Something always happens first okay? I've always wanted to tell her but I just can't."

"You couldn't? Or you wouldn't? Those are two letters apart but they have different meanings." She says. "Seriously what happened? If you guys are there but you guys are not together then does it mean she's back in Japan for good? Is she trying to win you back? Are you trying to win her back?"

"Jennie asked a favor if she could spend the rest of her few hours before her wedding with me."

"Wedding? With who?"

"Jongin."

"She's getting married to her long-time boyfriend and yet she's here with you?" Bona just couldn't believe what was happening.

"You're making it sound like I'm some sort of mistress."

"Because you kind of are!" She exclaims. "Jisoo, I know you love her, and you probably always will but- you can't do this to yourself."

"It's Jennie."

"Stop saying that, it's not because it's Jennie. It's because of you, this is your life, you make the choices. Don't blame this onto someone else, especially if that someone else doesn't know what you feel for them. You can't hold them liable Jisoo."

"I... I honestly don't know Bona." Jisoo's voice sounded weak and defeated. "But when she asked if I could come with her for just a few hours, knowing she's going to be someone else's wife the next day- I- I just said yes."

"It's still her is it?" She takes a look at her friend who has her head down before tapping her index finger onto Jisoo's chest. "After all these years, Jennie is still there with you."

"Would you believe me if I tried saying no to her offer?"

"Of course I will, but all I am wondering is, why didn't you try harder?" She asks. "You don't deserve to be someone else's escape, you're worth than that you know." Bona sighs and couldn't help but pity her friend's situation. "You may be happy now, but the sun will set, the moon will appear and when the sun rises again, it's going to be a new day. When that happens Jisoo, what are you planning to do?" She says. "Believe me Jisoo, because I was someone else's escape not too long ago."

Jisoo immediately felt guilty because she knew who was Bona referring to. "You don't have to worry about me, Bona." Jisoo tries to comfort herself and her friend. "If there's one thing I'm good other than writing, it's letting Jennie go over and over again..." She trails off. "I've done that three times and each time it was harder than before but I've always managed to bounce back."

"You're entering a losing game Jisoo. No matter what, you will only be the one who has the most to lose."

Jisoo sadly smiles. "How can I lose when I've always been afraid to place a bet?"

After the talk, Bona decided to have lunch on the house. She continued to drop once and a while and let them enjoy their food also engaged in small talks more with Jennie this time around. Right before leaving, she caught up with the two and thanked them for visiting their restaurant. She also wished Jennie well on her wedding while she gave Jisoo a long hug and a kiss on the cheek that left Jisoo's roommate is rather pissed.

While driving to the next destination, Jisoo was trying her best to lift the mood knowing how Jennie developed some sort of annoyance towards Bona. She tried cracking up jokes, but still, it left her with dead air and Jennie ignoring her with her head leaning towards the window. Finally when she decided that this wouldn't do them any good, Jisoo parks their car to the side and turned off the engine.

"Why are we stopping?"

"So all it had to do was for me to stop running the car for you to speak to me."

"Seriously Jisoo, why are we stopping?"

"I don't know where to go."

"What do you mean you don't know? You arranged everything during the flight."

"It's your turn to pick."

"Well then just go wherever you want to go."

"I want to go wherever you want to go." Jennie sighs and just ignored her. Having none of Jennie's sassy attitude, she forces the latter to look at her and then squished her cheeks.

"Jithsoo!" Jennie says through her trapped cheeks. "Whath are you twoing?"

"You were the one who told me that we only got a few hours left. You also told me that I should make it up to you. Tell me, how am I supposed to do that when you're ignoring me like this?"

She swats away Jisoo's hand. "It's not my fault, your attention were all drawn to Boobie Bona."

"Are you still calling her that after all these years?"

"Yeah, that's because she was having fun time watching you ogle at her boobs earlier."

"I wasn't ogling at her okay?" She defends. "And Bona has a great asset and you have too. You can show off yours like what she does if boobs are what you're all about."

"Jisoo! Watch your mouth!" She slaps the latter on the arm.

"Oh come on, why are you getting shy? I can validate what I'm saying because I've seen those myself."

"You are such a perv! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Jisoo chuckles as she continues to defend herself from Jennie who was blushing from embarrassment.

Right after Jennie calmed down, she removes her hand, still with a smile on her face she asks. "So, where do you want to go?"

"Just take me to the aquarium."

"Okay." Igniting the engine, Jisoo starts to drive back to the road. "Aquarium it is."

Being at the aquarium immediately shifted Jennie's mood. She was back to being playful and just a happy person while Jisoo just tags along wherever Jennie drags her and listens to every information that she has to say about the fish species or even during the shows. The highlight, of course, was their viewing of the penguins which they both seem can't shut up about while they take tons and tons of pictures.

They stopped by the highlight of the establishment which was this floor to ceiling glass aquarium with lots and lots of water animals swimming around. It was so huge, it felt like you were inside the water watching the fish go about their daily routine. Jisoo looks at Jennie, who was still- despite tons of aquatic places she knew the latter had visited over the years, and probably seen thousand of fishes, still looks at every aquarium like it's her first time to see one.

Earlier when they were hiking, she wasn't sure if she was still with the same Jennie she knew three years ago. Today, as they both stood in front of this glass, Jisoo could affirm that she was still the same Jennie. The same dumpling, the childish, whiny Jennie Kim.

The same girl that her heart longs for.

"The fishes look so free..."

"They do."

"What would you do?"

Jisoo looks at her. "What would I do if what?"

"If you had this kind of freedom back in college..." Jennie says in her soft tone. "If you didn't worry about what you were worrying back then, what would you do?"

The writer thought about a lot of things. "I guess I would do whatever it is that I wanted to do at that moment. I wanted to attend frat parties, cheer for the baseball team, be a part of the softball team, broke some rules, skip classes, be in detention and just- just made the most out of it." She answers. "I was so focused on being the 'good kid' that I forgot that college was the last chance I had doing things that scared me... and now, I try to make up for it but I wonder if I'm all too late."

Jennie nods her head. "Is that why you came here with me despite short notice?"

"It's one of those things." She says. "And you?"

"Well, let's see... I have a lot."

"Really?"

"Why? Did it appeal to you that I was living the best college life ever?"

"You looked like you were living the college life."

"I was..." She chuckles. "I had a few friends when I was in high school. Most of them judged me because I was too 'privileged' and too 'snobby'. I wasn't it just that my face looked like this." Jennie pauses for a moment. "So when I was in college I told myself, I'm going to do whatever it takes for people to like me. I had this pressure on myself to be not that girl from high school you know?" Jisoo nods her head. "But only if I knew, I guess I would use my freedom to take that leap of faith." Jennie smiles and looks at her. "Maybe then, I would be living a different life."

Jisoo was confused as to what Jennie was saying. "What are you-"

"Jennie? Is that you?" The two of them turned around and saw-

"Chaehee?"

Jisoo knew Jennie's circle of friends. It wasn't that hard because all you had to do was to look at the center of attention and that's where you would find them. It was sort of high school-themed. But most of her friends were pretty famous because they were children of influential people. Jennie fitted well with them, so it wasn't a shocker that a week after the freshmen year, Jennie Kim was walking side by side with the notable people.

She was all familiar to all of them, but Jisoo was most familiar with Chaehee, which was Jennie's best friend. Chaehee scared her, to be honest, she seemed very protective of Jennie and whenever she's around Jisoo would always choke or stutter. It was quite embarrassing actually.

When Chaehee asked if they could talk for a minute Jisoo immediately knew her place and told her that she would just roam around and come back a few minutes later. Jennie didn't argue and just nodded her head. She brushed it off though and looked at the nearby shops to see if there's some kind of souvenir she could buy.

After minutes of walking around Jisoo found none. She was sure Jennie and Chaehee pretty much weren't done talking so she sat by one of the concrete benches, pulled out her journal and read the third- and final wave. It was the biggest wave that came into her life, and that was when she knew- Jennie wasn't her calm before the storm.

Jennie Kim is her storm.

December 5, 2019

They say that there's always a time and place for everything to perfectly fit in place. It was what my mother told me when I didn't get the first place at the singing contest and she did the same thing when I attended the same competition the following year. She said the same thing when I didn't make it through the softball them and when I didn't get into casting for a talent agency. The agency sucked anyway, I probably would be left in the shadows so I guess it made sense.

I started to believe her words when I won the first place at a song composition contest and not just once, but three times in a row. When I didn't make it to softball, I played for the school band. When I didn't get cast, I got a call from the university paper if I could feature at their music and art page. It gained me a little popularity, twenty people knew I existed. It was better than five.

So I told myself time and time again, there's always a time and place for everything to perfectly fit in place in every aspect of my life. It did work, for the most part, ninety-five percent of the time. The five percent only consisted of me having to attend the Black Friday sale and my constant push and pull feelings towards Jennie. Yeah Jennie, the girl I still love despite being together with Jongin for years.

I tried looking for love in someone else's arms. It's not that I have been a complete masochist, I tried dating other people and I didn't bother telling Jennie, it was non-sense, she was straight and pretty much going steady with Jongin, she had a successful career ahead of her and tons of new friends. I was still Jisoo Kim.

Back in college when I always found myself not getting things done at the right time, I would comfort myself with my mother's golden advice and I would pick up and try again. I failed when I chose to be in denial rather than confronting my feelings, I failed when I gathered up the courage but someone else caught her attention. It took me days to recover from that, I even distanced myself because just looking at Jennie and then having to realize that she already belongs to someone else pained me. But when I got the courage to fight for her, to tell her how I feel and disregarded the fact that I was going to ruin a wonderful relationship, and break the thing I treasured the most and I had been trying hard to protect all these years- and that was my friendship with Jennie.

I was ready to throw everything under the bus. I was willing to take the risk, and I know it was stupid, to have this amount of courage after all the chances I had before. But something tells me that this was the right timing that my mother told me about, and all I had to do was to take it. I'm going to take it now, I'm going to take that leap of faith.

Then I found myself standing on the same grass, with the same thorns and the same ending. This time, it was a bit more painful because the day I finally had the courage to tell Jennie I was ready to fight for her, was the day that Jongin held a surprise party at our apartment where he asked Jennie to move in with him back to Seoul and as expected- Jennie said yes.

Mom, are you sure that there's a right time and place for everything?

If so, then why can't I find mine with Jennie?

Jisoo lets her fingers linger around the page which was smudged with tears. She remembered writing this while she was on top of their apartment building while Jennie and her friends celebrated the successful surprise. She somehow manages to act that she had just forgotten something and that she was recording for a big-time client. Jennie wasn't suspicious, she just asked if she wanted to stay for a few minutes and when she declined, she let her go right away.

She recalls how much she became a fan of alcohol back then, probably one of the reasons why she couldn't write, when she didn't have enough songs, she wasn't getting paid. Worse of all Jennie was leaving in a few weeks so in every aspect at that moment of her life, she was broke. And when she has nothing left but pain- that's when Jisoo found a piece of paper, and from there she never stopped writing, until she has finally reached to where she is right now.

Turning the page over Jisoo smiled seeing the next entry. It was the last song she had dedicated to Jennie, the last song she had composed and the last entry of her journal.

Putting the journal back to its original place, Jisoo looks around the shops nearby to see if there's that she had missed visiting and just a few steps away from her was an establishment that made Jisoo excited and giddy like she was a child again. Immediately she jumps from where she was seated and was certain that she had found a wonderful souvenir she was going to bring back home tomorrow.

Right after she successfully bought the said souvenir she walks back to their car and puts on the trunk where she plans to surprise Jennie later before going back to the coffee shop where Jennie and Chaehee got inside. She spots them right outside as they continue with their talk and Jisoo just carelessly approached them as she was still on the high from buying that surprise gift for Jennie. It was only then that she glanced at the latter's face did she notice that they were not catching up at all.

Jisoo noticed how stiff Jennie was and just how pissed Chaehee was. She wasn't a master of lip-reading, but she could only read a few just because the woman was speaking more than the average second. There were broken words that she had successfully caught up with. Unfair, selfish and stupid. Jisoo wondered why would Chaehee say those to Jennie, and why did it look like she was reprimanding Jennie rather than casual talk.

Chaehee noticed her first though and motioned for her to come over. "Sorry, did I interrupt your talk?"

"No." Jennie's friend says. "We were just waiting for you to come back."

"Oh, okay." It was awkward, Jisoo was still scared of Chaehee after all these years. "Um, do you want to have dinner with us?"

"She has some other things to do." Jennie cuts Chaehee who was about to speak. "Besides, her flight to Seoul is later tonight. She has to come back to Tokyo soon."

"Jennie's right Jisoo. Speaking of, will you be attending Jennie's wedding tomorrow?"

"I have an upcoming book tour so, unfortunately, I can't."

"Ah, I see that's why Jennie traveled this far just to spend time with you." Jisoo could feel that there was an underlying meaning, but once again it was Chaehee, she knew nothing about the way she would talk so she just shrugged it off. "Anyway Jisoo, good luck with your writing career. I don't mean to offend you but you're more of an author to me from the very beginning."

"T-t-hanks." Jisoo coughs out the stuttering and turns to Chaehee a bit more composed this time around. "Thank you."

"I'm going ahead." She turns to Jennie. "I hope to see you tomorrow Jennie."

"Don't worry, you will."

Jisoo just watched as Chaehee was fading away from the background. "She's still intense after all these years."

"Chaehee is not an intense person, that's just how she is." Jennie locks her arms with Jisoo. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Can we drink some beer by the beach?"

__________________________________

"Ahh... this feels so good."

"I hate to say it to you Jen, but this was a good idea."

At first, Jisoo was a bit indecisive when Jennie mentioned beer and beach in the same sentence. She wanted to ask for more, but deep inside she knew it was about the talk that she had with Chaehee and it probably left her pissed because Jennie doesn't drink any kind of alcohol until she wants to release some tension. She was right though because when they first bought a dozen beers, Jennie probably took the most of it and when it was their second, it was still the same and the same thing happened between the third and the fourth too. When Jennie had requested for another round, Jisoo wanted to say no and that she still had a surprise coming for her and she needed to be sober to do it properly but Jisoo was also thankful for the cans of beer she had placed inside her system because she was getting more confident and confident each passing second. So she agrees and leaves her coat to warm Jennie who was waiting for her to return.

Minutes later, Jisoo returns with another round of beers and gave them to Jennie. "Thanks, Chu."

"H-hold on, I- I have a surprise for you." She goes to the trunk of the car and grabbed the surprise. "Tada!"

"W-what is that?"

"A guitar!" Jisoo grins and sat beside Jennie. "I'm gonna sing a song for you."

Jennie was surprised to hear it from Jisoo. "You.. You're going to sing?" Jisoo nods her head. "Wow, when was the last time that you sang?"

"A long time." She says with a hiccup. "I want you to hear the last song I wrote."

"Of course." She responds with a smile. "You know I always like listening to your compositions."

"It's going to be a bit rough since I'm a bit drunk, but bear with me."

"Go ahead."

"Okay." She coughs out and vocalizes a bit before putting the guitar on her lap and prepared on the first key to be played. "Here it goes."

Raging, crashing and burning,

Oh it has always been a mess

Sweeping, twisting and turning

Oh would you save me, let me be your damsel in distress

Whispering, speaking and screaming

Oh would you listen to my silent pleads

And you'd come out in your favorite denim jeans

And I'd find myself staring for a bit.

Our eyes would meet, how long have I been longing...

For glimpses to turn into stares

For sweet nothings to turn into kisses

For you and me, darling can't you see.

Would you bat an eye and notice,

Would you take a minute and slow down.

"My quiet and chaos, My calm before the storm..." Jisoo takes a minute to catch her breath.

"I'm sorry Jisoo." And before Jisoo could utter a word, Jennie stands up and starts to make her way back to the car.

"What- Jennie wait!" Despite being a tad bit clumsy, Jisoo successfully catches up to Jennie who removes her hand from her. "Why are you running?"

"I can't- I can't do this." Jisoo could see that Jennie was struggling with words.

She looks at the latter and saw that tears were forming from the corner of her eyes. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"This is wrong, everything about this idea is wrong."

"What are you talking about?" Jisoo was slowly sobering up from Jennie's drastic mood change. "I- I don't follow Jennie."

"I thought I could do this but I can't, I'm sorry Jisoo dragging you here was a bad idea after all." She wipes her tears and tries to compose herself. "Do you think we can go back to Osaka now? I wanna go home."

"What?" She was totally confused. "You want to go home?"

"Yes, Jisoo I wanna go home so please get us a flight back to Osaka, I don't want to stay here."

"Tell me why." Jisoo's voice was calm and comforting. She was trying to be patient with Jennie. "Why don't we calm down first and then maybe you can tell me about it."

"I just want to go home goddammit Jisoo what's so hard to understand about it!?" Jennie was raising her voice and it wasn't sitting well with Jisoo. "If you don't want to do it, fine. You stay here, I'm going home."

"Oh that's very typical Jennie Kim..." Hearing Jisoo scream that from afar made Jennie stop in her tracks. "Always opting for the easy way out."

"What are you talking ?"

"I'm talking about you always choosing to leave rather than confronting things. When things are starting to get hard, you leave. That's what you always do."

"You know that's not true."

"Is it?" Jisoo lets her emotions take over and let it out for the very first time. "When people back in your old high school didn't like you, instead of changing their minds you left for Japan to rebuild your life. When you were struggling with your career here in fashion because of high competition, you left for Seoul where your family has tons of connections and gives you the successful career that you always wanted. Now- when you're faced with something that I don't even know- instead of letting me comfort you, you chose to leave. That's what you do, you leave when it's hard and you start anew but guess what Jennie, starting a new without closing chapters is just useless because it's always going to haunt you!"

" So did it haunt you when you chose to walk away three times too?" Jennie spats back, making Jisoo unsure what in the world was she talking about. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about you piece of shit!" She ends her statement with a shove directed on Jisoo's chest.

"Jennie! Calm down! What are you talking about?!"

"When were you planning to tell me Jisoo? Do you even have the guts to tell me?!"

"Tell you what!?"

"About this." Jennie pulls out from Jisoo's coat the journal she had taken with her.

"When were you going to tell me that I was your calm before the storm?"

"Where did you get that." Jisoo's voice wasn't in the mood for playing around as she feels her hands slowly get cold because of panic. "Jennie- answer me. Where did you get that?"

"Here." She throws the coat back to the owner. "Next time, try to consider being a gentlewoman. Sometimes you end up being an asshole on their eyes."

"You don't have the right to look through my stuff like that."

"Why not Jisoo? We've been friends for a long time you know? Heck, we've already seen each other naked multiple times!"

"This isn't college Jennie! This is fucking real life and you weren't really there through the years so I hardly consider you my friend."

"Oh, I bet you didn't consider me as one for a long time..." Jennie says as she pertains to Jisoo's hidden feelings. "Boohoo, it hurts my feelings."

"Now is not the time to be sarcastic Jennie."

"Should we try being honest instead? Alright." She stands her ground as she places each of her hands on both sides of her hips. "Why didn't you tell me?" She starts. "Why did I have to find out the truth this way Jisoo? Did you have plans on telling me or were you planning to suck it up and pretend that this never happened?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know or you just wouldn't tell me?" Jisoo remains silent and that made Jennie just even more frustrated. "Answer me Jisoo!"

"What's the point?" Jisoo was starting to raise her voice too. "Even if I say something now, it wouldn't change where we are... The sun will rise again and you're gonna go back to where you belong. Back to someone else's arms."

"It does matter to me Jisoo. You have no idea how much it matters to me because I deserve to know it. I deserve to know-"

"Fine, you really wanna know? I love you, Jennie." The writer finally says.

"I've loved you ever since... I tried to pretend that my heart was imagining things, that I was just fond of you and that I was only ecstatic that you weren't as snob as I thought you would be. I want to run away as far as possible, far from these feelings... That's why I bought this journal and destroyed three piggy banks just to buy a pen that never runs out of ink because I was desperate..." Jisoo swallows the lump on her throat before continuing with what she has to say. "I had this need to write down songs and scribbles words that came both from my heart and my mind because they were always fighting with one another."

"My heart wants you yet my mind tells me I'm not meant for you. It was so chaotic that I end up crying out of frustration..." Jisoo's voice was soft like she was remembering the nights where she just wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. "I tried to look at other methods, I tried to spend hours and hours reading at the library, spending time with my friends and spending time with someone I barely knew. Yet, at the end of the day- I still think about you. I still write about you, Jennie." Jisoo was finally laying her heart out on her sleeves. "My life was a pure mess, but whenever I look at you- everything became still."

"All it took from me before was to look at your eyes and nothing else mattered. It seemed like your eyes took every chaos I had inside me and gave me what I've always wanted from the very beginning." She says. "It was peace Jennie... You give me peace, you give me still and calming waves- so different than what my brain and heart were giving to me... That's why you're my calm before the storm Jen, like a lighthouse while I'm this lost boat far from the sea... All I had to do was to look at you, and felt everything was going to be okay soon."

"But it wasn't... Every time I look at you, the more chaotic you become too. You were guiding me home but once I reached the bay, you push me back as far as you can. You keep on sending me these signals that instead of finding myself in your arms, I found myself in the middle on the whirlpool and everything was too late for me is to escape... It was then that I realize that you're not my calm before the storm Jennie Kim. You are my storm."

"And despite being my storm, I had to act that everything was okay. I had to be okay with you just being my roommate, I had to be okay that you were just out of my league, that you were that popular kid on campus who was straight. I had to be okay with you being flirty with me without any feelings, to be okay with you dating someone as perfect as you, to see you be labeled as the 'perfect' couple, to see you happy whenever you're with him- to see you marry him." Jisoo was trying her best to keep her feelings in check, but she was at the height of her emotions. She had to let everything out and decided that she was not going to be 'okay' with this. "I had to fall in love with you and watch you fall in love with someone else... It was so unfair Jennie..."

"It was unfair because I knew I could do better. I knew I could make you happier because I knew the things you like from day one. I know what makes you hyper even at even o'clock in the evening and I know what makes you stir up from your sleep at two a.m. and I know how to love you-" Her breathing was ragged and she had no intention of calming down. "It was unfair because I didn't get a chance to show it to you, it's unfair because I saw you first! I saw you first Jen- I saw you first, I met you first and I!-" Jisoo bites her lower lip, trying to stop herself from crying. "I fell in love with you first..."

"And it's hard- so hard for me because I wanted you to look at me. I wanted you to look at me and see that I am worth a shot... I want you to pick me even just for once, I want to be on Jongin's place- it's unfair to me because you are my everything and all I'm ever going to be called is your roommate, your friend or your college buddy- your escape." She trails off. "But I don't want any of that- I want to be your reality."

"Stop blaming everyone else Jisoo!" Jennie speaks up. "The world, Jongin and even I are not liable for breaking your heart. You can't say that I was giving you mix signals because at first you never asked me how I feel about you nor did you try confessing your feelings. You never said anything, you kept silent all these years and now when I ask you to speak up, you end up blaming everyone else but yourself?" The brunette couldn't help but scoff. "A bit selfish there don't you think?"

"You think I'm selfish?"

"Why? Are you not being selfish right now? Why can't you just blame yourself Jisoo? Blame yourself for not being able to stand up from those feelings, blame yourself because you were assuming things and fucking blame yourself- because you're nothing but a fucking coward!" Jennie launches herself over to Jisoo and shoved her hard repeatedly. "You're a coward Jisoo, a fucking coward! You're so great with words but you're nothing but a complete failure when showing your intentions."

"My words were the only way of expressing how I really feel for you. I'm not a coward Jennie-"

"BULLSHIT!" She pushes Jisoo roughly again.

"Jennie stop-"

"No! I won't stop! You don't deserve to say that it was unfair on your side. You don't get to say that it was hard for you. Because if it is, then imagine how hard it was for me!" She argues back. "If the world was unfair to someone, it wasn't to you Jisoo, the world was unfair to me!"

"What are you talking about?" Jisoo was totally confused with what Jennie was saying. "Why are you being like this? It's not like you even liked me back!"

Just then Jennie pulls out something from her bag and shoves it on her chest. "Read it."

Jisoo looked at the cover and somehow it was kind of similar design to the journal that she had, only it was a design of a fishing boat. She looked at Jennie, who encouraged to open the page with her eyes. With shaking hands and still on the verge of calming down from bursting out, Jisoo carefully opens the first page of the notebook.

This is a journal dedicated to my home and adventure all at once.

This journal is for you Kim Jisoo.

Jisoo's eyebrows were slowly connecting and her lips were shaking as she takes a look at Jennie who was still fuming mad. "W-w-what's this?"

"Is it not clear for you yet Jisoo?" Jennie clenches her jaw. "It means that I love you Jisoo- it means that I wanted to be your reality too."

"B-b-b- but that's impossible... I mean how- when-"

"Take a look at the page right after that." Jisoo follows and saw that it was a journal entry. "Your first writing about me came in in September. I had mine written in July." Jennie says. "So yeah Jisoo, you don't have any right to say that it was unfair on your side, because I had the shorter end of the string."

"If it was unfair for you not to have me when you saw me first, imagine how fucking painful it is on my side because I saw you first. I looked at you before you glanced my way, I looked at you- when nobody else did and I looked at you-" Jennie was trying to not let her tears fall. "And I couldn't look at anywhere else."

"No... no, that can't be true." Jisoo was still in complete disbelief with the sudden confession. "H-how could you like me back? You were straight!"

"You think I would flirt around like that because I was straight? Jisoo, I even used my parents' influence just so I could be roommates with you! That's how much I was smitten by you from the very first time I saw you..." Jennie scoffs. "I was being flirty, but I was doing it because I was testing the waters with you to see if you would show me signs that you liked me back and I was happy that you were flirting with me back. When I asked you playfully if you liked me because you were flirting back do you remember what you said to me back then?"

"You're quite responsive to my cheeky statements today Chu..." Jennie playfully says as she sits beside Jisoo who was studying for their first term exams. "Does this mean that you have a little crush on me?"

"Just because I'm receptive to your flirting doesn't mean I have this little crush on you. First of all, we're roommates, having such feelings would be totally awkward. Second, we're friends- again awkward if I have 'little' crush on you and third- we're not on the same league Jennie. You're the on the stage and I'm just a mere member of the audience." Jisoo looks at Jennie who was looking at her with her default zoning out face. "This is just harmless flirting, one I wouldn't mind having with you."

"I only said that because I panicked! You asked me out all of a sudden and I didn't know what to say!" Jisoo argues. "You laughed and agreed with me, Jennie."

"You shoved it to my face that it meant nothing to you Jisoo what was I supposed to do!? Confess!?"

"Yeah! Then maybe, I wouldn't have pictured you as my 'straight' roommate and then I followed my friends' advice to never do it again because I could end up falling for you!"

"Is that why you were avoiding me? Because you wanted to get rid of those feelings?"

"Yeah! What kind of gay person would want to fall in love with a straight individual? No one wants that because that's a hit or miss kind of relationship!" Jisoo said. "Plus, if you really liked me back then why did you start dating Jongin?"

"Because you were drifting away from me! I was scared that my flirting somehow scared you and I didn't want to lose you Jisoo... The thought of losing you pained me so I started diverting this attention I had for you to someone else... And when my friends introduced me to Jongin and pressured me to go on a couple of dates with him, that's when I realize that I had found someone that could distract me from falling for you further..."

"My friends told me that maybe I should start writing you songs and write about how I really feel for you because they say it helps me move-on from you faster." Jisoo says. "But it was a complete fail because everywhere I looked, no matter how many words I placed on this journal still lead me back to the realization that I am in love with you Jennie. So when they finally gave me enough push to support me on confessing to you, I did plan it. I planned everything- I was ready to tell you that I wasn't going down without a fight and that I was going to be brave enough to tell you that I love you..." Jisoo trails. "But on the day I decided to fight for you- was the same day Jongin paid me a visit and asked me to bless your relationship."

"Jisoo..." Jennie says in light and mellow tone. "It was also the same day that I was going to ask you how you feel for me."

"W-what?" Jisoo couldn't believe it.

"When I thought I was completely distracted, you introduced me to your songs and there was something that's telling me that those songs were made for me and that confused me..." Jennie explains. "So I went back to our dorm and ask you about it but then you show up on the hallway and Jongin told me that you gave us your blessing. It broke my heart Jisoo, because for the second time around- I assumed that you liked me so I told myself that I was done having my hopes up. I didn't deserve it and so I just stopped."

"Is... Is that why you decided to move back with Jongin? So you can stop it?"

Jennie nods her head. "But of course, I failed in that department." She says. "When you gatecrashed his surprise party and came at the time where he asked me to move back with him, I thought that you were going to be this knight in shining armor and stop everything and take me away..." Jennie sadly smiles. "But instead of taking me away, you supported him, just like everyone else and gave your blessing."

"Jennie..." The latter takes a look at Jisoo who now has tears falling from on her face. "I was going to do that."

Hearing what Jisoo said just broke her. "No... no, don't say that."

"When you guys started dating- it was also the start of a new habit..." Jisoo says. "While you place your lips on him, I placed mine of a cocktail glass, alcoholic drinks and beer cans... I was trying so hard to escape the pain of being a second late on confessing and it was so painful for me to see you guys be together for years that I resulted to everyday drinking. It was too much for me to handle any longer so I decided to just go for it, and tell you how honest I feel."

"So why didn't you?"

"Because to you and everyone else- I was just your typical roommate Jisoo. I wasn't your knight in shining armor."

"You're such a pussy!" Jennie was suddenly back to being livid and pushed Jisoo again. "Why didn't you say a thing after!?"

"Because you were happy!!! You looked so happy when he asked you, you sounded too happy and always mentioning the things you expect when you guys move-in together it was fucking annoying!"

"I only did that because I wanted you to say something! I wanted you to scream and tell me something!"

"And what was I supposed to tell you, Jennie!? That you shouldn't move with him?! That you belong here with me!?"

"THAT I MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU!" Jennie screams at the top of her lungs with her chest moving up and down in speedy movement. "I wanted you to say that I mean something. Anything- just let me hear that I am important to you. I only needed to hear that and I would stay Jisoo..." Jennie trails off. "All you had to say that I had meaning, and I was going to throw everything away I had with him to be with you."

"Look, I don't understand the pain you're going through and God forbid that I go through the same thing but you have to place an ending to your chapter with Jennie Jisoo. I know this isn't the ending you imagined, but you deserve a proper closure. You don't want to continuously ask yourself what could've changed if you just had enough courage to go to the airport now."

"Courage..." Jisoo lightly trails off. "I always end up finding courage at the wrong moments."

"Seulgi is right Jisoo, you can't start if you left the previous part hanging. Your life doesn't need to stop just because you didn't end up with Jennie. Life goes on, with or without Jennie." Soojin adds. "I know you can't let her go, but loving someone who can't be yours actually involves setting them free, even if it takes all of you."

"I really love her guys... Jennie I-" Jisoo starts to cry. "I can't let her go."

"You have to Jisoo... you have to go to the airport and wish her well. You have to end this, so you can start anew. You have to let Jennie go, it's time to stop fighting for her."

Jennie looks at Jisoo and from the way the latter stood and the way her tears were falling even more, made Jennie realize that maybe- Jisoo did go to the airport to fight for her. "Jisoo..."

"I'm sorry..." She turns her head towards Jennie. "I was going to fight for you but my friends-"

Jennie didn't wait for Jisoo to finish what she was saying. She immediately slaps her on the cheek before continuing to physically hurt Jisoo by slamming her hands on her chest, held Jisoo by the collar and let Jisoo feel how frustrated, hurt and regretful she was on the situation they were in right now. Now, where everything was just too late.

"Do you realize what we could've been huh Jisoo? Do you have any fucking idea what future we would be able to experience if you just stopped listening to your friends and actually listened to what your heart wants?! We could've been like Claire and Gwein!" Jennie rants out her frustrations. "We could've been like the characters in your story- we could've held hands, have dates, we could've gotten married, made love, have a family and just- love one another until we're old and grey!" She says. "Don't you see it Jisoo? WE COULD'VE BEEN HAPPIER!"

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry..." Jisoo was suddenly on her knees begging for Jennie's forgiveness. "I'm sorry if I was a coward, I'm sorry if I always messed up our timings, I'm sorry for everything Jendeuk-ah..." She was slowly starting to get desperate. "Please take me back, please take the risk..."

"I know I'm a little late but please allow me to make it up to you... These borrowed hours that we have aren't enough and I know you know it too. We've been robbed by fate Jen, we've been robbed by years and I can't just stand back this time. I'm going to fight for you, I'm going to fight for us." Still, on her knees, Jisoo makes way towards Jennie and held her hand. "Let's stop about what other people say about us, we shouldn't let them decide for us anymore... This time, only this time, let us be selfish and choose one another okay? For all the times we weren't able to, just this once- let's choose what makes us happy." She kisses Jennie's hand. "Don't be with him. Pick me."

"You don't know how much I've heard you say that in my dreams."

"This is not a dream anymore, this is reality... We are each others' reality."

"No, Jisoo." Jennie's voice was defeated too. "We both know that's not true."

"Are... are you giving up?" Jisoo looks up and saw nothing in Jennie's eyes. "No, no, no- please don't give up- please don't-"

"Jisoo..."

The latter didn't listen and shook her head. "I can't do that Jennie, I just got you back, I'm not going to let you go after this night... No, I can't do that. I'm done giving everyone a chance. I'm giving us one right now."

Jennie bends down too and caressed Jisoo's cheeks. "It's too late."

"It's not, it's not..." Jisoo was bawling her eyes out. "Jennie give me a chance please."

"I can't Jisoo..." Jennie was in tears too. "I also ran out of chances."

The night ended with both of them realizing that no matter how hard they tried to be happy from the beginning of this day, in the end, they just placed their bets on the table a little too late.

Morning came and Jisoo finds herself waking up and Jennie's arms. The latter was awake and looking at the distance with the sounds of the seagulls cawing and little small waves crashing on the shore surrounding them. It was a beautiful day in Okinawa, shops were slowly opening up, people start to come out and the sun was all risen.

The sun is up, and so was their time together.

"You're awake," Jennie says and Jisoo awkwardly removes herself away from the latter. "Do you have a headache?"

"A little..." She says in her small voice. "What happened?"

"Well, we got drunk and you passed out first. I took you inside before I passed out too." She answers. "I wanted to head to the hotel but I didn't know the directions, I was pretty sleepy too." Looking at Jisoo's rugged look, she felt guilty. "I'm sorry for not letting you sleep on a comfortable bed."

"Jennie, last night we-"

"Jisoo." Jennie's voice tone suddenly changed. "I think that it would be beneficial for both of us to not talk about whatever happened last night. The sun is up and it's already a new day. We don't need to talk about the things we couldn't change." She lifts her head and looks at her. "It's okay if you don't want to talk to me, I will understand and respect your decision."

So Jisoo decided to keep her mouth shut. It may sound mean, but Jisoo understood what Jennie was trying to imply. Last night just really hit them hard, all these realizations, unsaid feelings and pent up frustrations were too much information that's why it leads to a huge explosion and caused the fatal injuries. Besides Jennie was right, they ran out of chances.

There were times where the writer did want to converse with the person sitting on the passenger seat. She wanted to talk about the weather in Okinawa and how it was going to be hot when they head back to Osaka. She wanted to ask if Jennie had fun if this was worth the short trip if Jisoo was worth choosing to be with on her final hours of getting married rather than being with her friends. So in the end, just as what she was used to doing, kept her thoughts inside and drove them head to the airport.

As soon as they landed inside the airport Jisoo receives a text message from Soojoo that she was already waiting for her at the domestic departure lounge. She types in a quick reply, before helping Jennie with her luggage. Now they were at the main entrance with Jisoo standing over the domestic departure gate and Jennie on the international departure.

"Here you go." Jisoo says as she hands Jennie her luggage. "Be careful, it's quite heavy."

Jennie smiles for the first time since today. "Such a shame that I didn't get to use them..." She trails off. "I was planning to take tons of photos and surprise my friends that I went back here."

"Your friends didn't know?" Jennie shakes her head. "Oh, that explains why Chaehee was so surprised."

"I bet she already spilled the news to the gang." She chuckles and now, once again, silence surrounds them. "Hey, I want to give you something." Jennie pulls out her very own journal from her bag. "Here, I want you to have this."

"Oh no, Jennie- I can't- I can't have this."

"Jisoo, you deserve to have this. I don't see my need holding onto it any longer." She smiles. "I know you're going to take care of it too."

"I will... with my own life if that's necessary." She chuckles.

"I'm going to go inside now."

"Okay."

"Thank you Jisoo, thank you for taking this trip with me."

"Thank you for inviting me." Jisoo smiles. "No regrets?"

Jennie shakes her head. "I'll see you soon?"

Jisoo nods as a response and Jennie turned around to head inside the hall. Jisoo was tapping the journal between her hand rapidly as if she was having a difficult internal battle. In the end, Jisoo mouths the phrase 'fuck it' before running towards Jennie and gives her the tightest hug she could ever give. The latter was stunned for a while before she relaxes onto Jisoo's arms and gives her the same amount of tightness in the hug.

"I love you, Jennie." Jisoo whispers as she tries again not to cry. "You know that right?"

She could hear Jennie sniffing and got silent for a moment but Jisoo could feel Jennie trying to pull her close towards her even more. "I know Jisoo." She also whispers. "I know that now."

__________________________________

"I have your schedule for Tokyo." Soojoo has and brings out her tab. "You get to come home to your new apartment and rest for about two hours then you proceed to meet with publishers and media at two o'clock. Then right before your book signing, you're going to have a press conference about your book tour and then the actual event- same rules as usual. An after dinner with our big bosses and then good night, or good morning, depending on how much time you're going to spend with their old asses." She rolls her eyes off. "But- first things first- hygiene. So take a bath and toothbrush cause you smell like shit. You're lucky your Dior perfume covers it."

"Just say I'm hot so we could be finished here, Joo."

"Good luck with that."

When Soojoo wore her earphones and decided to sleep through their flight Jisoo just let her be and then thought about what she could do for the remaining aerial flight. She unbuckles her seatbelt and right from her coat pocket was Jennie's journal. She couldn't help but chuckle because, for the first time, the timing was actually on her side. She takes a look at Soojoo who was already fast asleep before skimming through the pages that she would enjoy reading later. There were dates from July, October, and February. Even their entries weren't on the same timing.

Jisoo thought about reading the last page and went through it. She was immediately caught off guard when she saw the date of the entry.

January 23, 2022

I woke up and the first thing I saw was the sun slowly rising up and shining above the clouds. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore followed along with the birds preying on small fishes on low sea level and that's when I turned to my side, where I saw- Kim Jisoo, my home, and adventure all at once sleeping on my shoulder. I look at her and saw her eyes were puffy, her face was bloated and there was some drool on the side of her cheek. To others, they may have found it disturbing and such great dismay to see a beauty like her look like this. But I don't mind, despite being a mess, I still think that Jisoo is beautiful, and I wish could've told her that instead of the words I said last night, but the sun was up and it was a new day. Talking about what already happened wouldn't change a thing.

I remember the main reason why I decided to leave for Japan despite the short notice. It was a usual weekend morning for me, I was busy working with my designs and making last-minute checks on my wedding day when Jongin comes to my office and showed me my journal. I was shocked at first, much like how you reacted last night. He answered he found me crying while holding onto the guitar you gave me for my birthday with a bottle of wine laying on the floor. He only didn't want it to be drenched in wine, thinking it was just like any workbook, he flipped the pages to dry it off, and end up reading it.

It was a scary moment if I was being honest Jisoo. I thought that he would get mad at me, thrash me out and say hurtful words before canceling the entire wedding. I didn't want to happen and as much as I kept on thinking that Jongin wasn't that kind of person, everyone is still different when they let their emotions take over. I was scared, but he immediately took it away by sitting with me and asked about our story. I told him everything, he will be my husband soon. He deserves to know the truth.

Jongin was the one who encouraged me to fly over and see you. I told him that there was no need, that the night of me being drunk was just a slip-up and it wouldn't happen ever again. I was reassuring him that I still want to marry him, but deep down I was just scared. That's when he told me that if I was sure of marrying him, I wouldn't be scared of seeing you after years of not being able to because it wouldn't matter. I asked him what would he do if I ended up changing my mind. You know what he said Chu?

He told me that I should go for the things that make me happy. Whether it was with him or with you, all he wanted to be was for me to be happy. I deserved to be happy. But don't you think he deserves to be happy too?

You're probably be thinking that I am only choosing him because I want to put his happiness first. No, Jisoo. I am marrying him because I love him. I am happy with him, and I couldn't leave him, even if it meant wasting the only chance fate has given for us to be together. He was willing to give everything he has because he loves me. He's willing to give all of him and I couldn't go inside that hall, saying the phrase 'I do' and not be on the same level of commitment as he is. I love him before, and I love him more when he decided to be selfless.

But it's not just myself or Jongin that I wanted to be happy. Believe or not Jisoo, I came back to your life for a few hours so you can be happy too. You may think that you and I deserve to be together in this life but no, Jisoo. I can't barge into your life, act like a jealous girlfriend and then scream at your face that you were a coward for listening to your friends and then we reconcile and act as nothing happened. We're renovating a broken house with broken pieces and because of that, we will never be whole. You and I, we will never be happy because we based our present relationship with yesterday's regrets.

I was a coward too Jisoo. I hid by my friends' likeness towards me and I let them judge my life. I knew I wanted to be with you from the very beginning. But I let their judgment rule over what I have for you. I let them pressure me, I allowed myself to live by their standards for years that maybe if I had the courage to stand up and fight- that little change would've had a huge impact on my life. But that's always the thing about life, isn't it? What we always end up regretting the most are the words that we left unsaid.

That's why being with me, won't make you happy Jisoo. Because you deserve someone else who is sure of you from the very beginning. Someone who would never let others decide for herself, someone who is willing to fight for you, someone who's ready to love you Jisoo. As much as I want to be that person, I can't- not anymore.

I came to Osaka for the three of us happy. I wanted answers and even though you try to deny it now, I know you wanted answers from me the moment we met again. I arrived in Japan with questions and now I leave with answers. All those answers I had been looking for, could be found in your journal. That's why I took it. You're going to be mad at me or maybe the exact opposite but I needed that journal Jisoo. I needed to know that you loved me. I gave you mine because you deserve to know it too...

You need to know that I love you Kim Jisoo.

I always will.

Though our story didn't end up like Claire and Gwein, I am still happy because at one moment in our lives Jisoo, we were like them. All those moments that we had inside our dorm room, at the library, the drive-thru movie theater- we were happy and we were in love with one another. We loved another in our own ways and in that time period- we had our forever, and for that, I will always be grateful... I also believe that no matter how painful memory can be there's always a bright side only if we know where to look at. There's always a positive outcome in everything that happens to us and for me Jisoo- it was you. It is you. It will be you.

I hope that you will continue to be that brighter side of life. I hope that this new path that you have chosen will be a wonderful adventure. I hope it brings you to further understand yourself, to make you stronger, wiser, more graceful and beautiful. I also hope that wherever this road will take you, you will remember that I, Jennie Kim- will always be your number one fan. I wish you countless opportunities, happiness, and love to find you Jisoo, my home and my adventure all at once.

You're like a home, filled with comfort and tranquility. You give me peace, you give me warmth. You remind me of happy things, thoughts and memories. You're my safe haven but you're also an adventure, from calming waves you can be also huge waves that could drown me. You can fill my entire existence and I would let you do that to me over and over again. You may scare me, but I always find my way to you. I will always be drawn to you.

You're my calm before the storm Jisoo.

But you're my storm too.